A\N: Thanks for the support guys and please review.
CHAPTER ONE: ENOUGH
Grunting he grabbed his jacket and forcefully pushed the swinging door back and before the loud roar of his motor cycle came to life she heard him kick stones and cans of beer on the ground and curse the words 'FUCK' repeatedly.
Watching him ride off in his bike, she placed hands on her mouth and the harsh tears fell on her cheeks and over her small hands.
Staring until she could no longer see him, she slipped to the floor and leaning against the wall, she pulled her legs to her waist and protected her hands around the beaten scars.
She leaned her head on her kneecaps and let the tired tears fall.
She could never say she had never seen him so angry because she had and each day felt worse than the last.
She didn't know for long she could do it.
Twenty-two year Gabriella Bolton didn't know for long, she could withstand her young husband's drug habits and drinking problem.
She knew where he was going; he would meet with his new Goth friend-Mike and his drug-addicted girlfriend and they would sit around in a room and smoke weed, coke or whatever new experimental drug Mike had concocted in a dodgy lab in a spare flat outside his house.
Ever since Troy met the group, he had changed completely towards her and everyone who knew and loved him. His friends and family had given up on him, even his own mother advised her to escape the relationship before it harmed her- in all kinds of ways.
However, the ring around her finger felt too heavy for her to leave on a table.
How long could she hold on though, how long could she hope he would return and her husband would hold her hands and proclaim his love to her, as he had when he asked for her heart.
Did he still have it?
It was past midnight when she stood by the window her hands separating one blind from the other to see him.
He still had not returned.
How long could she wait for him?
Hearing his bike from a distance she walked back and knew not what to do with herself, should she go to the bedroom and pretend to sleep or wait for him by the door as she had been for the past hour three hours.
Deciding to be brave, she sat on the couch, fiddled with her hands, and minutes later heard him kill the motorcycle's engine and drag his feet against the grass and his footsteps sounded on the cement of the pave way and finally on the doorsteps.
She heard him shuffling the keys and after horrifying minutes he turned the handle and the keys fell to the floor.
He staggered to bend and pick them but the bottle fell from his spare hand and spilled on the floor.
She took a breath, walked forward to pick the bottle and the keys from the floor and walked a few steps back before asking, "Where have you been?"
"Baby"
"Where have you been?" she said sternly
"Out" he said and standing he tried to balance himself against the open door but failed miserably and fell on the floor. Sighing she walked to him and holding his hand she exerted all the strength she had but his tall figure only hurt her bruised arms.
"Troy" she huffed "pull yourself up"
"Baby" he said standing pushing her back to balance himself "I missed you"
"Where were you?"
"I said out"
"Do you know what time it is?"
"Time for you to lay on your back" he said through muffled laughter
"I was worried about you"
"I bet you were" he said letting go of her hand and stumbling on the table before sitting down and closing his eyes. "I" he started, taking a long tired breath "need a hit"
She almost stopped him, she almost did, but closing her mouth, she pulled back from the thought and looked at him. He pulled a small plastic bag filled with white powder and he laid it on the table.
Watching him do these things to himself almost made her hate him.
Biting her lip angrily she sat on the couch opposite him slightly bent with her elbows on her knees covering her mouth.
How long could she wait for him?
"YOU BITCH!"
"Troy please"
"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?"
"I'm trying to help you"
"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?"
"I" she paused continuing with caution, "I threw it away"
She saw his mouth gape open and the grip around her arm hardened and joint with the other with as much force, she winced and tried to free herself from his hands but the bloodshot color of his eye scared her more than the pain she felt in her arms "You did what?" he whispered
"I'm trying to help you"
"You want to help me"
"Yes"
"STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY STUFF" he said and pushed her towards the wall, against the pictures that had recently hung, now cut her face and arms and vacated the floor.
Seeing the cuts and the blood run down her body, she never thought she would see regret in his eyes again. She saw he was at war with himself whether or not to help her and finally the man she married took over, he ran to the bathroom and she heard water running.
This is why she could never leave him. He was still there, deep deep down he was still there all it took was for her to be in much pain for him to fight the addict within and be Troy.
He rushed back and placed a wet cloth around her arm and the pain was unbearable for her.
"I'm sorry, Baby"
"Why did you do that?" she cried
"I don't know- I was so mad"
She winced as a throbbing began and the white cloth filled with blood.
"FUCK THIS!" he said and letting go of her arm he walked out, again, leaving her in a different kind of pain.
"What happened?" her friend sat next to her slowly running her fingers around the cuts above her eye and on her right cheek.
Gabriella closed her eyes wanting to get away from the security Taylor provided with her hands-knowing there was a strong possibility she would leave him for it if she felt it any second longer- and moved to the chair opposite her.
Smiling as she attempted an excuse that would brush off the worry from her face -with a shrug of the shoulders and dismissing hand she said, "You know me, I was trying to fix the basement light and the globe fell on me, stupid really"
"For the past month" Taylor said, knowingly and seeing the worried expression on her best friends face, a tear fell from Gabriella's face.
"I need you to believe it, so that I can"
"Gabi"
"Please Taylor"
They shared a look and the begging look on her best friend's eyes was enough for Taylor to dismiss her instincts- once again- and turn the other cheek.
"When are you coming back to school?" Taylor asked her knowing that the new subject would eventually- if she had anything to do about it- lead back to what Gabriella was avoiding.
"I can't right now"
"Gabriella" Taylor leaned on her knees, moving closer to the scared girl sitting in front of her "everyone is worried about you, the professors, friends, your fam-"
"Do you think this is easy for me?" her voice almost died in her throat "Do you think this is fun?"
Feeling boiled anger flow out Taylor turned cheeked at the girl "Well it must be if you're willing to live with it"
"What"
"Gabriella, how many times have I begged you to leave this place, this life, him? You don't deserve this and if you stay here you will die"
"If I leave him he will die"
"He will with or without you"
Laughing bitterly Gabriella shook her head and walked to the kitchen fully knowing her adamant friend would not let it go "You don't know what you're talking about"
"No, you don't know what you're talking about, if he doesn't stop using those things will kill him"
Putting on gloves, she pulled down the hot oven and dragged the cake from the tray and laying it on the table she sighed and turned to Taylor "I'm helping him"
"Yeah" she folded her hands pursing her lips "the last time I heard that you called me in the middle of the night crying because your husband hit you"
"He's getting better"
Exasperated, Taylor unfolded her arms and closed her eyes and when she opened them, they were red.
"Sweetheart" she sighed "he won't, he's not going to get better until he wants to- you throwing away his hits or hiding his bottles is only going to make him madder and when that anger hits boiling point…" her voice trailed off to a place Gabriella had pretended she would never see in her husband.
"What about law school, what about your dreams and all the things you said you wanted to do in life?"
"I haven't given up on them"
"You have, with enough time, you'll see you have"
It was raining outside.
The rain softly splattered on the windowpane and sounded like feathers falling when it hit the ground. When she came to her senses, she turned on the bed and covered her body with the comforter.
Minutes later, she heard quiet laughter coming from the living room. Removing the security from her cold body she took a knowing breath and slipping in her slippers, she covered herself with her robe and opened the already ajar door and walked down the passageway.
Standing by the corner she saw them, Mike, his girlfriend and Troy.
Troy sat next to the girl- Alissa or Alison she could not remember and Mike sat next to the couch next to him. Troy had his arm around the girl laughing at something she had said while Mike was sniffing a line lined carefully on a CD- Coldplay, which Troy had bought for her for her Twentieth birthday.
Somehow, now it seemed a lifetime ago, when they both had dreams and aspired everything in life, until he met Mike and dropped out of College.
There were bottles and bottles of beer on the table and on the floor, small plastics thrown randomly on the brown table and smoke lingered in the air.
How long had they been back? She thought to herself
Mike handed the CD to Troy and he willingly pulled back his arm from her shoulder and laughed as Mike pulled his head back and enjoyed the vast ecstasy.
Opening his eyes, he saw her standing by the door. "Well lookie who decided to join us"
Sniffing a line Troy copied the same exact expression Mike had seconds earlier and closed his eyes, bending his neck and laughed when the girl kissed his neck.
Mike stood not walking towards her "Come here" he said with a smile on his face and the ring on his bottom lip stuck out hanging loose.
She shook her head
"Come here" he said again, this time slowly and sensually.
Biting her lip she willed her fear not to leave her throat "No"
He bit his lower lip and smiled, his ring hidden under his white teeth "Troy said you were a bad girl"
Walking towards her, her eyes shifted to Troy who still had his eyes closed waiting for him to help her. "Troy" she said not sure what Mike would do to her when she could no longer turn backward and the wall willing her to his hands when he touched her.
"Troy" She called as Mike sniffed her neck and moaned as his hands ran along the lapel of her robe his other holding her waist timely pushing her forward to him.
"Troy"
"Mhmm Baby, you smell so good"
"Troy"
"Touch me" he whispered his lips on her neck
Closing her eyes, she turned to Troy and he and the girl were laughing ridiculously "Troy" her throat filled.
"Touch me" he said again his request strongly growing as she felt his erection on her thigh. His hands travelled down her waist and in her inner thigh drawing circles near her.
Gathering her strength, she pushed him back and realized his arms were not as strong as Troy's are when he holds are, but they were definitely stronger than hers were.
She had no idea why her body could not scream.
"Please don't hurt me"
"I don't want to hurt you; I want you to touch me"
"Troy" she cried as her strength in her husband faded as the man in front of her pulled her towards her room.
She heard Troy's laughter as Mike locked the door.
The next morning she heard him open the door silently and clear his throat.
"Baby"
She turned the other side of the pillow so he would not see her tear stained face.
"Baby" the word sounded carefully put and when she felt the bed slightly shift; she closed her eyes and wished it over, everything.
"Gabriella, I'm sorry"
Did he know?
"I don't know what happened last night but…" he trailed off.
Was this her enough? Was this her giving up on her husband? Was this it?
Lying on that bed last night, she had never felt so dirty and worthless as she did in that moment. She could still feel every stroke and touch, every grunt and moan that left him, she could feel it, even when her own husband touched her that morning, his hand and Mike had synchronized, intertwined.
Not moving from her position on the bed, he stood and with one last sorrowful look, he turned around and left her.
Minutes later, his bike roared and faded in with time.
She never understand why he never used the car in the garage, it was safer but he always insisted that he preferred the bike, at least that's what he told her while they were still talking, when he was him and she was her herself and not some helpless wife who faced the unknown called her husband.
She knew she was angry at the wrong person but his addiction had brought her pain she had never felt before, in all her life no one had ever hurt her as much as the love of her life did.
Was this her enough?
Searching under the pillow she found her cell phone and dialed "Taylor", she breathed, begging her throat to voice the words "I'm done".
Taylor gave her a condition.
She said she would only pick her up if she agreed never to see Troy again.
In that, her hesitation had not been long enough for her heart to allow her to change her mind. This time she had to listen to her head, her heart would only kill her, literally.
She had packed all her clothes and shoes neatly in a bag and her textbooks were the only thing left to pack. Her mother had bought her all the books she would ever need for the year and the ones she would use in the last semester Troy had placed them on top of the bookshelf adjacent to his.
She extended her hand as far as she could but the tip of her hand only pushed the corner of the first book further back. "Dammit" she whispered as the pain in her arm refreshed.
"Here, let me help you" he moved from behind her and she moved back.
He was back.
She had not expected him back until midnight, the only time she wanted him to retain his cruelty of leaving her alone the whole day he comes home early.
Could she do this with him here? She thought
"Thank you" she said holding the books in her hand.
He watched her walk by the door where three suitcases sat vacant and filled the third with the rest of her textbooks.
She hoped the school would take her back; she thought as she zipped her suitcase and stood it upright next to the others.
"Are you going somewhere?" he asked melancholically, she was not sure.
"I'm going to live with Taylor"
"For how long?"
"Forever"
"Will I be able to see you?"
"No"
"Why not"
"Because I don't want you to"
"It's really it this time, isn't it?"
"Yes"
Hiding his eyes from her he gathered his emotions and pointed to what she was wearing. "There's a storm coming tonight"
Looking down she folded her hands and prayed to God the clock would go by faster "Yeah, so?"
"You should pack all your warm clothes"
She thanked God that she didn't weaken right there "I did"
"I went to the store today and-"
"Troy you can't fix this with gifts"
"I bought you a fitable band for my watch; I know how you like it"
He searched through his back pockets and lifting his hand the white packet fell to the floor.
Even the bag was something she didn't want to see, it brought back her anger and reminded her why she was doing this on the first place "I see you haven't used today" she said, growing stronger
"Sorry" he mumbled picking the packet, "it's Mike's"
"I bet" She willed herself not to dwell on the name. "Is he coming here?"
"He is, later today"
"And the girl, Alyssa"
"Alison"
"Whatever" pursing her lips she asked, "do you like her?"
"Of course not, I'm in love with you"
She could not remember the last she had heard those words come from his mouth when sober.
Why was he being nice today? She thought
"Whatever Troy"
Just when she thought the moment until Taylor came for her would be painless he let out a breath and let out words in it "Baby please don't go"
"You don't need me in your life"
"Of course I need you"
"No, I needed you last night"
"What are you talking about?"
Oh, to hell with it "When your friend was on top of and I screaming my lungs out, that's when I needed you"
"What"
His pained look turned to fury and the line above his brows dug deep and his eyes dark "He touched you?"
"Troy"
He fist his hands and his breathing unleavened "He touched you?"
"Troy"
"When"
"Troy, calm down "
"FOR FUCKS SAKES WHEN!"
"Yesterday" she whispered regretting her outburst "Where are you going?"
"TO KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER!" he stormed out
"You made the right decision" Taylor kept telling her throughout the ride to her house and every time she said it, it only dug deeper in her broken heart.
"Taylor, I love him"
"Aww, honey" she embraced the girl and Gabriella cried more as she felt the soft fabric touch her cheek softly and all the emotions she bottled over the months felt too overwhelming.
"It's going to be okay," she cooed
"Is it supposed to hurt this much?"
"I don't know why we hurt sometimes but…" she let go of the shaking girl's arms and lifted her head when she looked down at her hands
"…We have to believe when we do eventually find happiness again, the hardships would have been worth it and we'll want to hold on to it longer because we'll know what it's like to live without it"
"What if this was my happiness?"
"Well then" Taylor smiled through her tears "when you feel it again it will be much greater"
Could she ever find happiness without him?
"Would you like some more tea?"
Gabriella registered the question, knew the answer but could not fathom why she could not voice it.
"Bed" Taylor asked and the only thing she could do was nod "Okay"
It was past twelve fifteen, past midnight and she had not slept since Taylor covered her with an extra blanket.
Taylor understood her, she knew her like no one else could, but he was a part of her, like one of her arms or legs and to live without was hard and difficult.
'But no impossible' her mother would say. However, to live without him was something she had never willed herself to think and now that she was living the unthinkable, she could not imagine how long she could withstand it.
He brought her pain, yes; either by him or the people around him but the pain of his absence was far greater.
Sighing, she thought about listening to Taylor, sleeping away the sad feelings, after all 'time fixes everything'.
"What the hell!" she stood changed into jeans and a cardigan over her blue top and creped out of the house, she thanked God Taylor was a deep sleeper.
The cabdriver parked by the front yard and the music flared on as he stopped the car.
Paying him, she thought about asking him to wait- she had no idea what she would see but ultimately decided to send the old man home.
Walking up the lone steps, she held on the small ounce of guts she had and knocked on the door. That must have been the first time she ever knocked on her own door.
Hearing nothing, she surprisingly found the door unlocked when she turned the handle and walked in.
The house was a mess.
There was glass everywhere, lamps smashed on the floor, couches ripped apart, the television had a huge hole in the middle and the photo of them lay oddly on the table, unscratched and not cut whatsoever.
Should she have found it strange then?
Walking on the glass she looked around the living room and the house was quiet.
Had there been a robbery or did he come home drunk and angry.
The biggest thought that dominated her mind was; did she miss the peak of his addiction problem, did she dodge a crash?
Did she save her life by leaving him today?
"Troy" she called and once his name echoed in the house she heard breathing behind her accompanied with deathly quiet words.
"I'm sorry Baby" he said and she felt the point stick harshly to her waist before she fell to the floor.
Troy?
Then everything turned black.
Her eyes felt heavy.
Too heavy for her to comprehend what was going on but she could hear muffled voices.
She could not tell whether the voices where coming from a distance or practically whispering in her ear but frankly, she wasn't sure whether she was dreaming or awake.
Could people smell in dreams? She thought.
"You have to do it"
"I can't"
"Yes you can"
"I can't do it Ali"
"You've done it to me plenty of times, just imagine it's me"
"I love her"
"That won't matter if you don't do it Troy"
Troy, he's here. What is going on? Thoughts ran through her mind
"Forgive me" he said then she felt a sharp sting in her arm and seconds later, the dark consumed her world once again not before a last thought crossed her mind; he never gave her the watchband he bought.
So, what did you think, an update?
If y'all want more please tell me and I will upload the second Chapter: Choices tomorrow.
Thanks for reading and remember to review :)