BODIE'S P.O.V. D.I.A.G

(discovered in a graveyard)

"Wake up Ray"

Bodie whispered into the silence,

"For Gods sake just open your eyes, don't you DARE die on me".

Not sure if he had spoken the words aloud he lifted his head and looked warily around. The sterile hospital room was empty of human contact. He was alone. The nurse had been and gone ten minutes ago after keeping half hourly observations on Doyle.

How he hated hospitals, no good memories here only anguish pain and suffering. A means to an end. You got injured, shot, stabbed and blown up all in the name of duty. For Queen and bloody country Bodie thought savagely and for what so they could send you out again to the same risks. They didn't care did they, it was a joke.

No that wasn't strictly true Cowley cared. Well as much as he could in this environment.

But he had a job to do, his duty too. He was a good boss, the best in Bodie's opinion that he had ever had.

Bodie raised his head and looked at Doyle. He was attached to a heart monitor wires and pads attached to his torso, steadily bleeping. His face white and drawn, he had lost a lot of blood and had been transfused earlier.

A feeling of dispair washed over him.

"Please Ray" "I can't cope without you by my side I need you mate"

Only now Bodie knew how much... Oh Doyle had been injured before and recovered but this time it was serious, life or death, and he was terrified Ray wouldn't make it. Their bond was a close one although neither of them had ever spoken about it. With Ray he could be himself, accepted faults an all, no need to put on an act as with others. Ray just got him!

It had been a shock finding Ray like that ,sprawled on the floor of the living room of his flat. His blood seeping into the carpet, laying there helpless and unable to speak.

The call had come through on the car radio from central control. An alarm was sounding from 45's flat and they couldn't raise him on RT. The phone line was also dead.

Worriedly Bodie was straight on it, flooring the accelerator and taking corners at breakneck speed, sometimes on two wheels to reach his place. He used the fire escape and entered via the french windows. He saw Doyle on the floor bleeding out and after the initial shock professionalism took over. He fixed him up as best he could ,tried to stop the bleeding and called an ambulance. Priority A3. He wanted to shout" hurry up my partners dying here" but kept his mouth shut the only shouting was in his own head . Then the medics had taken over. Cowley had arrived and although Bodie had wanted to stay Cowley had ordered him out to look for leads.

Only he couldn't stay away, so here he was sitting beside Doyle's bed willing him to live. Abruptly brought back to the present by the bleeping of the ECG as it suddenly upped it's pace Bodie's own heart leapt and kept pace too.

"Jesus don't do this to me Ray"

It settled again to a more constant regular beat and Bodie let out the breath he was holding. Releasing the hold he had on Ray's fingers he looked at his own. He could still see the traces of blood under his finger nails where he hadn't scrubbed properly. He felt emotion well up, his chest tighten tears were not far away and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

He wanted to run get as far away as he could, run and hide get lost in a bottle, blot it all out and he would have done if it had been anyone else laying here.

But if Ray was going to die he sure as hell wasn't dying alone. In this sterile impersonal place.

Medics came throughout the night checking blood pressure, pulse, and monitoring the equipment .

Bodie dozed from time to time, got up walked around the tiny room stretching out his aching limbs

stiff from sitting too long in the hard hospital supplied chair.

Fingers of light crept around the drawn blind that covered the window of the small room. Bodie woke with a start from a light doze. Checking Ray over he noticed a little more colour in his cheeks that had to be a good sign didn't it?

It must be dawn Bodie checked his watch 5.32 am. Cowley would probably arrive soon. He had always been an early riser, a habit left over from his days in the military perhaps. Sometimes he was to be found at his desk well before the rest of his staff arrived. Also on many occasions the last to leave. His job was his life. His boys were his children.

He didn't have long to wait at 6 am George Cowley strode purposely down the long stark corridor. The strong smell of disinfectant met his nostrils. Bright strip lighting and pale green walls, the décor of illness and death. All this went unnoticed in his concern for his agent,or maybe it was the fact that he was so used to these situations it ceased to register any more .As he rounded the corner he came upon the nurses station and stopped to ask a few brisk questions as to the condition of his man.

Continuing on he arrived at Doyle's room and quietly opened the door. He slipped inside and was surprised to see Bodie pacing up and down like a caged tiger.

You're still here 37"

"Yes sir"answered Bodie

"Not been home"

"No sir"

"Well get yourself there now" Cowley spoke sharply, taking in his dishevelled appearance and worried countenance .

"But sir"

"Don't but sir me 37" said Cowley exasperated

"Go home shower shave and get some sleep in that order and don't come back until you have, do you understand Bodie?

"But sir"

"BODIE " Cowley raised his voice as much as he dared considering the patient asleep in the bed and the earliness of the hour.

"He's not going anywhere, he'll still be here when you get back! GO" there was now a softer tone to the order but one that brooked no argument still. "I'll stay"

Bodie reluctantly left the room.

He arrived back at his flat and went straight to the bedroom. He lay down on the bed. Sod Cowley I'll shower later he thought churlishly. At first he wondered if he'd ever get to sleep tossing and turning. Every time he closed his eyes he saw an image of Ray laying there helpless and scared on the rug of his apartment. He needed a drink. He got up and wondered into the lounge picked up a bottle of scotch and took a swig straight from the bottle. It burned his throat. He carried it back to the bedroom took another long drink, not too much he scolded himself just enough to have a couple of hours oblivion. Then he slept.

He awoke four hours later he hadn't meant to sleep that long. It had been a long night at the hospital and worry and tension had taken their toll. Body refreshed but not his mind he threw back the covers and padded to the kitchen. Coffee was first on the agenda he filled the kettle and flicked the switch instant would have to do today.

Next he went to the bathroom shaved and turned on the shower and stepped in. The hot water felt good on his bare skin, soothing, He wondered when Doyle would be able to take a shower again... if ever? Towelling himself dry he pulled on clean underwear socks, trousers and a polo neck shirt. His anxiety growing he went through to the kitchen and finished the now rapidly cooling coffee. Desperate to be on his way he forwent food the thought of it made him feel sick anyway, would probably stick in his throat.

Bodie arrived back at the hospital entrance and parked the Capri.

He sat there in the driving seat both hands gripped around the steering wheel. Scared to get out.

"What the hell is wrong with me"

In his heart he knew, desperate for good news but dreading bad he sat on. He thought about what he and Ray had been through together. The good times the bad, how many times had they saved each others hides. But what if... what if... he didn't even want to think about that. But he admitted for the first time ever in his life he needed someone... he needed Ray.

Suddenly making him jump there came a tap at the window it was Murph

" Hey you coming in mate or you gonna sit there all day"

"Yeah course "

Bodie forced his legs to move and got out of the car.

"How's Doyle " Murph asked

"Don't know do I, I've just got here" Bodie replied irritated trying to giving off a couldn't care less attitude.

Murphy looked at him not fooled by this show of indifference he could see right through him knew how much he cared.

"He'll be ok you know, tough as old boots Doyle is" remarked Murph.

Bodie didn't reply.

As they approached Doyles room Bodie felt the muscles in his stomach tighten Taking a deep breath he followed Murphy into the room.

The monitor had been detached and Ray was awake. Seeing Bodie Ray struggled to sit up a little on the pillows. Immediately Bodie was by his side helping, strong arms under Ray's carefully pulling slowly so as not to hurt him. He felt the vulnerability of him the frailty and knew it was going to be a long haul back to full health.

" And where ave you been sleeping beauty while I've been laying here suffering?! "quipped Ray

"Knew you'd be all right sunshine" replied Bodie with a slight quiver to his voice that he hoped Ray hadn't noticed. He turned away then a tear at the corner of his eye.

Cowley and Murphy exchanged a knowing look which spoke volumes

God if you only knew...if you only knew.