Title: Best Friends Forever
Author: shineyma
Rating: T (allusions to violence and abuse)
Summary: She's six years old and Elena Gilbert is her best friend in the whole world.
A/N: Sooo...apparently I'm just in a writing kind of mood this week. Please let me know what you think about this. I'm pretty nervous about it, so I'd love some feedback.
She's six years old and Elena Gilbert is her best friend in the whole world. They have slumber parties every other weekend, mostly at Elena's house but sometimes at Caroline's. Elena's house has her mommy and her daddy, and Elena's daddy makes the best pancakes in the world, but Elena's house also has Elena's little brother Jeremy, who follows them around and cries when they tell him to go away. Her house only has her daddy on Friday nights (Mommy has to work a lot), and Daddy can only make cereal, but there's no Jeremy to spoil things, so she can't decide which house she likes better.
It doesn't really matter which house they're at. It's always fun. They have tea parties and play dress up and watch movies (Elena likes The Little Mermaid best. Caroline's favorite is Sleeping Beauty because Aurora has blonde hair like she does). Sometimes, when they're spending the night at Elena's, Elena's mommy takes them to the park. Caroline loves to swing. Elena needs to be pushed, but Caroline knows how to pump her legs so she can swing on her own. She goes higher and higher until the wind tangles her hair and she feels like she's flying. It's the best feeling in the world. (Next to getting presents)
Every other Friday, right before they go to sleep, she and Elena link pinkies and promise that they'll be best friends forever.
She's ten years old and she has two best friends, Elena (obviously) and Bonnie Bennett. Having two best friends should be better and easier—twice as much love!—but sometimes it's really not. Like when Bonnie wanted to hang out on the same day as one of the Founders parties (boringboringboring, Caroline can't wait until she's old enough to drive so she can sneak away from the parties), and Caroline and Elena had to go the party instead.
Elena suggested that Bonnie tag along, and when Caroline pointed out (reasonably!) that Bonnie wasn't invited because she didn't belong to one of the Families, Bonnie cried and Elena said "Caroline!" in that annoyed voice that always made Caroline feel like the worst person ever.
Sometimes Caroline says the wrong thing. She doesn't know why it's the wrong thing; it's only the truth. It's important to tell the truth, right? So why do Elena and Bonnie get so upset when she does?
Still, Elena and Bonnie are her best friends, so fights never last long. Whoever's fault it was will apologize, they'll talk their parents into allowing a sleepover, and they'll stay up late and paint their nails and talk about everything, because they're best friends and they don't have secrets.
Before they go to sleep, they'll link pinkies and promise that they'll be best friends forever.
She's twelve years old and her daddy's gone. He fell in love with someone other than Mom (a guy someone, and how weird is that?) and moved out after a big fight with Mom. Mom's angry and impatient and doesn't answer when Caroline asks where Daddy's going to live. Also, now there's not anyone at home to take care of Caroline. Mr. Grayson and Miss Miranda insist that she stay with them when Mom has to work late, and Mom agrees.
Caroline protests—she's twelve! she can make cereal! she won't burn the house down!—but she's secretly glad that she can stay at Elena's house. Caroline's house is bigger than she thought it was, and it's loud when it's empty.
The first time Caroline spends the night at Elena's house after Daddy leaves is a Tuesday. Even though it's a school night, Caroline and Elena talk Elena's parents into letting Bonnie spend the night, too. Caroline turns on the tears and parrots some words the school counselor tossed at her on Monday ("adjustment period" and "familiar environment" specifically) and Mr. Grayson caves like a house of cards. (Miss Miranda looks a little suspicious, but Caroline's tears sway her. Caroline's really good at the tears.)
The slumber party is the same as always. They make popcorn and watch movies, then paint their nails and talk about boys. (Elena's got a crush on Matt Donovan, while Bonnie thinks Chad Michaels is the cutest guy ever. Caroline's kind of crushing on Tyler Lockwood, but he's a jerk so she would never ever date him.) Elena and Bonnie avoid the subject of Caroline's daddy, but she hates it when people avoid subjects, so she brings it up herself.
"Now that Mom's single, she should marry your dad, Bonnie! Then we'd be sisters!"
Bonnie sighs and Elena says "Caroline" in that soft, sorry voice she uses when something bad happens, and suddenly Caroline's crying. For real, this time. She tries to tell them (through tears that just will not stop) that's she's fine, but they don't listen. Bonnie hugs her first, then Elena joins in, and they crawl into Elena's bed together, Caroline in the middle, and somehow the gaping, empty space in her chest is a little bit smaller. (He didn't even say goodbye.)
Bonnie and Elena promise to share their dads with her, and then switch to cheering her up. Bonnie talks about the cheer camp the high school is hosting this summer. Elena offers to sell Jeremy to her, which somehow turns into Bonnie and Elena singing "Brother for Sale" from that one Mary-Kate and Ashley movie. Her tears turn into giggles in short order, and Elena gets up to turn off the light. When she comes back, before they go to sleep, they link pinkies and promise that they'll be best friends forever.
She's fifteen years old and she cancels on a slumber party for the first time in her entire life. They were supposed to be meeting up so that she could tell her best friends all about her date with the Kevin Corning, but she doesn't want to see Elena and Bonnie. She doesn't want to see anyone. She sends her mom a text saying she's sick, then goes to bed and hides under the covers. Tears are building in her throat, but she doesn't want to cry, so she focuses on counting her breaths.
She hears the doorbell ring around breath one thousand and twenty two, but she ignores it.
At breath one thousand and fifty, her bedroom door opens and Bonnie and Elena are suddenly on the bed with her. They try to tug the covers away from her head, but she holds on tight. It makes her lose count.
"Caroline," Elena says in her no-nonsense voice. "You come out from under there right now."
"Don't make us come in there," Bonnie adds, tugging harder on the covers. "You know we will."
"Go away!" Caroline orders, but her voice sounds weird because she's lost the fight against her tears.
"Not gonna happen," Elena promises.
Together, Bonnie and Elena get the covers away from Caroline. All they have to do is look at her, and the whole story comes pouring out. Kevin was mean, he hardly paid any attention to her, he didn't like her dress…it was pretty much the worst date ever.
Elena and Bonnie frown and gasp in all the right places, and when she gets to the part where Kevin said he should've asked out Elena instead, Elena looks like she's been punched in the stomach. Bonnie looks like she'd like to punch Kevin in the stomach.
When she's done summarizing her date, Bonnie and Elena hug her. Then Bonnie goes downstairs while Elena pulls her out of bed. She's dragged downstairs to the living room and directed to sit on the couch. Bonnie appears with ice cream and a DVD, and the three of them pig out on Ben & Jerry's and watch The Notebook. She decides (halfway through, when Bonnie reaches past her to steal the last bite and gets a pillow in the face from Elena) that The Notebook is her new favorite movie.
They stay up until one in the morning, when her mom comes home and sends them upstairs. Before they go to bed, they link pinkies and promise that they'll be best friends forever.
She's sixteen years old and Mr. Grayson and Miss Miranda are dead. It's a fact and she knows it's true (her mom was the one to tell her, teary eyed and home from work at four o'clock), but she doesn't believe it. She can't believe it. She sits quietly on Elena's bed, waiting for Bonnie to finish helping Elena shower. (The cast makes it almost impossible for Elena to shower by herself, which must be a pain, but Elena doesn't like to be alone near water anyway.)
She feels like the worst friend ever. For one thing, it seems like everything she says makes Elena cry. (She's still so bad at saying the right thing.) For another, she's not always thinking about Elena's loss. She should be, she knows. It should be all about Elena. But it's not. Because Caroline misses Mr. Grayson and Miss Miranda, too. She misses Mr. Grayson's pancakes and Miss Miranda's hugs and the way Mr. Grayson would ask how many hearts she'd broken this week and how Miss Miranda would ask about her volunteer efforts and…
Elena lost her parents. Caroline still has her mom and dad, even if Dad lives far away and Mom works a lot. It should be about Elena and what she's lost. Elena's an orphan now. But Caroline sort of feels like one, too.
Caroline and Bonnie have been spending every night at Elena's house. Elena's Aunt Jenna doesn't protest. (She looks tired and sad all the time, not at all like the fun-loving, boy-crazy Jenna Caroline remembers.) Sometimes Jeremy comes in and sleeps on the floor. Jenna doesn't say anything about that, either.
Every night, before they go to sleep, they link pinkies and promise that they'll be best friends forever.
But it's different now. Because Elena's got an arm in a cast, she can't link both pinkies at once. So Elena has to link pinkies first with Bonnie, then with Caroline. They're not a circle anymore. It feels wrong.
But Mr. Grayson and Miss Miranda are dead. Why should anything feel right?
She's seventeen years old and she has secrets now. Not little secrets (like she never liked Matt, she's glad Elena's not dating him anymore), big secrets. Secrets with red eyes and sharp teeth and blood on her neck, her thighs, her chest, her back. Sometimes she wants to share her secrets with Elena and Bonnie (they're best friends, they're supposed to share their secrets) and sometimes she forgets she has secrets.
If her friendship with Elena is a competition (and it so is, no matter what Bonnie says), she's definitely losing. Elena has Stefan, sweet, courteous, friendly Stefan. Whereas Caroline? Caroline has Damon. Damon's gorgeous, the most beautiful man she's ever seen, but he's also vicious. He's violent and cruel and sometimes she wants nothing more than to get far, far away from him. Then he'll look her in the eyes and her head gets fuzzy and she moves closer instead of far away.
Once she tries to tell her mom, to show her the bruises and the bites, knowing that her mom will go after Damon with her gun, shoot him, and toss him in jail. (In that order.) But Damon's not like the other criminals her mom goes after. He's a vampire, a real vampire, dangerous and scary in a way the Cullens never could be. He could hurt her mom. So the words get stuck in her throat and when her mom asks what's wrong she starts a fight because she doesn't know what else to do.
Damon yells at her, calls her stupid and shallow and useless, and it feels kind of like a break up. She should be glad, she knows she should be glad, even if she's not sure why, but mostly she's heartbroken. She is stupid and shallow and useless. Everyone knows it. She gets drunk, completely wasted, at the Grill of all places, and Matt Donovan (Elena's Matt) takes her home.
She asks him to stay and he does, but it's not really him that she wants. She wants Elena and Bonnie to be here, to tell her that she's not stupid and shallow and useless, even if she is, and to watch The Notebook with her, even though she's already seen it a million times. She wants her best friends.
But they're not here.
When Matt lies down next to her, she links pinkies with him out of habit. She doesn't make any promises.
She's still seventeen years old and she thinks she might be losing her best friends. Bonnie and Elena have secrets, secrets they tell each other but not Caroline. She tries to bridge the gap, but she says the wrong thing (she always says the wrong thing) and somehow it gets wider.
Also, Elena is suspiciously friendly with Damon. Caroline wants to remind her about the whole hate-each-other's-ex-boyfriends rule, but she's sort of falling for Matt, so that's probably not the best thing to bring up. She thinks about telling Damon to stay away from Elena, but she can't stand to get near him.
(She's a little worried. She doesn't remember much about her time with Damon. It's a bunch of blank spots and fuzzy thoughts. All she knows is when he looks at her or gets near her, her heart speeds up and her breath catches. And not in a fun ooh-look-a-hot-guy way. More like in a horror-movie-don't-open-that-door way. She doesn't know what happened with Damon, but she's pretty sure it was bad.)
The double date she and Matt have with Stefan and Elena is pretty much a disaster. If nothing else, it pretty much proves that Matt would rather be dating Elena. (Just like Kevin. And Stefan. And maybe Damon, too.)
It's been a pretty bad week (or month or year) and all she wants to do is sleep. She looks at her hands.
The nail polish on her right pinky is chipped. She'll have to touch it up in the morning.
She's still seventeen years old. (She'll be seventeen forever.)