Jim gasped for breath as he sat up. He blinked rapidly to keep the stupid, stupid tears from falling. Glancing over at Spock to make sure he was still asleep, he quietly got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom.

Once the door was softly shut, he rubbed at his eyes, trying to clear his vision.

Even now, the mind meld that had occurred between him and the other Spock still haunted him. His pain, rage and grief for the destruction of his planet, for one thing. But for another…

He knew, okay? Jim knew that he and Spock were lovers in the other universe as well. Soul mates, even. And he's quite convinced that they are soul mates in this universe, too.

The other part was the crushing loneliness and a throbbing ache where he knew his own counterpart was supposed to fit into the other Spock's life. But, as was common knowledge, Vulcans live longer than humans anyway, simple as that. Jim hated himself when he thought about it, but he was worried. Worried about what Spock would do when he was gone.

A pang of sympathy shot through him at the thought of the other Spock, when he'd first seen him in the cave. How did he feel after seeing his soul mate after all that time, young, unattainable and just plain different?

Suddenly a vision passed through his mind of an old Spock, sitting at the table where they would play chess, fingers hovering above the board, a sad smile directed towards the empty seat across from him. Jim tightened his fists and glared at himself in the mirror, tears still trailing down his face. It wasn't often that he cried, but unfortunately, when he did, it was a waterfall.

"Stupid, you're being stupid…" He whispered to himself, but he still despised the feeling of being helpless to fix things. He couldn't bring the other Kirk to this universe, much less bring him back from the dead. And he could hardly keep himself from dying of old age in the future.

"Fuck…" He ran his hand through his hair, and then turned on the sink to splash some water on his face.

After he dried himself off and breathed in through the nose and out through the mouth a couple of times, he turned off the light and opened the door to return to his place next to Spock on the bed.

"Jim?" Spock asked softly. Jim turned on his side to face him.

"Yeah?" Shit, his voice was still rough from all that crying.

"What has made you upset?" Spock reached down to grab for Jim's hands, tangling their fingers together. It made Jim feel a little bit better, at least. He didn't really want to tell Spock all that much, but he didn't want to keep this from him either. He took a deep breath.

"Back on Delta Vega, when the other Spock mind melded with me… well I can't get the… ache of his longing for his Kirk out of my head." Tears formed in his eyes. It was just as well, because he could feel the longing, the pain resonating through his body, just from the memory of it. "And I keep thinking about… well, I'm not going to last… not nearly as long as you, anyway and I'm just worried." He shuffled even closer to Spock, wanting to feel the warmth that he emits.

Spock frowned. "Worried?"

"Yeah." Jim sighed. "About you, and what you'll feel when I'm gone… if our bond is anything like theirs then…" He stopped. He didn't really need to say anymore, because he knew Spock understood.

Seconds passed in silence. Jim closed his eyes and leaned his head onto Spock's shoulder, reveling in his warmth.

"Jim." He lifted his head. Spock disentangled their fingers to bring his hand up to cup Jim's face. He wiped the lone tear that had escaped with his thumb.

"Jim, t'hy'la…" He murmured, bringing their foreheads together. Jim brought his hand up to remove Spock's from his face, and just held it within his.

"It is… illogical to think of events that you are unable to change. Indeed, Vulcans do outlive humans outstandingly. However, I'm completely aware of this fact and choose to ignore it in the decisions I make. I love you in this moment, and for as long as I live. That is what matters." Jim let out a breath as he looked into Spock's dark eyes. Each word that the Vulcan said out him at ease. For now, at least. "Please cease thinking of this. It does you no good to torture yourself."

"But… all that loneliness, Spock… it hurts. It hurts him, I can tell. And I know that it will probably be the same for you." And that's what I can't stand. Jim squeezed his fingers.

"For that, I have no doubt. However, the inevitable ache in my soul, my very being when you are gone will have been worth it because you are in my life right now. So please, put your mind at ease my Jim, my t'hy'la." He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Jim's mouth. Jim kissed him back, the kiss slow and soothing. Spock dragged their hands together and positioned their hands against each other with the common Vulcan salute.

"Live long and prosper, Jim." Spock whispered against his mouth. Jim smiled at him, and then gave into the calls of sleep, safe in Spock's arms.

hello hi it has been a while since i've used this account omg. well i decided to post this little story here, as well as my ao3 account (kawaiimindpalace). sorry if it's ooc or whatever, but i had a lot of feelings. hope you enjoyed! c: