If You Come Back
It had been exactly three months since Betty Suarez had left everything and everyone that she'd ever known in New York and made the biggest decision of her life to move to London. But it had also been three months of complete torture for both Betty and another person in her life. Ever since Betty had left New York and his life, Daniel Meade had felt nothing but aimlessness; his life without her had become a void. Every night he'd lay awake, staring at the ceiling and thinking of all the things he should have said to her. Working out how he could explain to her exactly why he let her leave and trying to figure out how to make it to London and see Betty without hurting her more than he already had. He would just lie under the covers, his eyes stinging with weariness and his conscience feeling nothing but guilt. He couldn't bear it any longer. His guilt had overcome any other feeling in his body, bar one. For the first time since Molly tragically left his world, Daniel had experienced something that sent waves of electricity down his spine. Her touch drove him to the edge of insanity and he almost couldn't bear to look into her eyes without falling to her feet. But neither one of these sensations had occurred in the past three months. He could only just remember what her skin felt like under his touch and his mind simply lingered over the scent of her perfume. None of it was real anymore and it was impossible for him to fully remember any of this when there was an ocean between himself and the woman that he loved. What he didn't and couldn't know was that Betty had regretted leaving New York more than anything else she'd ever done. It wasn't her work, or the city not even the people that she'd met. Instead it was the one person that she'd left behind. She could deal with not seeing her family because she knew that they would always be waiting for her back home. But she had no idea whether Daniel would still be there, waiting in New York if she ever returned or still at the end of a phone call if she needed him. Knowing that Daniel resented her decision to leave, made her not want to go to London. If he had told her one last time that he needed her, she would have stayed. But he hadn't, and she had no idea whether he would talk to her or even want to see her at all anymore.
Like most of the nights since Betty had left, Daniel was looking out at the lights of the city from his office window, wondering what his B was doing at that same moment. The lights across the MODE floor had been dimmed and the only thing preventing him from standing in complete darkness was the light that cascaded from his desk lamp.
He'd been leaning against the window ledge for longer than he'd realised and he'd nursed his scotch until it was drained from the glass. It had become a sort of habit over the past three months; Daniel blotting out all sense of time or regularity. When she wasn't here, he couldn't function. His mind couldn't concentrate on anything for more than five minutes and he was constantly tired from the longing he had for making Betty disappear from the dreams that invaded his sleep every night. He couldn't remember the last time that he'd thought about something other than Betty or what he'd felt since the day she told him that she was leaving. But so far he hadn't shown any of his emotions to anyone in his life. It didn't feel right to tell anyone. It was like his feelings for her were something that only she should know; they were hers to keep. The only problem was that now, Daniel thought that she could never know. If he ever saw her again, he was certain that he wouldn't be able to erase the guilt he felt for how he acted when she accepted the job in London. The guilt for not supporting her and her dreams. He sighed and rubbed his forehead in an attempt to relieve the pressure that had built up inside. Almost every day he pushed down the stinging in his eyes and tried to relieve the feeling of tears threatening to pour. But right now it seemed that he had no energy left to do that.
"You know, it's ok for you to feel something. You're only human…" his mother's words rang out into the silence of his office and he turned to see her waiting in the doorway. She smiled sympathetically and tilted her head slightly, simply looking at how her son was being overwhelmed by his emotions.
"It's not that simple" Daniel looked down at his feet as his mother slowly wandered over to him. He couldn't bear to look into her eyes in fear that she would give him that disapproving look. The look that he knew all too well. One glance could tell him exactly what she was thinking and it always spoke the truth.
"Daniel, I know that you're hurting but you have to do something. At least try to talk to her. Please. I don't know what you've got to lose right now" her hands were sat on his broad shoulders and he struggled once more to meet her gaze. He knew that Claire was right but he wouldn't ever admit it.
"I can't. I'll just hurt her again and I can't bear that. If you know what I'm feeling right now, what I feel for her, then you'll know that hearing her voice will only make me want to jump on a plane and see her. But that's the wrong thing to do because if she's got any chance of living her dream and doing what she's always wanted to do, I can't be in her life. I'd hold her back. And somehow I know that's why she didn't tell me about the job because I would have convinced her not to go. And turning up in London or talking to her would be dragging up the past and making her move backwards and that would be selfish of me" finally he looked up towards his mother but somehow he was looking through her not into her eyes.
"You're wrong Daniel, she wants to talk to you. No, she needs to talk to you. But she's scared to call you because she thinks that you hate her. She's convinced herself into thinking that you don't want anything to do with her because for the past three months you two haven't spoken at all" it was then that Daniel's eyes flew towards his mother's and he looked as if she had told his fortune or explained everything that he'd felt as simply as physically possible.
"How do you kno…" Daniel began to ask but Claire quickly interrupted Daniel as he began to interrogate her.
"She called me a few days ago, begging me to get you to call her. You wanna know the truth Daniel? Like really know what she's feeling?" Claire asked him with her hands on her hips as Daniel leant against the window ledge. He looked at his mother like he couldn't feel anything other than pain and that he was desperate to make sure that she was ok.
"She hates it in London, she said that it's the biggest mistake that she's ever made because now everything's a mess and she feels like she's lost you completely. Daniel, she goes through hell every day hoping that you're going to call or text or email or something! She's been in so much pain and the only thing that keeps her going is the hope that you're going to be here if she ever comes back to the US" Daniel's throat seemed to close up in that moment and his heart hammered against his chest so hard that he thought it might burst. He exhaled sharply as he felt the tears resurface once more and one drop fell from his eyes. He softly shook his head in disbelief at what his mother had just said. It was like everything that he'd ever felt had been erased and made every lonely feeling disappear from his body. He looked down at the floor again as he began to quietly cry, simple tears falling without sobs or weeps. His mother had placed one hand on his shoulder as he caught the tears that ran down his face with his fingers.
"Just promise me one thing? Promise me that you'll try to talk to her Daniel? Please?" Claire pleaded with her son as he looked into her eyes, completely drained of contentment and energy. She handed him a post it note with a number scrawled across it, he smoothed his fingers over the writing and thought about everything that his mother had just said.
"Okay, I mean I'll try" he said as Claire enveloped him in a gentle embrace, Daniel feeling her warmth and the smell of her perfume. She pulled away and looked supportively into her sons eyes. She left quietly as Daniel sat down at his desk and toyed with the sticky tab of the post it note with his fingers. He was staring into space, trying desperately hard to remember what her skin felt like under his touch or how her perfume flowed through her hair as well as how it got caught on her skin. He plucked up every last inch of courage he had deep inside of him and typed the number into his phone. He hesitated as his fingers slowed over the call button but in one swift movement he'd pressed it and the dial tone was ringing out into his ear. He waited for what felt like an eternity before the call was answered and the one voice that he'd hope to hear rang out through the speaker.
"Hello?" she said as she answered the anonymous caller.
"B?" Daniel asked, wanting to make sure that what he was hearing wasn't an illusion and that it was in fact Betty at the other end of the phone call.
"Oh god Daniel? Is that you?" she asked timidly with a hand clasped to her heart
"Yeah it's me Betty, are you okay? What's been going on? Is everything ok?" he replied so urgently that he almost felt out of breath. He needed to know whether what his mother had said was true because if it was, he thought he might shatter into a million pieces.
"I don't think there's a simple answer to that Daniel. You've got no idea how hard this has been without you" she said pulling back the tears from her eyes and stifling a sob into her phone.
"I'm so sorry B, if I had known how you felt I would've have been there like a shot… but I figured you didn't want me in London because of how things ended between us. Betty I never meant to hurt you, you have to know that" she sniffled into the receiver as she took in every word that Daniel spoke.
"I don't blame you. I know that I hurt you Daniel and I know that I should have made the decision with you, but talking about leaving with you would've made me not want to go. This was my dream Daniel but you and my family are my life and I needed to choose between the two on my own"
"I know and I'm so proud of you for doing so well with everything at the magazine" Daniel spoke quietly as if he was embarrassed to be saying these things to her.
"Betty are you crying?" he could hear soft cries and sniffles through the receiver but all he wanted to do was to hold her and stop her from hurting. But he couldn't, because while they were an ocean apart they could never be close enough.
"No…" She lied. Betty could hear the urgency and care in Daniel's voice but it could never compare to him holding her and hearing his voice in person. And for the past three months all Betty had wanted was something from Daniel to show that he was still in her life. That he hadn't left her completely.
"Betty, sweetie don't cry. Please Betty, I can't bear to hear you cry when I'm not with you. Please sweetie, it's okay" Daniel's body ached as his heart told him to try and do something to relieve Betty's pain. But he couldn't and that nearly killed him. He could hear that Betty had stopped crying but he still couldn't stand the thought of her hurting on her own.
"B are you okay?" he asked as nothing but silence rang out into the receiver.
"I'm fine, I don't even know why I'm crying to be honest. I'm just so tired, you know? Every day I work as hard as I possibly can but when I come home there's no one waiting for me. At least when I worked for MODE I had my family and you, even Marc and Amanda weirdly. But there's just no one here. I never realised how different everything would before I came to London. In New York, yeah I may not have had the job that I wanted but I had everyone that I could've possibly needed. Now I have the job but there's just no one to be close to. To be frank Daniel it's shit." It was then that Betty exhaled heavily in dissatisfaction at what she had left her life in New York for.
"Wow I think that's the first time that I've ever heard you curse" Daniel laughed and for the first time in three months Betty truly smiled.
"That's what you have to say? Jeez Daniel I was pouring my heart out there…" Betty laughed and butterflies pricked at Daniel's stomach as he heard the only sound that made him feel instantly fortunate. Seeing Betty smile made him feel completely lucky that she was a part of his life.
"Sorry I'll try to be more understanding next time" Betty laughed a single giggle and Daniel smiled the way he used to when Betty was still in New York.
"I'll hold you to that Mr Meade" Betty smiled as she heard sharp laughs from Daniel through the receiver. The way she tried to sound so authoritative was unbelievably cute and Daniel could just imagine her folding her arms with those smouldering eyes trying to glare at him. It was traits like these which made Daniel hot under the cover as he fell for Betty's new confidence and sexiness.
"I'm sure you will" Daniel said and Betty couldn't help but imagine him smiling and looking at her in the way that made her dizzy and blush.
"God I miss you B" Daniel spontaneously blurted out, completely out of the blue. He almost exhaled as he spoke, as if he was finally releasing everything he'd wanted to say to her. It made Betty's stomach tighten, the sound of Daniel needing her and her needing him too.
"I miss you too Daniel… it won't ever be the same if you're not here" she replied so quietly that Daniel almost couldn't hear her.
"I'm sorry that I acted like a dick before you left. I wasn't mad at you, I was just… I dunno… I guess I just didn't want you to leave because you're such a big part of my life. I didn't want to lose you B" Betty listened contently to the sound of Daniel's voice. She loved the huskiness of his voice when he spoke quietly and how his deep voice sent shivers down her spine.
"You'll never lose me, not even for a second" she spoke so sweetly that Daniel's face warmed a little and his body tensed in response to her simple words. They reassured him that the most important person in his life would always be with him. He could hear through the receiver that Betty was yawning. He'd been exhausted since the day Betty left and he wished for nothing more than to wrap his arms around her weary body until she fell asleep, kissing her and feeling her skin pressed against his own. The feeling of her body in his arms was the one thing that he longed for the most. It was the simple pleasures that made Daniel love Betty more than anyone else he'd even known.
"You should sleep Betty, it's nearly midnight where you are" Daniel quietly suggested in the way he always did when Betty was tired. It made her feel even drowsier but she loved it. His voice always made her feel safe and right now Betty felt safe for the first time since she arrived in London.
"I don't want to, I want to talk with you. I wanna know how everything's been in New York" Betty replied and Daniel could hear shuffling as she crossed her legs as she sat on her bed. Betty couldn't help but smile as she finally felt comfortable knowing that Daniel was closer than she thought and heard the one voice that she'd waited so long to hear.
"That might take a while" Daniel laughed and Betty echoed as she realised just how long she'd been in London for. The distance between Daniel and her made her body ache and her heart pulled her to do anything to see him.
For the next hour Daniel and Betty spoke more intimately than they ever had. Betty's heart struck against her chest every time that Daniel would laugh or say something like 'I miss you' or 'I wish I could see you'. He never let her forget how he felt about her, not once did she stop blushing or her head stop spinning because of his words. Betty knew that he would be there for her and that she'd be there for him but one thing that she didn't know was that Daniel was as much in love with her as Betty was with him. And in a split second Daniel knew that he had to be with her, he knew that if he wasn't he would spend every day wishing that he was.
Thank you for reading! Would mean a lot to me if you could review so I know whether I'm writing what you want to read! :) Olivia x