Catch Me (If You Can)

by carlycarter

Post series story, after Xena's death Gabrielle finds herself falling down a dark spiral of grief, isolation, pain, jealousy and rage. Xena has stopped appearing to her in visions, and Gabrielle has exhausted every avenue she knows to get Xena's attention. She decides instead to plot to get Xena to come chasing after her.

Catch Me If You Can

Chapter 1

Gabrielle sits by the warmth of the fire, a soft glow highlighting her hair as it grew longer each and every day. She pokes at the fire with a stick, willing the flames to leap taller, to burn faster. Pieces of parchment fall to the ground surrounded by black sooty ash. It was symbolic only, of course, that she burned every Xena scroll in her possession. But there were countless more out there, all over the world. And she, Gabrielle, is responsible. She gave that to the world. Gave the world a hero. Sure Xena had a reputation. But it was the scrolls that ignited her name.

Lies, all lies. If people knew the truth. Xena was a fraud. A coward. And the weight of the words Gabrielle had breathed light into lay on her shoulders. She could not take them back, the stories, the legends. But she felt a little better, burning every scroll she could lay her hands on. And she hopes, she knows, Xena is watching. That had been the point, after all, of every thing she had done since Xena died. To get Xena's attention.

It had caught Gabrielle by surprise, the moment she finally realised, finally understood, that all along it was her. She was the dark force. Xena was goodness- the greater goodness, in a way that meant you didn't have to be wholly good all of the time. And Gabrielle, she was the darkness. In spite of her innocence, her youth. She chose this life, idolising Xena, more than idolising her, painting a picture with her words, making a hero for the world. The picture of who Xena was, or who Gabrielle wanted her to be.

Gabrielle knows she went in with her eyes wide open. Willingly gave her life, her soul, her everything. Gave it all without a second thought, to Xena.

There were scores of people who had told her- get away while you can, Xena is bad, Xena is no good for you, everything Xena touches turns to ash. Xena is the destroyer of nations- she will destroy you too, Gabrielle. Death follows Xena, violence follows Xena, There is no other end. Gabrielle listened, she earnestly did, but she never believed it. Because maybe somehow she always knew, the darkness inside of Xena was nothing compared to the darkness in her own soul. Somehow she knew, even at the start, she was the other half of Xena, and Xena was the other half of her. And in her arrogance, Gabrielle always thought of herself as the innocent good one, keeping Xena in check, stopping her giving in to the darkness, to her murderous impulses, pulling Xena back from the edge. Gabrielle was so much more enlightened, that's what she truly believed. Even though she had seen nothing of the world. It was all one big story to her. And she was in charge of the story, or so she believed at the time. Author of her own destiny, of Xena's.

She shakes her head, turning her face from the fire, tears welling in her eyes that she tells herself are merely from the smoke. She does not shed tears anymore. Tears are useless, Gabrielle learned. And here she sits, living proof. Xena is gone, as dust, trampled into the ground. And Gabrielle sits, alone. She is left behind. And not even truly left behind. All that remains of Gabrielle is darkness. Jealousy and anger and betrayal and pain. Hatred. Pure hatred. She hated Xena for leaving her. For making that choice. The bigger picture eluded Gabrielle. First she had tried to grasp hold of it. The greater good. Xena making her peace with all the things she had done. It seemed on the surface that it would be something Gabrielle would be proud of. But as the days, and long lonely nights, went on only bitterness and grief grew inside her soul. There was no longer room for love or pride. There was no room for good memories. No room for the big picture. There was only Gabrielle, alone, abandoned. Unwanted. Unloved.

And somehow all the love she felt for Xena, all the happiness, the connection, the grief and loss and pain, it all turned into something dark and insidious inside Gabrielle. And, Gabrielle supposes, there were times, along the way, that she could have stopped, and chosed a different path. But she did not. Almost as if she wanted to spite Xena. It was pointless of course, because the whole problem was Xena left, Xena didn't care, Xena didn't choose life, choose Gabrielle, so nothing Gabrielle did, or became, could interest Xena now.

She supposes that she had never been all that important to Xena. Nothing more than sidekick of the moment. There had been countless people before her who influenced Xena, who walked along side her, people Xena trusted more, people Xena loved more and grieved for. People Xena chose over Gabrielle. Time and time over Xena chose her own path her own quest, her own people. And it stings, it really does. Because Gabrielle had honestly thought she was Xena's soul mate. What must Xena truly think of her, even after all those years, still just a stupid ignorant little child. That wasn't true now. Xena had changed her. Xena had showed her a darkness in her soul that she never imagined could exist. And now there was left this shell of a person, full of hatred and bitterness and darkness, causing pain and terror wherever she went. Turning everything to ash.

Gabrielle can still find room to blame Xena for this too, after all, just like Callisto claimed so long ago, Xena made her. She is who she is because of Xena. Undeniably. And she can't even take pleasure in that, because she is far from the only creation of Xena's.

It sat uncomfortably with Gbrielle. All the people Xena had "made". Gabrielle had always thought those people should take responsibility for their actions, Xena included. No one made any one else. If Xena made Callisto, well who made Xena? Corteze? Ares? Where did it end? This vicious insidious cycle of blame. But now Gabrielle finds herself a victim of Xena's dark nature, it's so much easier to throw the blame Xena's way. Especially since Xena was gone. There was no one left to yank Gabrielle back to reality.

If Gabrielle never met Xena her life would have been so different. But Gabrielle has insight enough to know that she always had a deep dark void inside of her. Perhaps the void had always been there. Perhaps Xena just filled it. And if not for Xena someone else would have. But how is it that now that Xena is gone, the dark destructive influence in her life, only now that Xena is dead, now that Gabrielle is left all alone in her innocence, how is it that darkness is inside of her. How is it that it is she sitting in the dark, with firelight flickering against her pale skin, her head and her heart filled with only darkness. If Xena was the bad one, once she died there should have been good left. But it was the opposite. Xena was gone and she left behind an oppressive darkness that Gabrielle had no words to describe.

Even though it was symbolic, and symbolic only, it was satisfying to burn the torn pieces of parchment. It was far too late to take back her words, her careless words. They were spread across the world already. All that drivel about Xena Warrior Hero. All the lies Gabrielle had been a part of. Gabrielle realises, with horror and a slight awe, that she made Xena too. More so than Xena made her. She made Xena a legend. With her scrolls. Her misguided hero worship. Her hope tainting the true story.

Sure Xena was well renowned, and as Gabrielle knows all too painfully, Xena had many many people in her life before Gabrielle came along. But it was those scrolls, particularly in the missing years, that had spread Xena's name, and the legend re-ignighted by their re-animation resurrection.

This is the thing Gabrielle wont let go of. Xena being gone. Because, how many times had Xena been "gone" before? Gabrielle can't even find the number off the top of her head, it had become such a repeating theme.

Gabrielle herself had died. It didn't mean the end of everything. It didn't mean the end of her and Xena together. It didn't mean the end until Xena chose it was the end. Xena had all the power. Gabrielle knows she didn't hide the glint of jealousy in her voice when she questioned Xena about how Akemi broke her heart. About why Xena taught her the pinch.

And now Akemi had Xena. Xena chose her. Akemi had her first, Gabrielle concedes, but Akemi did not deserve her. It sits a little uncomfortably on Gabrielle's forgiving accepting shoulders to judge Akemi so harshly when she does not know her. Gabrielle had made a valiant effort in the beginning, to rid herself of jealousy and bitterness. To try and see that Xena cared for Akemi. That there must be something good in her. That Xena made a good choice, a selfless choice. But she doesn't believe it. She never did.

Because of Akemi, Xena is gone. Because Xena loved her, trusted her, taught her the pinch. Because Xena went running back to her, even in death. And this selfless act that saved all those doomed souls, including Akemi, that act of Xena's redemption, well it was seemingly such a great choice for everyone. Except Gabrielle.

Did Xena even stop to think? That she wasn't sacrificing her own life – she was sacrificing Gabrielle's life too, ripping her heart out, leaving her behind, damaging her beyond repair, and putting her through the most horrific grief and pain. Gabrielle had seen in Xena's eyes, the times Gabrielle had been in danger, she had seen that Xena was devastated, that Xena could not stand to lose her, that she would go above and beyond to keep Gabrielle alive, and not just because she loved her, but because Xena could not live without her. As much as she wants to hate Xena and call her heartless and cold, Gabrielle does know that Xena loved her. She knows that Xena knows how much losing each other would hurt. She supposes that having Akemi as the consolation prize lessened the pain for Xena. But what was Gabrielle left with?

"Gabrielle?" The irritatingly quiet voice speaks to her across the flames of the camp fire.

The voice grates on her nerves. So much goodness and innocence, which Gabrielle knows to be a lie given the woman's history. And at the same time that unmistakable flicker of Xena, in her daughters voice.

"I told you to be quiet Eve." Gabrielle tells her bitterly. "I mean Livia." Gabrielle corrects herself. She doesn't know why, but it feels important to call her Livia, to throw her dark history back in her face. To detach herself from the infant child she had helped raise.

Livia sits still, mostly silent. Her hands and feet are bound, Gabrielle hadn't thought to gag her mouth because the young woman had been sitting in reflective silence for so long. And perhaps because she can't bring herself to do it. She tied her up, dragged her out into the desert. But gagging her mouth seemed un necescary. As if she was waiting for Livia, for Eve, to Say something, as if Xena could speak through her somehow. Truthfully, Gabrielle hasn't a clue what she is doing, or why. She only knows she is desperate.

Gabrielle doesn't really have any ill feelings towards Livia, or Eve. Not truly. They are dark twisted feeling towards Xena that somehow became transposed onto her daughter. There is still a deep dark pit inside Gabrielle. When she thinks about her own daughter, Hope. And yes she knows, Hope wasn't entirely human, Hope did a lot of terrible things, but Hope was still her daughter. Gabrielle still felt she lost a child. A little girl. And she tried to listen to Xena, and tell herself Hope wasn't really human, wasn't conceived naturally. But then along came Eve. Who wasn't exactly conceived naturally either. Yet there was NEVER any question of Eve's goodness, despite the countless people who lost their lives when Eve was just a baby, believing Eve to be the bringer of twilight. Depsite the countless people Livia terrorised and murdered when she was a grown woman following in her mothers footsteps. All of it was wiped away because Xena said so. Because Eve was her daughter. Because Eve had a second chance. Hope had none of that. Hope had no one believe in her. No one give her a chance, show her the way. And Gabrielle always resented Xena, deciding that if Xena believed in Hope with half as much belief as she had in Eve, maybe Hope could have been redeemed. Maybe not. Gabrielle knows this to, maybe there was no hope for Hope. But Xena never even tried, and yet expected Gabrielle and everyone else to risk everything for her daughter, to forgive her daughters heinous crimes.

Gabrielle looks at the woman opposite her. All grown up. It had always been difficult reconciling this grown woman with the little baby she and Xena both cherished. It had been near impossible when they first met Livia. And even when Eve repented and changed her ways, it was still hard to believe it was the same person, to fill in the missing years. Delusional as she may be, Gabrielle knows that the person sitting before her isn't the same person who did all those terrible things. And it makes her reflect uncomfortably on Xena's past.

Gabrielle had loved Eve like a daughter, she knows this because she had a daughter whom she loved once before. And no matter what happened after and what Hope became, those first hours of hope's life she had cherished her daughter, would have laid her own life down. And she felt the same about baby Eve. Eve had changed things though. Xena would boast to Ares that Gabrielle was the "Father" of Eve, but when it came down to it, Xena always saw herself as Eve's mother, and Gabrielle as...nothing. Gabrielle did not begrudge Xena the love for her child. But she can't deny she was envious that Xena had this second chance with a baby, and Gabrielle did not. And as Xena fell in love with her infant daughter, Gabrielle was pushed aside. She didn't matter as much anymore, and that was how it should be. But it was like Xena didn't even acknowledge that Gabrielle loved Eve too, that Gabrielle loved her like a daughter, gave her the right of caste in the amazon nation, gave her everything she would have given her own child.

Of all the things they had done to each other over the years, many painful things come to mind. Hope and Solan. And Eve. Nothing stings Gabrielle more than the moment that Xena told her, when Eve was just a baby, "Me and Eve are going away for awhile." That cut through Gabrielle like a sword. Not just that Xena would up and leave her, but that she would take Eve too. Gabrielle knew she wasn't Eve's mother, wasn't Xena's partner, she knew it then and knows it now. But she had always felt like she was. Like she was the other half of Xena. Like Eve was her daughter too. And for Xena to up and take Eve just like that was one of the most hurtful things Xena had ever done.

All these things that Gabrielle calls to mind now are dark insidious thoughts and feelings that she believed she long ago made peace with. She had always been able to see the bigger picture and to let the little things go, not to hold on to darkness. But since Xena left her it's as if she is no longer able to hold onto any good thought, and all that surrounds her is darkness and pain. It's like Xena took all her love and hope and joy and forgiveness with her when she died, and left Gabrielle with only pain and darkness. Distantly Gabrielle does realise this. She does realise that she has fallen far far down a dark spiral that isn't her true self. In a way she is using that, and using Eve, to get Xena's attention. Gabrielle knows that Xena can't be totally and truly gone. She has never been that gone before. Anywhere Xena went is Xena's choice, and she can choose to come back, if she wants to.

In the beginning Gabrielle thought that her own pain and suffering would be enough to make Xena come back. She would beg Xena, for she would see her at times, like that first time on the boat. She would see a vision of Xena beside her, whispering comforting encouragement. But as Gabrielle's heart slowly shattered into pieces, as she became more and more unable to deal with her grief and loss, Xena had stopped coming to her.

"You have to let me go." Xena had said. "You have to move on Gabrielle, without me."

"No." Gabrielle told her. "I will not. I refuse. Come back to me Xena. I need you."

And after that, Xena had stopped coming to her. Gabrielle doesn't know why Xena did that. Maybe she truly believed Gabrielle was better without her. Or maybe Xena was so happy and at peace that she just didn't care about Gabrielle anymore. Gabrielle knows she too is being selfish. That if Xena is happy and at peace in the afterlife, Gabrielle should leave her undisturbed. But something inside her can't let Xena go. Not to someone else. Not to Akemi. She had lost Xena for eternity now. Even when Gabrielle herself died, Xena wouldn't belong to her anymore, she would belong to Akemi. That was the thing, the one thing, that stopped Gabrielle taking her own life. Besides, she didn't want to die. She wanted to live. She wanted Xena to live. She wanted things back to normal.

She is well aware she is losing it, losing her mind, her soul, her heart. She has to let it happen. She knows Xena is watching down on her, knows Xena knows her heart, knows that she can't fake something to get Xena's attention. Which is why, even though she does not wish harm to Eve, she has to let all that bitterness rise in her, she has to frighten Eve, she has to frighten Xena that she would hurt Eve. Gabrielle finds herself so consumed with rage and jealousy and grief and sorrow that she can't even see that hurting Xena by hurting Eve will accomplish nothing, only push Xena further away, If that were possible. She is desperate. She has not eaten, has not slept, all she wants and needs is Xena back by her side. And she knows, she truly believes, that if Xena wanted to be alive, she would be.

"Don't you wonder how your mother could leave you? How she could choose Akemi over you, and me, and life? Just out of some misguided notion of punishing herself to be redeemed, or because of a lost love she wanted to be with?" Gabrielle asked Eve. Livia.

"I was not there, I do not know the circumstances. I know my mother's heart. I know she did what she felt was right. At first I was angry at her for leaving me, again. But I know she had to do what was right. I know she loves me. I know she is at peace, Gabrielle, and she wants you to be at peace too. I can see you are in great pain, I can help you." Eve answered.

"How do you know she is at peace?" Gabrielle wanted to know.

"She came to me, several times, in a vision." Eve told.

"A vision hey?" Gabrielle sneered, even though she herself had seen Xena in visions after she died. "What did this vision say?"

"She told me she loved me. She told me she never wanted to leave me. She told me she had to do what was right. She told me she was proud of me. That she did what she did for those tortured souls, but also for me and for you, because of her love for us and our love for her."

"She did it for us?" Gabrielle repeated in disgust.

"Yes, she did. She did it because to do anything else would have been wrong, would have haunted her the rest of her life, and haunted those she loved. She did it because you, Gabrielle, showed her how to love, how to think of other people. She did it because you and I opened her heart and showed her a new way. She made her peace, she finally made peace, she is at peace, and nothing from her past is haunting her now. I can only dream what it must be like for that bloodguilt to be gone. She is happy, Gabrielle. And she wants you to be happy too."

The words hung in the air over the fire light, round and round they went in Gabrielle's head. Xena did it for her? Xena did it because of her? She showed Xena what? How to sacrifice herself and get eternal peace, and leave her loved ones behind in agony ? That was not what she meant to teach Xena. And now what? Xena is in this peaceful place, forgetting all about the pain she left behind? That simply is not fair.

"You should be proud Gabrielle. She sacrificed herself for all those souls, she made her peace with all she has done in the past. Isn't that a good thing?"

Eve is right, on the surface that sounded like a great thing. But trouble was, Gabrielle was left behind, in agony, while Xena made this great noble sacrifice and got to spend eternal peace and happiness with Akemi. That clouded her judgement somewhat. And though Eve's words make sense, Gabrielle can't feel them. It scares her, a little. When she sees the look in Eve's eyes at her cold gaze. Out of the three of them, Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve, Gabrielle was always the grounded one, the sane one, the one who had never really known or experienced just how dark she could be. Eve and Xena both had many years where they let that dark side rule. And then it haunted them for the rest of their lives. But Gabrielle, well, she was just getting started. She is out of her element too. Eve is twisting all the words around, Gabrielle won't win this war with words. Won't convince Eve to help her. So there is only one way.

She thinks to Eve's vision, wants to ask for more details, but for now she does not. She turns her thoughts to her own visions. The imaginings of a crazy woman. She wrote down every word Xena spoke to her in vision, as if it was prophecy. Xena came to her seven times, and seven times only after she died. All while Gabrielle was at sea. Of course it occurred to her that maybe the visions only happened at sea, and she spent many many months sailing up and down the coast line. Waiting. But the connection was somehow severed.

"Are you angry, Gabrielle?" Eve asked her. "Are you trying to punish mother?" Eve's voice pulls Gabrielle from her thoughts.

"No!" Gabrielle answered firmly. It was partly true. She was angry, so angry, but no she wasn't trying to punish Xena, or even Eve.

"What do you want?" Eve asked.

"I want her to come back." Gabrielle said softly.

"That isn't possible you know that." Eve told her gently.

"Don't tell me what is and is not possible! Xena and I have faced death before, more than once, nothing is impossible!" Gabrielle raised her voice.

"She's not coming back." Eve told her. "You can torture me if you wish to, you can do anything you wish, she is not coming back."

"What makes you so sure?" Gabrielle wanted to know.

"Because I saw the look of peace on her face. She is where she is meant to be, and we can go on Gabrielle, with the lessons she taught us, and her love in our hearts. But she isn't coming back here."

"Well." Gabrielle reasoned. "If she isn't coming here then I will have to send her a message."

"What kind of message? What? You think if you kill yourself too then you could be with her? You think she wants that?"

"Why would she want that, she has Akemi, she has all she wants, she has this great peace, so no, I don't think she wants me to die and be with her." Gabrielle admits bitterly.

"Gabrielle, you are taking this too personally. Mother did not intend to leave you, to hurt you. This is how things happened, for reasons we can not understand. She would hate to see you like this." Eve pleaded.

"Good." Gabrielle said. "I hope it hurts her as much as it hurts me, but there is still one problem, isn't there?"

"What's that?"

"Xena isn't here, she isn't watching, she doesn't see me, she doesn't care." Gabrielle explained.

"That's not true." Eve assured her.

"Which part?"

"She is watching over us. She loves us I know that."

"Really?" Gabrielle asks.

"Yes, I know in my heart she is watching over us, she has not forgotten us."

"Well, let's hope for your sake that she is watching us tonight." Gabrielle said coldly as she raised her knife slightly.

"So what? You want to kill me? Ok. You want to kill me so I can give a message to mother then you best tell me the message, because if you think you can raise your sword and threaten me, and mother is going to strike you down from the sky then you are wrong."

It was a little unnerving how quickly Eve got into her head. "Well if she is watching over you and loves you so much, then I'm sure she can save you. She can come to you in visions after all." Gabrielle theorises.

"I don't want you to do this Gabrielle."

"I'm sure you don't."

"I am ready to meet my maker, when it is my time. And if that is today, so be it. But what will happen to you then? You will be even more alone. You wont be able to live with what you have done. You won't be able to look me or my mother in the eye, ever. And you won't forgive yourself, even though I want you to know – I forgive you."

It only angered Gabrielle more, all this righteous talk from Xena's daughter. But something struck a chord in Gabrielle's heart. Eve reminded of her of a young version of herself. So idealistic. So peaceful. How did a woman with that much history get a moment of peace while Gabrielle, who always tried to do the right thing, was tormented day and night.

Gabrielle did not want to hurt Eve. She was counting on the fact that if she tried, if she darkened herself enough that she really tried, not pretended, but tried to hurt Eve, that all mighty Xena would intervene.

She stood to her feet, and moved around the other side of the fire. She stood infront of Eve, holding that knife. Eve sat compliantly and still. She didn't exactly beg for her life, not as such.

"Don't do this, Gabrielle." She whispered.

"You better ask your mommy to come and save you. Better ask her now, Eve."

"That's what I mean. Kill me if you wish but don't force her hand, don't force her to come back here. You don't know what you are doing."

Gabrielle drowned her out, and closed her eyes. She couldn't look Eve in the eye, seeing Xena staring back at her, and swing the knife at her. She believed Xena would come, she honestly believed, that like Eve said, Xena was watching, and Xena would come down and save Eve from big bad Gabrielle. But still, she had to do it, had to try to really hurt Eve, or this wasn't going to convince Xena.

"Call to your mother." Gabrielle ordered, pushing the edge of the knife to Eve's throat.

"No." Eve said. "Leave her be, Gabrielle, if you love her leave her in peace."

"Who are you to tell me I don't love Xena? What would you even know about it? Nothing. You are just a stupid kid. No not stupid, quite clever actually, many conquests under your belt. People you slaughtered and sold into slavery without blinking, and now you wont call to your mother because you don't want to disturb her peace?" Gabrielle asked.

"There are consequences, Gabrielle. Things are this way for a reason, the line between the living and the dead..."

Gabrielle cut her off "I know more about living and dying than you ever could. I know that dead isn't the end, I know Xena is still out there somewhere, I know she came to me, she came to you, in visions. You say she is watching us, and I just want to talk to her."

"Why does she not come talk to you, then Gabrielle?" Eve asked.

"Too busy in her peaceful new life. Death. I suppose." Gabrielle snapped back.

"She is trying to protect you, trying to help you move on." Eve suggested.

"It's not working." Gabrielle stated.

"What do you want Gabrielle? Do you want to die too? Do you want that?"

"No. I want Xena back." Gabrielle said, as a tear esacped from her eye. She hadn't meant to cry. In fact she had promised herself she would not. Eve was getting under her skin.

"You can't have her back, and you can't go where she is." Eve told her gently.

"Then I want to talk to her. Don't tell me I can't, don't tell me what Xena can't do, she can do anything if she wants it bad enough."

"You can talk to her anytime, she is listening Gabrielle." Eve tried to comfort her.

"I'm losing patience Eve. I want to talk to her. You can call her here so I can talk to her, or I can slice your throat and you can give her the message in person, tell her I slaughtered her child and tell her to come after me, if she can catch me, tell her I want to talk to her."

"Gabrielle, this isn't you." Eve tried to calm her.

"Enough!" Gabrielle shouted. Time to regain control.

"I don't think this is right, and I'm not doing this to save my life, I'm doing it because I don't want you to live with something you've done in anger and grief. I believe you would hurt me, or try to, if you thought it would get mothers attention. And I don't want you to live with that. I don't know what you are expecting, Gabrielle, but at least you wont have to look her in the eye and tell her that you murdered her daughter. So I will call to her, once, and only once. Even thought I don't think this is right, and not to save my own life, but to save your soul."

"Just get on with it!" Gabrielle snapped, tightening her grip on the knife. "Are you watching Xena? Can you see me, with your daughters life in my hands? Are you going to sit and do nothing?" Gabrielle shouted out into the night.

No reply came.

"I mean it, only once. Next time, you can kill me." Eve told her.

"Agreed." Gabrielle smirked. "Now call to her."

Eve did not say a word, but suddenly darkness fell over them. The fire extinguished, even the stars in the sky seemed to dim. Gabrielle leaned down frantically feeling for Eve, calling her name. Thinking that perhaps Eve had escaped. Had called some favour from her God to darken the land and then fled. And then Gabrielle heard the sound that sent shivers down her spine. Her name. Unmistakably, it was Xena calling her name. And it caught her off guard. As if she hadn't been expecting this, planning this, all along. She could see nothing in front of her only darkness, there was nothing around her, she reached out into emptiness, she felt like her feet weren't even standing on solid ground. But she heard Xena calling her name. Xena. Her anchor. And nothing else mattered.