Who the hell are you?
"Chief watch out your landing on an unidentified……object?"
"Who freaking cares Cortana, its either us land on that object or we can all rot in hell, but you can decide. We only have about three seconds!" Master Chief yelled.
"You always have to be so different, don't you?"
"Yep," Master Chief replied.
Mean while….."Princess Leia we have an unidentified object."
"God damn't its probably another imperial ship. Those are really starting to piss me off. Luke, Han, Chewy, go check It out."
"Yes princess, would you like me to polish your snow suit too?"
"Shut up and just do it"
"Wow, no need to start an argument."
"RRRRNNNGGGHHH" Chewy laughed.
"Come on Chewy lets go start the burners" Luke said.
"RRRRRNNNGGGHH" Chewbacca replied.
"Look Master Chief, how about instead of making covenant snowmen, and shooting there heads off lets go see if this large object has any life forms."
"Fine, but it's still fun shooting there heads off. Lets go."
"Han, check the right side of the shield generator, Chewy, check the left side all fly over it!" Luke beamed.
"All right kid, take care of yourself," Han replied.
"You too Han and you Chewy." Luke replied
"RRRRRNNNNGGGHH." Chewy said.
"Hey look up ahead, some kind of ship." Cortana yells.
"I see it. How do I get it's attention." Master Chief replied.
"I don't know, throw a plasma grenade."
"All right, I don't think I got it high enough." As Master Chief throws the grenade Chewy spots a blue object stick to Dak's windshield, all of a sudden a huge explosion goes off.
"Damn, I hit the damn thing." Chief said.
"Its all right, there's three more, how about you shoot your plasma pistol this time."
"Fine one more try then I'm just going to build more Covenant snowmen."
"RRRRNNNGGGHHH" Chewy spots chief's bullets.
"You found something?" Han yells over his COM link.
"I'll contact Luke then we'll come, you go ahead and land and check it out.
"Good it's landing Cortana." Chief said.
"I see it you bonehead."
"Jeez' what's stuck up her ass?"
"I heard that…bastard."
"Wait, who's that ?" Chief yelled
"RRRRRNGGGHH" Chewbacca yelled.
"Um…. Hi!" Master Chief greeted.
"RRRRRNNNGGHHH" Chewy greeted.
"What the hell is he saying Cortana?"
"I'm not quite sure."
"RRRRRNN-"
"Chewy are you there? Did you find anything?" Han voice rang out through the COM link.
"RRRRRGGNNNHHH" Chewy replies
"You found what?"
"RRRRRGGGGNNNNHHH" Chewbacca shouts over the COM.
"Okay, I'll be right there…Han out…WAIT, don't make eye contact with him, he may be gay!"
But it was to late, Chewbacca had already fallen in love with the new cyborg-like newcomer. Chewy bashed his furry eyelashes at him. Chief looked down at the Wookie, he had a boner.
"I hope that's your pistol," The Master Chief said.
"RRNNG RRRNNGG RRNG" Chewy laughed at him.
"Chief, I think he digs you!" Cortana informed him.
ZZZZZZZZ
"Huh? What was that?" The Chief looked up at sky. There was a Snowspeeder landing next to him. Luke was in the cockpit while Han was in the rear. Once landed, Luke jumped out of the cockpit, using the force to call his light saber to his side.
"What the hell is that? It looks like that flashlight back home."
Luke Skywalker lunged at him, but it didn't work when he tripped and face planted in the snow. Han kicked him, "Wow, kid. You're really retarded."
"The force is strong with this one, that's the only way he could of tripped me."
"You tripped over your own foot, idiot. Don't try to get away with it," replied Han, as he aimed his blaster at the Chief with Chewbacca.
"Chief, I don't think they like you," said Cortana nervously.
"That's not possible, everyone likes me," said the Chief back.
As they walked into the control room where Princess Leia was, alarms were going off.
"Somebody shut those damn things off!" yelled the Chief.
"Ma'am, imperial walkers coming in at .000000006 degrees" said some random guy at the computer.
"You know, you could of just said north," replied the Chief.
"I know, but I wanted it to be like Star Trek," he said as he returned to the controls.
"Is everyone here retarded?" asked the Chief as he looked at the random guy. Leia ignored him and said to Luke, "Go get some pilots, put them in snowspeeders, and wrap tow cables around their legs." Luke nodded and left.
"All right, you heard Leia. We have a lot more pilots then snow speeders so gather your shit and get the hell in. Master Chief do you need a new blaster rifle?" Luke said.
"No, I'm fine." Master Chief replied taking out a rocket launcher.
"Are you sure you should use that?" Cortana chimed in.
"As sure as Ill ever be." Master chief said.
"Okay, well….screw you then." Luke said jumping into a snow speeder.
"But look what kind of weapon I have" Luke said taking out a light saber.
"AAAAGGGHHH." Luke yelled cutting his hand off.
"Oh my god, what a loser. Who cuts there own hand off, I mean honestly," Master Chief whispered to Cortana.
"Everyone is staring at you Chief so don't say anything bad." Cortana answered.
"Okay Chief we might as well get in the speeder." Cortana said.
As the Master Chief enters the snow speeder he notices a R2 unit. He takes out his SMG and destroys it.
"What the hell are you doing? That's your auto-pilot you just destroyed you retard!"
"Oh well…Cortana's my auto-pilot." Chief said.