A Better Human Than a Troll

If there was ever a troll that wanted to be a human, it sure wasn't Karkat. He was happy with the way that things worked, and he was happy with the fact that trolls were superior to humans in every way, shape, and form.

But then again, if there was ever a troll who actually acted human, it was probably Karkat. He may have been a huge jerk at times, but then again, what were humans if not for exactly, and precisely that?

Now he was in the jungle, with Kanaya, watching his (former) matesprit get tortured by his former moirail. It was complete and absolute hell. He wanted to die. Or to hurt someone. Or something! Anything but this!

And yet, there was nothing that he could do. They were surrounded by lava, for one, and for another, Karkat wasn't sure if he could do this. To save Terezi, he would definitely have to fight Gamzee. There would be no shoosh paping this time; he was too far gone. And, well, despite all of the terrible things that Gamzee had done, he still wasn't sure if he could actually kill the other troll. Gamzee Makara was his moirail once. And you just didn't kill your moirail.

In midst of all this confusion, a red ship had been coming over head. A BIG red ship.

It was landing.

Landing, right there and then, right on top of all of them.

A swift kill, and now they were all dead.

But maybe not permanently. For one thing, many of them were god tier. Getting landed on by a ship isn't exactly heroic or just, so there was that. Next, Jane Crocker immediately resurrected, and she could bring back the others. After all, her boss was here now, and she needed more followers.

But there was one draw back. She could only resurrect one time per person, no exceptions. And Karkat had already been brought back from the dead. No big loss on her end, really. They didn't really need that *particular* troll. He wasn't important to any of the plans. He wasn't even god tier!

Of course, to Karkat, Karkat's death was sort of a big deal. But maybe that was just because it was his own self dying, and not resurrecting.

He had expected to go to one of the horrible dream bubbles. Who knows, maybe he could meet up with Vriska and Nepeta and all of those horrible Dancestors?

But he didn't even get that much. He didn't get to see his friends again, or to become part of a pirate crew, or anything. He didn't get to have any sort of happy death, because instead, he got an ironic hell sort of place.

He got put into another universe, of sorts. He got put right into the biggest, worst hell that any (non)living creature could ever hope to enter.

You know, public school.

Somehow, somewhere, something fucked up. He got pulled out of the alpha timeline, or something to that nature, and he ended up in a public school. On Earth.

And the worst part?

He still had all his memories. The last thing that happened was etched into his mind. His whole other life was etched into his mind. But instead of being there, fighting with his friends, stopping Gamzee from hurting Terezi, instead of even being allowed to DIE, he was plopped into school.

And a house.

And a guardian.

And something that seemed even worse than THAT, if it were possible; he wasn't human. Now that he was in the human world, being forced to live a human life, he didn't even get to be human. He was still a troll.

So a mutant then. No matter where he was, he would always be a mutant.

Another thing that struck him as a cruel twist of fate was the fact that he had the same blood color as the others now. But they were still going to think that he was a freak.

Hours in the Past (But not many)

Karkat woke up on his back, hardly breathing. Somewhere in his mind, it struck him that he was dead now. But he didn't really care. Maybe he had even done something right, because when he woke up, he felt a soft sort of feeling under him, and there was a sweet, comforting smell to the air.

Slowly, he blinked a few times, feeling rather lazy, but not really caring. Maybe he was allowed to feel lazy. He was just killed. He had been awake for so long… more sleep was needed.

But before Karkat could drift into another round of sleep, he heard a voice. It was feminine, yet commanding, and stern, yet concerned. All very strange, but he didn't concentrate on that. He was too busy freaking the fuck out.

"Oh good, you're awake. Are you okay? I found you in the middle of the street! I almost ran you over!"

Painfully, Karkat's brain forced him to pay attention to what was happening in reality. He closed his little dream fantasy and tried to force himself to sit up.

It was a painful decision.

A very, very painful decision.

Moaning, Karkat sunk back into the position he had been in before, not bothering to looking at the person who had spoken.

However, upon realising that the voice didn't sound particularly troll like, or familiar in any way to him, he did look up. Sure enough, she was human.

Other than Rose, Dave, and the few crazy God Tiers that he had seen, this was the first human that he had ever met. And certainly the first human that was an adult.

Wow, she was strange.

Karkat still couldn't get over the fact that all humans were vastly different. Sure, their blood colours were the same, but they had different skin, and hair colours, and eyes. All of that didn't happen on Alternia.

This particular human had short blonde hair, orange-ish skin that didn't look natural (he later learned that it wasn't; humans sometimes tried to spray themselves with 'tans' that didn't quite work) a lot of makeup, and a thick set build. She was smiling widely, her blue eyes gleaming.

"...WAIT. WHERE THE FUCK AM I?"

The lady looked rather offended, for some reason or another. "Well, young man! That's not the response I was looking for! I took you into my house, I saved your life! Don't start cussing, or I might just have to throw you right back out into the streets!"

"WELL I'M SO FUCKING SORRY THEN."

At this point, Karkat didn't give many fucks. He was in pain, he was in a strange place, and there was a strange woman looking down at him. None of this made any sense, and all he really wanted to do was be back with his friends. Things might have been bad there, but at least that was coherent! At least that made some sort of warped sense!

"Oh, you. Listen, I'm just trying to help here! You could have died, young man!"

"SORRY. IT'S JUST I'M REALLY CONFUSED AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK I AM OR WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FRIENDS, AND I REALLY WANT TO GET BACK TO THEM. REALLY BAD THINGS WERE HAPPENING."

"Hmm? You were passed out in the middle of the street, dear, maybe you were having a bad dream?"

"NO, THIS WAS REAL AS SHIT. I THINK THIS MIGHT BE A DREAM THOUGH."

"I don't think so, honey. I'm sorry. What was happening before you passed out?"

"I THINK… THAT I MIGHT HAVE DIED."

"Well that clears things up! You must have been dreaming, because you seem pretty alive to me!"

"I DON'T KNOW. THIS COULD BE HELL. I THINK I MUST BE IN HELL RIGHT NOW."

"Am I really that bad as company?" Laughed the lady.

"WELL I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS YOU DON'T SEEM AS TERRIBLE AS SOME OF THE ASSHOLES I USED TO HANG AROUND. BUT I JUST NEED TO GET BACK TO MY FRIENDS… SOMEHOW."

"Well, in the mean time, maybe I could help you get your real memory back! What's your name, hon?"

"THOSE ARE MY REAL MEMORIES. BUT MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS."

"Well, there's no need to shout, but okay! That's a very unique name; I don't think that I've ever heard it before."

"I WASN'T SHOUTING. AND MY NAME IS AWESOME, SO FUCK YOU."

"I wasn't insulting your name! But next question: Why is your skin so gray? Please don't tell me it's because you're on drugs… I don't need a druggie in my house!"

"HELL NO I'M NOT ON DRUGS! IT'S BECAUSE I'M A TROLL YOU IDIOT."

"What's a troll? Is it some sort of internet group or-"

"NO IT'S MY SPECIES! I WAS BORN ON ALTERNIA, SO I'M A TROLL. SEE? I HAVE HORNS!"

"I certainly don't see any horns! Oooh… maybe you got some head damage when you were knocked out."

"I DO SO HAVE HORNS! THERE RIGHT HERE YOU FUCKASS!"

Karkat adjusted his hair so that his horns were showing. He was feeling pretty pissed off now. For one thing, the lady had insulted his horns. Yes, they were small, but that didn't mean that they were INVISIBLE. Two, he really needed to get back to his friends. They were probably really needing him right now. Maybe something really bad was happening to them!

The lady's face when she saw Karkat's horns was priceless. He wished that he had been filming the moment, because of her face.

"Oh my… Are those real?"

"HELL YEAH, THEY ARE! I'M A TROLL!"

The lady almost fainted. "... Are you a demon?"

She did a silly move where she drew a cross over her heart, and then started muttering something that sounded like a type of prayer.

"NO I'M NOT A DEMON! I JUST TOLD YOU, I'M A TROLL. AN ALIEN, I GUESS."

"...An alien?" She was whispering now, for no clear reason.

"YES!"

"Well, that's… fun…" She was still in shock. Karkat thought it was funny, he guessed, but it was growing old rather quickly, and he still didn't know where the fuck he was.

"YES, NOW CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET BACK TO MY FRIENDS? IT WAS KIND OF IMPORTANT, WHAT WAS GOING ON."

The lady laughed a little bit. "Well, Helen," she said to herself, "This could be a good little adventure, couldn't it? Yes… helping an alien get back to his friends… It'll be just like E.T! I could be just like that little boy, Elliot."

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BUT SURE. YES. YOU SHOULD BE JUST LIKE ELLEN OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU JUST SAID."

"Well, mister shouty, I will help you, but you're going to have to be nicer than that! And no more cussing!"

"NOT FUCKING LIKELY." Huffed Karkat.

Well, that's it for chapter one! Does anyone actually like it? NOT FUCKING LIKELY. But oh well, it was fun to write, so… I guess there might be more? Let's just see… I'm not sure. But r&r anyway, because that would be nice to have!