By GreyEyesGlaringAtShonda
A/N: This is the story I've had in my head ever since right after the finale, when I locked myself in my room, hyperventilated for a few hours, and then lied on my floor and worked on fixing Cristina and Burke within the relentless pit that is my imagination, until I was fit to return to school in the morning and resume my exams. It's been replaying itself in my head since then, rewinding and fast forwarding to fit my mood. I finally reached a vague place that I thought would be a satisfying conclusion to the small slice of my mind and heart that had given itself to BANG (BTW, it definitely has elements of several of my other fics). I just wanted to write it down (type it out, whatever) while it was still in my head, and before someone else started something like it (apparently too late). It is quite fluffy, because that's how I roll. If you want angst, bugger off, and go watch the season three finale again. I'd also recommend the Harry Potter series, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, and the book Cristina references in episode 3.03 "What I Am." I've heard Lemony Snicket's a bit of a downer as well.
But anyway, moving right along. Here it is.
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Chapter 1: Last Chance on the Stairway
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He was feeling very displeased.
He was not a patient man. He was a decisive man. He had an overwhelmingly strong sense of justice. He focused on what he wanted, and worked for it. He then expected it to be provided for him accordingly.
He was also a very courteous man. He'd been raised a southern gentleman, and believed good manners should go hand-in-hand with civility and decency.
These combined traits were pushing in on him, causing him to tap his foot in annoyance as he waited for the newly appointed interim Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital to arrive.
He looked slightly tensely up the corridor, his eyes narrowing in its search for some of the gossip-hungry nurses and physicians he knew to be occupying these halls. He shouldn't have come back.
"DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN."
Burke turned abruptly at the sound of her voice, trying not to panic.
"It's going to be okay, Cristina. I promise."
"It is not going to be OK! Oh, I am going to be laughing at you in six months. Evil, sadistic laughter like—OW! OW!"
Burke's level of terror skyrocketed at the sound of the pain in her voice, and he moved instinctively towards it. The sight that met his eyes as he turned the corner floored him.
"Ew, ew, oh God I am wet, this is so vile, seriously, seriously, ew ew ew, ow."
Callie Torres was standing next to Alex Karev, leaning over a person in a wheelchair, obviously trying to comfort her. The chair-bound woman had an expression of deepest loathing, and was pushing a dark, sweaty curl off of her face. Her stomach, impossible to miss, gave way to an unmistakable baby bump.
"It's alright Cristina, don't panic! Meredith's on her way, don't worry. There was an pile-up a few blocks away and the traffic's crazy, half a dozen hospital personnel are held up, but we're taking care of you, you're going to be fine."
Burke stepped further away from the corridor that housed the chief's office, trying to process what he was seeing. His eyes found Cristina's at the precise moment she looked up and saw him.
"Son of a—""Cristina!" Callie glanced up, and her gaze rested on Burke.
"Oh," she said simply.
Burke's pace quickened considerably, and he reached the place where the three residents were gathered, awaiting the arrival of an elevator. He was speechless. The elevator doors slid open.
Karev pushed the wheelchair in, Callie following suit. Burke stepped in after them without thinking.
Cristina was grimacing, her teeth clenched. "It's another contraction. Are you timing them?" Callie demanded to Alex.
"No, sorry, I've never been to med school," he retorted, glaring at her. "I snagged the cool lab coat from a high school Chem class."
The elevator doors opened again, and Burke hurried to keep up with them down the hall. Callie pushed open the door to the delivery room, and Burke closed it behind them.
"You're pregnant," he said finally after several more minutes, murmuring it to Cristina. She stared at him from the bed. He moved as close to her as possible, putting his hand on her stomach.
"Not for much longer," Alex told the room, as Cristina and Burke silently fought over the position of his hand. "She's almost eight centimeters."
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Cristina tried to pull her hand away where Burke had grabbed it, but he held it determinedly.
"Being here. We'll discuss this later. Until this child is born, we are together and fine and you are going to let me be here for you. That includes holding your hand, comforting you, and loving you. Don't argue."
Cristina's response was cut off by another contraction. Burke's face never flinched as she squeezed his hand as tightly as she could. Her face was red, and tears threatened to spill over.
"It's okay," Alex said, in a surprisingly gentle voice. Callie had moved over to clutch Cristina's other hand.
"I don't want you in here," Burke said stiffly. Alex looked up, his eyebrows raised.
"I'm specializing in neonatal, I've been working—"
"Absolutely not. I want an attending. Where's Addison?"
Callie and Alex exchanged glances. "Addison transferred."
Burke took this in quickly, and continued. "Someone else then. I want an attending."
There was an awkward silence in which only Cristina's groans of pain could be heard, before the sound of Burke's pager started beeping. He turned it off without glancing at it, and looked around the room.
"I'm not kidding."
"We've already paged Dr. Berger, and he's on his way. He should be here soon."
Cristina let out another stifled yell, and she ripped her hand out of Callie's in order to wipe her gleaming eyes. Burke only needed to glance at her to make his decision.
"Careful. It's okay." She caught on immediately to what he was trying to do, and tried to adjust herself. He climbed onto the bed behind her, taking her hands and bending close to whisper to her. "Breathe. Just keep breathing. What do we know?"
"Girl," she grimaced.
He felt his heart skip a beat. "A girl?"
She nodded against his chest. The door to the delivery room swung open, and Meredith and a man Burke knew only by name entered the room. Dr. Berger strode in without hesitation; Meredith, however, halted at the sight of Burke's face near Cristina's.
"Alright. I seem to remember needing only one nurse, so the rest of you get out. This isn't a party for you to go gossiping about to your scrub nurse pals. Karev, I can take it from here. And what are the rest of you doing here?" He looked from Callie in her scrubs to Burke on the bed.
"I'm the father," Burke said clearly.
"We're the friends," Callie said, gesturing to herself and Meredith.
"That's fantastic. And we all plan on witnessing this?" He looked at Dr. Burke for confirmation.
Burke's face remained stoical. "Anything that Cristina needs is hers. Anyone who helps her feel better stays."
Dr. Berger by that time was busy examining Cristina. "She's almost there. What've you given her?" He inquired, reaching for her chart.
Cristina shook her head, her eyes closing briefly. Burke stared at her.
"No. We want an epidural."
"No, we don't," Cristina retorted loudly, the pain evident in her voice.
"I cannot watch you in this much pain," Burke murmured quietly, privately, in her ear.
"Like you should bother even pretending you give a damn if I'm in pain!" Cristina shouted. The expression on Burke's face caused waves of remorse to wash over her, but she couldn't focus on it.
"We want an epidural," he muttered firmly to Dr. Berger.
"It can cause complications. I've already had a hard pregnancy; I can handle this. Drugs are for babies." Cristina was shaking her head vehemently.
"Exactly, drugs are for babies! You're having a baby, give her the shot!" Burke demanded.
"I'm not putting her at any more risk!" Cristina exclaimed. Burke was silenced, unsure of what she meant.
"You might change your mind at ten centimeters," Berger said calmly. "Same with your visitors. I've found the people in the delivery room should be kept to the necessities."
"Drugs are for wimps," Cristina said through clenched teeth. Burke felt the strain of her fingers in his.
The sound of a pager went off again, Burke felt another surge of annoyance before he realized it wasn't his.
"911," Callie said, looking at the text screen. As she spoke, Meredith's started to go off.
"The accident," Cristina groaned.
"It's okay," Meredith said hesitantly after a few seconds. "We can stay. We're staying."
"We can't," Callie contradicted, trying to convince herself, her voice growing progressively louder to be heard over Cristina's. "I can't. I'm Chief Resident. And we'll need you, we're already short of staff, and it's too disorganized with the mess from the Chief situation…"
Meredith was staring at Burke, shaking her head. "It's okay," she repeated, moving to grasp the hand Callie had released. Her pager started beeping again insistently.
"We have to go," Callie urged, starting towards the door. Meredith continued to shake her head. Cristina was struggling against the pain, and she could see Burke's lips whispering words of comfort into her ear.
"Mer, we can't ignore a page, I don't want to leave her either, but we don't have a choice, this is our job, we have lives to—"
"I'm not going!" Meredith yelled. "She's my best friend, I'm her per—"
"Dr. Grey, as your boss, I am ordering you to—"
"GO!" Cristina exclaimed, forcing her voice to carry over the arguing surgeons and Dr. Berger's increasing statements of "Very close, you're almost there…"
"I've got it," Burke said to the women, clutching Cristina close to him and caressing her hand softly with his.
Meredith looked at Cristina carefully, uncertainty etched on every line of her face.
"It's time," Dr. Berger declared.
"Torres, Grey, leave. I've got this." Burke's eyes were only for Cristina now, but his voice came out strong.
Looking ashamed of what she was doing, Meredith released Cristina's hand, which was grabbed promptly by Burke. Callie tugged her away, and in moments they were out the door, leaving Cristina and the soon-to-be-born baby alone with only the doctor, the nurse, and Burke.
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"I don't need you here," Cristina grumbled firmly, overcome by the physical pain rising to match her emotional pain and thoroughly pissed off by the tangibility.
"I hope you wanted me here," Burke murmured quietly, regretting it as she pulled away from him, her hands reaching to claw the bedding. He pried her fingers away from the sheets, squeezing them as comfortingly as he could. "I wanted to be here for you," he whispered, drowned out by her scream.
"Come on, Cristina, push," Dr. Berger commanded. Cristina felt her stomach contract and she heard herself scream again, then became dimly aware of Burke trying to sooth her, murmuring softly "Shhh, shhh, it's okay. It'll be okay, Cristina, shhh, shhh."
"I am not a scientologist!"
"She's crowning!" Dr. Berger exclaimed. Burke's breathing stopped, and he was no longer aware of Cristina's elbows digging into his chest, or her screams escaping inches away from his ears.
"Cristina, it's okay," he told her, unable to keep the love out of his voice.
"It's okay, Cristina, you can do this. You can do this, because you are so strong, and I am here, holding your hand, I'm here Cristina."
This time he was sure her elbows dug intentionally into his ribs, but he didn't dwell on it. He could sense her battle not to cry, and hated himself for it. She should be able to cry.
"It's going to be okay, Cristina. We're having a baby, it's going to be fine, just concentrate on meeting our little girl; it's okay, Cristina, we can do this, I'm here for you, I love you so mu—" "No!""Come on, Cristina," Dr. Berger coaxed. "You have to keep pushing, come on. Her head's on its way, then we just have to get past the shoulders and you'll be fine, but you have to push, come on."
Cristina's voice flooded the room, Burke had lost by then all feeling in his hands and torso, but the sight of her anxious face and jagged breath caused a swell of emotion to flow through him.
"It's okay, I'm here."
"The head's out!"
Burke squeezed Cristina's hands with joy, basking in the moment as his daughter's lungs filled with oxygen.
"She's nearly there!"
"Did you hear that? She's almost here, you're doing so great, Cristina, she's almost here!" Burke's babbling competed with the already-present flurry of sound in the room. Cristina moaned loudly in response, as their daughter's first cry rang out.
"We've got her!"
"Ohhhh," Burke mumbled, grasping Cristina and stretching to look.
"Cristina, we've got a girl," he whispered; she was breathing rapidly to match his own respiration, and he knew his eyes were glistening like hers.
"We've got a cord that needs cutting. Any volunteers?" Burke grinned at Dr. Berger's words, and was scrambling out of the bed after delivering a kiss to Cristina's cheek.
"Ohhhh," he said again, looking down at their daughter.
He was shocked to discover he had to fight to keep his hand from trembling, and after snipping the cord his eyes flew back to those of his daughter's.
"I think she's got your eyes," he informed Cristina. She nodded, looking exhausted and collapsing back against the pillows.
"She's big," Dr. Berger commented, lifting her up so Cristina could see. Cristina smiled, looking at the small purple-faced baby, already showing signs of possessing her mother's famous hair.
"Can I hold—"
"Just for a second," Berger cautioned.
Before Cristina could make a sound, Burke had resumed his place on the bed, and his arms were wrapped around her.
"Let g—"
She stopped, holding her arms out instinctively to the nurse, who placed the baby girl into them.
Cristina looked down at her new daughter, and promptly forgot that Burke's lips were now grazing her chin.
"Ohh."
The sound had escaped her before she could stop herself.
"Wow," Burke managed.
They were silent, holding each other unconsciously, gazing intuitively at their little girl.
"We need a camera," Burke whispered.
"There's one in the bag, at home. Do you have your phone?"
Burke pulled out his cellular, looking doubtful. Cristina ignored the expression on the nurse's face, snapping the first few photos of the baby.
"We can get more later. There are disposable cameras in the gift shop."
"OK. These are just to send to Mama," Burke said dazedly, still staring mesmerized at the small child before him. Cristina tensed from within his embrace.
"Look at her. Look at our little girl."
Cristina gazed at the baby, taking in the blooming features she knew would soon mirror her father's.
"If you're ready," Dr. Berger said gently, "We need to get her cleaned up and immunized. She'll be back to you as soon as possible though, I promise."
Cristina rubbed the soft dark hair warming the head of her baby, pausing as Burke leaned past her to kiss her softly. She handed the baby carefully back to the nurse, seeing Burke's expression of disappointment as she did so.
"She'll be right back," she told him.
"You got nine months with her. I haven't had any," Burke replied tersely.
"You had almost two, and don't say that like it's my fault. I was ready. You walked away."
Burke's face registered the cut of her remark, and he watched as Dr. Berger carried the baby out of the room.
"I'll have another nurse back in with some paperwork in just a few," the nurse told them, closing the door behind her.
"What are you doing here?"
Burke shook his head.
"I was invited by the board. I felt guilty about Richard."
Cristina stared at him.
"I missed you."
Cristina looked back down, at where the baby had been moments before.
His arms were firm around her, and his breath brushed against her face.
"I missed you.
"I didn't expect this. I missed you. I was stupid. I acted like a child. I thought I was doing the right thing, being…" Burke's voice broke off. "Noble."
"You don't need to be noble," Cristina interjected. Burke was silent, listening.
"You don't need to be perfect. I don't want perfect. I fell in love with the Burke that wasn't perfect. The man who confessed to me on in on-call room bed that he'd practiced, and…yelled to me that he loved me." She stopped, trying to find the words.
She wasn't like him. While his words always seemed to melt her, hers turned him to ice.
"It's one thing for me to want to be held by someone…it's another for me to want to hold them."
Burke let his eyes meet hers.
"Okay."
Cristina shook her head, and Burke was amazed that she didn't look away. Whenever he thought he'd finally ripped away the last of her strength, she blew him away with what truly remained.
"It isn't okay."
"I'm sorry." He didn't know what to say this time. He couldn't find the words that would allow him to sweep her off her feet. There were so many he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to say to her and ask her. There was so much he wanted from her, and received from her; the magnitude always seemed to overwhelm him. There was so much in her; so much he wanted to give her.
She was still staring at him, treating him with the eyes he was so desperate not to tear away from. Her expression was so Cristina, his heart was beating a thousand miles a minute and he was swooning with the emotional toll of the last couple hours.
"I am not Meredith Grey."
He looked at her intently. She didn't even falter, and he choked on his next words.
Of course you're not Meredith Grey. She was His Cristina.
"I am not Meredith Grey," she repeated calmly.
"I do not need a Knight in Shining Whatever."
He thought about these words, and finally nodded.
"Okay."
She shook her head again.
"I don't know when it'll be okay again."
I don't know when I'll be okay.
Burke nodded for a final time.
"I know."
But she could still look at him.
He had not ruined her entirely.
They could fix this.
"It will be, though."
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A/N: So, that's the first chapter. I put a lot in there, in little pieces. I hope you give it a shot, and that you managed to get through all seven pages of chapter one without too much drowsiness. My advice, wake your hands up by typing out a review, I love them.
Thanks for reading! I'll try to get out the next chapter ASAP, though it undoubtedly won't be as long (yay!).
—Ruthi—