Uneven
A/N I obviously do not own Dallas, seeing as I only recently got into the series. However, I fell in love with John Ross and Pamela and so I hope I can do them justice.
"I married you. I love you."
Her words fell on deaf ears as John Ross stepped forward to wrap her within his embrace.
"Nothing can change the way I feel about you."
Her eyebrows furrowed at what she supposed John Ross believed to be pacifying words. How exactly does he feel about her?
Their relationship was built upon three pillars: revenge, sex, and manipulation. She's not stupid, she realizes that their marriage was a move for him, the only way to get her third of Barnes Global for the Ewings to use to their advantage. Somehow, somewhere along the line, she fell in love with the scoundrel and beneath all the bullshit, she had hoped that John Ross reciprocated her feelings.
It certainly felt that way when he was the only one to take care of her when she lost her babies, even before then when they were held hostage by Cano. Oftentimes, late at night as she lays alone in her bed, she can recreate the moment when he kissed her forehead, gently yet in the trademark passionate John Ross way. In that instant, she felt more loved than at other time, place, or embrace. She should have realized then that she let herself become entirely too vulnerable around John Ross Ewing. A fatal mistake she's sure to commit time and again, after all history does repeat itself...
"Just don't tell my wife."
How she didn't foresee this very moment when she said her "I do" she does not know. After all, it's how they sealed all of their deals together, why should she expect that a piece of paper could change the ways of John Ross. Maybe she thought that if she loved him enough and gave him enough of herself that he could try to remain faithful, at least for longer than a week. She should have prepared herself, after all, he is his father tip to tail. To tame a John Ross Ewing is to capture the wind in a jar, an insurmountable task.
Lovely words paint a picture of a happily ever after, a partner to whether all the storms that life in Dallas promises. Man and woman, standing side by side, cut from the same cloth weaving lies together in intricate detail, but never daring to lie to the other. True understanding and acceptance coming from someone who has clamored tooth and nail to gain the love and respect of a man unable to ever truly give it. She knows the man he is, and she loves the man in every form he comes to her: a son, a husband, a lover, a business man. Never once has she wished that John Ross would change himself. She finds him beautiful and wonderful and strong just as he is...but never once did she ever believe that she would lose herself into a man as fully as she has in John Ross.
Never did she believe that the man who pieced her back together and made her find a purpose in a world without her babies, could so easily shatter the very heart he wormed himself into.
"It's not easy being a Ewing bride in this family."
A/N cont... I purposely did not use Pamela's name throughout the story because her and Sue Ellen are almost interchangeable at points. I wanted it to kind of resonate that Pamela and John Ross are the new JR and Sue Ellen, their emotions and actions mirror each other a lot. However, Pamela is much stronger than Sue Ellen ever was and I fully believe in her ability to make John Ross pay and for them to work their marriage out...if only through sheer will power. But, as any woman at the moment she is focusing on her pain. I hope y'all enjoyed it!