A/N: an accompaniment story to chapter 4 of In the Darkness
He was John Hamish Watson a former army doctor with diagnosed PTSD and has a blog that is rarely has interesting entries. He was invalided out from Afghanistan and living in a cheap and dingy flat. He was...?
He met Mike at Barts and got introduced to Sherlock Holmes, a consulting detective who is 39 and he's 40. The numbers don't quite sit right with him but that is what he remembers. Everyday since getting discharge from the hospital, each information in his mind felt wrong. How he should have a best friend named Jim, a lovely diplomat niece Blanca and a home that has valuable paintings and jewels from museums.
He feels like he's living in a dream, or perhaps another universe where everything is not as it should be. Sometimes he hears his flatmate speak even if he was alone, could hear the soft murmurs of a young woman trying not to break and the fake joy of a voice that is breaking. All of it does not make sense but sometimes he stares off to space and has this deep longing in his gut that he can't ever shake away.
"John?"
He could hear Sherlock calling him but he is not to sure if it's his head or the real deal. But he is saved when a hand touches his shoulder and he is immediately back to the world. He could see behind Sherlock's eyes and sometimes solve the crime but he stands was not his job, he is an ex-army doctor, shot in the shoulder and invalided out from Afghanistan who is now working for a small clinic and not at St. Barts as a doctor.
"You've gotten better" he says offhandedly and gets up from the bed, ignoring the fact that Sherlock had once again entered his room and disrupted his privacy, It was not that he did not care but somehow he feels that he should not be bothered by it anymore.
"John?"
"Yes, love?" he says without noticing it as he puts on his jumper and heads out to the kitchen to make tea. Sherlock had tensed up and John looked back after noticing that Sherlock had not followed. He goes back and sees the man shocked and he sighs and says " Just teasing, Sherlock"
He does not know what expression Sherlock does because his back is turned and he feels that he has had this conversation with Sherlock before.
"Genius you maybe, Sherlock, but people still need credentials, I know it's tough,love,I've been there" John says to Sherlock to placate his friend but Sherlock's mind had already stop processing everything the moment 'love' came out and his cheeks turned to red and he stuttered trying to form a comeback as John merely chuckled and said "Just teasing, Sherlock"
The memory surprises him and he falters in his footsteps and slips but Sherlock catches him, he does not know when the man had gotten behind him but he merely offers an apologetic smile and continues down the stairs with Sherlock's comforting hand behind his back. John makes them tea and sips it with Sherlock on the couch as Sherlock does his work and John stares blankly ahead.
There are so many things that is wrong with his memory, how he has a drunkard for a father and a mother that died from high-fever, how Harriet stop being sisterly and became like their father and that he had joined the army to pay for his medical degree. Sometimes he feels that this is all a dream and he'll wake up, because when he dreams, he dreams not of the desert but of memories he is sure that happened.
He dreams of a world where Sherlock and him were younger, still solving crimes but John was his closest friend. But that's not entirely correct because his missing a vital clue but for the life of his he does not know. He mentioned this once to Sherlock but all he received was a too sad smile and that made him almost cry, he knows that Sherlock's keeping something but he does not know.
"Moriarty would make his move soon" Sherlock says and John nods, he knows this but it does not sit quite right to him because in his mind there are two Moriarty; one that is his former lover and still best friend, the other the real spider and older brother of his best friend. He thinks that it was not right to mention it so he does not. There are so many things he does not tell anyone.
He closes his eyes when he felt that another surge of memory was coming up.
"John...I have come to love you...more than a friend should and I-"
"Can you truly love me Sherlock?"
"Of Course! John!"
"John?" he could hear a frantic voice, it was calling for him and he knows...knows that he should open his eyes but...he feels afraid as if ...
"John!" Sherlock screams, voice frantic and John snaps back to reality. He sees his flatmate holding his shoulders, eyes scared as if something bad almost happened.
"Yes, Sherlock?" he answers meek and a little bit tired.
"God, You're fine" Sherlock says in relief and hugs him, he can not make sense of anything other than longing what is it that he has forgotten. What was the date today.
"sometimes" he began as Sherlock burrowed his head into his shoulder more, it hurt but it felt like a phantom pain "I think this is all a dream, I'll wake up and see how much has changed"
"NO!"
He smiles because it felt like this has happened before...but it did...because Sherlock...
"sulks like child"
"John?"
He could feel himself crying, and he does not know why...but the emotions are to great and feels like a child because he has lost something he could not remember all he knows is that Sherlock has something to do with it.
"I'm afraid" he says and it is not Moriarty he is afraid of "I feel like I'm going to lose you soon"
and he knows this because it has started, they'll run away and he'll follow Sherlock everywhere because there is something he must tell him. And Sherlock does nothing but hug him tight and whisper sweet comforting words that feels so much like a lie but he'll eat it.
Because he trusts Sherlock that much. He feels the soft kiss of Sherlock before he fell into sleep.
The next morning when he wakes up and Sherlock is gone he feels dread and dashes out of Sherlock's room and to his closet to change in record speed when his phone alerted him of a message.
Meet at Barts
SH
and he does because he feels that it was important. The moment he steps out of the door he feels the ghost of a lingering kiss and hurries further. All the while hearing Sherlock's words even if the man was somewhere else.
"This isn't good-bye John,merely a see you later"
He curls his hand because Sherlock is too sad and that can't be right.
"I invented Moriarty" a broken laugh and John could feel himself break slowly "I'm a fake, The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade; I want you to tell Mrs Hudson, and Molly ... in fact, tell anyone who will listen to you that I created Moriarty for my own purpose,Nobody could be that clever"
"You could" he whispers and somehow it felt as if he had truly said it and the Sherlock, his Sherlock of that world heard it.
"John?"
He's eyes widen because, his Sherlock had heard it, after so many months of wanting to save his Sherlock from sadness, to speak to him, he is finally able to do so.
"You could, Sherlock...you could" he says, smile forming in his face
"You can hear me?"
"always" he answers
"This conversation...it's like my note...that's what people do right?"
"yes, see you later...Sherlock" he whispers in a loving way and he could feel the dread ebb away from his stomach.
"You're here" the words of the cabbie seemed not to came from him and instead from his Sherlock.
And just like that everything clicks into place. He looks up and the cabbie; Jefferson Hope greets him and he smiles and steps out, the whole of London has disappeared and all that is left is St. Barts and Sherlock, the Sherlock of this world standing on the roof top.
"I'm here" he states.
He knows what will happen next.
When he walks to hospital and stops at the right place to see Sherlock and for Sherlock to see him, just as his phone rings and he answers it. He knows how the conversation goes. But he smiles all the way because he already knows the truth.
"Good bye, John"
"See you later, Sherlock" and he wakes up.
3 weeks after Sherlock Holmes jumped off the roof of St. Barts, everyone thinks that it was tragic. But he knows best. James Moriarty may have died but Sherlock Holmes did not. It would take a year for him to fully recover and make his plan but it is fine. He knows that Blanca has Sherlock's back.
Together with Sherlock, they could make a miracle.
They would be the miracle.