Trickery
"Did you enjoy your song and dance, dearies?"
The munchkins, who were dancing, laughing and singing as they watched a girl named Dorothy and her dog disappear along the yellow brick road, stopped singing, laughing and dancing and turned to see who had spoken. An old hag with a withered face, wild deep-set eyes and long stringy gray hair was standing in the middle of the yellow brick spiral in the center of Munchkin City. Fear overtook the munchkins and they scurried to various hiding places.
"Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee…" laughed the hag, as she watched them scurry. "I did so enjoy it myself. Especially the part… How did it go? Ding Dong! The witch is dead. Which old witch. The wicked witch. Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee… that was precious." The hag began to skip and dance and sing, "Ding Dong! The witch is dead. Which old witch. The wicked witch. Ding Dong! The wicked witch is dead" and seemed to find no end of enjoyment from it. "Come on out and join me," she yelled, but nobody did. When she finally grew tired of singing and dancing, she screeched out a long loud laugh. "Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee… She's going to be so angry when she finds out," said the hag, almost choking herself in her mirth. "I can't believe she fell for it. Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee… She's going to be so angry when she finds out those ruby slippers on that girl are not the real ruby slippers. Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee… See?" said the hag, lifting up the bottom of her long black dress and admiring her footwear. "I'm wearing the real ruby slippers. Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee…"
After many more minutes of screeching laughter, which was very disconcerting to the munchkins, the hag came to her senses and looked around. "Oh, Mr. Mayor," she called out, "Mr. Mayor, I must speak with you." When nobody came, she called out again, "Come out, come out, Mr. Mayor. I must speak with you."
The munchkin mayor came tumbling out of the bushes. He sat up and looked angrily at someone behind him. After muttering a few choice words under his breath, he picked himself up, brushed himself off and waddled over to the hag. When he reached the hag, he fell on his face and groveled.
"Get up, get up, my good little munchkin. Don't grovel," said the hag. "Have I ever asked you to grovel before?"
The mayor sat up on his haunches and stared at the hag with mortal fear in his eyes.
The hag leaned over and put a hand next to her mouth. "Here's a suggestion, Mr. Mayor," she said. "Are you ready for this? Hire another coroner. Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee… Hire another coroner. Oh, I crack myself up. Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee…" The hag waved her arms like she was conducting an orchestra and sang the line, "The witch is not just merely dead but really most sincerely dead" and doubled over in paroxysms of laughter. When she finally recovered herself, she leaned toward the mayor with her hands on her knees. "Mr. Mayor," she said, "let us get serious for a minute, shall we? My sister will be sending her monkeys to tear this place up. I'll stop them for you if you do what I ask. What do you say, my good little munchkin?"
The mayor, unable to speak, nodded his head.
"I thought you would see reason. You will now pay double what you have been paying and do my bidding when I require like a good little munchkin and I'll make sure your cute little city is safe like I've always done. It's a win-win for all of us, don't you think?"
The mayor nodded again. Sweat was beading up all over the top of his head and trickling down his face.
"Oh look!" said the hag, turning and pointing toward the sky. "The monkeys are coming. Just watch and I'll show you some real magic."
The hag stood up straight and twirled around and around and transformed into a middle-aged lady with a pleasant face and long wavy red hair. Her pink ball gown and crown glittered in the sunlight. "That's quite a trick, isn't it?" she said, with a benign smile and a trill in her voice. "Now watch what else I can do."
A small pink bubble appeared in the lady's hands as she put them together palms up. The bubble grew and grew until it enveloped the lady and continued growing until it encompassed the entire city. The munchkins looked up in horror as hundreds of monkeys flew into the bubble and crawled all over the top of it. As for the monkeys, they tried and tried but couldn't break through the bubble. They beat it with their fists, bit it with their teeth, threw rocks at it and poked it with spears but just couldn't break through. After throwing a group tantrum, they gave up and flew away.
When the lady saw the monkeys flying away and was sure they were gone, she raised her hands in the air and the bubble began to shrink. It shrank and shrank until it enveloped only the lady. Then the bubble began to rise in the air taking the lady with it. "Farewell, my fine little munchkin friends," said the lady, as she drifted off in the bubble. "Farewell."
When the lady was out of sight, the munchkins came out of their hiding places and surrounded the mayor.
"Double the money?" said the munchkin finance minister. "We'll be ruined."
"What choice did I have?" said the mayor, mopping his brow with a handkerchief.
"You could have refused."
"And let those monkeys ransack our city and steal our babies? The witch may be a slave-master but she's always protected us; well, most of us anyway."
A shudder went through the crowd as munchkins remembered certain frogs and toads and lizards they knew.
"Do we want to be slaves?" cried the finance minister.
He heard a murmur of yeses and saw a sea of nodding heads.
"Fine!" said the finance minister, crossing his arms in disgust.
"Excuse me," said a voice in the crowd. "Wasn't that Glinda who saved us?"
"No," said the mayor, "that was the witch of the east pretending to be Glinda."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
The munchkins turned toward each other and talked amongst themselves. Some said it was Glinda, some said it was the witch of the east and some thought it was another witch altogether.
"But I thought the witch of the east was dead," said a munchkin.
"We all thought she was dead," said the mayor. "Where is that coroner? Where is he? Hey! Someone bring that ratzen-fratzen coroner over here."
The coroner, who had been standing nervously on the outskirts of the crowd, was dragged forward and tossed head-over-heals in front of the mayor.
"But, but, but, she was dead," said the coroner, as he picked himself up and dusted himself off. "I was sure of it." The finance minister picked up the coroner's hat and handed it back to him.
"Did you really examine the body?" asked the mayor, narrowing his eyes at the coroner. "Did you really?"
"Of course I did," said the coroner, indignantly.
The munchkins began to pelt the coroner with insults. The coroner returned in kind. Things were getting heated and feelings were getting hurt.
"Hold on everybody," said the mayor, raising his hands in the air. "Is the witch's body still under the house?"
The munchkins ran over and surrounded the old wooden house which fell on the witch. The mayor and the coroner knelt down and peered under the house. There was no body.
"But she was there," the coroner insisted. "And she was dead. I would swear to it in court."
"Of course, of course," said the mayor, patting him on the back. "Nobody is blaming you."
Some of the munchkins did blame the coroner and claimed he was incompetent. Others said it was a witch's trick and the coroner shouldn't be blamed. Some didn't know what to think.
"But didn't we see the house fall on the witch?" asked a munchkin.
"Did anybody actually see this house fall on the witch?" asked the mayor. "Anybody? Anybody at all?"
Some said yes and some said no but most agreed it must have been some kind of illusion. The coroner insisted the body was real.
It was the saddest of sad days for the munchkins. They went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in a matter of minutes. A crowd of long faces and slumped shoulders slunk back to various houses and work-places. It's not fun to be under a witch's thumb no matter how safe you are.
Meanwhile…
The witch of the west was perplexed as she listened to the monkey general ooking and eeking out an explanation. "Hmm…" she said, rubbing her long thin green chin, "I didn't think Glinda was that powerful. In fact, I know she isn't. Where did she get that kind of power?"
"Ook, ook ook, ook, eeeeeeeeek!"
"No, no, there's no point in going back. Leave the munchkins alone. There are more important things to see to now. Get your troops ready. I'll have another task for them soon."
The monkey general complained but the witch would not listen. Finally, he gave up and flew out the window.
The witch sat in her chair and brooded. A powerful Glinda makes a formidable foe. Getting those ruby slippers away from that girl was going to be harder than she thought. She stayed awake long into the night devising a plan.
Backing Up…
A large pink bubble drifted over the cornfields and came to rest on the yellow brick road ahead of Dorothy shortly after the girl left Munchkin City. An old hag in a long black dress and hooded cloak appeared on the road. "The girl will need a companion," she said to herself as she looked around. She spotted some old laundry stuffed with straw hanging on a pole. "You'll do nicely," she said, with a smile. "You'll do nicely indeed." The hag walked through the corn until she reached the straw-stuffed laundry then touched the pant-legs and said a few magic words. She quickly moved out of sight as the scarecrow opened its eyes. "Who am I? What am I? Where am I? Why am I?" said the scarecrow. The hag snickered softly to herself.
Not long after, Dorothy came up the yellow brick road followed closely by her dog. The hag watched with interest while the girl and the scarecrow became acquainted. She softly hummed along and moved to the rhythm as they went through their song and dance and set off together down the yellow brick road. The hag came out of her hiding place when Dorothy and the scarecrow were out of sight. Caught up in the happy feelings, she skipped and danced and sang, "We're off to see the wizard. The wonderful Wizard of Oz. Because, because, because, because…" and so on…
Later…
The munchkins ran for cover when they saw a pink bubble floating over Munchkin City. A lady with a pleasant face and long wavy red hair touched down softly on the yellow brick spiral. Her long pink ball gown billowed as she spun around and searched the empty square for signs of life.
"Hello?" she called out. "Is anybody home? I received your distress call. Hello."
"Are you the real Glinda?" yelled the munchkin mayor from his hiding place.
"Am I the real Glinda?" asked the lady. "What kind of question is that?"
"You wouldn't ask if you had seen what we just saw."
"What did you just see?"
"The witch of the east transformed into… well… you. We saw it with our own eyes."
A murmur of assent was heard from the bushes all around.
"The witch of the east?" said the lady. "Isn't she dead?"
"Apparently not," said the mayor.
"Oh my! This is most distressing if true."
"Can you prove that you're the real Glinda?" asked the mayor.
"Can I prove that I am Glinda?" said the lady. "Nobody has ever asked me that before. How can I prove that I am Glinda?"
The munchkins turned toward each other and asked how the lady could prove that she was Glinda. They pondered the question for quite some time. Nobody seemed to have an answer until a munchkin yelled, "Show us your shoes."
"My shoes?" asked the lady. "What in Oz for?"
"The witch was wearing red shoes."
Squeaky munchkin voices from the bushes all around the lady began to chant, "Show us your shoes. Show us your shoes. Show us your shoes..."
"Very well," said the lady, lifting her pink frilly skirt. "See? I'm wearing my pink ballet slippers."
"How do we know you're not hiding the red shoes under your skirt?" yelled a member of the Lollipop League. "There's enough room under there for a whole trunk of shoes."
Some of the adults began to shush him and told him to have some respect. The lady merely tittered.
The mayor left his hiding place and approached the lady. "I apologize, Miss Glinda," he said, with a bow. "I hope you will excuse our behavior. We are very frightened and upset at the moment."
"Quite understandable," said the lady. "It is distressing to think that the witch of the east is alive and impersonating me. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this situation."
"Perhaps we should talk this over, Miss Glinda," said the mayor, graciously. "Come have a seat and allow us to serve you some refreshments."
The lady took a seat on some steps as the munchkins gathered around her. Some of the munchkin ladies brought out tea and cakes. They talked over many things for quite a while.
Later…
The witch of the west watched as Dorothy picked up another companion. "This won't do at all," she said to herself, and set about to scare the girl's new companions away. Her attempts to scare them only made them more determined to stay with the girl; which infuriated the witch. So she flew back to her castle to devise another plan. "I will have those slippers!" said the witch. "And I would have had them already if something or someone wasn't always getting in my way." She paced and muttered and paced and muttered and watched the girl in the crystal ball as she picked up yet another companion. "This just won't do," she said. "This won't do at all. If the girl reaches Emerald City, I won't have a ghost of a chance. I can't fight Glinda and the wizard. What to do. What to do. What to do." She paced and muttered and paced and muttered then stopped and put up a long green boney index finger. "I know," she said. "I'll put them into a deep sleep before they reach the city."
Later, she screamed with rage as another plan was foiled.
Fast forward…
After the people of Emerald City watched the wizard float off in a balloon, Dorothy disappear into thin air and Glinda drift off in a bubble, they set about to install the scarecrow, the tinman and the lion as their leaders; the scarecrow being the prime minister. The ceremony was grand and full of pomp and circumstance. Everybody had a wonderful time.
When all was made official, the scarecrow, the tinman and the lion were shown into a large ornately decorated room where they were to conduct official business. In the center of the room was a long table with chairs all around it. The scarecrow, the tinman and the lion patted each other on the back and congratulated each other as they entered the room. They figured they were in the clover, but their jaws dropped as clerk after clerk brought in stack after stack of official documents and put them on the table. The scarecrow, the tinman and the lion began to have second thoughts when they saw all of the documents, but they were honorable fellows so they sat together at one end of the table and got down to the business of ruling Oz. That's when they noticed an old hag sitting at the other end of the table. The wild eyes peering out from under the hood of her black cloak made her appear quite wicked.
"Who are you?" asked the Scarecrow.
"I'm taking over for the witch of the west," said the hag.
"Taking over?"
"Allow me to demonstrate."
She casually waved a boney hand and a strong wind swept through the room carrying the clerks outside, blowing papers all around and slamming shut the large heavy doors on each side of the room; bam, bam, bam, bam! She pointed her finger at a bowl of fruit in the middle of the table and it burst into flames. She moved her finger toward the ceiling and a small black cloud appeared and rain fell on the fire and put it out while a small lightning bolt hit the Tinman's hat and shocked him. She pointed to where the Lion should have been but he wasn't in his seat; he was cowering under the table. "That's quite sensible of him," said the hag.
"I think we get your point," said the scarecrow. "What is it you want?"
"Oh, I don't want much," said the hag. "Just make sure the money that was going to that other witch comes to me, that's all."
"Money? What money?"
"Didn't you know? Emerald City was paying the witch of the west to stay away."
The scarecrow and the tinman raised their eyebrows at each other.
"Castle upkeep is expensive, don't you know. Not to mention the guards, the monkeys, the…"
"What happens if we don't pay?" asked the scarecrow.
"Oh, the delicious things I could do to your city," said the hag, cackling and rubbing her boney hands together.
"I think we should pay," said the tinman.
"Agreed," said the scarecrow.
The lion grunted under the table.
"Is there anything else we can do for you?" asked the scarecrow.
"You are the new rulers of Oz and I'll leave you to it," said the hag. "I have no interest in ruling, but when I want something I get it, understand?"
The scarecrow and the tinman nodded their heads and the lion grunted again.
"Very good," said the hag.
With the meeting now over, the hag stood up and twirled around and around and transformed into a lady with a pleasant face and long wavy red hair. Her bright pink ball gown and crown dazzled the two fellows sitting at the table.
"Hey," said the surprised scarecrow, "aren't you…? Who are you?"
"I can be whoever I want to be," said the lady. "A tinman." She transformed into a tinman and made a racket on her hollow chest. "A scarecrow." She transformed into a scarecrow and stumbled around on unsteady legs. "A lion." She transformed into a lion and leaped onto the table and roared a mighty roar; causing the scarecrow and the tinman to jump out of their seats and race to a door. Unfortunately, the door was locked. The lion under the table left a little something extra for the cleaning people to clean up. "The Wicked Witch of the West," said the lady, and became an ugly green-faced witch; cackling and flying around the room on a broomstick. "Or anyone," she said, lightly touching down on the floor in the form of a lady with a pleasant face and long red hair wearing a pink ball gown and crown and holding a wand in her hand.
"Farewell, my friends," she said, smiling sweetly. "Rule Oz well; with wisdom, kindness and courage." She spread out her arms and the doors flew open. "Your clerks will know where to send the money so don't forget." She waved her wand, enveloped herself in a bubble and rose up off of the floor. "Farewell, my friends. Until we meet again," she said, and floated out the window.
The scarecrow and the tinman looked at each other and realized they were in way over their heads.
Later…
A large pink bubble drifted over the western part of Oz and floated through a window in the witch's castle. The bubble landed softly on the stone floor and an old hag with a withered face, wild deep-set eyes and long stringy gray hair appeared in its place. She made a few adjustments to her long black dress and cloak then wandered around the room and looked at all the witch's things. "She was careless," said the hag, running her bony fingers over the crystal ball. "She let her anger get the best of her." The hag hummed a merry tune as she gazed around the room. "This place is so dark and gloomy. Now that it's mine, I think I'll lighten it up and air it out."
"Not so fast," said a voice from the shadows.
"Oh?" said the hag, twirling around to see who had spoken.
The witch of the west came out from her hiding place and stalked toward the hag. "It was very clever of you to send me on a wild goose chase," said the witch, pointing a boney green finger at the hag. "I never would have thought a good witch would pull a stunt like that."
"You?" said the hag. "I thought you were dead."
"Ha!" said the witch, waving a hand dismissively. "Just a simple melt through the floor trick. Easy as pie."
"I see. A melt through the floor trick. That would explain it. But why?"
"Why? Why?" yelled the witch. "I'll tell you why. I knew you would come here if you thought I was dead and I wasn't going to go traipsing all over Oz looking for you."
"Really? Why didn't you just come to my castle on the eastern border?"
The witch narrowed her eyes. "You mean the northern border."
"I think you're getting your directions mixed up."
"Stop with the act already," yelled the witch. "You're not fooling anybody."
"So," said the hag, ignoring the witch. "I'm here now. What do you want?"
"What do I want?" screamed the witch, waving her arms around wildly. "What do I want? I'll tell you what I want! I want those ruby slippers! Give them to me now!"
"These slippers?" said the hag, lifting her skirt and pointing at her feet.
"Of course those slippers. What do you think I'm talking about? Are you dense?"
"Oh, okay."
The hag bent over and reached toward her feet while the witch looked on eagerly.
"Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee…" laughed the hag. "You should see your face. You thought I was serious. Eee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee…"
The witch, who had no sense of humor, was furious. "Give me those slippers!" she screamed. "Give them to me now or you'll get an all-out war!"
"Oh poo," said the hag. "You know you'll never defeat me as long as I have these slippers."
The witch crossed her arms and glared at the hag while the hag put a hand over her mouth and snickered.
"Very well," said the witch. "I'll try a different approach. What if I hurt some people you care about? The munchkins perhaps?"
"Ha!" said the hag. "You think I care about the munchkins?"
"We'll see," said the witch. "We'll see. I think you're bluffing. Still, I have another card to play."
"Oh? What card might that be?"
"Let me put it this way, Glinda: It would destroy your reputation if people found out what you've been up to."
"That won't work."
"Why not?"
"Because, as you can very well see, I'm your sister."
"Tut, tut, Glinda, I know who you are. You can't fool me. Now give me what I want or I'll tell all of Oz that Miss Goody-Two-Shoes has gone bad."
"I won't," said the hag, as she twirled around and around and transformed into a lady with a pleasant face and long wavy red hair wearing a pink ball gown and crown and holding a wand in her hand. "Nobody will believe you." She waved her wand and enveloped herself in a large pink bubble. "Everyone knows Glinda is a good witch," she said, and floated out the window.
The witch of the west shook her fist and screamed with rage as she watched the lady in the bubble drift away.
Later…
A large pink bubble settled down near the entrance to a pink fairytale castle on the northern border of Oz. One hundred servants, dressed in fancy pink uniforms, lined the halls as a lady with long wavy red hair made her way through the castle. Her long pink ball gown swept along the floor as she greeted her servants with a benign smile and kind words. When she reached her pink bedroom, decorated with fancy pink furniture, she removed her ball gown and crown and put on some pink pajamas and a pink robe. Then she sat down at her large ornate desk, removed her diary from a secret compartment, unlocked the book, turned to a blank page and wrote:
I'm having more fun than I've ever had. These ruby slippers are more powerful than I ever imagined. I can feel the magic pulsating through me. What a wonderful feeling of exhilaration. Being good all the time is so tedious and boring. Now I can indulge my naughtier side and nobody need ever know. There are so many ways I can use my new found power and abilities. A whole new world has opened up for me. I am happy the western witch is still alive. Tormenting her is going to be so much fun. I'm feeling so much excitement. I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight. Tomorrow cannot come soon enough.
The lady smiled as she reread the words. She closed and locked the book and put it back inside the secret compartment in the desk. "Glinda," she said, with a giggle, "Oz is all yours."
The End