Note from Zee Techie: So, I finished my other drinking story and decided to do this one! *grins* You see, what would happen if you mixed alcohol with…? Oh, you thought I'd tell you! Shame on you readers, shame on you!
Special Thanks: To all the minions and minion-mods who were talking about drinking and (other info has been removed as it was a spoiler). Silly, even you guys aren't that special to know what's going on. *grins*
Disclaimer: *looks at Romantically Apocalyptic* Nope.
WARNING! The following fan fiction was written by an insane person. Some content might not be suitable for all ages or those who are lightweights. This story just might consist of: Drinking, alcohol, drunk minions, silly antics, more alcohol, the Captain and his minions singing, more drinking, drunk induced romances, Snippy getting put in a rather uncomfortable position, more drinking AND alcohol, total disregard for pain, Pilot having fun with a new game, Engie being a priest and screwing up the bible…have I mentioned drinking? *looks back* Okay, I think you all get the point.
…
Everything was so big.
It was like a giant playground filled with more adventures than you could count. As long as you were fearless, nothing was impossible. At least that was what he thought as he zipped around the wastelands, airplane noises coming from inside his gas mask. The Captain had sent him on an important mission: build a flying machine. The first one had failed since it ended in Snippy being eaten.
'I don't see what was wrong with that! That shoe deserved it! Me and the Captain could have been together forever!' The aviator thought angrily, 'He doesn't even play any of our games right…the jiggly slug!'
Pilot couldn't stop his string of evil thoughts about the marksman as he continued zipping around. But so far nothing looked like they'd make a decent flying machine. Behind his mask a pout formed on his lips, "The Captain will be disappointed if I fail him! No! I can't allow that to happen!"
Abandoning his airplane like state he started dashing around trying to find something, anything. He managed to wander into the remains of a gated community. Jumping from house to house he tried to find anything parts he could use but they were all useless, "The Captain with think this unacceptable! And then he'll like that jiggly shoe more than me! The Captain is mine!"
He reached the final house and found that it was more intact than the rest. Wandering through the remnants of each room he still hadn't stumbled upon anything to build his Captain's flying machine. As he reached the kitchen he tripped and fell onto his back with a hard thud, disturbing the ash that had settled. He sat up rubbing the back of his head and looked at what he tripped on.
It was a bottle of sorts.
Reached forward and grabbing it he looked it over. It was a green colored bottle with a worn off label. He scratched his head and looked around, wondering where it could have come from. Rising to his feet and ripped the kitchen apart looking for more of the pretty bottles. But there were none to be seen, "Maybe it's the only one?"
As he walked out of the kitchen he found a door that he hadn't opened yet. Hesitantly he cracked the door open and found a pair of stairs leading down. Walking down he could smell something strange, it burned but it smelled sweet. When he finally made it to the bottom he found the walls were lined with all sorts of bottles varying in shape, size and color.
"What's all this? The Captain needs to see this!" Pilot shouted as he ran up the stairs and out of the house, "Captain! Captain!"
…
"Captain!" He shouted as he made his way inside, "Captain?"
When he reached the base he found Captain sitting on Snippy's back looking rather content, "What is it, Pilot?"
"I found something!" The minion cried happily.
"Is it perhaps my flying machine? A plasma powered horse? Oh! Perhaps it is a unicorn?" The Captain ranted on. Engie shook his head and turned to the aviator.
"What did you find, Chris?" The Engineer asked.
"I found a room filled with these!" Pilot held up the bottle for all to see. Gromov became curious and walked over, taking the bottle he looked it over, "What is it?"
Alexander didn't know what to expect as he cracked open the bottle and inhaled but it certainly wasn't that, "Its booze…and not the cheap shit either. Where the hell did you find alcohol intact?"
"I found lots of them in a downstairs room while trying to hunt down a flying machine for the almighty Captain!" Pilot proclaimed happily, "Did I do a good job?"
"I think you did a marvelous job." Engie said as he pulled his gas mask down and took a swig. It burned so good going down, "Oh, that's good vodka. It's been too freaking long..."
"Hmm, I think it is time we all had a break." Captain pondered, "Pilot, lead us to this room of alcohol!"
Pilot saluted as a grin spread across his face, "Yes, sir!"
…
Alexander felt like he was in heaven as he found the rows of vodka, thanking whatever higher being above for his newfound bounty. Sniper browsed through and pulled down a clear bottle filled with green liquid, "I wouldn't drink that, Charles."
"So says the man who had an orgasm over vodka." The Sniper remarked as he opened the bottle and sniffed, "Smells good."
"It's absinthe. Some people call it the green fairy." Alexander commented as he pulled down another bottle of vodka, "Chocolate vodka? Sweet mother…I'm home!"
Sniper rolled his eyes and sipped from the bottle in his hands. He shook his head as it went down, "Oh fuck! That is…that's good!"
The Captain had removed his facial gear and was sporting a bottle of peppermint schnapps. He took sips at first but soon the whole bottle was gone. He tossed it to the side and grabbed another, "I must say, it is good to relax with mein minions!"
Pilot didn't quite see the appeal at first until Gromov tossed him a bottle, "What is it?"
"It's lemonade with vodka in it. Probably more suitable for since its sweet, won't burn as much when it goes down." Gromov said as he took a seat on the ground, downing his second bottle before grabbing another. Pilot glanced over and saw Snippy was drinking a second bottle of the green stuff. When he looked in another direction he saw his Captain humming as he drank another bottle.
Why not join in the fun?
Pilot pulled off his gas mask and cracked open the bottle, taking a few sips. His green eyes brightened and he chugged the whole bottle.
It was going to be a fun night.
…
Bottles littered the floor.
The Captain was lying on the floor, head in Engie's lap, singing "I joined zee force and rose through the ranks! Became Captain of a squad, ever so merrily! Now I have minions of my own, zey zee Captain…"
Pilot joined in, "What will I be?"
Snippy couldn't resist, "Will I survive?"
Engie laughed, "How will we live?"
"I tell zem tenderly. Que sera, sera…Whatever I say, will be. Zee future is mine to forge, do not question me!" The Captain sang proudly as he raised his half empty bottle to the sky.
Engie leaned down and buried his face into those purple locks, "You are a wonderful…singer, Seven."
"Danke, Engie!" Captain proclaimed, "You know what we should do? Play dress up!"
"It's not fun if we use each others'!" Snippy whined as he rolled around on the floor, "And I don't wanna wear Alex's clothes!"
"Not like yours are any better, Charles." Alex snorted.
"Pilot, go see if you can find clothes upstairs!" Captain ordered with a high pitched giggle. The aviator rose to feet, stumbling a bit and began to struggle up the stairs. He wandered around the house and even found more stairs leading up.
"Weeee~" He shouted as he ran up the stairs, tripping on the last one and face planting into the floor, "That was fun! Do it again!"
He rose to his feet and began his adventure, he stumbled upon a room. It was somewhat intact but still ruined. He walked over to another door and opened it, there were clothes inside. He grinned and began to grab everything he could carry, "Captain will be so pleased with me!"
He tried to be as careful as possible going down both sets of stairs, not wanting to destroy his finds. When he made back into the basement he found Engie nuzzling his Captain lovingly. The purple haired German didn't look bothered by it. He actually looked content with the affections he was receiving, "Captain, I have returned with what you requested!"
Purple irises stared at his aviator minion and grinned. He rose to his feet unsteadily with much protest from Engie, "Excellent job, Pilot!"
The flyer dropped the clothes onto the floor and they all sifted through them. Snippy picked up a white wedding dress and snorted, "This dress is huge! I think it belonged to a man!"
Engie snickered as he picked up black robes and a white plastic collar, "I think someone enjoyed imaging a wedding. What fool would willingly dress as a priest?"
Captain was sifting through and found a top hat, "Ah! This is fancy!"
He placed it on Pilot's head and grinned, "A good look for you, my minion!"
Pilot grinned and picked up a monocle, placing it over his eye, "I feel like a sir!"
"Alright, you know what…I'm trying this on." Engie said as he stumbled over to a corner and started tossing his own clothes aside. He pulled on the shirt and pants before putting on the robes. Getting the white plastic collar around his neck was proving to be problematic when he couldn't tell heads or tails of anything with his own hands.
Pilot grabbed a tuxedo and grinned. He managed to find his own little corner away from the group before undressing and putting on the new clothes. He heard the Captain talking to Snippy, "You should try zat dress! It brings out your eyes!"
He glanced over his shoulder and saw that the jiggly slug was blushing a bit before mumbling about being in a dress and hiding behind a stack of boxes. The Captain hadn't found anything he liked so he remained in his own clothes, "There is nothing here zat can handle my fabulousness and sense of fashion!"
When they all emerged they couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably. Pilot had to admit that Snippy didn't look all that bad in a dress, even for a man, "Captain, are you sure you don't wanna parta-…patici-…join in?"
"I'm fine, my minion! No reason to fret! I will request a performance and judge it!" The Captain said, "Make it something good!"
"We're dressed for a wedding…" Engie slurred, "Alright! Pilot, grab your weirdo bride!"
The aviator couldn't stop the grin from spreading as he grabbed Snippy's arm and pulled him close, standing before Engie. The man picked up an abandoned bible and opened it.
"Dearly…people who are alive and present. We are gathered here in the sight of whatever is watching us above and in the presence of our Captain to join Pilot and Mr. Snippy in some holy, screwed up joining. Uh…something about beseeching…crap about the father of the bride…something about a house…oh! Here we go!" Engie cleared his throat and grinned, "Do you Pilot take Mr. Snippy as your wife? Love…comfort…sick and health…all that?"
Pilot grinned and nodded, "Yeah!"
"And do you Mr. Snippy take Pilot as your husband? Love…comfort…sick and health…all that?"
"Sure." Mr. Snippy said with a shrug.
"Then by the power I have invested in myself…I say let's end this crack marriage. Pilot you can kiss your bride!" Engie said as he tossed the book over his shoulder. Pilot turned to Mr. Snippy and a sinister smile came over his lips. The marksman looked concerned and let out a yelp as he grabbed. Pilot dipped Snippy close to the ground and kissed him. When they pulled away Pilot nuzzled Snippy's nose.
Engie walked over and sat on the Captain's lap, "That…that was a conv-…conver-…serious kiss for a game."
"You are zee jealous minion." Captain said with a playful smirk as he kissed the top of Engie's head, "Silly, Alex."
Pilot lifted Snippy off the floor and into his arms, "There's a bed upstairs! We call dibs!"
The two watched as the aviator stumbled up the stairs all the while trying not to drop Mr. Snippy. The marksman has buried his face into the flyer's neck, hiding the obvious blush about being carried off.
He never saw the accomplished smile on Pilot's face.
'You're mine now forever, you shoe. Now the Captain can't have you.'
…
End Note from Zee Techie: I scared myself with this one. Especially the end; I think I made Pilot a little…devious. Sorry if any of you were offended by Engie's rendition of the wedding vows. It was just too easy to do since he was drunk!
Leave a review and tell me how I did!