Disclaimer: I don't own any of the people in this story, apart from the ones I do. You should be able to work out which ones they are. (Hint: The ones Owen Colfer wasn't smart enough to think of. *rumble* Ok, I take it back!

Prologue

(A newspaper report)

Human Baby in Haven!

Today it was revealed that a young human, only 18 months (very young, even for a mud person) had managed to get into Haven! It is thought that the child had crawled into the shuttle at Tara and made its way down to Haven. Due to the baby's elf like appearance and slightly pointed ears, she was mistaken for a lost elf. The centaur Foaly found her in an alleyway and took her back to his house. He looked after her for 6 months, before realising that she showed no signs of magic and was quite tall for an elf. He ran some scans and was shocked to find out that the young girl, named River, was a human. She wasn't mind wiped, as humans are already forgetful and a young child has very bad memory. As she learnt to speak Gnommish, learnt to walk and use computers very well, it would be destructive to her advancement to mind wipe her. Foaly insists he taught her very repeatedly to not pollute, so hopefully that's one less mud man that will try and destroy the planet.

Foaly sighed and stopped reading the newspaper report form several years ago. Despite all the amazing technology fairies had, some fairies still preferred actual newspapers, rather than the amazing v-papers he had invented. He was so unappreciated. He was annoyed that the L.E.P had made him get rid of River. He'd named her River after his favourite kind of music called River Bend. He'd known from the start that River was human, but he'd hoped no one else would. It was that annoying Grub who had been worried about River and hassled Foaly into doing the tests, and then had told Commander Root. Root went ballistic, well more than usual, and had docked Foaly's pay for 'being so stupid that he didn't know what a mud whelp looked like'. But Foaly wasn't stupid. He knew that. He was a genius and he had had a plan. It was a genius plan, but as Root was so fond of saying, there are two ways of looking at genius, amazing or so goddamn stupid that not even goblins would do it.

The plan was so amazing that it easily could be mistaken for goddamn stupid, but Foaly knew which one it was. However, his plan was undoubtedly illegal, so he hadn't told anyone. Not even Holly. He wanted to fairies to take orphaned babies, and raise them as fairies, then when they were adults, tell them the truth and let them choose what to do. Soon, they would have had a lot of fairy-humans and they would be able to convince other humans to stop pollution. River had given Foaly the idea.

But when everyone had found out about River, his plan had been foiled before it had even started. Foaly had tried keeping tabs on River, but when Root had caught him for the tenth time, he all out banned anything to do with River.

'I wonder where River is now?' thought Foaly. Just then, his communicator beeped. "Hello Holly!" he said when her face appeared in the screen. She was smiling stupidly and her eyes were a little unfocused.

"Hi!" she said. "Can I come over? I have an idea of something to do. It will be hilarious!" Her voice was slightly slurred.

"Ok," said Foaly. "Come over in ten minutes. By the way, are you drunk?"

" Yeah, I think I am. Trouble had a birthday party for Grub, but only me, Trouble, Grub, Vinyaya, Chix and Grub's Mum came. Grub had invited half the L.E.P!" laughed Holly. "Grub even invited Root! He-he, Roots face! Anyway, the party was so boring and Grub's mum is was so annoying and we had to play pass the blooming parcel and Grub cried because I didn't wear a dress (I don't think he knows Vinyaya is a girl) so eventually Trouble got out some booze and hid it in the coke and me, Chix and Trouble got wasted. Vinyaya was too busy trying to open the parcel. Then Grub tried to get some coke and his mum saw what we put in the coke so we got kicked out and Chix tried to kiss me and now he's in a bin. And by the way I'm already here!" she knocked on the door to prove it. Foaly only listened to less than half of Holly's rambling but finally heard her knock. Grumbling about common sense and how Holly needed a shot of it, he opened the door. "What is it then?" he asked. "It's going to be epic," confided a giggling Holly. Foaly felt worried then. Holly was not the giggling sort. Grub's mum must be really bad if she made Holly drink that much. "But lets discuss it indoors," continued Holly. "I have a feeling it might not be legal…"

A/N: Yay, my first fic! Please review! Please! Alhough the pysical appearance of the please doesn't matter (quote from who knows where) PRETTY PLEASE! If you are the first reviewer, please don't flame. If you aren't then set me alight if you feel the need. However, I will only pay real attention to constructive critisism, so you could be wasting your wood. I really want to know what people think, good or bad?

Yours,

Until Bob Banana is the PM