Next week on the most dramatic season finale of Happily Ever After in history, our suitor Larry must choose between his final two ladies, the lovely Polly, and the dazzling Piper. For one of these women, true love awaits, for the other – heartbreak.

Nicky Nichols pushed her wild hair out of her face and unceremoniously leaned across the coffee table to grab another beer. "Do you believe this shit, Vause? A bunch of bimbos all sucking the same D, claiming to be looking for love. It's trash."

"True. But it's addicting trash, and you're just jealous that you're not the one with all the bimbos." Alex replied, not taking her green eyes off the stunning girl on the TV in front of her. "Plus that blonde one is pretty hot." The raven haired woman added, almost under her breath, finally making eye contact with her friend as the show cut to a commercial.

"You know me too well." Nicky conceded to her best friend of twenty years. "Seriously, if Lorna wasn't a producer, there is no way I'd watch this shit."

"Good point. Hey, being your girlfriend is a big hot shot over there, think she can get me on next season, so I can have all the lovely ladies?" Alex slid her black-rimmed glasses slightly down her nose to peer over them and seductively raise an eyebrow at Nicky.

"Mmmm… Not a chance. You know as well as I do that the runner up has it in the bag. In this case, it's going to be that dead-eyed brunette. And as far as being one of the suitors? Well you're missing a certain appendage between your legs to land that gig, and your strap-on isn't going to do the job."

Alex almost choked on her drink. "Bullshit. This is the 21st century. Why can't they have a gay bachelor? Hell, I'd be happy with a bisexual one. Round up some hot guys and hot girls – parade them around in their bathing suits for the lead. That's ratings gold right there, Nic! Appeal to a wider audience. And let the record show that my strap-on always does the job."

"Calm down, Sasquatch. You may actually be on to something. I'll run that by Lorna when she gets home tonight."

Alex started laughing and choking on her drink again. "Geez, Nic. I didn't realize you needed my help in that particular department. But what are friends for?"

"Fuck you. I meant the Bi-Bachelorette. That's a show I'd watch."

"Oh my Godddd, Piperrrr! I can't believe our plan worked and Larry is going to propose next week!" Polly gushed, her excitement bubbling out of every pore. The copious amounts of champagne, and bottomless drinks consumed at the cocktail party that evening were also to blame.

"Jesus, Pol. Will you shut the fuck up?! There are cameras everywhere – if one of the producers hears you, we're screwed." Piper whispered back harshly. But in all honesty, she couldn't believe it either. Just a few short months ago, Piper Chapman had started dating Larry Bloom. He was your typical nice guy, from a nice family, but left Piper wishing he had a bit of an edge, or sense of adventure. She continued to go out with him, because her upbringing taught her that he was the type of guy her parents would undoubtedly approve of. After two weeks of mediocre dates, Larry dropped the bomb that he was going to be the lead on a local reality dating show. He admitted that although he really liked Piper, and could definitely see a future with her, he had applied for this opportunity before they met and was excited to see where it would lead. Piper was completely appalled by the idea, at first. Those TV shows were a waste of time and none of the relationships seemed real, or ever worked out. To prove this point, Larry explained that as the lead, he could discreetly pull some strings and have Piper star as one of the eligible bachelorettes on the show. However, as she mulled it over, she realized the situation could not be more ideal. Her best friend Polly had been batting her eyelashes at Larry ever since Piper had introduced them. And Larry didn't seem too bothered by the extra attention from the brunette. Piper knew that Larry wasn't the one for her, but maybe he was the one for Polly. In her mind, it was a win-win: she would get Larry off her back, and wouldn't have to troll endless Happy Hours as Polly's wingwoman. She easily convinced him to have herself and Polly entered on the show, and figured that she would at least get the chance to meet some other cool girls, maybe a nice palate cleanser after Larry. For years, Piper knew she wasn't straight – but she wasn't a full-blown lesbian either. She had dated her fair share of both guys and girls, but made sure to only bring the boys home to her WASPy, impossible to please family.

Fast forward to Larry eliminating the other contestants one by one, until only Polly and Piper remained. At this point, Polly and Larry were completely in love with each other, and Piper only existed as a formality. She was genuinely happy for (but also a little bit sick of) her friends, and just couldn't wait for the season to be over. Sure, she had hooked up with a few of the more adventurous girls when the mics and cameras were off, but after witnessing her best friend fall in love, a part of her wanted the same thing. She couldn't wait for her final scene to be filmed – the highly anticipated break up. Throughout the season, Piper had to come across as the nice, blonde lady from Connecticut – the good girl next door who was trying to win Larry's heart. It was a challenge, because as the weeks went on, Larry only served to repulse her more and more. Now she had to crush that image, so the audience would rally behind Polly, and watch her ride off into the sunset with Larry.

"I like hot girls. I like hot boys. What can I say? I'm shallow."

"Holy shit, Vause. Blondie here is your soul mate." Nicky watched wide-eyed as fan favorite Piper casually stomped all over Larry's heart and revealed to the audience that she was bisexual. "She just verbally junk-punched Barry so hard. On TV." For his part, Larry teared up a little, and looked almost hurt as Piper climbed into the waiting limo. Shortly after, he would dry his eyes, straighten his tie, and propose to Polly with an over the top engagement ring, chosen by Larry but purchased by the network.

Alex couldn't help but laugh at Nicky's obsession. Sure, the blonde was gorgeous and if Alex had the chance to meet Piper in real life, she would have her eating out of the palm of her hand. At the same time, she felt something pull at her inside. She wanted to meet Piper, learn more about her – her likes, dislikes, loves, turn on's, turn off's. Alex had to stop before she started picturing their future together. Despite the name, reality TV was not real life, and Alex resigned herself to the fact that she would never meet the blue-eyed, 27-year old, Smith alumni, book editor from Connecticut who she may have spent hours stalking on every form of social media she could get her hands on.

"Yea, yea, laugh all you want Vause, but who's going to laughing when blue-eyed, 27-year old, Smith alumni, book editor Piper Chapman from Connecticut is the one making the cuts next season." Alex's laughter was abruptly cut off as she realized she must have been thinking out loud. There was no way Nicky knew all of that about Piper.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Nic?" Alex tried and failed sound nonchalant as she sat up a little straighter on Nicky's couch.

"Oh shit." Was the only response Alex got. It wasn't enough. Nicky tried to distract Alex by offering to get her another drink from the kitchen.

"Nicky! What the actual fuck?!"

"Ok, ok, geez. Your wet dream here is going to be the lead next season. And she's going to be the first in the history of the show to have guys and girls to choose from. No one knows. No one has even auditioned yet. Lorna broke the news to me this morning before she left for work. Apparently your idea wasn't so bad." Nicky explained, almost feeling guilty for spilling the confidential details to Alex.

"Nichols. You need to get me on that show."