Collaboration from griever11 and jstar1382

Accrual World

Set sometime in Season 1

Beckett steps out of the conference room and her eye twitches when she spots him, annoyance building within her. Castle's slouched in the chair next to her desk, looking far too comfortable in the precinct than he ever has the right to be.

He ignores her as she walks up, eyes trained on the phone in his hand, fingers flying over the keypad. She clears her throat but he doesn't react, so she bumps into him on purpose when she slides into her own seat. Her shoulder connects with his and he tilts a little to the right but otherwise remains uncharacteristically silent.

"Castle, what are you doing here? We don't have a case."

At her question, he finally looks up, blinking dumbly at her. He pockets his phone and his lips curl upwards in what he probably thinks is his most charming smile.

It's not.

"Uh, observing you hard at work, Detective. You know, for my research." He shoots her a wink, causing her blood to boil. "And sometimes you don't call me even when you do have a dead body so I thought it'd be best if I stopped by. Just in case."

The temptation to throw something at his head is overwhelming but she refrains and instead settles on giving him a stern glare. "Well, I'm just doing paperwork today. And I've told you staring at me is creepy so you should just go home."

He holds her gaze for while but he caves eventually and sighs. "Okay, fine, you're right paperwork is boring. As soon as my accountant calls me, I'll be out of your hair."

It's her turn to blink at him in confusion and she narrows her eyes at him.

"Your accountant? Are you actually on top of things and filing your return a month before the deadline? Do you even have a W2? I thought hotshots like you typically filed extensions since you're too busy to worry about mundane activities…"

She lets her sentence trail off because there's now a dangerous glint in his gaze and that never usually bodes well for her.

"Why Detective Beckett, who knew you were such a tax expert? Another layer to the Beckett onion, I see! Should I even bother with an accountant, maybe you can file them for me. We can get together, you'd be the perfect person to teach me a thing or two about the value of appreciating assets," he says, leering as he shifts his head to run his eyes suggestively down her body.

When his eyes meet hers again, his eyebrows are dancing. "Or maybe if you need help with yours, I can have a look at your spread...sheet."

Beckett bites down on her bottom lip. It's taking everything in her to stop herself from physically hurting him. She has a pile of work to get through, and he, as usual, is being the most unhelpful distraction. She doesn't have time for his games.

Sighing, she turns back to the mountain of reports, ignoring Castle. "I'll have you know that my return is already finished. I don't need your help, and I do not want to help you, so thanks but no thanks."

"Well, that's a shame." He leans forward, scooting closer to her, chair scraping against the floorboards. "We could uh, could have analyzed how rising interest has affected the growth of my assets."

Did he just?

He's smirking. He did. He so did. The smug, smarmy bast-

"My financial assets, of course," he clarifies. He winks at her and she's sure he absolutely isn't talking about his financial assets.

She groans, dropping her pen. "Castle!"

"I mean, I can send you a copy of my projections, though they may be too large for your inbox..."

Oh God.

Slamming her palms on her desk, she pushes her chair away from her table and glares at him. She's not going to get any work done with him around, and especially in the kind of mood that he's in.

Lifting herself from her chair, she makes a beeline to the break room. If she has to deal with his nonsense for any longer, she may as well have some caffeine to get her through it.

"Where are you going, Detective? Are my assets too hot for you to handle?" He calls after her, scrambling to his feet.

"I'll have you know, Castle." She faces him, stopping him dead in his tracks to stare him down. "I will not be handling any of your assets - financial or otherwise!"

She turns on her heels toward the break room, hoping she's made it clear it's the end of that particular discussion. Unfortunately for her, Castle seems undeterred as he joins her in her quest for coffee.

"Oooh, you know when you use words like that, I can't help but picture you in a pencil skirt and glasses. All buttoned up and proper - almost like a naughty secretary, but better. Naughty accountant, because your brain, Detective, is one hot commodity."

Her eyes slam shut at his statement, jaw clenched in exasperation. She counts to ten beneath her breath until a little bit of the irritation melts away. Making a conscious decision to ignore his fancy espresso machine, she opts instead to get her dose of caffeine from the old half-filled coffee pot.

She might regret it later, but she's not going to give him the satisfaction of watching her use his stupid, overpriced, completely unnecessary addition to the break room. She'll just...double back and get the far superior coffee when he leaves.

Beckett holds back a shudder as she sips on the watery liquid, peering at the writer over the lip of her favorite mug. "What has gotten into you today anyway? I mean, you're typically over the top, but this is a new level, even for you."

"I was bored. So while I was waiting, I searched for dirty accounting puns online. The internet is a wealth of knowledge."

"Knowledge is one way of putting it."

"Come on. Beckett, these are funny!" Castle reaches for his phone and waves it in front of her face, screen lit, before turning it back towards him.

"Doubtful."

"Okay. How about this…" He moves to stand right next to her, propping his hip against the countertop, invading her personal space. "Why don't we go back to my place and I'll let you audit the performance of my staff?"

"Wow. That's -"

"Great! I mean my tax guy must get laid all of the time with these lines."

"Yes, I'm sure as a self respecting professional, he constantly spouts off sexual innuendos at his clients."

"Touché, but it doesn't mean the lines are any less funny."

"Let me look at this." She reaches for his phone, scrolling through the list of cheesy puns, each one worse than before. It's almost like this list was made for people like Castle. "'Technically having sex with me is a charitable gift'? Oh my God! Castle, these are awful."

"I'll have you know, Beckett. There's nothing charitable about it, I'd offer my services without the deduction."

"You need help." She rolls her eyes at him, brushing him off, leaving him to smirk to himself as she walks back toward her pile of paperwork.

"I do, actually. And if you're offering, I could use a consultation on my rather large endowment."

"Castle, keep you and your large endowment away from me."

"So we agree that it's large?" He smiles with a wink, sinking down into his chair.

She growls, but she's finding it hard to hold back her laughter. As infuriating as he is, these lines are so ridiculous they're slightly amusing. As much as she hates to admit it, she's letting him get under her skin.

"No. But we can agree that I need to get back to work and you need to shut up before someone overhears your nonsense."

"Fine. I'll be a good boy until my accountant calls."

Beckett squints at him for a second before turning to focus back on the files on her desk.

"I'll believe that when I see -" She's cut off by the sound of his phone ringing and she offers him a knowing look as he answers it. "Looks like you've been saved from being good."

Castle stands up, speaking hurriedly into his phone. He pauses once he's donned his sports coat, and raises his other hand to cover the mouthpiece. "You promise you'll call me if a body drops?"

She sighs, exhaling loudly. But he stays there, standing awkwardly in the middle of the bullpen, an expectant look on his face.

Oh, fine.

"Yeah, Castle. You can ac-count on it."

The End

Thanks for reading everyone! xoxo

A/N:

jstar1382: I'm sorry. Haha. This was probably the most insane thing I've written but I laughed the entire time so it was worth it.

griever11: This was a wonderful collaboration. Jill's so much more than a dominatrix. Who knew? (edit from jstar1382- narrows eyes at Esther)