A/N: I know review alerts are definitely not working, and I have no idea if author alerts suffer from the same jinx, but I still wanted to post this missing scene now. This is an outtake from the ellipsis between chapters 26 and 27 in my AH fic If You Were Mine – it starts right where chapter 26 left off, but from Bella's POV. Reviews are exactly my brand of heroin, just in case you forgot. Regular update in a few days – stay tuned despite the lack of alerts!
The Right Choice
I kept sitting there long after he had left. My hand was still in my lap, the spot his lips had touched still tingling. The intensity of the emotion this tiny gesture inflicted overwhelmed me. Something within me stirred, and those thoughts that kept me awake the night before came rushing back. A part of me wanted to hurry after him, to grab his hand and throw myself into his arms, but there was another part, the more sensible part, who forced to restrain that impulsive creature within me, to make her see reason. I had to keep my priorities in the right order. I had more important things to attend to just now, like my mother's wedding.
But despite my obligation to my mom and to this wedding, my mind was a complete mess. I couldn't believe he actually came here, I still didn't know how he did, but right now it didn't matter. He left the choice in my hands now, and the next step was completely up to me. I'd already come clean with myself about the way I felt for him. He was right; I was afraid, but only because I feared he'd never been mine to begin with. But now… him being here, saying what he said… it changed everything.
"Bella?"
I started, and squinted into the semi-darkness of the gazebo. My mom was standing in front of me, watching me with concern. She smiled when our eyes met, probably a response to the terrified expression on my face. Then she came to sit next to me on the stone bench, in the opposite spot to the one Edward had occupied a short time ago.
"Why are you hiding here?"
"I'm not hiding."
"Where's Edward?"
The sound of his name made my heart beat faster. It was dark enough for her not to see me blush. "He, umm, just left."
"Did you clear things out?" I stared at her incredulously. Her sharp instincts shouldn't come as such a surprise to me anymore, but somehow they always had. Now wasn't an exception. She shrugged, smiling her motherly smile. "I figured this was why he showed up here, and why you were so reluctant to see him." Her grin widened an inch with what seemed to be anticipation. "I hope the trip paid off, from wherever he came."
Oh, shoot. She still didn't know. "He's from Forks," I admitted sheepishly, and kind of fretfully. She seemed fond of him in the brief moment they'd shared. I wondered if this new piece of information would make any difference.
Her lips twitched in a different sort of smile. Then she sniggered. "Does Charlie know?"
"No, and please let me tell him." The worst thing that could possibly happen was Renée telling Charlie about all this. Just thinking about it made me shudder.
"So there is something to tell?" she pressed me.
"I'm thinking about it," I replied, trying very hard not to look at her.
"Do you care to hear what your wise old mother thinks?"
I wasn't sure I did, but I knew I didn't have a choice. I sighed and looked up at her. Already I didn't like what I found in her eyes. This amused glint had always made me stay on my guard.
"I think this boy is in love with you."
Of course, I was right. "Mom…"
"Baby, he came all the way down here to see you. Whatever it is that happened, can't you solve it?"
"Like I said, I'm thinking about it." I'd already made up my mind, sort of, but it felt kind of strange to talk about it with her when she didn't have all the details. It was one of few things I hadn't shared with her. It was odd not to have her involved in every aspect of my life. I was so used to have her around whenever problems came up, but I was on my own in this. It was solely my problem, my choice. This realization made me somewhat giddy, in a way I couldn't explain.
"You'd better forgive him. He's probably been through hell to get here."
I gaped at her. "Why are you on his side? You don't even know him."
For a moment, she seemed at loss. "Well, I… I guess… He… sort of reminds me of… of me, I guess, following your dad to that godforsaken town."
"And look where it got you," I said without thinking, and immediately regretted it.
She didn't look hurt. "I got you. And you're the best thing that ever happened to me." She paused and took my hand. Her eyes were unusually serious when they met mine again. "I know what scares you, honey, but we're different. You're so much more sensible than I was in your age. There's a reason I call you Baby, you know," she chided me, laughing sadly. "Sometimes I just have to remind myself you're still my little girl."
"I'm not a little girl anymore, Mom," I whispered, my voice thick with tears.
"I know. And I also know you'll make the right choice."
I hoped she was right. I wiped my tears carefully. In a moment of vanity I somehow remembered I still had all that makeup on. Then something occurred to me and I gave her an inquiring look. "I thought you were against long distance relationships. You were never so supportive about me and Jacob."
"You both live in New York right now, so it's not much of a long distance relationship, technically. Besides," she added, taking my hand again. "I haven't seen Jacob. I don't know if he's good for you. This Edward on the other hand…" She let her voice trail, thick with implications, as her lips twitched into a smile.
"So, what, you're a psychic now, too?" I rolled my eyes. I had a feeling she and Alice would be getting along perfectly.
"No. It's just a hunch. A mother's instinct."
"How do you know what the right choice is?"
"It just… feels right. When you do it," she said, toying with her new ring absentmindedly.
"But what if it isn't?"
"Why don't you let time do its job," she said, gently pulling me back to my feet. "Life isn't interesting if you're told everything in advance."
I knew she meant it as a final seal on our conversation, but nothing felt sealed or settled to me. Right now I had a feeling as if nothing ever would.
xoxox
It wasn't until the last of the guests left that I realized I was still wearing those hideous heels. Mom and Phil left about an hour ago. They were to spend the night in this posh hotel uptown, a gift from Doreen. I was about to stay at her place, but now I really didn't feel like staying there. I wanted my own space, my own bed. I wanted to think, and I couldn't do that here.
Considering how curious she had been about who Edward was earlier, Doreen remained surprisingly silent about the whole thing, as if she got some mysterious orders from my mom. She didn't ask me about him once, which only made me more nervous. It wasn't a normal behavior for her, and it scared me all the more. When she did, it would be twice as bad, I knew.
"Great party, huh?" she smiled wearily when we shut the door behind the last caterer.
I nodded absentmindedly, watching her locking up. "Will you give me a ride home?"
My question, quiet and hesitant, made her look back at me with surprise. "I thought you were spending the night here, honey."
"I… kind of want to go home, if you don't mind," I said slowly. I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
She didn't say anything for a long time, and for a moment I feared I had hurt her feelings. Whatever she found in my eyes, she finally nodded. "Of course, Bella. Go get your things."
She didn't protest, she didn't ask a single question or prodded as for why I'd want to be home alone. Yes, she'd definitely got orders from Renée.
xoxox
The drive back to our place was quiet, with Doreen commenting on the wedding, and me murmuring my agreement every now and again. I wasn't really paying attention. The enormity of the day was finally crashing on me. I hadn't quite processed the fact that it was finally over like I'd wanted it to. I could have a proper spring break from now on. But I didn't really think about it now. My thoughts were whirling, all set on the one thing I really wanted to do.
Once home, I went straight to the phone, but didn't touch it for a while. I knew what the right thing was, I'd always known. I wasn't sure why I was still hesitating. I wanted him back. Every inch of me wanted him back. I'd forgiven him before he asked to be forgiven, before I even knew there was never anything to forgive. Mom was right. I couldn't know the future. But right now, there was nothing else – no one else – I wanted.
In one determined motion I kicked off my shoes and grabbed the phone. The movement shook me to life. Suddenly my heart was racing, my blood was boiling. The remainders of adrenaline from earlier were pumping in my veins now. I dialed his number blindly, not even checking on the time.
"Bella?"
My name carried too many emotions at once – anxiety, confusion, dread, hope. But one thing was stronger than all others. I cringed. "Did I wake you?" It was ridiculous how anxious this mundane concern made me.
"What? No, no, I was…" His voice trailed off as he yawned, and I knew he was lying. "Did you… think about what I said?"
"Could you come over?" I blurted out the question before I even decided I wanted to ask it. A shaky laughter escaped me. My nerves were hanging on a thread. I realized too late I hadn't answered his question. "My mom and Phil are away and they took the car, so I can't…" My words spilled incoherently like the tears I could feel streaming down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was crying. I knew exactly what I wanted. There was no reason to cry. There was no reason to fall apart now when we were so close to resolution. "I need to see you," I added in a pathetic whisper.
I hoped he would find the confirmation he needed in those words, because I didn't think myself capable of longer confessions. It was downright ridiculous. I knew how he felt, I knew how I felt, and still I was close to losing it. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, either. My sobbing came uncontrollably now after being held back throughout the day. Pretty soon I started hyperventilating as I tried to get my breathing under control.
My panic attack seemed to startle him. He sounded fully awake now. "Of course. I'll come over."
My voice broke twice when I gave him directions. He promised to be here in fifteen minutes before we hung up. I just kept sitting there with the phone in my hand for a few minutes. I was half aware I was still wearing the dress from the wedding, but I didn't have the energy to get up, go upstairs and change. The house was too empty, too quiet, with Phil and Renee gone. Usually I'd revel at the silence, at the chance to be alone, but today the stillness was almost eerie, and it was making me uncomfortable.
I decided to wait for him outside. It was chilly when Doreen dropped me here a while ago, so I snatched the quilt from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around me as I settled on the front stairs.
I didn't know what I was going to say to him, what I wanted to say. I hoped I'd know more as soon as he arrived. Some of the things I had in mind weren't nice at all, but I suspected they would melt away as soon as I looked at him. It was dark and cold out, and probably very late because not a single car had passed in the street. The silence wasn't helping my already sleepy state of mind. I felt my eyes slowly drooping.
The soft hiss of an engine made my head shoot up with a gasp. I blinked and squinted in the semi-darkness. An unfamiliar car stopped in front of the house, but it could only be one person. I could see him behind the wheel. It took him a second to spot me sitting there. I stood up when he went out of the car.
We met halfway on the path that led to the front door. His eyes didn't leave mine since he locked the car. They widened ever so slightly, a respond to my tears that were now visible to him, I thought. And like I thought, speechlessness took over. He opened his arms, and I let the quilt drop to the ground as I walked into his embrace. I cried openly now, burying my head in his shirt, and he whispered soft comforts in my ear as his arms slowly tightened around me.
It felt silly to cry, to waste the little time we had together on remorse. I'd been away from him for too long. My need for him was overwhelming. I looked up. His eyes bore into mine, but his stare was undecided, as if he wasn't sure what my decision was. I tried to smile, but I wasn't sure how helpful it would be with all those tears. So instead I did the only thing I could think of as reassurance, the only thing I wanted to do since I spotted him in Doreen's garden.
I let my fingers trace a line along his jaw. His eyes shut slowly, matching the movement of my fingers. "No, look at me," I whispered. He obeyed, and his eyes fluttered open. I locked my gaze with his as I continued my wordless explorations. My thumb followed the contours of his full lips. His breathing was shallow, hot, a sharp contrast to the air. True to his promise, he didn't look away, but he didn't do a step forward either, as if he was leaving it all in my hands.
Keeping my eyes intent on his, I slid my arms around his neck and brought his head down until our foreheads were touching. Then slowly, hesitantly, I pressed my lips to his.
I gasped at first contact, surprised by desire that rippled through me. I forgot how good being so close to him had been.
He misinterpreted my jolt, and pulled back an inch, his eyes full of worry. I shook my head, laughing breathlessly. "I missed this," I whispered.
He brushed my tearful cheek with his thumb. "I missed you."
"I'm sorry – "
"Shh…" he murmured, and closed the distance between us once more as our lips crashed against one another. He wasn't gentle, although he clearly tried. One of his hands cupped my cheek as he delved deeper into the kiss. My fingers were on his face again, fluttering against the skin on his chin before I slowly slid them down his chest to claw at his shirt. I didn't know how I could possibly live without this, without him, for so long. The very idea of being away from him seemed inconceivable now.
I was only half aware of his other arm leaving my waist. Then I felt his hands circling my wrists gently and sliding up my arms. Whatever he found there, it made him pull away slowly. We stayed very close, our eyes still set on one another.
"You're freezing," he said, still in that low murmur, as he ran his hands up and down my arms.
"No, I'm not," I smiled up at him. I'd never felt warmer. He returned my smile as if he knew, and knelt to fetch the quilt I'd dropped. He wrapped it around me gently, wordlessly, before he leaned over to kiss me again. This kiss was gentler, sweet and lingering and telling me everything that there was still left to say. When we finally pulled away, we just looked at each other for a long moment. There was so much more I needed to say, so many apologies I felt I needed to make, but none of it mattered now. There would be enough time for that, but not tonight. I took his hand, a silent invitation, and led him inside.
xoxox
I didn't know what time it was, and I didn't care. The street was quiet. Even stray cats seemed to be asleep. The only constant sound was the only one I was truly interested in, of his slowing heartbeat beneath my ear.
"Are you asleep?" I murmured.
"No." I felt his fingers in my hair, massaging my scalp.
"Aren't you tired?"
"I was." His laugh rumbled low in his chest, sending an involuntary shiver through me. As if he felt it, he reached for the comforter at our waists and pulled it higher. It fell softly on my shoulders.
"I'm sorry I made you come all the way here."
"Are you, really?" There was laughter in his voice.
"No," I admitted, giggling, as I cuddled against him. He was so warm. "I'm glad you came. Not just here, but to the wedding. I wish you didn't have to leave tomorrow." I could feel my smile fading as this thought invaded my mind. Parting with him so soon after I got him back was cruel, almost unbearable.
"I don't have to leave tomorrow."
I raised my head from his chest to face him. He was grinning hugely. The glint in his eyes was visible even in the faint moonlight. I gave him an inquiring look.
"I wanted to give you a pressing deadline. My flight back is in three days. I was afraid you'd stall if you knew that."
I gaped at him speechless. He looked so proud of himself. "You can stay?"
"Until you order me away."
"You're in for life, then," I whispered, leaning down to kiss him. He chuckled right before our lips touched. And then something else occurred to me, and I pulled away an inch. "Does Alice know you're here?"
He still had that smug expression on. "Alice is the one who convinced me to come here," he confessed sheepishly.
"I guess I'm not surprised."
"I owe my family more than I ever thought I would because of this," he said, holding me a bit tighter as he pressed a kiss to my lips. "Especially my parents and my grandfather."
I blinked. "Your grandfather?"
"I'll tell you about it tomorrow. You're exhausted."
"I'm fine," I protested. I bet his day had been longer than mine and he wasn't complaining.
He reached out and touched my hair. "We have all the time in the world," he reminded me. His hand came to rest on the back of my neck as he gently lowered me to his chest again. "Sleep now, Bella," he murmured sleepily.
"I love you," I mumbled, already drifting. I thought he replied, but sleep overtook me before I could make sense of it or make sure. I knew one thing for certain. He would be there when I'd wake up. He was mine. He'd always been mine.
Until I'd order him away.