She's not entirely sure if it's because of the sound of thunder coming from an open window of their bedroom, or because of the thoughts running through her head, but Chloe finds herself awake at two o'clock on a Tuesday night. She stares at the ceiling as her mind wanders. She must have been lying there motionless for at least two hours. As the body next to her turns, she snaps out of it and looks at her wife. She watches her as she rubs her nose and mumbles something in her sleep. Thinking nothing of it, she looks back at the ceiling.
"Why are you awake?" The voice is barely a whisper.
Chloe's head snaps back to her so fast, Beca sits up, suddenly very awake.
"Is something wrong? Is it the baby?" She asks and leans in, placing her hand on the redhead's stomach.
"No, the baby's okay. I was just thinking, that's all." She says and puts her hand over Beca's.
The small brunette turns on the light and rolls on her side so her stomach is pressed against Chloe's own. She rubs it gently with her fingers and supports her head with her other hand, giving her wife a kiss on the forehead.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Chloe sighs and looks up at Beca. She hesitates at first but there is no point in hiding anything, so she speaks.
"I'm just afraid."
"Afraid of what, baby?"
"Of being a mother. Of making mistakes."
Chloe's eyes get watery as she looks down at Beca's hand resting on her stomach.
"Chloe, everyone makes mistakes. I can assure you, you'll be an amazing mother."
"What if I end up being just like my mom?"
Beca bites her lip. They've had this conversation before. Only now, there's a baby involved. Their baby.
"Don't say that. I know for a fact you'd never raise your child the same way your parents raised you. Chloe, you even wrote down specifically what you won't do to our kids."
Beca chuckles and the redhead rolls her eyes, smiling. Seeing her smile makes Beca feel more confident in what she's trying to tell her.
"Remember that time we went to Disneyland with the Bellas and you said you couldn't wait to bring your kids there someday? I saw the joy in your eyes that day. I saw hope. And honestly, I hoped I would be a part of your kids' life one day, and now I'm going to be raising this little one. With you. And I promise you, we're going to be amazing mothers. Well, I'm obviously going to be more amazing but you'll be great, too."
She earns a laugh and a punch in the shoulder from the redhead. She kisses her, still grinning as Chloe bites on her lower lip and a moan escapes her mouth.
"You're right. I'm just overthinking it all. I love this baby with all my heart. And I love you with all my heart. And I'm so excited for us to finally be a family."
"Me too… I know I may not show it, but I'm really nervous. And excited."
"Beca, you literally jumped when you saw I was awake. I know you're nervous. And I'm glad you are. It just calms me to know that you care about out baby as much as I do."
"Care about it? It's everything I think about, all the time. The other day, I was at Target and I saw these little baby converse shoes and I just started daydreaming about, like, a baby version of you running around the house screaming. And you know I hate screaming children. But it made me smile."
Chloe bites her lip, her eyes never leaving Beca's once she's done talking. She stares at her for a few seconds, then buries her face into the crook of her wife's neck.
"I love you so much." She whispers against her skin, making the brunette shiver.
"I love you too, mommy." Beca whispers back as she strokes Chloe's hair until she falls asleep.
The following week is a challenge. Beca is sure the Gods have cursed her. Chloe's a moody wreck. One minute she'll be laughing, next minute she'll be crying over literally anything that she finds wrong, and a few minutes later she'll be singing along to a cartoon she found on TV. Beca's not sure this is normal. Chloe's been doing great all this time and now suddenly, she's a crazy person. And the brunette has tried everything to make her feel better but it's becoming impossible. Chloe walks the beat to her own drum and all Beca can do is walk with her. So she does. She tries desperately to.
It's Thursday afternoon when the redhead stumbles into the kitchen where Beca's making dinner. The brunette doesn't see her, so she's startled by her voice.
"What's cooking, good looking?"
"Jesus, Chloe!" She drops the salt and puts her hand on her chest.
"What? Did you really not see me come in?"
"No, I really didn't." She laughs, picking up the salt shaker off the floor.
"C'mon Beca, that's impossible. I'm literally like an elephant."
Beca can hear the sudden change in her voice, so she turns around. Chloe's on the verge of tears.
"What are you talking about? You look beautiful!"
"I'm fat!" Chloe screams and starts bawling.
Beca grabs a napkin from the table and hands it to her wife. She turns back to the stove, making sure nothing's burning. When she turns around, Chloe's still crying. She takes her hands and kisses them.
"You are not fat. You're pregnant! Please don't cry. I'm making dinner."
"I'm not eating."
"But it's your favorite…"
"Spaghetti?" Chloe sits up, looking at where her wife is cooking.
"Yes."
"With meatballs?" Chloe squints her eyes quizzically.
"That's right."
Chloe pouts and wrinkles her nose.
"Okay, maybe I'll have a bite."
She ends up eating two plates of spaghetti and a half. Beca can't help but admire her wife's appetite. She's caught staring when Chloe drops her fork on the empty plate.
"What?" She asks, looking defensive.
"Nothing, just looking at my beautiful wife. Is that illegal?"
"It is when I'm eating."
Beca rolls her eyes and gets up, taking the empty plates with her to the kitchen.
"Eat your salad."
Chloe jabs her fork into a few salad leaves and shoves them into her mouth.
"Asshole." She says as soon as Beca's out of sight.
"I heard that."
The next day is a disaster.
Friday nights are date nights in the Mitchell-Beale household. It's been this way since the girls first started dating.
Beca's at work while Chloe's at home, grading some papers. She doesn't realize how late it is until she grades the last paper and looks at the clock. Her and Beca should be leaving in an hour. She gets up and walks into their bedroom. As she passes the mirror, her eyes land on a picture hung above it. She stops and takes it down. It's a picture of her and Beca with the Bellas, after they won World Championship. They're all smiling or laughing, Amy is doing her mermaid dance on the floor. Beca is hugging Chloe and the redhead seems to be lost. She remembers feeling extremely happy, yet something wasn't quite right. She spent that night crying in her room. The Bellas were out partying and she was under the covers, sobbing into a pillow. She was graduating that year. So was Beca. And all the girls. She felt like she was falling apart, everything she knew seemed to do the same. But only to her could graduating feel like a stab in the heart. Because it meant leaving behind not only her friends and acapella, but also Beca. She's been in love with the tiny DJ ever since she sung to her in the shower. But she didn't seem to notice, or care. And that made Chloe cry harder. Until the door opened and someone walked over to her bed. She felt the covers lift and someone climb in next to her, wrapping their arms around her. She turned around and was met with Beca's face, only inches away from hers. With three words, Beca made everything fall into place for the redhead. In that moment, Chloe knew. They were meant to be. Together, forever.
She puts the picture back and gets dressed. She's almost done with her make-up when she looks at the time. It's almost time to go. She wonders where Beca is. She should be home by now. Chloe gets up and walks to the closet to pick out her shoes. She pulls her phone out of her purse and calls Beca. But she doesn't answer. She sighs and puts on the shoes. She spends ten minutes watching TV and calls Beca again. But her wife still doesn't answer her phone. She gets worried. Maybe something happened to her. She calls Jesse.
"Hello?"
"Jesse, hi. Is Beca still at work? She's not answering my calls."
"Oh, she didn't tell you? She's agreed to help me out with this soundtrack I'm working on."
"So she did."
"Don't worry, Chloe. I won't steal her. She should be home soon anyway, we're almost done."
"Okay. Bye."
Beca looks over to Jesse and waves at him. She tells the young boy at the computer sitting next to her to finish what he's doing and walks over to her friend.
"Who was that?"
"It was Chloe. She's just asking where you are, I thought you told her?"
Beca's eyes go wide.
"Oh shit!"
Jesse laughs and puts his hand on Beca's shoulder.
"I'm sure she'll understand."
Beca looks at him and bites her lip, nodding. She knows she won't. But instead of leaving immediately and face her probably angry wife, she decides she doesn't want to deal with it until it's absolutely necessary. Working with music makes her forget about all the stress that Chloe and the baby are causing her. She missed hanging out with Jesse. She missed his stupid jokes and his love of movies. And not having realized it until it's actually happening, in the dark street outside of the studio, the one thing she didn't miss about Jesse, were his lips against hers. She almost kisses him back but the realization makes her push him away. He smiles at her and she almost can't believe it.
"See you around, Mitchell."
She turns on her heel and walks to her car, driving away as fast as she possibly can. She thinks about Chloe. She's probably already upset that Beca forgot to tell her she's going to be late. So she decides she won't tell her tonight. Or ever. Because it's never going to happen again, so what's the point?
It's one in the morning when she gets home. She takes off her shoes at the door, trying to keep quiet as her wife is probably asleep in bed. She walks into the living room and is surprised by sounds coming from the TV. She turns the light on and walks over to the couch, looking for the remote. But that's not what she finds. Lying on the couch, with her dress and shoes still on, and with her make up all over her face, is her pregnant wife. She's been crying. Has she been crying because of Beca? Or did she just watch some sad movie? The brunette looks at the TV. Cartoon Network. Her heart stops when Chloe suddenly sits up. She stares up at her, then looks at her watch. Without a word, she turns the TV off and walks out of the room, leaving Beca standing in the middle of it. When the brunette hears the water run, it hits her. It's Friday.
She's lying in bed, waiting for Chloe so she can apologize. And when she comes in, Beca doesn't even get a chance because the redhead's out the door with a pillow in hand in seconds. She follows her as fast as she can and when she gets to the living room, Chloe's lying on the couch, her back facing Beca. Slowly, she sits down next to her. She rests her hand on Chloe's side and rubs her thumb over the material of the redhead's shirt. Her hand moves to her stomach. There are tears in Beca's eyes now. She fucked up. And she knows she deserves it when Chloe nudges her hand away. She lies down next to her and strokes her hair. The older woman still hasn't said anything.
"Baby, I'm so sorry."
Nothing.
"I fucked up, really bad. I know I did."
She hears Chloe inhale. But she says nothing.
"Will you ever forgive me? I promise I'll make it all right."
The redhead turns around, her eyes wide as if she was shocked by Beca's question.
"How can you say that?"
"What?"
"You know I will forgive you!"
"Chloe…"
"I have to forgive you! I love you! More than anything, Beca."
"I love you too, I just… I forgot."
"Yeah. I'll remember to remind you not to miss out child's birth."
"Chloe!"
"I'm sorry."
"No… You're right. I'm a terrible wife." Beca huffs.
"Are you trying to make me feel guilty right now?"
"Chloe, what? No!"
"Fine."
Before Chloe can turn around, Beca's lips are pressed against hers. She gets on top of her, gently rubbing Chloe's tummy with her own. Their tongues fight for dominance and Beca lets her wife win. Her hand goes under the redhead's shirt, gently squeezing her breast as her thumb grazes over her nipple and Chloe lets out a desperate moan. The brunette undresses her quickly and trails her tongue down her body. They fall asleep in each other's arms, just like any other night.
The weekend goes by quickly, for which Beca thanks God. Chloe lets Beca make up to her by agreeing to go on a date with her on Saturday. It's not any different from what they usually do, they drive to a nearby restaurant called Paparotti's and eat their usual. Chloe isn't upset with their date, Beca figures. Or she's just really good at hiding disappointment. After they're finished, the brunette pays and they leave the restaurant hand in hand. Chloe stares out the window the whole ride home so Beca assumes she might be upset. So she makes a turn where she isn't supposed to. Chloe notices immediately and looks at her.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see." She says and winks at her, trying not to panic.
She thinks of all the places in the area that Chloe might enjoy but while she's busy trying to pick one, she ends up driving on a strange road she's never been on before. Suddenly, they're in the middle of nowhere. No houses around, no signs, nothing. Just the road and their car. Beca's scared to go any further so she stops the car, mentally preparing herself to tell Chloe. As she pulls to a stop, she feels the redhead looking at her. So she looks back. Chloe doesn't seem angry or upset anymore, just confused. So Beca clears her throat.
"Remember when you told me you were pregnant?"
"Yes?"
"Well, I never told you this but at the time, I still wasn't sure if I wanted to have kids. Actually, I knew I didn't really want them."
"Is this the part where you tell me you don't want to have a baby so you kill me and throw me into a river?" Chloe laughs but actually seems nervous.
"No! God, no. Just, listen to me."
"Okay, sorry. Go on."
"I knew I didn't want children. But when you came home that day, and you were wearing that washed out shirt and that beanie that's too small for your big head, and you were crying happy tears when you hugged me. And you kept hugging me. And you didn't tell me what was happening, so I freaked out. But when you told me…"
Beca's eyes are filled with tears and staring into Chloe's.
"Chloe, I have never been happier in my life. I changed my mind, my whole entire life plan in one split second. Because I love you. And raising a baby with you suddenly sounded like the best idea I've ever heard. And I'm really happy with this. With us."
Chloe nods, smiling and wipes her wife's tears with her palms before looking around.
"And that's why you brought me here?"
Beca looks down at her hands.
"Actually, I wanted to take you somewhere nice after I saw that you were upset with our date tonight."
"Beca, I'm not upset."
"Well, you don't exactly seem happy."
Chloe reaches over and places her hand over the brunette's before kissing her cheek.
"I'm happy just to be with you. I'm sorry I'm not exactly showing it, it's just that I'm really tired."
Beca starts the car and gives Chloe's hand a squeeze.
"Let's go home."
On Sunday, Chloe wakes up in an empty bed. She gets up and looks at the clock. It's too early for Beca to be awake and out of bed. But when she walks into the kitchen, she sees the tiny brunette behind the counter, whistling as she makes breakfast. The redhead sneaks up behind her and wraps her arms around her waist, pressing her stomach into her back.
"Good morning, beautiful." Beca says as she turns to face Chloe and puts a piece of pancake in her mouth.
"Morning, love." She chews the pancake and moans, "This is really good, babe."
Beca smiles and kisses her before turning to make more.
They eat their breakfast and the brunette tells Chloe to open the little box she pulls out of her pocket.
"A necklace? Is it our anniversary already?"
"No, silly. It's just… You're seven months today."
"Oh, Beca. You're so thoughtful. Thank you."
The redhead smiles wide and gives her wife a long, passionate kiss.
They spend their entire day inside, cuddled up on the couch. Chloe's watching TV and Beca's reading a book Aubrey bought her when she found out Chloe was pregnant.
"Hey, Chlo?"
"Hm?"
"We haven't really talked about baby names yet."
She's trying to be casual bringing it up, but Chloe turns off the TV and turns to her with full attention.
"Do you have any you like?" She asks and Beca shrugs.
"I kind of like Alfie."
"Alfie?"
"Yeah…"
"I like it. Do you have a girl name?"
"No. I kind of want it to be a boy."
"I want to have a girl."
"What would you name her?"
"Emily."
Beca smiles at her wife's enthusiasm. She seems so ready for this new big thing.
"Oh, Beca. I can't wait to be a mommy!"
"Me neither, baby. Me neither."
It's Tuesday. And it's raining again. Chloe's looking out of the window at the dark sky. She's curled up on the bed with a book in hand. Lightnings are more fun to look at than reading about how to raise a child. She soon drifts off, and the book falls to the floor with a gentle thump.
Beca's trying really hard to stay awake. She's in a meeting with her boss and her co-workers. Apparently, there's a new kid on the scene and wants them to produce her music. Just as she's about to close her eyes, someone nudges her awake.
"Hey Becs, are you busy tonight?"
"Why?"
"I got a job offer. I'm leaving on Thursday so I thought we could just, you know, celebrate with a few drinks at my place."
Beca thinks about it. Sure, Jesse fucked up by kissing her last week but he is her friend. And she is happy for him. She guesses a drink or two wouldn't hurt.
"Sure, why not."
She knows she shouldn't have agreed to come as soon as she enters Jesse's apartment. The place is crowded and stinks of booze. How did Jesse know all these people? Just as she's about to walk away, Jesse comes up to her.
"Hey, you're here."
He's obviously happy she's here. Too happy.
"Yep, here I am."
"Come, come, let's get you a drink."
She almost argues but before she can even open her mouth, a drink is in her hand. She hasn't had a drink in ages. It's only one drink. So she drinks it.
And then she drinks another one. And when she's meeting Jesse's friends she drinks two more. It seems to be getting late but Beca is too drunk to notice. There's a joint being passed around and she doesn't argue when she's being offered. Jesse is there, the whole time. Sitting right next to her, like a loyal puppy. He doesn't seem to be drunk at all, Beca notices. So she tries to make him drink.
"C'mon, Jesse! You're leaving us. Have fun while it lasts!"
"I could say the same for you."
She doesn't think about what he's trying to say. Her head is spinning and suddenly she's being pulled off the couch. A tight grip around her waist pulls her towards the stairs that lead upstairs. The room she walks into is dark and empty.
"Cool." She says, walking inside.
She's pushed on the bed with her face pressed against the mattress. She knows it's Jesse. She knows his hands too well. And she knows his voice, too.
"You're gonna like this."
She didn't.
The baby's kicking wakes Chloe up from her sleep. She rolls over to try and fall back asleep but something feels off. She opens her eyes again. The alarm clock shows that it's one in the morning. She sits up and stretches.
"Beca?" She calls out but gets no response.
Walking around the apartment, with her wife nowhere to be found, Chloe starts worrying. She calls Beca's phone, four times. She calls Jesse but it goes to voicemail.
Tired, and freaking out, the redhead grabs her car keys and heads out. Part of her wants to think rationally, like Beca's still at work even though she's usually home by nine. But a big part of her is worried that something has happened to her. She decides to check if she's still at work, first.
The lights are blinding her, making her almost drive off the road. In panic, she grabs her phone to call Beca again. She searches through her contacts and clicks call but then it all goes black.
Beca arrives home at eight in the morning. Her head hurts like hell. She takes a quick shower before going to bed. She walks into the bedroom but it's empty. Confused, she looks around the apartment and notices Chloe's bunny slippers by the door. Her jacket is nowhere to be found. She pulls out her phone to call her and sees she's got seven missed calls. Five are from Chloe. And two are unknown. She calls Chloe first, but the line seems to be busy. So she calls the unknown number.
"You've reached Emergency Department in California medical center, how may I help you?"
"This is Beca Mitchell-Beale, I believed you called me, last night. Is something wrong?"
There is silence on the other end for a few seconds.
"Oh, yes, Mrs. Mitchell. We called you last night. I'm afraid there has been an accident."
"An accident?"
"Yes. There was a car accident your wife was involved in. We need you to get down here as soon as possible."
"Chloe…"
The line goes dead.
She arrives at the hospital forty minutes later. When she steps into the ER, a nurse tells her to follow her. She stops at the door. She can't move. One look inside makes her stomach drop. Chloe is lying on a hospital bed, her face covered with scars and bruises.
"She has broken both her arms. Ribcage is cracked. A bad head injury."
The nurse's voice almost sounds like a robot's to Beca. Until it softens.
"Fortunately, they managed to save the baby." She says and points at something next to Chloe, out of Beca's sight. She walks slowly to where the nurse is pointing at. There's a crib. She doesn't want to look inside, but she does. And it makes her chest hurt badly. She covers her mouth and cries.
"You have to name her."
She looks down at her daughter and cries harder.
"Emily." She chokes out and wipes her tears.
The nurse writes it down and steps closer to Beca.
"Do you want to hold her?"
Beca nods. The nurse picks up the tiny sleeping baby and puts it into Beca's arms. Her breathing is heavy and a tear still runs down her face here and there but she is holding her daughter. Her healthy, sleeping daughter who seems to have no idea anything happened.
Stepping away from the crib, Beca turns to Chloe.
"I'll leave you to it. The doctor should be here soon with new results."
Beca cries at the sight of Chloe's beat up face. She wants so badly to touch her. She wants to close her eyes and wake up from this nightmare. She sits down on a chair and takes her hand.
"Chloe, I'm here baby." She cries, squeezing her wife's cold hand.
"Everything will be okay. You'll be okay." She looks down at their daughter.
"Chloe, you had a baby. It's a girl." Her sobs echo through the room, "You always wanted it to be a girl, Chlo. She's so beautiful. And tiny… You should've been able to hold her."
She looks up at the motionless redhead.
"I'm so sorry, Chloe... I really fucked up. I'm sorry. Please be okay."
She's interrupted when a doctor walks in with papers in hand. She puts her daughter back into her crib.
"Mrs Mitchell. I'm Dr Isles, nice to meet you." He shakes her hand.
"It's Mitchell-Beale."
"Excuse me. Mrs Mitchell-Beale."
"She's going to be okay, right?"
The silence that fills the room is deafening. She feels her heart sink in her chest, just looking at the man's face.
"She has lost a lot of blood."
Beca shuts her eyes in disbelief.
"I'm afraid we've done all we could. I'm sorry."
She nods.
It takes her fifteen minutes. But she does.
And she is left alone.
She looks down at her daughter for what feels to be the first time. She's looking back at her with big, blue eyes. They're sitting on a staircase at the hospital.
Someone gently pats her shoulder.
"Time to say goodbye."
She stands up and walks to the edge of the bed in the hallway. She takes a cold, pale hand into her own and gives it a light squeeze. She kisses her lips for the last time. She puts Emily to lie down next to her, for the last time. She looks at her two beautiful girls.
For the last time.
And she opens her mouth to say goodbye, but she's not ready for that.
So she settles with a promise.
"I'm sorry. I will make it all right again."