Dearest Robbie,
Although you are no longer with me, I wish to write this letter. I'm currently in a tube station surrounded by petrified Londoners like myself. We're all so afraid, yet I can only think of you. There's a young man playing a harmonica, and the tune he is playing reminds me of you.
I miss you terribly. I wanted all of those things that you promised me, I still want them, my darling, I would move mountains just for you to come back, come back to me. Ever since I learned of your death, nothing matters, it's not that my life revolved around you, because I know how much you loved my independence and strong will, but since you have been gone, nothing seems to be worth living for. Can I tell you a secret? Even though my heart is beating wildly, and I am afraid, I would prefer it if I died. What have I got left to live for after all?
Briony's still not seen me yet, but I suppose I can expect a visit from her as much as hell freezing over. I will never forgive her. Just the thought of what she did to you, to us, makes me blood boil, she ruined everything. Darling, I've never been able to say it properly to you, but I know that Briony killed a large part of you that day. I know that the same Robbie I fell in love with was gone, but I know that you are at peace now. I wish I could be there with you. I miss you.
I miss your lips, I miss the feeling of your soft skin, I miss your fingers entwined with mine. I miss your voice, your breath against my cheek, and I miss who you were before that dreadful summer day. I want to make love to you like we did before. I want to tell you that I love you to your face, instead of writing a letter you will never receive! Robbie what happened to our dream? What happened to the cottage by the beach? Remember? I had such a beautiful image of it in my head, but the moment I learned that you had left me, the image died.
Darling, I want to know why Briony ruined everything. I cannot rest until I know. What did we do? I know she thought she loved you, perhaps it was jealousy? Or was it plain badness on her part? Even if she spends eternity in that bloody hospital, I will never forgive her. Mother, Father and Leon can try to make amends with me all they like, but the fact that they believe her - God, I can feel the tears building up in my eyes, I better stop, there are children looking around, for a sign of assurance, and I cannot let them down.
I'm going to end this letter now, before my emotion gets the better of me. Robbie my darling, I love you, and I miss you, and I swear to God, one day I'll see you again. I'll never love again, I never did love before you anyway. Goodbye my darling.
All my love
Cee