It's not enough.
That's quickly what he finds his life about. Revolving around that one statement he hates so much. The onlysentence to truly torment him, in the very back of his mind.
It's not enough.
Even when he and Thor were younger, there was something there, but he couldn't quite place it.
It's not enough.
He knows this. As he finds himself getting older, he finds himself living in his big brother's shadow.
It's not enough.
There's that feeling again. But this time it's stronger. Of course. Why would Thor not be chosen over hm? Again. It's inevitible, he feels.
It's not enough.
Hatred. Always the first emotion. Strongest when his "father" tells him hos true parentage. This is why. This has always been why. And as he begins to regret his yelling as Odin is taken to his chambers, he realized the truth, and accepts it.
It's not enough.
Will it ever be enough? His friends turn toward his lost brother. It seems everyone only has eyes for Thor. But why would that change now?
It's not enough.
It's plain and simple. He can see the disappointment in the All Father's eyes as they all hang off the destroyed bridge. And when he looks at Thor, his vision turns red, hatred... It's not enough. And so, he allows himself to let go.
It's not enough.
Surely he can rule these humans? They were, after all, made to be ruled were they not? And yet, there's still someone to stop him. Again. Stupid Thor...
It's not enough. Although, for once it is. It is enough. Pain. At least he knows he can still feel. When the gag comes, he welcomes it. Sure, it's uncomfortable, cutting his mouth every time he moves, but it saves him the trouble of talking to these petty humans.
It's not enough.
Thor returns him to Asgard. Thor insists he does this out of love. Loki thinks otherwise. He knows better than to believe that, surely? They are not kids anymore. He can see right through his "brother's" attempt to manipulate him. Or, at least, so he thinks.
It's not enough.
And when Loki sees Odin again for the first time after his return from earth, he has a steely determination not to be fooled again. He switches his stance, in attempt to look something more like the prince he was. Because Loki knows. He knows that it's not enough. And it never will be, to them.
I'm sorry.
To Loki, it's just enough to forget. To remember a time when he was happy. A time where he didn't care, because he didn't have to. A simpler time. And just when it looks like he'll be stuck for the rest of his days with his complicated mess of a life, he finds it. That peace of mind that is so rare to Loki that it's alien, even now that it's been so long. Nothing else matters, because it's not enough to matter.
And that's all he's everwanted.