"What's up with you?"

Sirius looked up when someone placed a hand on his shoulder. It was James. James, who glanced at him, with a worried look on his face.

James with whom he had fought so hard just a few minutes ago

"Better question, what's up with YOU?" Sirius asked, even though he knew, it was a dumb question. Because James was, like he always was. He asked Lily for a date and Lily said no.

Lily got angry over James and James laughed.

Lily had to laugh too and in the end James was sad anyways, because it still didn't work out, like he wanted. Lily still didn't want to meet up with him.

And Sirius? Well he sat next to them and laughed too. Laughed even tough it hurt so much to see James how he tried to impress Lily.

"What shall I do?" James asked silently and sat down next to Sirius on his bed.

"You are not you anymore. That's not my best friend, so what happened?", he asked in a very sad way, that made Sirius' heart hurt even more.

Some battles fought, are battles won. But this ain´t one of them.

"I tried. I really tried to be your best friend, James", Sirius admitted with a shivering voice.

"You have never given up" James whispered and tried to look into Sirius' eyes. But it didn't work. Sirius turned away, turned towards the window to avoid James' eyes, the desperate look on his face.

"I can't stop it and I can't change it", Sirius suddenly called out and wanted to get up. He wanted to get away from this boy with the black messy hair, the boy, that meant so much to him.

Out of my reach, out of my hands

"Would you after all just tell me, what happened?" James grabbed him around the waist, held him tight, so Sirius couldn't run away this time.

He had ran away too often. From the person he loved the most.

Whom, who he loved in a way, he couldn't even explain to himself. And he hated himself for the fact, that he couldn't change it, that he couldn't be happy for James, when Lily smiled at him, when Lily talked to him.

He hated himself for the pain, it caused in his heart.

"I can't do this anymore, don't you understand. I can't be your friend anymore" Sirius whispered and turned away. Turned away because he couldn't look at James again.

And he had expected James to get angry, to scream at him, to ask why for the thousand's time. But nothing happened. When Sirius looked at James again, he had covered his face with his hands.

And Sirius felt guilt. Guilt because he had made James sad. He had hurt him, him, the person he wanted to hurt least of all.

I just thought I could wait for one more day

"James I'm sorry. I thought I could wait. Wait, till Hogwarts is over and then I just would have left so my feelings wouldn't bother you and Lily anymore. I thought it would work out."

James looked up and Sirius could see the tears on his cheek and the anger in his eyes, when he grabbed him around the shoulders.

"What? Damn it Sirius, you wanted to wait with what?"

Sirius winced, cause James' anger caused so much pain in his stomach. And he knew, that there was no going back. Not this time. Not anymore.

"I thought I could wait to tell you, that I love you."

James looked at him speechless. And Sirius expected to see hate, anger or disgust in his eyes. But nothing happened.

Instead James held out one hand and when Sirius didn't react, he grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer.

Without a word, James arms surrounded Sirius and his head leaned on James shoulder. Sirius felt his own tears running over his face, as well as James'.

And suddenly there was a weird thought in Sirius' head, hardly to grab, because the warmth, James gave him by hugging him made him a little dizzy.

"What, if James loves me too?"

I didn´t understand. I would have changed all my plans. I would have changed.