Everyone hates me.
No one denies it either. Everyone hates me. Story of my life. Nasedo never loved me. No one else did either. It was just me.
They don't understand. How much it hurts to be the new girl. Every day of my life I've been an outcast. Don't they realize how much I hurt? Don't they realize how lonely I've been? Every day of my life the only thing that kept me alive was the fact that there was three other people out there that were destined to love me. I used to day dream about them, when I was sitting in class. Max adored me, Isabel and I were best friends that giggled at everything, and Michael would be my big brother, always there to protect me. Never, absolutely never did I ever think that Max would fall in love.
I wish he knew how much that hurt. I'd loved him since the day Nasedo told me about my destiny. When he taught me those memory revival tricks, and I learned how much he had loved me…I was happy. Blissfully happy, actually. I was capable of being loved. That fact alone made me the happiest woman on earth.
I guess I always believed that Max and I were meant for each other. That the second I came into his life he would instantly fall for me. I used to day dream about that in class too. I wish life was as simple as my day dreams.
Is it true? Does Max really love Liz? I don't hate her. She hates me though. Like I said before, everyone hates me. Why? Because I want to have company? Because I don't want to cry myself to sleep at night? Because I want a peace of mind? Because I want a family? Tess! How dare you! How dare you want a shred of happiness for yourself? What did I ever do to her? Or Maria? Alex doesn't hate me, but Alex doesn't hate anybody. I think he understands me, how it feels to be the one excluded.
I wish they just knew how lonely I am. Then maybe, they'd be a little bit nicer.
I remember one time; I was six, and just starting Kindegarden. I was so certain that I was going to find the three of them the first day. I bounded in, my hair in two curled pigtails, and grasping onto my Barbie lunch box. Corny, I know. I searched all around the room, desperately searching for my three friends that I was so sure would love me.
They weren't there.
It was the same for every first day I had. Always hoping to see them. Coming "home" (and I use the term loosely) fighting back tears.
Amazing how Nasedo never once thought about looking in Roswell. He had always assumed that they were taken some place far away.
That first day, when I saw Izzy, I suffered from a brief paralysis. My heart immediantly sped up, and I could feel myself growing excited. She was here! My best friend, she was actually here!
We started talking, and she immediately warmed up to me. I could have died right then, just from pure ecstasy! My dreams were coming true!
When I met Max, I was certain my world was going perfectly. He looked absolutely mesmerized by me. Michael was rude and upfront, but I hadn't expected any less. For the first time in my life, I was certain it was going to work out.
Then she came into the picture.
Liz Parker. The perfect home town girl.
Like I said, I don't hate her.
But she hated me from the beginning.
Why did she blame this destiny thing on me? I never asked to be destined for stupid Max. If I could choose the way my life would have turned out, this would not be it. I would be living in a large house with two parents that absolutely adored each other, playing the part as the perfect daughter, the straight A student, who had so many admirers yet remained fateful to the one, devoted guy that made my heart beat really fast.
A guy like Kyle.
But no, nothing can go right for poor Tess. I get pummeled, beaten to a pulp by the skins, and only Isabel goes after me. No one trusts me. I don't know why they don't trust me.
Maybe this destiny thing isn't what I want. How come everyone assumes I want to be with Max? I just want a family, a circle of people to care about.
Does that make me a bad person?