A Step Behind
For Madison, my Squiddy Squid Squid, dear friend, and twin-heart and anyone else who feels like they're drifting away from friends, including me.
Just know, somewhere in your heart, there is always someone a step behind you to catch you if you fall, whether they are a friend or a lover.
Yesterday I cried,
Must have been relieved to see the softer side,
I can understand how you'd bee so confused,
I don't envy you,
I'm a little bit of everything,
All rolled into one…
She's sitting on a grassy hill, knees drawn up to her chest, arms hugging them to her, trying to warm herself up despite the yellow spring sun. She's sitting in a field of spring colors.
In the beauty of spring, she cannot see the beauty of the world, because she feels lost and alone; abandoned. But more than that, she's been forgotten.
By her closest friend, despite her loud denials. She's always with her beloved boyfriend, but she doesn't begrudge her friend that—they are truly happy together, and she knows that her "love" for him was jus loud proclamations.
By the one she loves, who has someone else, someone who she despises, someone who doesn't deserve him.
By her other friend, who has also found love.
By her parents, who don't even know of her plight.
She feels lost, confused, and she thinks it's all her fault. She wants to know what happened, what she did, because she thinks it's her fault.
Absently, she picks a flower, and holds it in the palm of her hand. A gust of wind picks it up and it drifts away.
Drifting apart…falling apart…
Her throat tightens, her fist closes, and her eyes squeeze shut as she wills her tears to go away, the pain to subside.
Her hand automatically grabs the large bar of chocolate that is flipped at her.
"Hey." She turns, surprised to see who she sees.
"Hey." It's a friend…someone who she has not seen for a long time. "How are you?" She rasps, her throat dry from not being used for days.
"I've been better." She's not the only one with a raspy voice. "I keep on getting sick. Moved to a stupid, fluctuating weather central." She chuckles softly at the eye rolling she can hear in her voice. The newcomer smiles.
"And you?"
"I've been better." She replies.
"Open it. You'll feel better. It's that kind you love." She looks down, and it is.
"I'm surprised you remember."
"Hm. I haven't been gone that long." She slurps at her large, pink colored, cream topped drink. "I've got oolong for later, sweetheart." She waves around a thermos. "Now tell me everything."
She's reluctant, because it's been bottled in for so long, and this person is not the one she wanted to talk to, if anyone. Still, the newcomer pokes and prods at her until she starts.
"I feel like I'm dying!" She blurts and the whole story comes tumbling out.
At first, the woman humphs and haws and scoffs in all the right places, and yells in righteous anger, but after a while, when it comes to the core of her feelings, she is quiet, and she sets her drink down and she lays a gentle hand on her friend's shoulder.
"No matter what, someone will always be a step behind you to catch you if you fall. People love you, you just don't seem to realize that. You're blind to who you really are and someday, it'll go away and you'll realize how precious you truly are. These people, they'll realize that too. If they don't, it's their loss and you will always find others who are willing to support you, others who you'll find are worth it to support." She thinks that this is all the listener wants to say. But as always, she is surprised by this odd one. "Whatever happens," she says quietly, and somehow the first girl can tell this is the last she'll say seriously, "don't ever stop being yourself."
"I'll try."
"I wouldn't dare ask too much more of you, dork."
"Hey! I resent that!"
"You resent everything, you idiot."
"No, I don't! Give me that oolong! I'm going to pour it on you!"
"Blasphemy!"
It doesn't happen right away, but she's been given hope that things will be all right.
And slowly, they come to terms, and she knows that those that are true, those that accept her for everything she is, they will always be a step behind her, and she'll always be there for them too.
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover,
I'm a child, I'm a mother,
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint,
I do not feel ashamed.
I'm your hell, I'm your dream,
I'm nothin' in between.
You know, you wouldn't want it any other way.
A/N: This was written in twenty minutes and not very well thought out, but I guess that the point is pretty clear. :)
It has a deep meaning, so no flaming, dearies.
It's that whenever you feel alone, you have to have faith that someone will find you, because they care, and that somehow, everything will be okay. Things always take time, but no one said it'd be easy, just that it'd be worth it. And also, with the part where the woman says something about always being yourself, really, always be yourself. Anyone who cannot love and accept you for who you are is not worth your time. Ever. Never ever ever. And you are SO allowed to say never in this case. Totally.
…jeez, I sound like a freaking icon. Urgle furgle. My bad ass reputation is SO down the toilet.
Oh, and this was Ino and someone else. Ino seems to be even more forgotten than Tenten and Hinata at times, or at least she's not as well liked. The other person was not Sakura, it didn't seem right. I was going to do Sakura, but I think that it's not that easy to fix things, so I wanted it to be someone else. I don't know who, but it's not all that important because well, I don't use any names in the story. (Squid, I was really thinking of Chieko and Aly. -.-;)
Take the meaning as you will, but what I have above is what it's supposed to be.
The lyrics are from one of my all time favorite songs, I'm a Bitch, I'm a Lover by Alanis Morissette. I hope they fit. I was listening to it while I was writing. :)
Review!