The Business of Acquisition, or 'Five Ways in which Kyouya DID convince Haruhi that they WOULD SUIT.' The Evil Sequel.

I: Sales Pitch

In the end, it took only five words. After all, there was nothing else he could offer her that she couldn't accomplish herself. Nothing but this one thing.

Amidst the chaos caused by the twins being chased by Tamaki, Honey consuming unholy amounts of cake, with Mori…uh…supplying it, the taunting jeers, the indignant screeches, the squeals of delight, and the passive 'Ah," and the general destruction all around, Kyouya makes a simple gesture, and says;

"Only I can control them."

To prove his point, he turns to The Twins and Tamaki and merely pushes his glasses up.

They stand frozen in place (a shiver running down their spines).

He turns back to her, snaps his ledger shut, and smirks. She sighs.

After all…even going with the flow got tiring, at some point.

Besides…he was right.

0o0o0

II: Packaging

"Just consider it for a moment." He suggested, as he showed the delivery men where to put the packages. "Even if you fail in getting the scholarship to Toudai, I can pay for your tuition, when you pass their entrance exams, or give you a payment scheme, if you must insist on self-reliance. I can tutor you if need be, if you don't want to pay for one. We can even go to school together, which would cut your traveling expenses."

"U-huh." She said, humoring him, though not buying into it for one second. "And what do you get out of it?"

"The benefits of being in an exclusive relationship." He replies, not even bothering to look at her, as he inspects said packages. Yes He thought. The cups, the saucers were in order.

"What does that mean?" She asked, though his words (in his opinion) were clear enough.

"I would have the right to hold your hand, to hold you close if you'll allow it, to take you out to eat or go to bookstores if you want to, with the contract ending the moment you decide to date other people." He answers, signing the invoice he was given

"That's not what I meant. I mean…what merit would all that give you." She clarifies.

He stops, pushes up his glasses, and says; "I figured this would stop my father from pushing me into some arranged marriage…at least until you find someone you want to date."

Of course they had argued over it for some time, but Haruhi had always been a practical girl, and after making sure there were no hidden traps, finally signed the contract.

This, in turn, made Kyouya smile.

Though he said what he did, he knew that if he had told her the truth, that he was in love with her, it would only make her turn him down out of principle. To appeal to Haruhi's heart was a lost cause. But if he tried to appeal to her practical nature…in a manner that did not threaten her emotional equilibrium, she would allow him the opportunity to make her feel the same.

And as she signed on the dotted line, he pushed his glasses up, the light reflecting off it, the way it usually does.

Checkmate.

0o0o0

III: Supply and Demand

There were very few things that could be used, when trying to appeal to Haruhi. One was her practical nature. The other was…

"Haruhi, do you see this plate of Ootoro?" He asked, holding a plate in front of her, as he took her aside, after everyone had gone home. He smirked as she followed the plate with eager eyes, as he moved it from side to side, nodding her head at his question.

"Here, taste one." He said, putting a piece in her mouth. He watched as she slowly chewed, making a sound of pleasure as she savored it.

"Is it good?" He asked, making a mental note that a satisfied Haruhi was cute. She nodded her head, eyes closed.

"Would you like another one?" He asked, giving her another, after she nodded, pleased that she was taking the bait (as he had anticipated).

"Surely you'd give me something I want, if I gave you all of this?" He asked again, watching as she nodded vigorously, unable to answer with words, as her mouth was full.

"Good. Then you belong to me, now." He asked, as she handed her the plate, and she took it, not really minding him, focused only on the delectable slices of fatty tuna, that were making her eyes shine and her mouth water.

"Yes." She whispered, as she picked up another piece to eat, absently signing a piece of paper he had presented her with, which he put inside an envelope, and into his bag, leaving her to enjoy her meal as he made his way home.

It was only when she had finally gone home that she had realized what had happened.

And, of course, by then…it was too late.

0o0o0

IV: Consumer Appeal

"Surely my outward appearance does not give you cause for complaint." He verified, as they were having tea that day, after club hours.

He had just confessed, and she had replied with mute, shocked silence. Her mouth was slightly hanging open. Her cup was beginning to slip dangerously from her hand.

Seeing this, he took the cup from her, his fingers brushing against her skin slowly, before putting the cup back onto its saucer. He heard her gasp inwardly, as her eyes grew wider, body jerking in surprise.

He smiled a little, and took his glasses off.

"After all, one cannot be a host without some kind of physical…charm." He said leaning close. He could see a faint blush staining her cheek. She was also beginning to hyperventilate. This Haruhi that was usually so calm.

Interesting. Did it have something to do with his proximity to her? Did that mean she wasn't immune to him, then? Only one way to find out.

He leaned even closer, letting his lips brush her ear as he whispered;

"You know, Haruhi, if you don't close your mouth, I just might take advantage of it."

Her breath hitched, but it was the last thing she was able to do, before his hand threaded into her hair, and turned her head for his lips to capture her open mouth.

And really, with the twins bound and gagged inside the broom closet in the science lab, Kyouya and Haruhi were thusly occupied…

…for a long, long time.

And later, the moment she got home, Haruhi now had a new adjective to her phrase.

"Rich, opportunistic bastard." She muttered to herself, not really all that pissed.

0o0o0

V: The Law of Averages.

It wasn't his persistence that surprised her. If only for the sake of his pride, Ootori Kyouya would never give up that easily. But after the stalking, the ridiculous amount he had contrived for her to owe, saving her life, different forms of bribery, stimulating innuendoes, indiscreet threats, arguments, movie dates, smouldering looks, cooking dates, social functions, touches, sometimes laughter, and very sophisticated, intelligent flirting, she had finally agreed.

After knowing the man for how many years, and having to suffer his every mood, she knew that denying him wasn't going to make him stop.

That, and while she really hated to admit it, she did have feelings for him.

A little later, as they sat together, having tea, at the end of another regular day, she finally asked him the thing that bothered her the most.

"Did the possibility of me never saying yes ever occur to you?"

"You could've just ignored me, but you responded. And as long as there is a reaction, there is some form of interest. If there is interest, then no matter how much resistance, there will eventually be a favorable response." He replied, easily.

"Kind of like, 'the more people you talk to, the bigger chances of making a sale,' huh." She simplified. Kyouya was such a businessman.

"This time he gave her an amused smile. "Yes. Something like that."

"I would've tried something with a bit more finesse, but I didn't want you to misunderstand. Your dealings with Arai, Bossa Nova-kun and possibly Hikaru, had he not clarified his intentions, were such learning experiences." He added...cheerfully.

Haruhi's hand tightened around the teacup's handle, clenching her teeth in annoyance.

Only Kyouya could make her want to break up on the very same day.

OWARI!