AN: Okay, so this is an AU, but it's not as AU as it probably looks at first. I've planned out how it fits in with the events of 02 (and it actually does), and roughly plotted it from start to finish.
This is one of the stories which diverted my attention from Hope's Fire, and as such I figure it's only fair to post it now that I've thrashed out the events. (Seriously, this thing has been hogging brain space for a while now.) I have the second chapter mostly written up already, so I'll upload that later today with any luck. There are hints as to what's going on in that chapter, which is why I want to get it out fairly quickly. The present tense thing sort of came as a package deal with the story, but it's not a form I usually write in, so any feedback - positive or negative - is very welcome.
Another reason for my absence has been that I was making a Mimi cosplay for my daughter - and as well as that taking forever, I managed to burn one of my fingers on a hot-melt glue gun in the process. Seriously, I must have it in for my hands or something. Typing has slowed as a result, but thankfully it's on the mend now.
Anyway, on with the story! It's...rather different to Hope's Fire, so please let me know what you think!
metanoia - noun: a profound, usually spiritual, transformation; conversion
Sometimes, Takeru dreams he is burning. There's no fire, but he knows what burning feels like and this is it; heat racing over him, roasting him inside out until he's screaming, screaming for it to stop, to let him go. It's the earliest memory he has, so there's no wonder that it returns to him at times when he sleeps. On nights like that he wakes in a cold sweat, and hopes Poyomon will have brought a friend.
Poyomon is...special. Takeru can't explain it more than that, even if he stops and thinks about it as hard as he can. The little white blob has been his companion for as long as he can remember. His only regular company in the isolated scattering of buildings he calls home.
Home. It's strange, really, the place where Takeru lives. Odd somehow, even if he isn't sure why. The cottage in the middle is normal enough, although it's almost always shrouded in mist. The fog clings to everything, making the world outside a hazy, dangerous maze. Mostly he keeps indoors, or in sight of the cottage and its outbuildings. But on the clearer days, he sometimes wanders further afield, and that's where things start to get…confusing.
To the north is a snowy hilltop, capped with a shrine and leading on to an endless forest. Poyomon likes taking him there, although the cold means they can never stay for long. It always seems as though his friend has something to tell him, but all that comes out is the familiar "Poyo", albeit laced with a sadness Takeru wishes he understood. He doesn't like Poyomon being sad.
There are green fields to the west and south, and a wide lake. Once he thought he saw a rollercoaster, far off in the distance, and wondered why it looked so familiar. But when they set off to find it, it had disappeared. Things often move about like that - it's one reason he sticks close to home, with its reassuring sameness. He doesn't like it when the land changes. Things should stay in same place, he's sure of it, even though he can't remember a world which doesn't shift at least a little from day to day.
The children Poyomon brings are what he looks forward to more than anything. Boys and girls a few years older than him for the most part, who seem to be there when he wakes up, and who leave when he grows tired. It's hard to keep track exactly, because of course real memories grow fuzzy after a few days, but he thinks there are five or six of them. Maybe more. Poyomon introduces them again each time one of them comes back, but of course, all Poyomon can say is "poyo poyo", so their names all sound the same. They never speak either, but that doesn't matter. You don't need to talk much to play together. You just run and explore, and laugh.
His playmates don't visit every day, but when they do, it means he'll have a break from the other dreams for a bit. The ones about the older boy; the dark, shadowy silhouette who sits and cries and does nothing else except make Takeru want to scream. Once it was with anger - how dare that boy come and scare him so much? And dream memories aren't like real ones. They stick in his head instead of fading away, and if he's not careful to distract himself, they can pop up in his thoughts even while he's awake. But these days the dreams just make him feel sad, - and a little scared. Takeru doesn't like remembering the crying boy. He's not sure why, but seeing that boy in tears just seems wrong, somehow. It's easier not to think about it at all.
And then, of course, there is the man. He doesn't visit often, but his appearance always makes Takeru feel strange. Angry and scared and curious all rolled up into one. It's the questions. That's the problem. All the children who visit are friends, and they simply play together, or explore the areas near the cottage. But the man just asks questions, and most of them don't even make any sense.
"How old are you, Takeru?" he says, keeling down so the long, pale robe he wears bunches up on the floor.
Takeru rolls his eyes. "I'm eight. I told you before. Why do you keep asking me that?" He cuddles Poyomon, who has chosen that moment to leap into his arms, saying "Poyo poyo" indignantly to the man.
The man nods, as though "Poyo poyo" really means something, and sighs.
"I am sorry Poyomon. I cannot say how long." He usually says something weird and confusing like that. Takeru just wants him to go away. Things are so much easier when he isn't there.
"Takeru, have you thought about going home?"
Takeru laughs. "You're really strange. I'm home already! You're the one who's visiting me, remember?"
The man frowns. "Can you really be happy in this place, all by yourself?"
There it is. The question Takeru hates the most. The one which makes his chest go tight for no reason at all.
"I'm not alone - I have Poyomon! And where else would I go? This is… I've always been here. This is my home." His head is starting to ache again. It always does when the man starts asking questions. "Why do you keep on asking me that? It just makes my head hurt and I don't like it. Go away! Go away and leave me alone!"
He can feel the tears welling up in his head. It's all wrong. Everything is all wrong. It shouldn't… he shouldn't… He presses the palms of his hands to the sides of his head and tries to squeeze the headache away. Why does the man keep doing this? It's those questions - they make his head feel dizzy and painful, and he starts to feel exhausted - as though he's been running around all day.
He realises something, after a while. Every time the man visits, Takeru has the burning dream again. Takeru doesn't like the man visiting him. Not one little bit.