Kokoro No Itami Nakunaru Made Zutto
(Until the Pain in
Our Hearts Disappears)
Author: Hitokiri
Gentatsu
Rating: PG
Summary/Disclaimer:
Two weeks after leaving the Ishinishi Kenshin's life begins to change when he
discovers the true meaning of the words he wishes to live by in the new Meiji
Era. I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. He came from the pen of Nobuhito Watsuki and
is owned by Shueisha 'Jump Comics', Fuji Television and others. I am not making
money with this story. Enjoy!
Chapter One: The Sword that Protects
"These can only be
fought with more bloodshed and the cycle never ends…"
Hiko
Seijuro
1st
OVA
(Dubbed
version)
The road before him
had the look of one that was well traveled but the lone swordsman that walked
it had seen no one for the past several days even though there were footprints
and wheel tracks in the soft earth of the road that indicated heavy traffic in
the not to distant past.
"For a road so well
traveled there certainly aren't a lot of people around," he thought as he
followed the path that countless others had taken before him.
The wind blew
through a stand of bamboo, causing the long thin leaves to make a faint
rustling sound. The sun was just setting, disappearing into a golden haze that
turned the somewhat cloudy sky above a glowing crimson and orange shot through
with pink but the swordsman paid no heed to the sky above him, for it would
only remind him of painful memories he was trying desperately to forget and of
a past life that was better left unspoken. Silent and alone he walked, making
no sound, leaving no trace of his passing and all the while searching his soul
for the meaning in his life now that his duty was done. Was there nothing left
for him to believe in now that the battle was won? Did he have any reason to
continue to exist? Yes, there was. One reason and a vow made to a woman who was
years dead. He must live for her and for the promise he made her. He felt a
pang of regret in his heart at the loss of so many by his own hand but now he
must do as he promised and repay those whose lives he took.
He walked on,
heedless of the rapidly developing night around him nor of the need for food
and rest that his body was demanding of him. His mind was concentrating on one
thing and that was to get as far away from his past life as he could, to be as
far away from Kyoto as this road would take him.
"Please let it be
far enough away. Let me find a place where I can live in peace. Perhaps then I
will be able to learn what kind of a man I truly am. Maybe I will find peace
and be able to learn what my life's purpose is now that the war is over, at
least for me."
He stuck his arms
into the sleeves of his gi to warm them and walked on for another hour, alone
except for his thoughts. The sky darkened above him and the stars appeared one
by one, glittering in the sky not realizing the troubles of the world far below
them. Small nocturnal animals began to move about not understanding that the
country they lived in was in the chaotic throws of war and rebirth.
The young swordsman
grimaced for he had, until of late, been a part of the bloody war that still
tore at his land. He had been one of the tools used to free Japan from three
hundred years of slavery to a corrupt government. His was the hand that had
helped to shape the new era of equality and peace. But for him there seemed to
be no hope for peace or equality because his hands helped to shape the new era but
his hands had slain many hundreds in order to do so. He looked at those hands
but saw only the blood of the hundreds he had killed staining them crimson. He
took a cloth from his sleeve and began to wipe his hands clean, even though
they were not dirty. No matter where he went or what he did that blood would
always separate him from other people. They would see it in his eyes and smell
it on his person no matter how much good he did. He could still smell its
sickening sweet metallic order even weeks later. He closed his eyes and took
deep, even breaths trying to still the still raging hitokiri within his heart.
He made camp a few
moments later, sitting before a fire carefully tended so that no smoke gave
away his location to any who may have followed seeking revenge. Mechanically,
he ate some food from his pack, noting absently that it was time to trade work
for some more food. He stared into the fire, his purple eyes lost in the
flames, his mind remembering another fire…
*
The buildings around him were all towers of flame and he
stood amidst them, sword in hand, blood still running down the blade, muting
its normally reflective surface. He could feel the heat from the flames that
leapt and danced around him but that didn't matter to him. All that mattered
were the enemies the gathered before him. Several of the Shinsengumi blocked
his path out of the inferno the alley had become, intent on keeping him within
the ring of buildings that were aflame, even if they died themselves. He could
hear the sound of screams coming from people all around, some of whom had
become trapped inside the burning buildings.
"You would kill
innocents just to get me? Why?" The cold voice of the Battousai rang clearly
above the crackling and hiss of flames. His face under the red hair that blew
around him from his high ponytail was set and grim and his eyes burned amber,
reflecting the fire that outlined him in glowing red.
The Shinsengumi
remained silently blocking his way, their faces full of rage and hatred for the
one who stood before them. They stood across the alleyway, preventing his
escape and even as he asked his questions he heard running footsteps behind
him. Turning his head just slightly, without taking his eye off the group in
front of him, he saw more of what appeared to be Shinsengumi cutting off his
retreat. The smoke blocked him from seeing them clearly but they had to be
Shinsengumi behind him.
"So you want to
die today..so be it." He waited, not wanting to be the first to attack, his eyes
growing colder as all emotion drained from him until only the former hitokiri,
not the bodyguard, stood before them.
The Shinsengumi
stood unmoving, watching him for several moments then one of them began to move
forward and charged, his sword held in the parallel sword stroke, the Hirazuki.
In an instant Battousai reacted, moving at those in front of him as those
behind him rushed forward to spring their trap. Soon they had surrounded him,
trying to force him closer to the burning buildings around him but he would not
let them trap him there. He fought his way clear of their trap, slaying them
all with lightening fast strokes of his sword, their screams mingling with the
crackling of the flames around them. But even as he slew them, they laughed and
told him they would soon see him in Hell.
When the battle
lust of the Battousai faded to the edges of his mind, Kenshin saw why they had
laughed. Burning debris from the buildings blocked his path and the wind was
carrying that debris toward him. He squinted through the smoke, seeking a way
out but finding all the ways blocked by fire. He looked up and down the alley
but everywhere there were flames. He just stood there, frozen in place,
watching the burning flames coming ever closer, flames that were going to claim
his life… It was the collapse of a building next to him that spurred him into
action once again despite the wounds he had taken in the battle.
"I have to get
out of here. I must live to atone for all the lives I have taken." He sheathed
his sword and ran toward the flames hoping to run fast enough to escape the
fire before he burned to death.
*
Several hours
later he stumbled into camp, his eyes red and throat raw from the smoke, his
hair and clothing covered in soot and his right arm bleeding from the burns it
sustained while being used to protect his eyes from the fire. He treated the
wounds and burns he received, poured water over himself to clean the soot from
his body. Then he changed his clothing and went to see Katsura. It was
definantly time for him to leave. Some of the men he slew tonight were with the
Ishinishi. Someone within the Ishinishi wanted him dead.
He entered the
meeting at the back of the room and few people marked his entrance or even
looked at him. He sat and leaned against the far wall with his sword propped
against his shoulder. His eyes were closed and his head bowed but his senses
were on the alert for any sign of trouble. He listened carefully to the plans
for attacking the army that had come to try and oust them from Kyoto. Plans
were made to for a quick and decisive strike at the army that lay just outside
the city and to crush them once and for all. Kenshin privately agreed with this
plan but he said nothing. He continued to sit with his head bowed. He offered
no advice on the matter nor was he asked for any. That was fine with him for he
knew this battle would be his last. Years of killing had taken their toll on
his spirit and his mind, which seemed to be divided into two warring factions.
If they won the next battle all that would be left was selfish fighting and if
they lost…well they would all be killed.
The men discussed
the options far into the night but finally agreed to attack at dawn. The
samurai filed out of the room, talking among themselves of the battle to come
but Kenshin merely sat as he head been sitting for the entire meeting, his hair
hiding his closed eyes, his manner deceptively lazy as it always was. Soon the
only two people in the room were Katsura and himself.
"You are still
resolved in this matter, Himura?" Katsura's quiet voice broke the silence.
"I am. I want to
find a path were I can live in peace and help to protect this new era without
killing ever again. I cannot do that here." Kenshin placed his sword in front
of him and bowed. "Therefore, I come to ask your permission to leave,
Katsura-san."
Across the room,
Katsura had not moved from where he had been sitting. He looked at the young
man before him, whose red hair was spilling across the floor like the blood of
the many victims he slew in the name of justice. Kenshin had changed in the
last several years. He was less a machine whose only purpose was to slay
whomever he was ordered to. Now he seemed to have found a purpose but he was
still a man whose very soul was divided. Katsura could see it in his eyes. His
true spirit was peaceful but war had warped that once peaceful spirit into that
of a ruthless killer. Now the two coexisted in an uneasy truce. Someday one of
them would win complete control over his actions and one day he would have to
decide which one he truly was.
"Will you be able
to find the path you seek? Can your two selves become one? Will time allow the
invisible wounds I gave you time to heal or will those wounds eventually kill
you? Katsura thought as he watched the young man before him and smiled. "I give
my permission."
"Arigato,
Katsura-san." Kenshin said softly, rising from the floor and turning to slide
the door behind him open.
"Himura…Good
fortune to you."
Kenshin half
turned and gave him a piercing looked.
"There are still
traitors within the Ishinishi. Be careful." he said quietly and he left as
silently as he had entered.
Katsura sat
motionless as Kenshin departed. Katsura knew that some others in the clan
wanted to eliminate the former hitokiri because they saw him as a threat to
them as one who knew too many of their secrets.
"I thought that
changing his status from prime hitokiri to a bodyguard would protect him from
this fate."
But it had not.
They still planned to ambush him with the help of the Shinsengumi. Judging from
Himura's attitude they had already made one attempt but he had managed to
escape them, at least for the moment.
"In the heat of
battle, however…"
Himura had
unknowingly given them both a way out of their situations. If Himura left
before the battle or soon after it was over then whose to say he was still
alive and Katsura's willingness to let him go would in some small part help him
to atone for the unforgivable crime of turning a young boy into a killer.
"Find peace
Himura and please forgive me."
*
And so it was that
after the successful conclusion of the First Battle of Toba Fushimi, Himura
Kenshin, the famed Hitokiri Battousai, disappeared from the field. No one knew
why are where he went except Kogoro Katsura and the swordsmith Arai Shakuu. He
disappeared as quietly as he appeared and was never seen again.
Now two weeks later,
Kenshin sat before the fire, staring into its flames and remembering. His mind
was full of doubts that he would ever be able to find the path he had spoken of
to Katsura and Shakku.
"Will I be able to
survive or even exist in this new era? Can I learn to control the hitokiri
within me? What will I find on this journey into the unknown?"
He sat contemplating
these questions watching the flames of the fire dance in the ring of stones.
The real problem was his past, his other identity that was plain for anyone to
see. Even though he had changed his clothing and had hidden the scar on his
left cheek under a bandage, he knew his fighting Ki, the way he carried and
handled the sword at his side and his red hair would give him away. Aside of
the cross-shaped scar on his left cheek, his red hair was the one thing about
his identity that was known even among the general populace. Everyone knew the
Hitokiri Battousai had red hair and a cross shaped scar even if they also
thought he was ten feet tall with glowing red eyes and a sword made of fire.
Kenshin sighed as
the wind tugged at his hair, blowing it into his face. He pushed it back with
his hand and wondered what perverse spirit had made him look so different from
everyone else around him. His fair skin, purple eyes and red hair marked him as
of foreign blood as surely as it also marked him as Battousai. During the war
and in an effort to hide his hair, he had darkened it to help him better blend
into the darkness he walked in. Even after he became a bodyguard he still
darkened it until it was more auburn then red. He watched a strand of it wave
in front of his eyes and he pushed it back again with his hand. It had returned
to its natural shade of red after only a few days on the road. It was no longer
a muted shade of red but the fiery red of a sunset.
"This hair of
mine…it will give my identity away…"
He stared glumly
into the fire, feeling the wind tug at his hair and clothes, lost in thought.
Several silent moments had passed when suddenly he was jerked out of his
reverie by that silence, which seemed to cloak everything around him. In an
instant he had dosed the fire with some dirt and grabbed his still unused
sakabatou from where it rested at his side.
He waited, his heart
racing, though his outward appearance was calm, while his eyes quickly adjusted
to the darkness. He sent out his Ki in search of the disturbance, hoping it was
just some wild animal. He sensed nothing unusual in the woods around him but he
remained watchful, his eyes scanning the surrounding forest. After a few
moments he heard a strangled cry and the sound of swords clashing. It was
behind him and several feet to the left, deeper into the forest.
Swiftly and silently
he ran, hoping he wouldn't be too late to save whoever it was. This was the
first chance he had to see if he could live by the words he had spoken a few
weeks ago: 'to find a way to protect the people living in this new era without
killing men'. He ran on, the sound of battle getting clearer with each stride,
the cries becoming more desperate. He was close enough to understand the words
now.
"Please…save
us…someone help us…" These words were spoken over and over again and they
echoed in Kenshin's mind.
"I have to save them
if I can."
He would have liked
nothing better then to burst into the clearing ahead of him but he knew it
would not be wise to go into battle without at least knowing how many he faced.
He stopped his headlong flight and paused to look into the clearing. There
appeared to be eight men attacking a group of women and children. Kenshin
scanned the area, seeking the guards that must have guarded this group on their
journey. He found them nearby, all slain and covered in their own blood. The
attackers were laughing at what they had done, gloating over their prizes.
"This one will fetch
a good price at a brothel," said one of the attackers as he reached for one of
the women huddled on the ground, lust in his eyes.
His hand never
reached her. One moment there was nothing to prevent him from doing so and the
next a sword was descending onto his forearm, which snapped under the force of
the blow. The man then felt the blade slam into his ribs and he fell to the
ground stunned. The others looked up in surprise at the young swordsman who has
seemingly appeared from nowhere. He was standing in front of the women and
children with his sword sheathed. His face was grim and his eyes narrow.
"You will not touch
these innocents," he said with quiet sternness.
He glared at the men
and they all began to tremble. They did not know who this red-haired youth was
but he knew how to use the strange non-lethal sword at his side. In the back of
their minds, something about a deadly swordsman with red hair flickered but
they soon forgot all thought as the stranger spoke again.
"You will leave this
place and never return and you will never bother others along this road again."
"Who are you to give
us orders, whelp?" said the largest of the remaining attackers and, as if this
was a signal of some kind, the entire group charged him.
The women began to
scream but even before the attackers had moved, Kenshin was among them. He slashed
at them with blinding speed careful to make all his blows ones that would
immobilize rather than kill his opponents. Soon five of the eight where down
with nothing worse than broken bones and bruised flesh. The other three stared
at him in amazement, clearly never having seen anything like his technique
before. Two of them fled, running farther into the forest as fast as their legs
could carry them. The only one left was the large man that had spoken a few
moments previous.
"You're pretty good
with that sword, boy, but you will never be able to defeat me with your
tricks."
Kenshin looked
calmly at the man, his sword sheathed again. He said nothing and gave away
nothing. The other samurai wore his daisho with the ease of a man who knew how
to use them. He had sword calluses on both hands and his movements were quick
and deliberate. In a few moments Kenshin had calculated that his opponent was
the leader of the group, that he was at least as fast as he, himself, was, that
he could use both of his swords with equal proficiency and that he would not be
as easily defeated as the others. The one thing he did not know was the
technique the man used.
"But that will come
in a moment." he thought to himself.
He stared at the
man, his eyes narrow and his hand held loosely over the sakabatou's hilt,
preparing to execute one of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu's Battoujutsu moves.
"You will not lay a
hand on one of these innocents." he said, his eyes flashing amber and his flat
voice cold and dark.
"And you will be the
one that stops me? I find that highly unlikely." The man laughed and drew his
two swords. "Your idealistic game is over now, boy."
The man charged,
swinging his two swords in two diagonal slashes. Kenshin blocked with his sword
and danced around the leader, getting in behind him. He slashed at the man's
back only to find his blade blocked. The leader laughed and spun with his two
swords outstretched. Kenshin leapt into the air, avoiding both swords and
landed a few feet from his opponent. The leader charged again, this time
thrusting with his wakizashi at Kenshin's chest. Kenshin blocked that move but
the leader's katana slammed into the side of his head.
Momentarily stunned,
Kenshin felt the man's foot connect with his stomach. He felt himself fall to his
knees and he remained in that position for several minutes, unable to move. The
leader laughed again and the women began to scream. Kenshin saw the katana
coming toward him, aimed at his head. He had a fleeting thought of the irony of
the Hitokiri Battousai being slain by a common bandit before he felt the impact
of two swords clashing. Somehow he had managed to block his opponent's sword
with his own. He shouted a battle cry and ascended into the air, narrowly
avoiding a second slash from the leader's wakizashi. Kenshin rose rapidly into
the air and hovered there for a split second before descending again, landing a
powerful blow on the leader's shoulder using a modified version of the Ryu Tsui
Sen he had been practicing for some time. The leader fell to the ground,
unconscious. Kenshin landed hard and fell forward as the world began to spin
around him. He could hear the women and children talking but it was muffled and
seemed to come from a great distance and he couldn't seem to see anything. The
night grew darker around him and the all noise ceased as unconsciousness took
him.
