Title: The Man from Magnolia

By: Comrade Carlin

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any movie plots/references.

Authors Note: To all faithful readers of my material, such as SymmetricalGirl8DeathTheKid, Azuky-Bunny, SasusakuIslovelyy, luvelguk, and ThEAnOnYmOuScOlLeCtIvE, this is a dedication of thanks for the support that all of you have given my work. I thank you all for your kind words and readership; I greatly appreciate this, and it helps me with my prose. Rest assured, Fairy Tail: The Eight Pages will be finished; the last chapter merely needs some last edits and proof-reading. Also, I have quite a few more interesting ideas and semi-finished stories nearing completion. But, to tide all faithful readers of my work over, and to make up for the slight delay in updates, I present this little one-shot based off and inspired by Quentin Tarantino's segment, "The Man from Hollywood" from the movie "Four Rooms." The movie "Four Rooms" is fairly decent, but only due to the last two segments "The Misbehavers," directed and written by Robert Rodriguez, and "The Man from Hollywood," directed, written, and staring Quentin Tarantino. Personally, my favorite is Tarantino's segment, and in case it is unclear, I am a huge Tarantino fan and Tarantino delivers all his usual for this segment. I may do another one-shot based off of "The Misbehavers" with the same Fairy Tail AU and the same setting as this one if this gets enough reads, reviews, and support. It is worth noting that the events of "The Misbehavers" lead directly into "The Man from Hollywood." Either way, to all my faithful readers and all new readers of my work, enjoy. I thank you all for you support.

Twenty minutes before midnight on New Year's Eve, the main service elevator of the Magnolia Hotel "Fairy Tail" rode down to the lobby. The doors opened and a wet, disheveled, and frantic woman named Lucy Heartfilia stepped out. She staggered across the lobby to the reception desk, where she then grabbed the phone. Lucy angrily punched the numbers of the Hotel Manager's house phone number, grumbling to herself as she did so. At the other line, at the Hotel Manager's house, the phone rang. At this, Cana Alberona, an extremely drunk brunette wearing a bra and shorts, stopped playing with her tarot cards and suddenly picked up the ringing phone. At Lucy's end, an extremely drunken and cheerful sounding voice yelled out, "Happy New Year!"

Sighing, Lucy wearily requested to the voice, "Let me speak to Makarov."

Cana looked around the thrashed room, noticed all the unconscious partygoers lying on the floor, and drunkenly murmured, "Party's over, he probably went home."

Exasperated, Lucy stated, "He lives there."

"Oh, well, I haven't seen 'em in a while." Cana responded.

"Do you even know who I'm talking about?" Lucy questioned.

"Yeah... yeah... yeah... I know 'em, I know Laxus." Cana retorted.

Rolling her eyes in frustration, Lucy countered, "Makarov, not Laxus."

Nonplussed, Cana continued, "Yeah... yeah... I know Makarov too... Tall..."

"No, not particularly. Hell, not even in the slightest." Lucy growled into the phone.

Cana then stated, "No, no, no, hold on, err, uh… I know. He's a sweet Norwegian Gentlemen."

Annoyed, Lucy screamed into the phone, "He's NOT Norwegian!"

Unfazed, Cana continued, "Yeah... yeah... yeah... but still, I know her."

Lucy grumbled, "Makarov is a HIM, and if you know HIM, then get her… uh, I mean, HIM on the phone, IMMEDIATELY, it's an emergency."

"Who… uh, who should I say's calling?" Cana asked.

Angrily, Lucy stated, "Tell 'em Lucy from work is on the phone, and it's a major frickin' emergency."

"Gotcha," Cana responded, "Ashley from work…"

"No, not Ashley from work," Lucy groused to Cana, "My name is Lucy, and I'm calling Makarov, just say that Lucy is calling Makarov."

Lucy heard dead air for about thirty seconds, and then suddenly, Lucy heard Cana happily announce, "Hi Lucy, I'm Cana, you sound down. Has this not been the happiest of New Year's?"

Lucy, resigning herself to talking with Cana, wearily stated, "No Cana, this hasn't been my best New Year. This year's starting off pretty badly."

"Awww," Cana hiccupped sympathetically, "how come?"

"Well, Cana," Lucy seethed, "the guy whose house you're at, even though you obviously don't know him, leaves me here all by myself on New Year's Eve. And first thing right off the bat, I'm seduced by a guild of mages."

Interrupting, Cana incredulously stated, "You produced chilled cages. As in birdcages, or what? And how were they chilled? Did you produce them by…"

"NO, NO, NO," Lucy screamed, "You got it all wrong; I was SEDUCED, by A GUILD, of MAGES. I repeat; I was seduced by a guild of mages. Well, to be more accurate, I was seduced by one mage in particular."

Smirking, Cana asked, "Was he an old fart with moles, dandruff, and a wart with hair growing out of it?"

Lucy paused for a second, reminiscing the incident with that charming mage… now what was him name, Leo, Loke, or was it Roki? She couldn't quite remember, but, nether-the-less, Lucy replied, "No-no-no, he was... well, quite attractive, a handsome young stud with flaming orange hair, blue sunglasses, and a piercingly flirty personality."

At her end, Cana leaned her head against her hand, appearing pensive and deep in thought, and after a moment, Cana inquired, "Lucy?"

"Yes." Lucy responded.

"What exactly is the problem with that?" Cana questioned.

Taken aback, Lucy stammered out, "Well, admittedly, that was the best part of the night. It was pretty frickin' cool, actually. But it was still an unnerving, if not weirdly interesting way to start off the night."

Laughing, Cana responded, "Sounds to me like a pretty great way to start off the night."

Wanting to change the subject, Lucy grumbled, "Okay, let's just skip over the mages."

Surprised, Cana asked, "Skipping over the pages? Of what? A manga collection?"

Frustrated, Lucy growled, "Oh never mind, so, later, in another room, some crazy blue-haired love-obsessed maniac sticks a water gun in my face and claims that I am, quote, 'Ashley, Juvia's despised Love-Rival, and a filthy schemer who is plotting to steal the affections of Juvia's beloved "Gray-Sama."' Hell, she practically had this weird love… octagon or something, with every female possible conspiring to steal her… well; I'd guess her boyfriend or something."

"She thought you were stealing the affections of her… boyfriend?" Cana queried.

"Well yes," Lucy agreed, "And I assume that her name was Juvia, and the boyfriend's name was Gray, and that is exactly what she accused me of doing. She then held me hostage with a water gun!"

Cana, "A water gun? Seriously?"

Lucy, "Well look, I didn't know it was a water gun at first, the thing looked EXTREMELY convincing. It wasn't until she shot me with it that I found out it was a water gun. But still, it looked pretty intimidating, and it was BIG."

Cana, "Like Dirty Harry's gun."

Lucy, "Yeah, something like that."

Cana, "Did it have a real long barrel or a short barrel?"

Lucy, "What difference does it make?"

Cana, "Well, for one thing it's the difference between a .44 Magnum and a Magnum .357."

Lucy, "Who cares if it was a .44 or a .357, I thought that it was a real gun. And despite the fact that it turned out to be a water gun, it certainly LOOKED like a real gun, and it looked like it was a frickin' loaded gun, pointed at my frickin' head! And the fact that it was held by a Blue-haired psycho didn't help assuage my fears. I hope that I never see either of those two again in my life."

Stunned, Cana slowly took this in. Then, with a sympathetic suggestion, Cana said, "You wanna skip over this part, too?"

Sighing, Lucy pleaded, "I want you to get Makarov on the phone NOW DAMN IT!"

"Hold on." Cana instructed Lucy. Then, Cana started yelling to the trashed room, "HEY, anybody live here named... uh…" Then, picking up the phone, Cana inquired, "What's her name again?"

Exasperated, Lucy bellowed, "HIS NAME, and it's MAKAROV!"

"Alright, alright, geez," Cana complained, "Give me a break… and some booze, MAKAROV!"

At this, the sleepy room stirred, and Makarov awoke from the floor.

"Yeah," Makarov grumbled, "Whatcha screamin' about Brat?"

"You're Makarov?" Cana inquired.

"Yeah, I'm Makarov," Makarov indignantly barked, "This is my frickin' house, who the hell are you?"

"I'm Cana," Cana stated as she handed Makarov the phone, "And this is Lucy from work."

Immediately, Makarov took the phone and then stated into it, "Lucy what's the problem?"

"What's the problem?" Lucy questioned with mock sweetness, "I don't got a problem, I got frickin' problems! Plural. Wanna hear?"

Makarov, yawning, as he wiped the sleep from his eyes, reluctantly said, "Sure."

"Well," Lucy began, "Most recently, there's Room 309, there's this scary cowboy dude with spiky black hair pointing his finger AND HIS GUN at me. There's his hooligan kids, a boy and a girl, snapping their fingers at me. There's his drunk wife, with green hair, passed out on the floor where the cowboy dude dropped her upon entering their room. There's a putrid, rotting corpse of a dead bookworm stuck in the springs of the bed in said room. There's the majority of Room 309 blazing afire. There's a big fat needle from who knows where, stuck in my leg, infecting me with who knows what. And finally there's me, walking out the door, right the HELL now. Buenas noches."

Suddenly, a loud ringing sound sounded from the desk. Lucy's head turned toward it, and she noticed that it is coming from a light on the guest board. The noise is coming from the top light, the Penthouse Suite. Makarov can make this out and know its significance, for he can hear it distinctly on his side of the line. The ringing sound fully wakes him up, and Makarov frantically questioned. "Lucy, isn't that the Penthouse Suite?"

"Yeah." Lucy muttered in a non-committal manner.

Sweating from anxiety, Makarov quickly intoned, "That's the Gajeel Redfox party, they want something."

"Yeah, well tough luck." Lucy grumbled. "They're just gonna have to wait, 'cause I'm walkin' out the door right now."

Starting to panic, Makarov responded, "Now, Lucy, wait a minute. I know you're freaked, I know you're stressed. You're probably pissed, and you've had a real bad night…"

"Yes, Makarov," Lucy sarcastically agreed, "I've had-a-real-bad-night…"

"You say there's a dead body in Room 309?" Makarov questioned.

Lucy replied, "Yes, I did, a rather small dead body at that, somehow the shrimp of a girl had blue hair…"

"No problem," Makarov responded, "This is a hotel, and not just any hotel, but Magnolia's finest hotel, The "Fairy Tail," we've had dead bodies before, it's just the price of doing business. You said the hotel room was on fire. Is it still on fire?"

"No, it's out now." Lucy replied.

Sighing with relief, Makarov stated, "Good, sprinkler system worked like a charm. Now, you wanna leave for the night, you've had enough. Your shift is over. Fine, that's perfectly understandable. I'll take care of everything else. The only thing I ask is that you take care of Gajeel Redfox. Then you can leave for the night. Hell, take an extended vacation afterwards, and show up for work in February, JUST TAKE CARE OF GAJEEL REDFOX'S REQUESTS!"

"Now, look…" Lucy began with a frustrated air.

"Lucy," Makarov interrupted, "Gajeel Redfox is a very important guest of this hotel. In fact, he is the most important guest at the hotel. The Fairy Tail used to be a haven for movie stars. Through the thirties and forties, and the first half of the fifties, more movie stars. If you break it down on a night-by-night basis, more movie stars stayed at The Fairy Tail than any other hotel in Magnolia. Now, we had some hard times in the eighties, even though we were the official hotel of Edolas Pictures, but we were coming back strong in the nineties, and, as of right now, could be making a major comeback. And a movie star clientele such as Gajeel Redfox is important to that comeback. If we can keep stars of his magnitude happy, we're on our way. So, Lucy, just take care of him, then you can leave."

Wearily, Lucy responded, "Look, I don't feel like…"

Cutting Lucy off, Makarov desperately begged, "He probably just wants some champagne! Or Beer! Or, Hell, maybe even pieces of Iron, just BRING HIM WHAT HE WANTS!" You can do that, can't you? Please just take care of him; the entire staff of the Fairy Tail is begging you!"

Exhausted and frustrated, Lucy wearily crumbled to Makarov's request.

"Okay." Lucy reluctantly agreed, "But you get your ass here pronto."

Relieved, Makarov chuckled, "You're a good woman, Lucy. Thanks a bunch."

Lucy resignedly hung up the phone and then reached for the board phone for the penthouse.

Lucy, "Hello, Mr. Redfox. Sorry for the delay. How can I help you?"

After gathering the items that Gajeel Redfox requested, Lucy boarded the elevator and ascended to the Penthouse Suite. The elevator was cheerily playing some catching 70's tune from the K-BILLY Radio Station. The 70's tune was "Stuck in the Middle with You" by Steelers Wheel, and Lucy thought that the song was ironically fitting, which for some inexplicable reason, she found familiar. Regardless, once reaching the Penthouse Suite on Floor 42, the elevator door opened and Lucy wheeled out a tray full of various objects into the hallway outside the Penthouse Suite.

Before knocking on the Penthouse Suite door, Lucy paused to glance at her appearance in the hallway mirror. Lucy put a little bit of an effort in tiding herself up and making herself appear a bit less disheveled than when she staggered down after the fiasco in Room 309. She was only slightly successful in her attempt, for her uniform still looked like shit, her blonde hair looked tousled, she was still somewhat wet, and she walked with a limp.

Sighing to herself, Lucy made up her mind that this was the best state she'd appear in for the night, and Lucy knocked at the Penthouse Suite's door as she wheeled up the cart.

After a few seconds, a bored sounding voice said, "Who is it."

With an effort at cheerfulness, Lucy sang out, "Room Service."

At the sound of this, a muscular bare-chested man wearing a cross necklace opened the door. The man had dark grey hair and a weird-looking tattoo on the right side of his chest. And to make matters worse, this was the man from the room with crazy blue-haired love-obsessed maniac. Lucy stood there dumbstruck, all the time hoping that the man's girlfriend was NOT in the Penthouse Suite with him… Now… what was his name again… AH YES, it was Gray.

Smirking a little, Gray chuckled, "Hey Ashley, long time no see."

Broken out of her reverie, Lucy angrily demanded, "What the hell are you doing here Gray? And my name's Lucy!"

At this, Gray held up the drink he had in his hand, saying, "Partying and having a drink."

Straining to get a look at the room over Gray's shoulder, Lucy fearfully asked, "Is that crazy psycho girlfriend of yours in there?

Laughing, Gray responded, "Are you kidding? Juvia'll be asleep until Christmas."

Suddenly, from behind Gray, Lucy heard a voice laugh and say, "Entrez, entrez."

Gray then stepped aside, allowing Lucy to wheel in the tray to the room.

The Penthouse's interior is huge, far and away the best suite in the hotel. And standing in the middle of the biggest room in the Fairy Tail hotel is the biggest, newest, and most popular movie star, writer, director, and musician to burst onto the Magnolia scene in nearly a decade: Gajeel Redfox, recent Oscar Awards Winner for Best Picture, Best Writer, Best Director, and Best Actor for his debut movie, star of the comedy, drama, and action screen from said debut movie, expert guitar player and winner of numerous Grammy Awards, and current favorite of Magnolia Today Magazine. At this moment in time, Gajeel Redfox is the king of entertainment, and he has the swagger of a new king. After his debut movie and two chart-topping award-winning albums, he's pulled the sword out of the stone. As Lucy walked into the Penthouse, she gazed at Gajeel, and the look on Gajeel's face said, "Being the King's good, so Hail to the King Baby." Dressed in an all white suit with a matching white fedora, complete with a flashy red tie and a rose pinned to his left lapel, Gajeel simply oozed of fame, stardom, and success. The sharp looking sunglasses and ear piercings simply enhanced Gajeel's look in Lucy's opinion, and surrounding Gajeel was his entourage. They all looked like once upon a time this evening they were dressed sharp; however, at this late hour, everybody, sans Gajeel, looked about as disheveled as Lucy. One of said disheveled members was a man with pink hair that was reclining in a comfy chair with his legs thrown over the arm and a bottle of G.O. Juice in his hand. The pink-haired man was wearing a vest… that wasn't zipped up, exposing his chest. The pink-haired man was also wearing an extremely long white checkered scarf. Also, pacing back and forth across the Penthouse, there was a gorgeous red-haired woman, dressed partly in a business suit… and partly in a suit of armor. The red-head was talking on her cell phone, and she was completely oblivious to the rest of the room's activity. The red-head was also wearing a headdress that resembled cat ears, and she was also wearing a belt that had a cat tail attached to it.

In Gajeel Redfox's hand was a glass of champagne, which he constantly spilled, miraculously avoiding his suit, as he gestured about wildly. Lucy took a good look at the Penthouse, and she saw random bits of garbage, debris, spills, and food spewed all around the room. Lucy could make out the leftovers of a wild party: Half-eaten pizzas still lying in their boxes, flattened bags of Acuna Boys' Tex-Mex Food, the remains of hamburgers from Big Kahuna Burger, crushed Red Apple cigarette cartons, empty cans of Tenku Brand Beer, and empty bottles of Cristal Champagne.

Gajeel Redfox broke Lucy's examination of the room with a bellow of, "Entrez, entrez, come in, come in." Revealing himself as the voice that Lucy heard at the door.

Lucy then wheeled in the tray, apologizing as she did so, "Hello there sir, sorry I took so long, but I got everything you asked for and…"

"Not a problem," Gajeel interrupted, "No problem my friend Ms. Bellhop."

Gray closed the door and said, "Her name's Ashley."

"Actually," Lucy corrected, "It's not Ashley," glaring at Gray, Lucy responded, "It's Lucy."

Gajeel then walked over to Lucy, saying, "So, Lucy the Bellhop, as I was saying, would you care for some champagne? That's not what I was saying, but would you care for some champagne?"

"No, thank you." Lucy politely answered.

"Ya sure?" Gajeel teased, "It's Cristal. It's the best. I never liked champagne before I had Cristal, but now, I love it."

Caving in, Lucy responded, "Okay, yeah, sure."

As Gajeel poured Lucy a glass, he said, "As I was saying, Lucy, don't worry about being late. For our purposes, promptness is far behind thoroughness."

At the word, 'thoroughness,' Gajeel handed Lucy the glass of Cristal.

"Chin-chin." Gajeel toasted.

Gajeel and Lucy then clinked their glasses together and drank their drinks.

The Cristal wasn't bad at all, Lucy thought, in fact, if this guy gives me a large tip, I might actually be happy at this night's turn of events.

Gajeel then interrupted Lucy's thoughts with his question, "So, whadya say, Lucy?

"Uh," Lucy began, "Thank you?"

"No, not thank you." Gajeel clarified, "Whadya say about the tasty beverage?"

"It's good." Lucy answered.

"Damn good, Lucy. It's damn good," Gajeel elucidated, "Hell, frickin' good is more accurate, so let's try it again, shall we? So, Lucy, whadya think about the tasty beverage."

"It's uh… frickin' good." Lucy stated.

Smiling, Gajeel bellowed, "You bet your sweet ass, Lucy. It's frickin' Cristal, everything else is piss."

The pink-haired man lying in the chair suddenly started yelling at Lucy, "Bellhop! Bellhop! Bellhop!"

Gajeel then commanded the pink-haired man, "Knock it off, you're making my friend Lucy here uneasy." Then, to Lucy, Gajeel stated, "Pay no attention to Natsu over there, Lucy, he's just screwin' with ya, that's all. That's from Quadrophenia. Now me, myself, when I think of bellhops or bellboys, I think of… Say, you don't think that "bellboy" is an insult, do you? Is there another name for what you do that I'm ignorant of? Bellman, bellperson…"

Breaking off Gajeel's rambling, Lucy simplified, "Bellhop's fine, or even bellboy if you prefer."

"Good." Gajeel said, "I'm glad they haven't changed that. There's a friendliness to 'bellboy.' As I was saying, Lucy, when Natsu thinks of bellboys, he thinks of Quadrophenia. But me, when I think of bellboys, I think of The Bellboy, with Jerry Lewis. Didja ever see The Bellboy?"

"No." Lucy muttered.

"You should," Gajeel instructed, "It's one of Jerry's better movies. He never says a word through the entire film. A completely silent performance. How many actors can pull that off? And he has to go to Earthland to get respect. That says a whole lot all about Magnolia right there. The minute Jerry Lewis dies, all the newspapers in Magnolia are gonna write articles calling the man a genius. It's not right. It's not right and it's not fair. But why should that surprise anybody? When has Magnolia ever been fair? We might be right every once in a while, but we're very rarely fair."

Gesturing to the tray of objects, Lucy asked, "Where do you want this?"

Looking a little hurt, Gajeel asked, "You in a hurry, Lucy?"

Lucy wanted nothing more than to get a large tip and go home, but she didn't want to rush the movie star, so instead, she said, "Well, no, not particularly."

Smiling, Gajeel cheerfully stated, "Good, then stop playing "Beat the Clock." Now let me introduce you to everybody here."

At this, Gajeel put his arm around Lucy and lead her around the room, and Gray crossed by, drink in hand. Gesturing to Gray, Gajeel said, "Our friend from downstairs you already seem to be acquainted with."

Gray then lounged on a big comfy couch and said, "Oh, me and Ashley go way back. Don't we, Ashley?"

Annoyed, Lucy growled, "The name's Lucy, Gray. I only let people with water guns disguised as loaded guns pointed at my head call me Ashley."

Smirking, Gajeel broke in, "Gray's like you, Lucy, a newfound friend."

Gray nodded his head, explaining, "We met at the lounge, and I was a fan of his work, music, and performances, so naturally I decided to join his party."

Gajeel, with his arm still around Lucy, lead her to Natsu, who was still sitting in the chair, saying, "The pink-haired hot head with the bottle of G.O. Juice in his hand and the sense of humor is Natsu. Natsu, say hello to Lucy."

Natsu then happily asked, "What's up?" as he shook Lucy's hand.

Gesturing to the Red-head pacing around the room, still on her cell phone, Gajeel announced, "The sociable bitch on the telephone is Erza. And the person on the other end of the phone is her lovely husband Jellal." Then, bellowing to Erza, Gajeel requested, "HEY ERZA, say hello to Lucy."

At this, Erza broke away from her phone conversation for approximately four seconds to quickly say, "Hi, Lucy, glad you could make it." And then, like clockwork, Erza resumed her cell phone conversation with, "What? What does punctuality have to do with love Jellal?"

Ignoring the rest of Erza's conversation, Gajeel then pointed to himself, saying "Which brings me to me, Gajeel Redfox, Lucy. Pleased to meetcha." Gajeel shook Lucy's hand.

Lucy then said, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry I haven't seen your movie."

As he heard this, Gajeel suddenly stopped all movement. Lucy wondered if she should have said that. Taking his hand out of Lucy's hand, Gajeel slowly walked over to the table and poured himself some more champagne. His speech now was slower and somewhat distracted, and his tone had completely changed from excited to introspective.

"It's quite all right, Lucy," Gajeel muttered, "Nothing to feel sorry about. That's why there is television and video."

Before Lucy could respond, Gajeel raised his hand and said, "But you know, Lucy, a lot of people did see it." At this Gajeel took a deep drink of his champagne and a disgusted look crossed his face. Gajeel slowly put his drink down, and his manner gave the room a chill. As Gajeel talked, he addressed the room with an angry bark, "Who drank out of this bottle last?"

No answer was heard, and even Erza stopped talking on her cell phone. The voice on the other line could be faintly heard in this lull.

Gajeel walked over to the table and grabbed the bottle he just drank from, saying, "Who drank out of this bottle… no, not the other bottles," he clarified as everyone in the room glanced at the other bottles. Then, shaking the bottle in his hand, Gajeel yelled out, "WHO DRANK OUT OF THIS BOTTLE LAST?"

Fearfully, Natsu timidly asked, "What's wrong, Gajeel?"

Gajeel spilled the remaining champagne from his glass onto the floor and threw the bottle in his hand against the wall, screaming, "It's frickin' flat, Natsu, that's what's wrong. The champagne, the frickin' Cristal's frickin' FLAT."

Gajeel then improvised a temper tantrum about the flat Cristal, stomping around the Penthouse while everyone looked at him, not knowing what to say. Even Erza walked over to witness what Gajeel was doing, and the whole room was uneasy and a little frightened.

When Gajeel finished his tantrum, he turned his attention back to Lucy. As he talked to her, he opened up another bottle of Cristal and poured himself another glass, rapidly gulping it down. As he talked to Lucy, Lucy could tell that Gajeel was not using the rapid-fire pace that he had used so far. Gajeel's voice and speech was now more troubled and distracted, and he said, "Well, as I was saying, Lucy, a lot of people did see it. And not just on video, either." Turning to Erza, Gajeel questioned, "Erza, what was the final take on domestic for my movie?"

Erza was still standing in the doorway making sure that Gajeel was cool, calm, and collected, saying, "172.1 million." Then, in a worried tone, Erza questioned, "You okay, Gajeel?"

Gajeel, struggling with bottle as he poured himself another glass, with his glass shaking in his hand all the while, responded, "I'm cool, so talk to your husband Erza."

Erza turned her attention back to her cell phone and continued to pace across the room.

Gajeel then looked at Lucy at said, "172.1 million dollars. That's before video and before foreign, and before pay-TV and before free TV. We're talking frickin' asses in frickin' seats." At this point, Gajeel has just emptied his recently opened bottle of Cristal, and he reached for a new one. As he popped the cork of the new bottle, he continued, "Before all that other shit, The Iron Dragonslayer made 172.1 million dollars."

Gajeel then walked over to Lucy and filled her glass again, saying, "And my new one, Metalicana, is projected to break two-hundred million." Gajeel then clinked Lucy's glass with his, toasting, "Metalicana."

Lucy concurred, saying, "Metalicana." They both drink; the tantrum's over, and thankfully, Gajeel's back to his fast-talking, good-natured self.

Grinning, Gajeel suggested, "Now, let's stroll over here and see what goodies you brought us."

"Do you mind me asking what all this stuff's for?" Lucy questioned.

Chucking, Gajeel answered, "One thing at a time, Lucy. I'm not a frog and you're not a bunny, so let's not jump ahead. Eh Bunnygirl?" Lucy just looked at Gajeel in disbelief, thinking, WHAT, ME, in a BUNNYGIRL OUTFIT, NEVER. Sensing this, Gajeel guffawed and said, "Ha ha, just kidding with you Lucy." Then, gesturing to Natsu, Gajeel instructed, "C'mon, Natsu, you should be interested in this."

"Damn Right Skippy!" Natsu agreed as they all walked over to the tray that Lucy wheeled into the Penthouse.

"Okay then, tell it." Natsu commanded.

Lucy then produced the things that Gajeel called for earlier.

"A block of wood." Lucy said as she held up a thick square block of wood.

Gajeel rapped the block of wood with his knuckles, saying, "Good, continue."

"Three nails." Lucy said, "And, uh… why did you want three nails?"

Gajeel answered with, "Well, that's how many nails Peter Lorre wanted. Continue, Lucy."

Lucy was completely bewildered by Gajeel's explanation, but she continued, picking up the next object requested whilst announcing it with, "A ball of twine."

"Well," Gajeel concurred, "That is definitely a ball of twine. Continue."

"A bucket..." Lucy responded, "Of ice." At this, Lucy shuffled the ice around a little for effect.

Smirking, Gajeel looked at Natsu and inquired, "You into it Salamander?"

"Oh I'm into it!" Natsu concurred.

"All right, go on!" Gajeel commanded.

Lucy then picked up a small tray, removed its lid, and announced, "A donut."

Gajeel reached in and picked up the donut, announcing, "That's for me." Gajeel then proceeded to shove the whole thing into his mouth as he ate it in one gulp. After swallowing, Gajeel announced, "Continue Lucy."

Lucy then picked up another small tray, and as she removed the lid from it, she announced, "A caramade franks sandwich."

From behind her, Gray piped up, "That is mine." Reaching his arm over Lucy, Gray took the tray, walked back to the couch, and proceeded to start his late night snack.

Then, with a demented and evil sounding voice, Lucy cackled, "And finally..." Lucy then pulled out a meat cleaver, brandishing it about as she shrieked, "A HATCHET!"

Gajeel, hardly looking amused, responded, "'A hatchet as sharp as the Devil himself' is what I asked for."

Rolling her eyes, Lucy sarcastically stated, "Well, sir, you be the judge." At this, Lucy held the hatchet out for Gajeel to take, but Natsu snatched it instead.

"No, no," Natsu told Lucy, "I'll be the judge." Natsu then tested the hatchet with his finger.

"Careful there, sir." Lucy admonished Natsu.

"Well," Gajeel queried, "Whadya think Salamander?"

"DAMN," Natsu replied, "This is a sharp fricken' hatchet." Putting the hatchet back down on the tray that Lucy wheeled in, Natsu commanded, "All right, forget the nails and the twine and bring all this other bullshit over to the bar."

"You heard him, Lucy." Gajeel seconded.

At this, Lucy was completely confused and she was starting to get a little scared, but, notwithstanding Lucy did what she was told.

As Lucy wheeled all the items to the bar, Lucy caught a glance at Erza, who was still on her phone with her husband, the conversation seemed to be getting more heated, and Erza was now shrieking, "Yes, Jellal, it's my job. Yes, it's my damn job, you know that. He wanted to stay out late. I can't… DAMN IT, I went to the Sabertooth Bar, all right? Don't yell at me… I'm not yelling. I'm not yelling. You're the one that's frickin' yelling! DAMN! Don't hang up on me! Don't you hang up on me! Jellal, please, please don't hang up on me. Please don't hang up on me. Damn it, I swear, if you hang up on me, that frickin' call better be genuine, 'cause I'm gonna get a frickin' divorce you Inglorious Bastard!"

Glancing over from the bar, Natsu asked, "Err… Yo, Erza, you alright?"

At that moment, everyone could hear the sound of the line going dead. Erza stood still for a second, an expression of anger etched into her face. Suddenly, Erza bawled out, "DAMN IT!" as she slammed down her cell phone onto a tabletop.

"Great," Gajeel sardonically muttered, "Just what we need, another damn 'Honeymooners' moment is going on in there."

At Gajeel's comment, Erza tossed and threw down her cell phone at the Penthouse's window, shattering the window and sending the cell phone plummeting to the hotel's ground floor. Erza then began throwing things around the Penthouse in a violent tantrum, and suddenly, out of nowhere, Erza pulled out a sharp-looking sword and starting randomly swinging it around the room. Lucy started to get terrified, ducking behind the bar to avoid Erza's wrath, although Gray, Gajeel, and Natsu only seemed annoyed, if not slightly disturbed rather than afraid. Shit, Lucy thought, neither of those three even slightly moved from where the where, aren't they scared of Erza, what the hell is up with these people.

"Frickin' shit, man!" Erza bellowed as she continued to lay waste to the room. Then, slashing up the paintings on the wall, Erza screamed out, "What the hell is wrong with that inglorious bastard, huh?"

Natsu, still standing by the bar, asked, "Hey, you still married Erza?"

Tears streaming down her face, Erza responded, "Maybe, maybe not," then, wiping her face with the curtains that she had partially slashed apart, Erza angrily yelled back, "But I don't give a damn either way. I've had it with that Machiavellian bastard! I'm too drunk to drive home. I'm sorry about that Jellal, I'm real sorry about that. I got drunk on New Year's Eve, cut my frickin' head off... Yeah. I don't frickin' know any more, I swear, Natsu. I frickin' swear. What the hell is wrong? I treat this frickin' bastard like a king, you know that, man!"

"Yeah," Gajeel agreed, "I know that Erza, we all know that."

Erza didn't really seem to hear Gajeel, as she continued to shout and cut apart various objects in the Penthouse, screeching, "So I had a little too frickin' much to drink. It's frickin' New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve. I can't frickin' drive home. Okay, Jellal, I'm sorry, I'm frickin' sorry about that. What am I gonna do? Get in a frickin' car and get into a frickin' accident? That'd be really frickin' nice! Man, what the hell is the matter with this bastard?" No one responded to Erza's question, and after a period of silence, Erza bawled out, "SHIT!" as she threw her sword across the room… inadvertently straight at Lucy's head.

Screaming with fear and pissing her pants simultaneously, Lucy ducked behind the bar, getting the end of her ponytail cut off by the sword in the process. As Lucy slowly and frightfully raised herself from behind the bar, avoiding the sword that was embedded a good six inches into the wall as she did so; she saw Erza looking at all of the items sitting at the bar.

Erza then turned to Lucy, and asked, "What the hell is all this? What the hell's going on here?"

Lucy timidly replied, "A block of wood, a bucket of ice, and a hatchet."

Erza, with a look of confusion evident on her face, glanced at Gajeel and Natsu. Erza then asked, "What the hell is all this crap for Gajeel? Huh, talk to me. Natsu?"

Leering, Gajeel gleefully announced, "Erza, we now return you to 'Man from the South' already in progress."

Erza stood awestruck, a look of joy breaking across her face as she announced in disbelief," "Noooo, you're actually gonna do it? Natsu, are you gonna do this shit?"

Natsu, laughing, said, "Yeah, I am gonna do it."

Throwing back her head and laughing, Erza replied, "Oh, you are my frickin' hero. You guys ain't bullshittin', you're gonna really go for it?"

"Yeah," Gajeel agreed, "Looks like."

Gray, still sitting curled up on the couch drolly stated, "After talkin' about it all night, they better. I wanna see a show."

Chuckling, Gajeel replied, "When we do it, you'll have something to see."

Erza then walked up to Natsu, and as she threw her arm around him, Erza drunkenly teased, "Natsu, you are one radical dude, and… OH MY IS THAT STRAWBERRY CAKE?!" Suddenly Erza broke off from Natsu as she proceeded to stuff her face full of strawberry cake.

Lucy had absolutely no clue what anybody in the room was talking about, which was just fine with her. As Lucy finished laying out everything on the bar, she announced, "Well, that's everything, so if you don't need me for anything else, I'll go back downstairs and…"

Interrupted Lucy, Gajeel proclaimed, "Not so fast, Lucy. We ain't quite done yet. Why don't you take a seat at the bar, get comfortable, and have an open mind when we explain the festivities of the evening to you."

"Look," Lucy nervously responded, "Guys, you paid for the room. As long as you don't break up the furniture, you can do whatever the hell you want. And me personally, I don't care if you break up the furniture. Shit, if it so please you, you can EAT the furniture for all I care. You don't have to explain ANYTHING to me. So go ahead, thrash the place. Whatever constitutes a good time as far as you guys are concerned is your business."

"Well," Gajeel said with a toothy grin crossing his face, "Now it's your business, Lucy. 'Cause we want you to take part. Let me explain what we're talking about here."

Alarmed, Lucy squeaked out, "Take part in what?"

Sensing Lucy's trepidations, Erza briefly paused from her cake, cleared her throat, and turned to Gajeel, saying, "Gajeel, your way of breaking the news to her gently is scarin' the shit outta her."

"You think so?" Gajeel questioned.

"Yeah," Gray seconded, "Just look at the poor lady." Gray then gestured to Lucy's trembling form, "She looks like she's about to piss her… well, looks like she already pissed her pants, so, uh… she looks like she's gonna shit her pants, so hurry up and just spit it out."

As Gray spoke, little by little everybody has gathered around Lucy, and Gajeel, taking heed of Gray's advice, said, "Okay, you might be right. Well, here we go, here we go, okay. Thing is, Lucy, first off, there's nothing overtly illegal about what we want you to do. I mean, I was thinking you might be thinking we wanted you to do some like, weird psycho act with all the things you brought up for us. Let me assure you… Nothing! Nothing could be further from the truth!"

Gray interrupted, saying, "Can I jump in here?"

"No, you can't jump in here," Gajeel growled, "This is my story."

"Ashley's been here for about fifteen minutes" Gray complained, "And you've talked about everything but."

"Hey," Gajeel roared, "If you don't like it, you can get the hell out."

To stop the argument from escalating, Erza tapped a champagne glass with a tiny spoon, shutting everybody up.

"Ahem," Erza began, "If it'll please the court, let me explain to Lucy our intentions."

Smiling, Gajeel yelled out, "I second the nomination!"

Natsu, not to be outdone, screamed out, "Move the nomination be closed!"

Gajeel then grabbed the hatchet and brought it down on the bar like a gavel… mere inches from Lucy's right hand. Gajeel failed to notice Lucy's shrieks of terror, which were drowned out by Gajeel theatrically bellowing, "ORDER IN THE COURT; MOTION CARRIES!" Then, calmly, to Erza, Gajeel respectfully announced, "Erza, the floor is yours."

Smiling, Erza responded, "Thank you." Then, glancing at Lucy, who seemed almost catatonic with fright, Erza said, "Lucy, did you ever watch the old 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents' TV Show?"

Lucy, completely bewildered and terrified at this point, merely dipped her head up and down like a bobble-head doll and yelped out, "Yeah."

"Good," Erza responded, "And did you ever see the episode, 'Man from the South,' with Peter Lorre and Steve McQueen?"

"Uh," Lucy said, thinking to herself, "I don't think so."

"Oh, you'd remember it all right." Erza reassured. Then, continuing, Erza stated, "Well, in 'Man from the South' from the TV show, Peter Lorre makes a bet that Steve McQueen can't light his cigarette lighter ten times in a row. Now if Steve McQueen can light his cigarette lighter ten times in a row, he wins Peter Lorre's new car. If he can't he loses his little finger." Erza took a dramatic pause, and then stated ominously, Natsu and Gajeel just made the same bet. Natsu's putting up his pinky against Gajeel's mint convertible, a 1964 black convertible Exceed Panterlily that he can light his Zippo ten times in a row."

An awkward silence filled the room. Now, normally, such a quiet is a sign of finally meeting someone where you can just shut up and enjoy the sound of silence, but this time, it is the silence of disbelief and fear. Wide-eyed, Lucy glanced around at all of the people present in the Penthouse, taking in the all information she has just heard, before saying, "You guys are drunk." At this revelation, the entire room goes wild. Natsu blaring a kazoo at Lucy's face, Erza laughing as she resumes shoving strawberry cake down her throat, Gray chuckling on the couch, and Gajeel joyfully downing another glass of Cristal, as he responded, "Well of course we're drunk, that goes without saying, but that doesn't mean we don't know what we're doing."

Butting in, Natsu boasted, "I'll tell ya what I'm doin'." And at this, Natsu laid an issue of Hot Classic Cars in front of Lucy on the bar's countertop. On the cover of the magazine was a picture of Gajeel, smiling and standing next to a beautiful 1964 black convertible Exceed Panterlily. The headline reads: 'Magnolia's Hottest New Star Next to Fiore's Hottest Old Car.'

Natsu then groused to Lucy, "I drive a frickin' Igneel Catfish that my ex-girlfriend sold me before she went to go study abroad. You hear what I'm sayin'? A little blue frickin' Igneel Catfish." Then, thrusting the magazine up into Lucy's face, Natsu hollered, "You see this shit?!" Then, reading the magazine, Natsu proclaimed, "'Magnolia's Hottest New Star Next to Fiore's Hottest Old Car.'" Then, Natsu handed Lucy the magazine, saying, "Now you take a good look at that machine that this magnificent bastard over here is standing next to. That's a 1964 obsidian-black, rag-top Exceed Panterlily. And I love that car more'n I love hips, lips, and fingertips. Cut to us sittin' here celebratin', stuffin' our faces, partyin', drinkin' champagne…"

"Cristal." Gajeel corrected, "When you're drinkin' anything else, you're drinking champagne. When you're drinkin' Cristal, you say you're drinkin' some damn Cristal."

Natsu nodded his head, responding, "Yeah, drinkin' Cristal and watchin' TV. Rockin' New Year's Eve. When all of a sudden we flip on Steve McQueen and Peter Lorre bein' frickin' badass. And I look at this funny melon-farmer over here, and I say, 'I'd do that for the Exceed.'"

Erza broke in, saying, "And Gajeel replies..."

"...Oh, really?" Gajeel gleefully questioned with mock surprise and amusement.

Somewhat shocked, Lucy stated, "You guys wouldn't be doing something this stupid unless you were drunk."

Everybody in the Penthouse broke into a 'here, here' murmur at Lucy's astute comment.

Natsu then clarified, stating, "Well, I think that pretty much goes without sayin'. After all, as the Romans say, 'in vino veritas,' 'in wine there is the truth.' If we were sober, we'd probably chicken out. But when you're wasted, drunk off your ass, and utterly sloshed, you don't lie. You tell the truth, no bullshit. And the frickin' truth is, my lucky Zippo's gonna win me Gajeel's car. Hell, I'm all fired up, and I am in it to win it baby."

Lucy then turned to Gajeel, asking, "Why are you doing this?"

Gajeel responded, "Thrill of the bet. I'm the one with something to lose here. 'Cause I can pretty near guarantee that I love my car more'n Natsu loves his pinky. Hey, there's a reason we all call him "The Salamander," and it isn't 'cause Natsu owns a blue cat.

Lucy, getting desperate, turned to Erza and asked, "How about you, are you just gonna sit back and let your friends mutilate each other?"

Swallowing her mouthful of strawberry cake, Erza replied, "Why not? Life don't get much more exciting than this. I mean if Natsu was puttin' his head, or even his dick on the choppin' block, I'd step in, 'cause, ya know in the morning, we'd really regret that. Hell, I bet even Natsu would really regret that. But, as for Natsu's pinky? Who gives a damn? I mean theoretically, he could lose that choppin' onions tomorrow. Life still goes on."

Rolling her eyes, Lucy turned to Gray and begged, "How about you?"

Gray, shrugging to Lucy, responded, "I don't care."

Gajeel then turned to Lucy, and, as he put a hand on Lucy's shoulder, stated "Which brings us to your part in this little wager Lucy."

"I don't have a part and I don't want a part." Lucy fearfully implored Gajeel.

Cackling, Gajeel cautioned, "Now, now, Lucy, my old granddaddy used to say; 'The less one makes declarative statements, the less apt they'll look foolish in retrospect.' Now there're some inherent obstacles in this undertaking. First of all, I'm not some sick creep like Peter Lorre on that show, travelin' the countryside collecting fingers. We're all buddies, here. Nobody wants Natsu to lose his finger… well, permanently that is. We just wanna chop it off. So if fate doesn't smile on ol' Natsu, we'll put his finger on ice and rush 'im to a hospital, where in all likelihood, they'll be able to sew the damn thing back on.

"Hopefully." Lucy muttered.

"Eighty percent." Erza mumbled around her latest helping of strawberry cake.

"My side." Natsu proudly bragged.

"So Natsu's protected." Gajeel proclaimed with finality, "His interests have been looked after. My interests, on the other hand, have not. I am as emotionally attached to my car as Natsu is physically to his finger. I'm putting up a very expensive piece of fine machinery on this wager. Now, if I lose, I lose, I have no problem with that. I'm a big boy, I knew what I was doing. If Natsu lights his lighter ten times in a row, he's gonna have no emotional problems about taking my car keys whatsoever. However, if I win, and I wanna win, it's not inconceivable that Erza or myself, at the last minute, might not be able to wield the ax. Which brings us full circle to you, Lucy. Sober Lucy. Clear-eyed Lucy. We want you to be the dice-man. No, strike that, we want you to be the ax-man… oh wait; better yet, we want you to be the hatchet-man."

The room paused as everyone took a look at Lucy. Even Erza stopped eating her strawberry cake, eagerly waiting and watching for whatever was to happen next. Suddenly, Gray broke the tension by sympathetically stating, "Helluva night, huh, Lucy?"

Lucy would have agreed, if she hadn't bolted out of her chair, ran to the door, and screamed, "I gotta get the hell out of here." Lucy then abruptly jerked the door open and proceeded to make a beeline for the elevator doors.

Before she could summon the elevator, Gajeel stepped out of the Penthouse, whipped out a hundred-dollar bill, and quickly called to Lucy, proclaiming, "Lucy, I got a hundred-dollar bill here with your name on it, whether you do what we ask or not, just to sit back down in the chair at the bar for one minute more."

Lucy's finger shot away from the elevator button, and her body spun around to Gajeel's direction. However, Lucy frightfully declared, "I'm not gonna cut off Natsu's finger!"

"Maybe you will and maybe you won't," Gajeel mentioned, "But that has nothing to do with this hundred-dollar bill in my hand. You can tell us all to go to hell and walk right out that door. But if you sit back down and wait sixty seconds before you do it, you'll be a hundred dollars richer."

Lucy stood still, frozen in place as she thought the offer through.

Gray leaned his head out of the door and advised, "Lucy. Take the money."

"Lucy," Erza called from the bar, "You're gonna do whatever you want to do. We're just askin' you to indulge us for another minute more. And Gajeel's willin' to pay for it as well."

Lucy continued to think the offer through. And after a few seconds of deep thought, Lucy answered, "I'll take your money, and I'll sit back down. But a minute from now, I'm gonna walk out the door, and when I do, there'll be no hard feelings, right?"

"Well," Gajeel began, "I want you to have a bit more of an open mind than that, but, yeah, we'll either convince you or we won't. No hard feelings. Right, guys?" Everybody agreed to Gajeel's pronouncement and Gajeel and Lucy walked back to the bar. As Lucy wearily sat back down on a bar stool, Gajeel positioned himself in front of Lucy at the bar.

"Alright, Erza," Gajeel commanded, "You be the timekeeper. Let us know when one minute begins and when it ends."

"You got it." Erza said, as she put down her umpteenth partially eaten slice of strawberry cake and reached for a clock. "Now where did I put my cell phone… oh yeah… shit… I threw it out the window, err… I know." Erza then grabbed the Penthouse's clock off of the wall, and then, facing both Lucy and Gajeel, stated, "Gentleman and Lady, start your engines."

Gajeel jumped up and down, loosening up, while Lucy twiddled her thumbs nervously.

"Alright," Erza announced, "BEGIN!"

Gajeel, who was talking fast throughout the night anyway, started his pitch. Ironically, it's now Gajeel who was playing 'Beat the Clock.'

"Okay, Lucy," Gajeel began, "Pay attention here, 'cause I ain't got much time. I'm going to make two piles on the bar. One pile which is yours." Gajeel took the hundred-dollar bill he offered Lucy earlier and laid it out on the bar, pointing at it as he did so. "And another pile," Gajeel began as he whipped out a money roll fat enough to choke a dragon to death, "which could be yours." Gajeel then laid a matching hundred-dollar bill on the bar, starting a second pile. "Now, what you have to be aware of is we're gonna do this bet, one way,"

Gajeel laid another hundred on the end pile.

"Or the other."

Gajeel laid another hundred on the pile.

"Whether it's you who holds the ax,"

Gajeel laid another hundred on the pile.

"Or one of the maids downstairs,"

Gajeel laid another hundred on the pile.

"Or some bum we yank off the street."

Gajeel laid another hundred on the pile.

Natsu, ogling the money on the bar, informed Lucy, "That's a whole lot of Rent Money on that pile."

"Shush!" Gajeel grumbled, "I'm the closer here. Alright, I'm uhhh… um… I've lost count. How much is on the bar here?"

Everyone in the Penthouse, including Lucy, murmured, "Six hundred."

"Okay," Gajeel resumed, "So, Lucy, do you know how long it takes the average person to count to 600?"

Lucy thought for a second, and was about to answer until Gray interrupted and said, "It's a rhetorical question, Lucy."

"No, sir." Lucy responded instead.

Gajeel put another one hundred dollar bill down on the table, smirking as he informed, "About one minute less than it takes to count to 700. Now Lucy, a person's life is filled with a zillion little experiences."

Gajeel laid another hundred on the pile.

"Some which are insignificant, have no meaning, and, you know, you forget them. Others which you remember for the rest of your natural life,"

Gajeel laid another hundred on the pile.

"Barring Alzheimer's of course. Now, since what we're proposing here is so unusual, so outside the norm, this is a good bet that is going to be one of those incidents that sticks. So, since you're gonna be stuck remembering this for the rest of your life, you have to decide what that memory will be."

Gajeel laid another hundred on the pile.

"So, Lucy, are you going to remember for the next 40 years, give or take a decade; that you refused a $1000 for one second's worth of work? Or that you made $1000 for one second's worth of work?

Right at that moment, Erza bawled, "Time!" Then, with finality, Erza chucked the clock out of the Penthouse's broken window and then resumed eating her strawberry cake.

Smirking, Gajeel punctuated Erza's announcement by throwing down a little green bag full of jewels on top of the pile of 100 dollar bills. Then, Gajeel cajoled, "So, Lucy, what's it gonna be?"

Lucy looked at the pile; then looked up. There was a peculiar expression on her face. Lucy's mind flashedback to the horrendous moments from earlier, the enticing orange-haired mage that seduced her earlier, the crazy blue-haired psycho bitch that threatened her, the two crazy, rambunctious, and bratty children of the cowboy, and now this. Then with a shrug of her shoulders, Lucy merrily stated, "Okay, I'll do it."

At Lucy's agreement, the group in the Penthouse cheered.

"But," Lucy broke in, "When it's all over, no matter what happens, I get the money?"

"Hey," Gajeel said, "As long as you do your part, you can take the pile, walk out the door, and not say another word to us."

"Then let's do it right here, right now," Lucy excitedly said, "Before I change my mind."

"Here, here." Natsu agreed.

Everybody then got in their position by the bar. Natsu laid his left hand on the block of wood with his pinky sticking out. In Natsu's right hand was his Zippo lighter, with a dragon logo etched into it. Natsu's thumb was poised and ready to strike on his Zippo lighter, and he was excitedly awaiting the bet to begin.

Gajeel grinned as he handed Lucy the meat cleaver. Lucy then grabbed the meat cleaver and slowly raised it up above Natsu's pinky finger.

"Perfect, perfect, perfect!" Gajeel announced as he rubbed his hands together, "This is great! This is a moment in time none of us will ever forget."

Everybody stood crowded around the scene, on pins and needles.

"Natsu, you ready?" Gajeel asked.

"Oh yeah," Natsu pronounced, "I'm ready man, I'm all fired up!"

"Well, Lucy," Gajeel questioned, "Are you ready?"

"Ready." Lucy said.

"Alright." Gajeel said, "Natsu, begin."

Natsu looked long and hard at the Zippo in his hand. Lucy, holding the meat cleaver, stared focused on Natsu's pinky. Natsu readied himself, placed his thumb on the wheel of the Zippo, took a deep breath… and struck…

With a small squeak, Natsu's lighter feebly sparked, but it did not light.

Upon seeing this, without missing a beat, Lucy brought down the cleaver, slicing off Natsu's pinky.

Natsu's reaction was to let out a blood-curdling scream of pain and agony.

Lucy ignored the screams and the sound of Natsu falling off of his stool and thrashing about on the floor, for Lucy was too preoccupied with her reward. With one fell swoop, Lucy laid down the cleaver, scooped up the money, and walked out the door to the elevator.

Lucy took her pile of 100 dollar bills and her little green bag full of jewels, looked at them, smiled, and sticks them all in her jacket's pockets. Well, she thought to herself, it might've been a bad night, but it's been a profitable one. She chuckled at the irony, and, whistling a happy tune, turned her back to the Penthouse, and got into the elevator.

All the while, behind her, the noise of pandemonium broke out, and Lucy heard all of this, until of course, the doors of the elevator closed.

There was silence now for Lucy's world, and in the hallway to the elevator, there was indeed silence.

Until of course, the Penthouse's door burst open and everybody came piling out in a mad frenzied dash for the elevator. Everybody's screaming, yelling different things to one another. Natsu had a bloody towel wrapped around his hand, and he's screaming and crying out, "OW! DAMN IT! SHIT, MY FINGER! My finger, my frickin' finger!"

Gajeel had the bucket of ice with the severed finger in it. Erza's simultaneously trying to direct everything whilst eating strawberry cake. Everybody's in frantic activity, except for Gray, who stood back, drank his drink, and watched the show, free live entertainment essentially. Erza, Natsu, and Gajeel all ran down the hall, towards the elevator. Suddenly, somebody tripped and they all hit the ground. The bucket of ice with the finger goes spilling, spreading its contents all across the carpet. Gajeel and Erza ran around like crazed maniacs, looking for the finger and picking up ice cubes while they were at it. Natsu lay on the floor and screamed in pain. After much confusion, Gajeel finally noticed the finger, which he picked up and threw back into the bucket. At that moment, all three realized that they haven't even summoned the elevator. Erza, seeking to remedy the problem, shoved her plate of strawberry cake into Gajeel's arms along with the bucket of ice with Natsu's finger. Then, Erza charged back into the Penthouse, wrenched her sword free from the wall, and hurled it with all her might at the elevator. Miracously, the sword pierced the down button. Gajeel stood, inches away from being impaled by the sword, grousing, "I could've just pushed the damn button." Regardless, Erza charged towards the elevator, wretched the sword free, grabbed her cake back from Gajeel, and waited for the elevator. Natsu continued to moan in pain on the floor, and before Erza, Gajeel, or Gray could get Natsu to shut up, the elevator arrived. At this, everyone in the hallway dived in, except for Gray.

"You know," Gray nonchalantly stated, "I'm gonna call it a night and go back to my room. It's been fun."

While the doors closed on the screaming maniacs, Gajeel just waved disinterestedly at Gray's comment.

Chuckling to himself, Gray coolly walked through a door marked 'Stairway.' Gray continued down the long flight of stairs until he came up to his floor. He then walked the halls, looking for his room. Once Gray found it, he stuck his key in the door's lock and opened the door. Gray then paused for a second, glanced around the room, and then, walked inside. After the door closed, Gray met with the sound and the impact of Juvia glomping Gray in a loving bear hug. With tears streaming down her face, Juvia mumbled several incoherent declarations of love, adoration, and worry for her beloved Gray-Sama. In response to this, Gray just made muffled noises as Juvia said, "Oh Gray-Sama, where have you been? Juvia was so worried about you." Well, Gray thought to himself, I doubt you'd believe me if I told you Juvia, especially that weird case of Déjà-vu and coincidence. Oh well, this isn't a bad way to end this experience don't you think?

Author's Note: I do not own Fairy Tail nor the movies that inspired this work. I am merely a fan of said works, combining them for the purposes of an entertaining story. Have no fear constant readers of my work, Fairy Tail: The Eight Pages will be completed soon, and I have several works upcoming. Quite a few are Fairy Tail related, both in-universe and AU. As usual, I hope you enjoy this work, and as always, until next time.

Comrade Carlin