Summary:
The soldiers who fought in Ishval came back broken, and they will never forget it. Focuses on Roy Mustang, Maes Hughes, Riza Hawkeye, Armstrong and Dr. Knox.
Disclaimer:
I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Maes would still be alive and irritating everyone by showing pictures of his daughter. ^^
They say you are a hero, one of the brave soldiers who protected the people. But you know the truth. You´re a murderer. They can call you whatever they like, but you know exactly what you have done.
They will never leave you alone. Each night when you close your eyes, you are back. Back on the battlefield, back with the explosions and gunfire. Back in hell.
And each night, you pull the trigger, watching a running child fall to the ground. For there are no innocents in war.
Why are soldiers who ought to protect citizens killing them instead?
And each night again, you snap your fingers and breathe in the smell of burning flesh.
Why is Alchemy, which ought to bring happiness to the people, being used for murder?
Each night you see the light disappear from the eyes of a boy, while your knive is still sticking out of his chest.
Why do you keep fighting?
Each night you lean against a wall you have erected and listen to the frightened pleading of the dying.
I don't want to die.
Each night you hear the scream of people you could have saved.
Why am I killing people if I'm a doctor?
It changed you. You used to be full of innocent childhood dreams of protecting the people. Of pride and glory.
But there was no glory, no pride in having killed those you had sworn to protect. All that was left was the chilling realization that what you did was wrong.
And now you are the sniper who refuses to put down her gun, knowing that if she did, someone else would have to pick it up.
You are the hero of war who is rising through the ranks, slowly but surely. Eyes set forever on his goal: A peaceful world.
You are the husband and the father who loves them so very much, and will bury his memories to be able to smile at them everyday.
You are the alchemist who is resolved to never run away again and will face whatever pain comes his way.
You are the doctor who doesn't dare to operate on the living anymore, because he had gotten too used to killing his patients.
Still, even through all the pain, you get on with your life, even though you know it isn't fair. Even though you know you should have been punished. Every now and then you try to wash your hands, but you know they will never get clean again. So you decide to continue. Someone has to do it, and your hands are already stained with blood, so why not you?
You will never mention the other reason, never let anyone know that what you are really trying to do is atone for your sins. So that one day, when come face to face with death for the last time, you will be a free man, no longer bound in chains of blood.