Okay! Here we go with the boring stuff! So, this oneshot actually had an inspiration, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. Anyway, this is a crackish and you will probably ever see from me, as I don't really like crack fics, and don't think I can write them very well.

Warning: This is a Roy MustangxEdward Elric fic, though it is very light.

Disclaimer: Do you see this actually happening? No? Then you already know the answer, don't you?

Roy crossed his arms and say back in his chair, looking at the alchemist standing before his desk. Edward was currently turned around, giving Roy a nice little view of the interestingly neat braid on the back of the blond head.

The questions that were bouncing around in his head were making his ears buzz. He sighed and rubbed the rough cloth of one gloved finger over his nose. Roy turned his gaze away from Edward, finding Alphonse sitting on the couch in the corner of the room. His eyes traveled over Al's newly acquired flesh and blood body.

He still couldn't believe it. They had done it. Found a Philosopher's Stone. It was inconceivable to think about. And neither brother had offered up any information. And no one asked them to.

Everyone knew. Edward had to go through that again. Had to see that thing again. he didn't have to clap to transmute anymore. But he still did. Every time. Roy sighed again. The clapping. That brought his questions back full force.

His eyes swerved back to his small lover, finding Ed now turned to him, ready to give his report on the mission he insisted on taking. Roy gestured with his hand and listened restlessly as Ed recounted his supervision of the Ishvarlan survivors.

"Alright, Fullmetal," He said when Ed had finished. He stood. "You're dismissed. I will see you back here in two days time for your next mission."

Edward nodded once, then turned on his heel. "C'mon, Al! If we hurry, we can get to the library before it closes."He waved to everyone in the office and waited for his brother at the door.

"Bye, everyone!" Alphonse piped before vanishing through the door.

Roy made a mental note to address his question to Ed directly later that night.

Roy sank back into his chair, eyes drooping slightly at the heat radiating from the fire. He almost started when a knock thumped through the house. And just as he had mustered up the energy to push himself from his sinfully comfy chair, he heard his door open and a pair of heavy boots hit the floor solidly.

Socked feet padded unevenly over the wood floored entrance hall, becoming silent when they landed on the plush sitting room carpet.

Roy gave up and settled himself back in his chair, letting the heat roll over him comfortingly. He felt his lover's nose nuzzle into his hair sweetly, flesh and automail fingers working in tandem to rub his shoulders gently. Roy felt a kiss being pressed to the top of his head, and the fingers on his neck left, their owner opting to step around the chair.

Ed settled himself cozily into Roy's lap, nose brushing the collar of the taller man's white button down. Twin sighed echoed contently, Roy rubbing his hands over smooth thighs.

Then he remembered. He pulled back slightly, shifting his hands to Edward's waist.

"Ed, can I ask you something?" Ed nodded against his neck and straightened, popping his back.

"Your legs and your chest," Roy started. Ed winced, hoping it would be a question about the scars that still resided from his automail. "Why are they hairless?"

Ed gaped, looking at his lover incredulously. "What?" Ed asked. Roy shifted. "Well, I've come to notice that, while I'm mostly free of body hair, you don't have any on your legs or your chest."

"And you want to know why," Ed confirmed. Roy nodded. Ed crossed his arms and coughed out of the side of his mouth. "Alchemically dissolved." He mumbled quietly.

Roy's brow furrowed. "You mean to tell me, Fullmetal, that you use alchemy to rid yourself of body hair?" Ed nodded. Roy laughed, not expecting such an answer.

"What!" Ed demanded. Roy shook his head, "Nothing, Fullmetal."

Ed pouted. "Mustang," He began.

"Yes?" Roy questioned.

"You're a bastard."

ATTENTION EVERYONE! THIS FANFICTION WAS NOT STOLEN! IT RECENTLY RESIDED IN MY PARTNER ACCOUNT, WHICH CAN BE IDENTIFIED AS Who-Made-Who!! IF YOU VISIT THAT BIO, YOU WILL SEE AND EXPLANATION AND A CLEAR LINK TO MY BIO! PLEASE, FOR THE SAKE OF SIMPLICITY, DO NOT REPORT ME; I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!