It was the 25th anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts and every member of the Hogwarts faculty was getting thoroughly sloshed in celebration. However, Teddy Lupin, the new Care of Magical Creatures teacher, was drinking for an entirely different reason.
This reason was a combination of two reasons, really. The first reason being that his parents had died during the final battle. Sure, he had a family at least, this alone was more than most orphans had, but he had always wondered what it would be like to be raised by his actual parents.
The second more pressing reason, was that the girl of his dreams, Victoire Weasley had broken off their engagement because she 'fell in love' with some muggle. As if, she probably just didn't want him for some reason. Maybe he wasn't good enough for her because he was werewolf, or maybe she was just a slut. Teddy was more inclined to believe the latter reason.
Teddy hardly ever drank; he had an extremely low alcohol tolerance and could get drunk off even Butter beer. This had come as shock to his friend Mary-Ann Moore on their very first Hogsmeade visit. He drank one Butterbeer and suddenly he couldn't see straight. He ended up confessing all of his secrets to a wall, then passing out. Mary-Ann had not let him drink since that day.
Surprisingly the library was a rather good place to drink.
"I love the liberry." He paused and thought for a moment.
"No, S'not right, liberry has an 'r' some 'ere. Libear. Liberia. LIBERRY!" He patronized his thoughts as the blue librarian stalked into the room. She stomped to her desk, slammed a book down onto it, and kicked the waste bin across the room. In short, she looked mad. Very mad.
"Wha's eating you, Mary-Ann." He paused thoughtfully "That kinda rhymes doesn't it. Mary-Ann the librarian. Hey, isn't that a song?" He began humming to himself trying to figure out the tune.
"Teddy, what are doing in here?" Mary- Ann asked. She did not look amused.
"I could ask you the same thing. And stop calling me Teddy godammit, my name is Theodore!" He slurred.
"No you couldn't, I'm the librarian." She sighed "And you hate being called Theodore, you told me that the very second I met you." She pulled out her wand and cast a silent scourgify on herself.
"Yes . . . yes, very good, what's your name again and why were you covered in paint?" He asked. She hit him over the back of the head
"Mary- Ann, stupid. Remember, your best friend since first year." The previously blue witch sighed yet again "Never mind, I was covered in paint because Peeves decided to 'celebrate' by throwing balloons filled with paint at people." She explained.
"Hey Mary-Ann" Teddy whispered seriously.
"What is it, Teddy?" She played along, whispering back
"I remembered the song" He cleared his throat and jumped onto a table.
Marian.
"Teddy get down from there" Mary-Ann jumped up pulling at his ankle. He pulled away and jumped onto the next table over.
"You are remarkably agile for someone so drunk"
Madame Librarian
He jumped from table to table evading her grasp, a bottle of Butterbeer still in his hands.
What can I do, my dear, to catch your ear
I love you madly, madly Madam Librarian...Marian
"My name isn't even Marian!" She yelled breathlessly as she tried (and failed) to stop Teddy from climbing on top of the bookshelves. He started to hop from shelf to shelf.
Heaven help us if the library caught on fire
And theVolunteerHose Brigade men
Had to whisper the news to Marian... Madam Librarian!
"How do you know all of the words to this song?" He stopped hopping to do a complicated looking tap dance
"When did you learn to dance?"
Nowin the moonlight, a man could sing it
In the moonlight
And a fellow would know that his darling
Had heard ev'ry word of his song
With the moonlight helping along.
"Merlin Teddy, you are such a weird drunk." Mary-Ann stopped trying to stop him and simply sat down, burying her face in her hands. Teddy sat beside her. He took another sip of Butterbeer, draped his arm over her shoulders and continued
But when I try in here to tell you, dear
I love you madly, madly, Madam Librarian...Marian
He stood up and jumped back onto the table, pulled Mary-Ann up with him, and sang the last verse.
It's a long lost cause I can never win
For the civilized world accepts as unforgivable sin
Any talking out loud with any librarian
Such as Marian...Madam Librarian.
Teddy then fell backwards onto the meticulously organized stack of papers that Mary-Ann had spent the previous night fixing.
"TEDDY!" Mary- Ann jumped down off of the tableand stormed over to him pulling him up roughly. He put his arms around the fuming witch. Apparently, he liked living dangerously.
"You're 'posed to kiss me now." He said earnestly.
"If I kiss you, will you go to bed?" She bargained. He nodded "Fine, but, just a peck."
She gave him a chaste peck on the cheek
"Tha's not a proper kiss!" He slurred. He pulled her in for a kiss that was definitely not just a peck.
A/N: This is based off of a really strange dream I had after the last night of the show (We did The Music Man obviously). Teddy wasn't drunk in the dream, but otherwise it didn't make much sense.