Hate, Love and Pain

Disclaimer: When I wrote this story, I wanted to have a laugh and play with the characters. Content is mature and Rogue is a bit slutty. If you're not comfortable with that, sorry, but just don't read it. I have first published it in Portuguese, got lots of positive reviews (which made me want to translate it) but some people complained about how Rogue is not like that blah blah blah. I just want to say beforehand I KNOW! I have two other romantic and sweet stories if you want to read something like that, but this time, I just wanted to do something quirky and different. Also, I won't be writing their southern accent. Forgive me, I just wouldn't know how to do it. Hope you enjoy it!

It was about 3 am when I heard the knock on my door. It didn't startle me for I knew who it was. It happened almost every night and If I didn't find myself suffering from such low self-esteem, if I had a little love for what's left of me, I wouldn't have opened the door. But, hey, that's not me. I have no shame to admit that the slightest bit of dignity I still have evaporates into thin air when she's near me. How the fuck can I love her more than I love myself? Well, that is if I do love myself at all…

"Hello, ma belle. It's a bit late for showing up, don't you think? You don't look too good."

" Oh come on, sugar. I hope you're not going to give me a hard time at this early hour. Besides, I thought you'd appreciate me coming here. I know you don't like to sleep by yourself, now do you?"

"Chére, I appreciate you at any time of the day and night. Under any circumstances… " – Now why did I have to say that? Have I not made a fool of myself enough times? I'm always handing my heart to her and watching her stomp all over it. Anyways, she most probably won't remember any of it tomorrow morning.

"I know you do, honey."

Looking as sleazy as she could possibly look, she gave me her drunk smile and cupped my face in her hands and gave me a peck. Then I felt her velvety hands travel their way to find my hair, she played with it for a while. I just stood there, paralyzed, not knowing what to do or say, succumbing to her wishes and commands. As I thought about my own idiotic ways, she kissed me hard and took me someplace else. Heaven, hell, I don't know. A fucking good place to be as far as I can tell. How could I say 'no'? When my body is over hers, under hers, behind hers, in hers, the whole of the world ceases to exist. She's the only thing that makes sense to me.

This vagabond heart of mine who's mistreated some many ladies before is at her mercy. I'm finally paying all the bad that I've done at the highest interest rate possible. I'm sure I must deserve all of this. So I don't complain, I just take the bash.

Next thing I know, she's lying naked on my bed. I walk towards her side of the bed and look down at her, giving her the best disapproving look I can manage. Sensing my hesitation, she sits up, grabs me by the legs and pushes me down to the bed. As she undressed me rather violently, I could see her eyes sparkled. I give up resisting her, there's absolutely no point in doing so. We kiss passionately. Then all of sudden she whispers in my ear: "Remy, I love you!"

We made love. I mean, I made love to her. She had sex. I made sweet love to the woman I love. Possibly the one and only I have ever loved. I know, she says she loves me. But I also know she sleeps with my friends.

Ever since Rogue gained control over her powers she became a whole different person. Like a child who's just got the most fantastic toy ever and won't let it go for half a second, her brand new sexual life is all she thinks and cares about. I know she still has all the personas and voices in her head, and surely that is and has always been an issue for her, but now she's found her way of escaping all of that, she can't tell when enough is enough. She doesn't know how to handle her newly found sexuality. She goes out every night, drinks too much, does things she should regret but doesn't and to top it all, she doesn't even remember any of it in the morning.

Still, I believe I'm the only one who understands her. Maybe that's why I'm the only one she loves, that is, if she does love me as she says. The other guys just want to have a go with her, fuck a pretty chick with an appetite. I'm no idiot. I know she uses and abuses me. I know she's playing with me. I'm her toy, and the sad thing is that I like it. I like being abused.

I like to be the one she seeks at the end of the night. I like to be the one who sleeps by her side and wakes to a gorgeous sleeping princess. She looks like the innocent girl I used to know when she's asleep. I know I should stick up for myself and speak my mind. Let her know how I feel, how I hate it that is unfaithful. But I don't have the strength, or… the balls to do that… for now. Maybe one day. Or maybe one day she'll realize I'm her one and only man and that I should be treated better. Maybe.

When we are done with it, she stands up and walks drunkenly out of bed, goes through my pockets until she finds a pack of cigarettes. Then she goes back to bed, sits by my side and starts smoking while staring at my naked body. Examining every inch of me, it feels as if she's undressing my soul now. A smirk. What the hell is she thinking, I wonder.

Remy, you are fucking delicious, do you know that?

And you are fucking selfish. You get a cigarette for yourself and it doesn't even occur to you that I might want one?

Sorry, sugar. – She stands me and fetches me one. I take the chance to take a good look at her ass. Her beautiful long hair, her curls just above that ass… It drives me crazy. Then a sudden rush of courage slaps me in the face:

Where were you before you came here? Who were you with?

Do you really want to know, sugar? Do you want me to tell you the truth? I don't think you do… I wonder why you still ask those questions. – she spoke in a thin voice. Almost a whisper.

Were you with Scott again? Damn, the guy is married. What you guys are doing is outrageous. I feel for Jean, poor thing. – and for myself, I thought as I said it.

I wasn't with Scott tonight if that means so much to you. I went dancing, I wanted to have fun and that was all. Then you know how it is at night, you meet people… but do you really want to know where my mouth's been tonight? I'm sure you don't. Why would you?

Never mind. Forget what I said. Let's just kiss and make up. I want to sleep, we'll have a tough day ahead of us tomorrow.

Well, that's more like it, sugar. But you sure you wanna sleep? That's not my Remy, my Remy would never ever sleep when he could have some fun. – And she was right.