Title: Acts of Contrition
Author: hbomba
Rating: M
Summary: Post episode 3x06. Holding a grudge threatens to shake the foundations of Bo and Lauren's relationship but letting go proves to be a difficult task for Bo.
"I can't," she had told Lauren, pushing her away and then reeling her back in with "it's okay" even when she didn't believe that herself.
Bo was still so hurt. Of all people Lauren should have believed her, should have trusted her and at the very least should not have been afraid of her. That's what had stung the most. Bo accepted that she could have been influenced to let her trust and belief waver but never, ever would Bo hurt Lauren willfully.
So maybe Bo shouldn't have pushed the panic button and laid the blame for Kenzi's theoretical death squarely on Lauren's shoulders but she was furious. Locked in a cage and shackled like a circus elephant, Bo was not having any of it. Lauren could call her every pet name in the book and it wouldn't change a thing. She wasn't there when Bo needed her. Once again the science of Bo was more important than the woman she loved.
Bo loved Lauren so much so that she was single-mindedly programmed to protect her, but doing so came with its own set of challenges. She was owned by the Light. Hale might not make a big deal about it, but for all intents and purposes, Lauren was still an untouchable asset. This meant that she was tied to the compound, to the lab, to her quarters.
As an advisor to Trick, Lauren was used by her grandfather in much the same way as Hale did. Except with Trick Bo got the feeling that something was different. It wasn't duty the same way it was with the Light Fae, it was compromising her values to the Blood King's end.
Lastly, it was science. Lauren could lose herself in Petri dishes, slides and cover slips easier than falling down the rabbit hole. When Lauren was working on something, everything else be damned. Except Bo. Or so she thought.
And that's what had happened at the Dal. A perfect storm of duty, science and influence. Bo was still holding a grudge and Lauren was taking the brunt of it. She might understand why Lauren did what she did but that didn't mean she had to like it. Her standards were not lofty by any stretch of the imagination, but she had expected more from Lauren. Still, the pain she saw in Lauren's eyes was genuine. So why did she feel like punishing her?
Bo had put Kenzi to bed hours ago, after she had gorged herself on food and fallen asleep on the couch. For her part, Lauren doted on Kenzi, checking her vitals periodically and joking with the younger woman. Bo hadn't seen this new side of their relationship until then but she was glad they were getting along, even if Bo was the one being difficult now.
Bo kicked back on the couch and put her feet up on the coffee table. She was alone and not quite blissfully so either. She was alone, alone. Nobody to hold, no one to kiss, just silence and an infomercial for a sex hotline. It was the last thing Bo needed. She clicked the remote and the television went black.
It was late and Bo was wide awake. This was usually when Bo would grab her keys to the Camaro and hustle over to Lauren's for a midnight tryst. It would be so easy to just go there now, put a finger to Lauren's lips and make love to her but that wouldn't solve anything. No, she would freeze her out for awhile and when the doubt was eating Lauren inside, Bo would relent. She would take her roughly in her quarters and when it was through, she would be absolved. Bo let her mind meander in that realm until her eyes trailed to the keys on the counter once again.
She considered this tact. It was ridiculous; a fantasy gone awry. No amount of punishment was ever going to make this right, Bo thought. But her natural born instinct to avoid talking about things complicated her healing. She looked at her phone and scrolling through the names, she stopped on Lauren's. She knew she wouldn't wake Lauren up because she kept bartender's hours and last call wasn't for another two hours.
"Shit." Bo put her head in her hands.
There were so many people who weren't there for her besides Lauren, why couldn't she let this go? The simple truth was that Bo's love for Lauren was unmatched and that was why the betrayal of trust was so brutal. Bo hadn't left herself this vulnerable since Dyson and she never thought it would come to this with Lauren. The real difference was that Dyson had pushed her away while Lauren was pulling her back in and Bo had resisted both.
Was this insurmountable? Bo flipped through a fashion magazine. She had to think that it wasn't. Bo had all of the control now; when Dyson had dumped her unceremoniously she had none. Bo lowered the magazine to her lap and considered this. Even knowing how horrible it felt to be rejected, Bo still found herself behaving in the same way. She closed the magazine and standing, she dropped it onto the coffee table. Bo snatched her jacket off the back of the couch and her keys from the counter and headed for the door.
The drive went quickly. It didn't usually take long, but when Bo was driving like she had the pole position it went much faster. She walked through the Light Fae compound without incident. Bo had a free pass these days. Hale didn't run a very tight ship and the guards all knew her. Tonight, however, she was on a mission. There was no time to chat with Ted or Jack as she breezed past them and rounding the corner to Lauren's quarters, she passed through the open door to the loft. Lauren was sitting at her desk, typing. She stood as soon as she saw Bo and walked to meet her.
"Bo-" Lauren sucked in a breath.
This would change everything, Bo thought, reaching out for Lauren's face and capturing her lips. She had to believe that they could weather this storm, that Bo could forgive-truly forgive-and let go of that seductive grudge that held her hostage. Lauren's mouth was hungry and her hands were in Bo's hair.
Bo shrugged out of her jacket, letting it hit the floor as she pushed the lab coat from Lauren's shoulders. Lauren's fingers hurriedly unbuttoned her own shirt as Bo pulled hers over her head. She sighed between kisses. This was so much more than sex tonight. This was absolution, contrition and love all balled together in a desperate frenzy of physicality.
Lauren's shirt fell open as Bo backed her up against the arm of the couch. It wasn't long before she was bowled over and Bo was pressing her into the cushions. She straddled her waist and knelt above Lauren. Looking down on the blonde, hair splayed against the micro fiber couch, Bo felt the knot in her stomach loosen.
"Bo-" she started again only to have Bo cover her lips with a finger.
Their eyes met in an uncomfortable exchange and Bo kissed her again, this time roughly. Her hands were at Lauren's waist unbuttoning her pants. She lifted her hips as Bo's hand sunk into her jeans.
Lauren clutched at her back as Bo's fingers explored. Covering her mouth with her own, Bo braced herself above Lauren's head. They kissed with a vicious need. Bo's fingers pressed against her and Lauren whimpered into her mouth before breaking away.
"Bo-" This time her plea sounded like a question.
She rested her forehead against Lauren's. "I know," she said, swallowing the lump in her throat. Lauren's hand slid behind her neck and she pulled her down to her lips again. Her kiss was tender, pulling Bo further away from the resentment she felt.
Bo coaxed another moan from Lauren as her fingers sank deeper. It was moments like these that Bo relished, when they were completely in sync. Lauren let her head fall back against the couch and once again, Bo gazed down at her. Swept up in her beauty and the unabashed display of pleasure was almost too much for Bo to bear. Her hips jumped as Bo sat back on her heels still astride. The push and pull of Lauren's hips was intoxicating and Bo couldn't remember why she had resisted this.
She bit her lip and stiffened, grasping at Bo's thighs who hovered above her still. When Lauren moaned her name Bo's eyes slipped shut. She would remember this moment in the days to come, when things would become muddled and confusing again because that was life. It was confusing and messy and sometimes it was painful.
When she stilled, Bo opened her eyes to find Lauren looking up at her. A question lingered in Lauren's gaze and Bo was remiss to deny her an answer.
"I'm sorry," Bo said quietly.
Her apology hung in the air and Lauren looked bewildered. When Bo's hand withdrew, Lauren's eyes drifted shut. Bo smiled then, feeling lighter for the first time since the whole body snatcher debacle. It was relief that Bo detected in Lauren's expression now as she stood and reached for her top. Lauren sat up, pulling her shirt around her body and Bo sat beside her.
"I guess I'm really bad at this." Bo resisted the urge to hang her head. Guilt was a powerful force.
"No," Lauren shook her head. "I should have listened to you." She looked at her hands.
"Yeah, you should have," she said seriously, "but I was acting a little crazy."
"I did what I did because I was scared, Bo. Scared for you and scared for me. After your outburst at the club, I just-I was terrified something was wrong with you."
Sometimes the truth hurts and Bo was stinging right now. It had been Lauren's DNA test that had shown Bo's cellular breakdown. If Lauren had trusted her they might not have found out about the Dawning until it was too late.
These were dangerous times for them both and Bo's devolution threatened everything they had built together.
"We'll get through this," Lauren reassured.
Bo had to trust that science would save her because that was one of the few things they had at their disposal. Lauren rested her head on Bo's shoulder. And Bo also had to trust that Lauren had her best interests at heart which was hard to deny with the soft breeze of her breath in her ear.
"I'm sorry," Bo said again, suddenly full of remorse for all the awful things she had thought before. "I shouldn't have doubted you."
Lauren lifted her head and turned to face Bo, taking her face in her hands. "I love you, never doubt that."
Bo touched Lauren's knee, still clad in denim, and smiled again. "I never did."
Fin.