Alistair Kingsley: I might have held a little bit of a candle for you. A birthday candle, one of those ones that come in packs of 12. It's out now.
~ Movie
Author's Notice: This fic I can honestly say took me like, half an hour. And it has such a powerful message that I'm really proud of.
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You don't get a divorce because you don't love the other person anymore.
You don't get a divorce because you've been pushed around so much you can't think straight.
You don't get a divorce because it's convenient, or messy or better.
You don't get a divorce when you know there's something left there. Something worth hanging on...just like there always was...just like there will always be.
You don't get a divorce.
And they were no exception.
She is so unsure now; she has no idea what to do. She figures she's never been more confused in all of her life...and does he still love her? And does he still care? And don't things work like they work in fairytales?
And what can you do when everything's gone and you're standing there and he's right there and...that's all you have, to start a new world. You and him. Heart to heart.
She doesn't know now, even if she used to love him. Like when she was young. Maybe eighteen. She doesn't know now, what she would do without him. Maybe survive, if she could manage.
And what can you do when your whole life revolves around a person, a vague unsure idea of love and forever...and what can you do when you're scared. But you're even more scared of not being scared.
She doesn't remember when she was young. Only sometimes. She remembers the dresses, and the wine they drank, and some other stuff. Stuff, she says, it was just stuff. Maybe bad stuff, maybe good stuff. But stuff. And she doesn't remember when she was young, except the kisses...
And what can you do when you've known someone forever, and you can't remember a time when you ever loved him...? Except maybe when he got hurt, but that was different, wasn't it? And what can you do when you've known someone forever...
She doesn't remember when she used to like herself. She doesn't remember liking her hair or her thin bubblegum lips. She doesn't remember liking her figure or her legs or her piercing eyes. She can't remember ever liking herself, and she thinks that he did this to her. And now she doesn't like herself. And now she never will.
And what can you do when everything's gone and one thing still remains? Him. And always him. And now him. And forever him. And then him. And what a stitch this all is, and how much pain it has caused!
She doesn't remember feeling whole. Like all was right in the world, like if you went outside and walked the sky would walk with you...and it would follow you and it wouldn't stop. It was constant. It was perfect. People should feel whole, she thinks. That's part of being human, even. But who is she to think things like that? Maybe he's not whole either, maybe they can be half human together...maybe they can make everything better...
And what can you do when you're being hurt and betrayed everyday, when everyday your heart breaks a little more. And everyday a vase breaks, too. Pretty vases that hold blood red roses. And it hurts so much to feel and think and breathe and to be. Be what you were made to be, whatever that is now.
She doesn't ever think about divorce. She can't bear to think about something as monstrous as that. But isn't he already a monster, and isn't she already something quite similar? But that's different. He's making her like this; he's making her like this. She misses lots of things, but she misses the kisses most...
And what can you do when the world is warped and so are you? When the husband who is yours has made a lot of mistakes. When you've made a lot of mistakes too. When all there's left is...
...to start over.
She doesn't ever think about divorce.
~*~