Disclaimer: JKR's characters, worlds, ghosts, etc.
These are just some random scenes that popped into my mind.
A More Humorous Life
by eh
[Second year]
"Enemies of the Hair, Beware?" Harry pondered out loud.
"Heir-" Hermione automatically corrected without paying much attention to him.
"Yes, that's what I said." Harry looked back at the painted words on the wall. "I just had the wierdest idea, guys." Ron and Hermione turned to look at him. "Picture Voldy with a bad combover; would this be something he would say?"
"Oh, grow up!" Hermione scolded.
Harry just grinned.
[Train ride, third year]
Everyone in the compartment froze and watched a dark figure hover outside the door. Ice spindled and collected on the glass, glazing over the handle and forming a glittery surface while their breaths puffed out into the cold air.
"What is that?" Harry whispered, feeling colder and sadder than he had ever felt before. No one answered. Suddenly, the figure outside grasped the handle and-
With a sharp crack, the metal on the other side of the door snapped off, leaving the dark figure confused. It shifted slightly, looking at the disembodied handle in confusion for a few seconds before slowly drifting away uncertainly.
[Before third year]
Harry's trunk tipped on Mongolia street and sprang open, spilling his spellbooks and clothes all over the side of the road.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! he blew up before kicking the overturned trunk viciously. Mumbling and cursing whoever sold him his school trunk, Harry did not notice a large black dog across the street pause in its prowling to gape at the boy.
The knightbus appeared quite suddenly, and a figure jumped out to glare at Harry.
"Watchoo callin' me that for, eh? Not nice t' make fun o' nobody, is it?"
[after third year]
"Fred!" called Harry as he ran through the halls after Professor Lupin had left the Castle. He had been feeling very disheartened and had been mocking Snape over the Marauders' Map when he came to a sudden realization. Of course, it had something to do with how the Map had reacted to him quoting the bat of the dungeons. "George!"
"Hiya Harry," they both said with identical grins from where they stood against the entrance hall. Fred continued. "Not seen a lot of you-" "-since Sirius Black was captured and escaped."
"Well, he's innocent." Harry's impatient response drew looks of shock from them both, but that was not why he was here. He brandished the blank map. "Ask Ron about it sometime-"
"Ickle Ronnikins?" George said mischeiviously. "Didn't he spend his weekend in the hospital wing?"
"Listen, guys," Harry focused them back in to the task at hand. "I've got something to show you- thanks, by the way, the map's gotten me to Hogsmeade quite a few times this year. Anyway, Snape caught me by the statue of the one-eyed witch and snitched the map."
"Gred-" "-Forge" "-we can see where this is going!"
"Yes, well... he demanded the map to reveal its secrets. I assume that's how you found out how it works?"
"Well, after it insulted us-" "-and it realized all we wanted to do was prank-" "-the Marauders simply told us what to do."
Harry grinned. This was fantastic. He handed the map to George and pulled out his wand, smartly rapping the parchment with the end of it.
"I, Harry James Potter, Boy-Who-Lived, command you to reveal your secrets." There was a very long pause before the four handwrittings started responding, during which Fred and George looked a bit confused as to why he wanted to show them the insults to his person.
-Mr. Moony thoroughly congradulates Mr. Potter on finding our map and hopes Mr. Padfoot was not the one to give him said object.-
-Mr. Padfoot takes offense to Mr. Moony's assumptions, and wishes little Pronslet a good pranking career.-
-And a good academic career as well.-
-Kid doesn't need school, Mr. Moony, he needs pranks!-
-Maybe you didn't, but-
-Mr. Wormtail would like to add that Mr. Potter's hair is reman- reminas- reminds him of Prongs's.-
-Mr. Prongs simply nods in approval for whatever path Prongslet chooses to follow during school.-
Fred and George read over the conversation carefully, which was slightly different than the first time Harry had found it. He grinned, almost able to see the gears turning in their collective heads.
"Were are-" "-the insults?"
"Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs," Harry reminded them. "Remus Lupin, Peter Petegrew- not as dead as you would think- Sirius Black, and James Potter."
Harry enjoyed their shocked looks much more than he should have, but it wasn't every day one got the best of Hogwart's pranksters.
[End of seventh book]
"Does it hurt? Dying?"
"Absolutely. Worst thing I've ever felt in my life."
"..."
"..."
"Are you serious?"
"Dead Sirius."
Lily smacked him upside the head, and Harry belatedly wondered how long his godfather had waited to use that line.