Zutarian Reflections:
Mistakes and Rejections
If I could have had him I would have taken it and ran. But that's just it, I can't have him. She does, that gothic chick from Omashu, the one who sighs a lot, and throws daggers. Mai-such a warm and cozy name for someone who would be depressing after drinking a gallon of cactus juice-she has everything I could have ever asked for. I can't even bring myself to visit, it's just too freakin' weird…that, and I know I'm not wanted there. Yes, I love him, yes I want him…but I wanted him to late. I had my chance, and I rejected him… Sweet Yue, I had every chance in the world, but I'd just kept pushing him away. Over and over, until….this. Me. Here; The Southern Water tribe. At Square One, Again.
Now that I'm back home, in the slightly larger nothing that is the Southern Water tribe, I see what I gave up in the Western Air Temple; when I refused to trust him, as always. I keep looking out there at the horizon from this Agni forsaken block of ice. I see ships from the new Fire Nation trade route and hope to see the beautiful gold lined bow of the Royal war ship heading towards me; and for what?
You betcha…just a bit more of the rejection I'd dished out hitting me in the face…and what's worse? I've come to enjoy giving my family heart attacks, sitting, facing the glowing embers of the fire; reaching recklessly toward the flames, just to remember Fire… to feel the pain. I can heal myself when I'm burnt; what I can't heal is a metaphorical stab through my heart. I loved him, I still do…but he's gone, and he's never coming back.
Someone once told me about the water and moon spirits…Tui and La; how they circle each other in an eternal dance…how they were opposites. Like him and I; he was fire, I was water. He would work non-stop, I would play around. He was jokester, I was practical. He is the Fire Lord; I'm just a peasant from the Southern Water tribe. He tried to get close, I shoved him away.
And so I keep sitting here, in the Agni forsaken place, waiting for what will never come; what I should have given up. But I won't, because I'm stubborn like that. In the end I live for nothing….no; in the end I live for Zuko.