Puzzle Doll
My name… I can't remember it. I have many, or so we think. I am not one but more. I hate a part of me, but at the same time I love it and respect it. I feel so confused… I don't even know if I am a man or a woman; maybe I am both.
The thunder I can hear somewhere outside acts as a wakeup call; it always brings me out of a coma-like state, where I relive different lives that don't belong to me and, yet, are mine. It's so strange… For example, in one life, I work for a man I fear and hate to kill the part of me I despise, so another part of me - the part that is disappointed - could obtain the title of Emperor. I realize that, at the time when this happened, the person who lived this life was already dead. It was merely a puppet, a soulless shell whose only purpose was never completed. The Empress died at the hands of the brother, and the man that saw himself fit to take care of the people was already dead; none of them reached their goal.
A short flash of light – I recognize it as lightning – reveals another person in the room with me. He is looking at me, smiling sweetly, and suddenly I feel a rush of emotions taking over, each one more powerful than the last. Hate…fear…pity…disgust. This is what I feel when I look at the brown-haired, angelic-looking boy.
The boy tilts his head and smiles again; his hands cup my face and his lips press against my forehead, giving me a soft kiss. All the parts start to scream in disapproval and disgust, at first creating a loud racket where you couldn't make out a word for another, but soon their voices unite and they're all yelling the same things.
"My masterpiece…" he mutters, as his hand comes up to my face. "So many helped to create you. I've even placed all of their memories on a chip, to act as your brain." He smiles again and the lightning that struck at the same time twists, his angelic features into devilish-looking ones. A part of me wants to crawl away from him, cursing and yelling, but doesn't get its way.
"You are all my puppets." He whispers in my ear and I feel myself growing sicker with every word that escapes those cursed lips. "You will move only when I want you to move. You will do whatever I want you to do and you won't be able to fight against my wishes. Radu… I know you are there, so listen carefully. You are going to kill Ion - painfully and slowly. Seth, dear, darling Empress… Your punishment for killing my doll will be the death of Miruka and Baibars… you will kill your niece for your lack of competence. You will all bring me pieces of your loved ones so I can make my next masterpiece, a doll that will represent your punishment. You will all learn to love, obey and respect only me, and, as soon as you do, that doll shall be disposed of. When that happens, you will all crave for my attention… for my touch…" He falls silent and all I can hear is the rain falling against the windows.
Agony and despair takes over and I feel like I could break down and cry, and, at the same time, I want to burn the bastard down to a crisp, then smoke and laugh as his ashes are blown away by the playful wind.
But we know that it would never happen. He knows he will never be able to ask for forgiveness from his tovarăş . She knows that she will never see her brother taking down the RCO. And the other knows that he will never get the chance to repair what he has done. I know we are a pawn on a giant chess table where the King is the brother, his Queen the magician and the bishop that rules over the army of empty, undead shells is the devil that stands right now in front of us, smiling that evil smile of his.
The devil continues to look at me, amused, and I can see a glint of lust in his eyes – a glint that I swear is mixed with insanity. Not his fault, a voice says, but I'm unable to figure out exactly whose. As his hands cup my face, bringing it closer to his own, disgust crosses me again, washing away what little pity I had for him.
"You were a wonderful puzzle to make, my little doll. You hold parts from my dearest dolls, my prized possessions…"he starts to whisper softly, his eyes closing. He takes a deep breath, as if he were trying to absorb the smell of rotten flesh I give away. "You've had so many names, but now you only have one. Autojäger. I would love to inflict pain on you, or bite your ear until I draw blood, but that precious crimson liquid has been replaced." He sighs and continues to caress my face, almost in a loving way, but the way his eyes shine when he opens them would make even the most naïve person see that he had simply been toying with us. "I would love to hear you scream obscenities at me while I torture you until you lose your mind, but your mouth has been sewn shut. I will miss your screams - especially yours , Radu…" he falls silent and takes a step back, looking at me, making mental notes about what needs to be improved and added.
"You aren't finished yet, but rest assured that, once I am done, you will finally understand what purgatory is and you will feel immense pain until I grow tired of you and release all of your souls and minds." His voice is so sweet and his face so innocent… it makes me sick. It makes some parts of me regret the day they met him…
The storm grows stronger outside and the devil disappears as lightning strikes, leaving me alone with my demons. I wait to hear what the voices have to say, but they remain silent. So I slowly start to drift back into the world where everyone was whole again and I didn't exist.
A perfect world where a friendship was spent under the sun by the seaside. "Radu, your hair … it's the same color as the sea…"
A perfect world where the ruler was still seen as a loving mother. "I will protect and love our Empress for all eternity…"
A perfect world where a family watched the earth together in the eternal darkness of space. "Sister, we will always be like this, won't we? We will always watch the earth together like this… You, me and our brothers…"
But all parts have never heard what the wind is whispering… "You are all my puppets…"