You're such a terrible person. You're so sorry. You cant believe what you did to her. You know she loves her and it was dumb and horrible. You're never going to forgive yourself and you don't blame her if she doesn't either and if she wants to hate you for the rest of her life. And unfortunately it took this horrible situation to make you realize that she is it. You've kissed many people and hooked up with many people and when it comes down to it she was the best. You just have this spark with her, you don't get it with anyone else. And that's what keeps you going when she treats you like shit. When you're laying down in bed with her, looking into her eyes you forget about everything that's ever happened. Every little fight, every time she lied to you, every dirty look, every fuck you. They disappear. Everything disappears and its like you're the only two people on the planet and you like it that way. Its why you're always pushing for more, so you can see her beautiful brown eyes staring back at you. And now that'll never happen again. Because you fucked up. You didn't even like it. It was bad. And you tried pretending it was her but it didn't work.
Now you're sitting here crying, your supposed waterproof mascara and eyeliner running down your face. You…You just wish that you didn't do it. In fact, you wish she never let you fall for her. Over and over and over again. Because if you didn't you wouldn't be here. And you're not trying to blame her, because its just as much your fault as it is hers. The whole situation is messed up and confusing and depressing. And at the same time you don't even care because all that keeps racing through your head is her eyes, staring at you again.
You love her. You're sorry for everything you've ever done. And you wish her no more pain and suffering. It would make you feel so much better. Because then maybe you can look into someone's eyes again and not think of her.