A/N: A huge thank you to Turtlefriedrice for helping me with ideas for this, and for putting up with my ramblings about it. She is awesome!
It started one morning with a hazy sunrise. It was his daily routine to enjoy his first cigarette of the day while watching the sun come up. The dazzling combinations of color that filled the sky and reflected off the sea like a broken mirror always gave Sanji the boost of inspiration he needed to start his day. The impossibly vast array of color was beautiful, and the boundless stretch of ocean held the promise of dreams.
On that morning, however, there was something off about the sunrise. The usual colors were there, but muted, not nearly as brilliant as they should have been. It looked as if a strange mist had settled over the sky and enshrouded the Sunny. Perhaps they had sailed into some fog? But Nami was on watch that morning, and surely she would have alerted them if it was something to worry about. Unless she had fallen asleep…?
"Nami-swan?" Sanji called up to the crow's nest.
"Yes, Sanji?" Her beautiful figure appeared in the window, ringlets of orange hair catching in the soft breeze.
"Good morning, my love!" he proclaimed. "Do you have any requests for breakfast this morning?"
She considered it for a moment. "Do we have any fresh fruit?" She asked.
"We most certainly do!" he spun around happily. "Your wish is my command!"
"Thank you, Sanji," she smiled, disappearing back into the crow's nest.
Sanji was glowing with happiness and walking with a spring in his step as he headed for the galley, the strange mist of the morning forgotten. If Nami wasn't worried about it, than neither was he.
The hazy fog didn't fade away, but Sanji learned to ignore it. His nakama never commented on it, so Sanji could only assume that he was the only one that could see it. Maybe he'd gotten too much smoke in his eyes at some point? It had happened to him once as a kid, when he'd accidentally gotten to close to one of Zeff's dishes. He'd gotten a face full of acrid smoke for his troubles, and spent the next few days in the same state of haze he was currently in. Surely that was all this was.
The problem today wasn't the fog anyway. The sun was killing him. Sunrise that morning had been bad enough, too bright to possibly watch, but a battle under the full midday sun was murder on his eyes. He squinted across the deck of the enemy's ship, hoping to make out the figures still left standing. His eyes watered in the too bright light, stinging as if the sun were trying to burn them away. It was impossible to make anything out clearly with the way the light was affecting him. He could barely make out a few shapes moving across the deck, but whether they were friend or foe, he couldn't tell.
He was glad that two years of training had given him the ability to make that distinction without his eyesight. Those okama bastards might have made his life hell, but he would have to thank them. It was embarrassing to use haki against foes that barely stood a chance against him blind, but he didn't have any other choice right now. The sun continued to sear at his eyes, and he was beginning to get a headache from the pain.
With his haki, he could tell the figure standing behind him was Zoro, but the one rising up from the deck to his right was an enemy. There were two more enemies climbing the rigging to his left, presumably to enact some kind of aerial or distance attack, but Usopp was already waiting for them at the top of their sail, ready to pick off any enemies that might pose a threat to his nakama. Sanji took out the enemy to his right, and sensed Zoro moving away to deal with one across the deck. It seemed like their job here was pretty much done and Sanji couldn't detect any other enemies other than the few stragglers that were already being taken care of by the others. He relaxed, favoring his eyesight more than haki for a moment to conserve some energy. After all, problems for the straw hats tended to come in groups of at least two.
"Sanji! Look out!" He heard Usopp shout and he whirled in the direction of the sniper's voice, alert and ready for an attack, but too late.
The stinging pain in his eyes as he turned rivaled the pain that split his side a moment later. Usopp was standing directly in front of the sun, and the glare of the brilliant star burned straight into his head. The stabbing sensation in his side was the only indication he had that he hadn't just burned alive from the light of the sun.
He hit the deck with a gasp, clutching at his side and squeezing his eyes as tightly as possible. He could feel blood welling up under his fingers, but he wasn't about to open his eyes and experience that nightmare again just to investigate. Instead he lay there, listening to the clomp of Zoro's boots as they cleared strewn bodies to reach him.
"Oi, Cook!" Zoro leaned closer. Upon seeing Sanji was alive and still conscious, his entire demeanor changed. "I see you lost a fight with a crossbow."
"Shut up," Sanji snapped, in no mood for Zoro's goading right now. It was humiliating, being taken down because he'd relaxed in the middle of a battlefield. What a rookie mistake. But that would hardly be the end of his embarrassment for today.
"Take me to Chopper." He commanded the shitty swordsman.
"What?" He could hear the shitty scowl on Zoro's face as he spoke. "Get to him yourself, you aren't hurt that bad."
"It's not my injury, shitty marimo." Sanji spoke through gritted teeth. He was relieved to hear his injury was not as bad as the bleeding indicated, but it still hurt like a bitch. "It's…" Sanji bit his tongue. He wasn't ready to confess anything to Zoro yet.
"It's what?" The swordsman asked, obviously intrigued.
"It's nothing." Sanji replied shortly.
Fortunately, Chopper brought himself to Sanji before the marimo had time to ask any more questions.
A thick silence had settled over the infirmary. Sanji stared blankly at the opposite wall, his mind elsewhere. Not on medical jargon or diagnoses, far from the antiseptic smell that hung in the air alongside the quiet, his mind was on much happier things. Luffy as the pirate king; Nami's glorious map of the world; Brook reuniting with Laboon; Franky's joy when the Sunny reaches the end of the Grand Line; Zoro's defeat of Mihawk; the look of realization on her face when Robin puts the pieces of history together; Usopp commanding eight thousand followers; Chopper brandishing a miracle cure; the All Blue…
"I'm sorry, Sanji." The little doctor sniffed. His eyes watered, tears spilling over into thick dark fur. "I'll find some way to cure it."
"It's okay, Chopper." Sanji's mouth twisted into a half smile. He patted the small reindeer on the head as he stood. "Just do me one favor; don't tell the others."
Chopper sniffed again. "But Sanji…"
"Promise me, Chopper." He demanded. "Promise me as my doctor that this stays between you and me."
The doctor rubbed at his eyes, smearing away the tears as they fell. "Okay…"
"Good." Sanji smiled again. "Thanks, Chopper."
"Dinner will be done when I say it's done!" Sanji snapped, fighting off his rubbery captain as Luffy fought to feed himself.
"But Sanjiiii," Luffy whined twining himself around Sanji once more. "I'm starving!"
Sanji knew what starving felt like, and he knew the strength with which Luffy was clinging to him was not a sign of it. If Luffy was hungry, however, Sanji would never win the battle against him. "Fine! Call the others and sit at the table!"
Luffy gave a cry of victory and rushed to obey Sanji's orders, barely sticking his head out the galley and calling and incomprehensibly quick dinner call before rushing to his seat. His silverware was already poised and ready when Sanji tipped some stew into his captain's bowl.
Despite Luffy's half-assed shout, the others seemed to have gotten the message and one by one drifted into the galley, taking their seats and chatting excitedly as Sanji filled their bowls. With the last of his nakama served, Sanji finally filled his own bowl and took his seat.
No sooner had he sat that Nami spoke. "Uh, Sanji?"
"Yes, Nami-swan?" He was up again in an instant, ready to serve her.
"I'm so sorry, I can't finish this."
"What?" Sanji's eagerness faded to concern. "Is there something wrong?"
"It's too spicy." She confessed. The guilt in her voice was apparent.
An unsettling quiet settled over the table. Only Luffy continued to eat, unbothered by both the flavor and the silence. From his right, Sanji could feel Chopper's eyes on him.
"I'm very sorry, Nami-swan." He bowed. "Please dump it back into the pot, I'll take care of it. I'll prepare something else right away."
"Sanji, you don't have too." She said. "I'm really not that hungry anyway…"
"Nonsense!" He flashed a warm smile in her direction. "I'm a cook, I can't have anyone going hungry!"
"Then, Sanji-san." Brook spoke, his words soft and careful. "Could I maybe, possibly, have something else as well? This stew burns my taste buds. Although I have no taste buds to burn!" He laughed.
Sanji's heart sank in his chest. "Sure, Brook." He agreed weakly. "If anyone else would like something else, dump your bowl back into the pot and give me a few minutes."
In the end, five bowls went back into the pot. Luffy ate a majority of the stew, the spicy flavor barely registering on his tongue as he swallowed it down. Zoro didn't seem to particularly care either way and ate his food(fortunately) without complaint. Usopp spent enough time with spicy ingredients that he'd built up an immunity to spicy foods and attempted to make Sanji feel better by paying him compliments on the flavor.
Sanji made sandwiches for the others. It was a quick, simple meal, but no one complained about them. When he was finished, Sanji returned to his seat to try the stew himself. It was spicy, a burn left lingering on his tongue from the first bite. He kicked himself for not tasting it before serving and blamed Luffy for his rush. He had his revenge by forcing Luffy to finish it.
The real problem here was not Luffy, however. The real problem, was that the recipe hadn't called for anything spicy in the first place. He had meant to add salt.
He couldn't make out their faces any more. Their figures were lost on him too. They had become nothing more than blurs of color. Luffy was the blob of yellow and red by the large yellow blob of the figurehead. Nami was the spot of orange on the lawn deck. Chopper was the bobbing ball of pink walking from one place to another. He would be in real trouble if Zoro took a nap on the grass, but for now the green marimo slept against the railing to Sanji's left. Brook was just a mass of black and white, and he easily mixed up Robin and Usopp until they spoke. Franky's blue tended to get lost against the sky.
He puffed on his cigarette, watching his crewmates as their colors moved about. The yellow and red blob hopped off the figurehead and approached the yellow and black figure that Sanji assumed was Usopp. They're laughter rolled over the deck, meeting Sanji's ears. They had no expressions. They were only color and laughter.
Sanji flicked the remains of his cigarette into the open ocean, and headed back to the galley to start lunch.
The galley was silent as Zoro approached it. Odd, since it was nearly dinnertime and by this time Sanji was usually banging around in there like a mad man. He was almost hesitant to go inside, but the sea witch had bribed him into it and with one last calming breath, he pushed open the galley door.
It was dark inside. The lights were off and the curtains drawn. From the light of the open door, Zoro could see Sanji seated at the table. The entire contents of the spice cupboard were spread out around him, but he wasn't paying attention to them. The cook was staring blankly into place, the cigarette perched between his fingers was nothing but ash.
"Oi, cook." Zoro called, intending to ask what the hell the shit cook was doing.
"Marimo." Sanji's voice was strained and coarse. "I can't fucking see."
"Well of course you can't." Zoro rolled his eyes. "You're sitting in the dark."
"No," Sanji turned to face him. His blue eyes darted around, never settling in one spot too long, as if he were attempting to seek Zoro out. "I mean I can't fucking see."
Zoro's hand that had been hovering near the light switch, dropped back to his side. "What?"
"You heard me," Sanji said, turning away again. "I can't see. I can't read my own ingredients. I can't cook. I can't… I can't—"
Sanji's voice broke into a dry sob. He took a few gasping breaths, trying to regain his composure. His hands were shaking.
"Cook," Zoro reached for his cigarette, afraid the moron would burn himself with it, but Sanji's pale hand caught his first. Thin fingers gripped his own tightly, as if Sanji was afraid if he didn't hold on, Zoro was going to disappear.
"I can't see." Sanji repeated again.
"I can read your ingredients, moron." Zoro scoffed. "So get up and start cooking."
Sanji stared out at the horizon. The sun was rising, he could see it's light growing brighter, but he couldn't see it's colors, he couldn't see the way they reflected off the ocean's surface. In a few more moments, the sun would be too bright for Sanji to handle, and he'd have to retreat to the galley to preserve what little sight he still had.
He would never see the All Blue. Even if it existed, even if they reached it, he would never see it. It would always remain a mythical ocean to him. If he touched it, would it feel any different from the other seas? He would bring the old man and let Zeff see that their dream was real, but his own dream would never be realized.
Even worse, he would never see his nakama realize their dreams. He'd never see Luffy be the pirate king. He'd never see Nami's map, or Usopp's army that would surely follow the brave warrior, he'd never see Zoro's smile when he was the world's greatest, or how happy Franky would be to see the Sunny sail with a king. He'd never see Chopper's joy of being able to heal anyone. Robin's smile of relief when she had learned all she needed to know would be lost on him and he wouldn't get to see how Brook and Laboon's reunion would go.
He sighed, turning away from the sun as the light became too much. "Oi, marimo, get up and help me cook." he called as he passed by Zoro's napping form.
He might not be able to see his nakama's dreams be realized, but he was going to do everything in his power to get them there.