Meredith's POV
In the OR, time loses all meaning. In the midst of sutures, and saving lives, the
clock ceases to matter. 15 minutes. 15 hours. Inside the O.R. the best surgeons
make time fly. Outside the O.R. however, time takes pleasure in kicking our asses.
For even the strongest of us, it seems to play tricks. Slowing down, hovering...
until it freezes.
I still remember, with embarrassing clarity, the first time that I met Derek. I was
seated at the Emerald City Bar and Joe, the bartender, had just set another shot of
Tequila down in front of me.
"You're going to be sorry tomorrow." Joe had warned me, though I dismissed it with
a noncommittal shrug.
Before Joe had time to turn away and serve another patron, a man in a long sleeve
red shirt slid onto the bar stool beside me and started talking.
Great, I remember thinking as I tried my best to ignore him and not even to look at
him.
"I'm someone you need to get to know to love."
My head whipped around to look at him and, with one sentence Dr. Derek Shepherd
had gotten to me.
That was the first time that my green eyes locked with his soft blue ones but, it was
certainly not the last.
We started talking and continued drinking until, finally, we left the bar side by side.
XXX
The next morning, which was also my first day of work, found me next to him in my
disastrously messy/mostly-unpacked house.
With a curse I jumped up, trying to preserve my shredded modesty. I told myself
not to look at him and definitely not to ask his name. I was no stranger to one-night stands.
They happen, I reasoned as I went about my usual routine. I couldn't help it,
though, as my brain registered his dark, curly hair.
I imagined the way that his eyes would look in the daylight; they'd be much more
enchanting, I imagined.
That, I had to remind myself, isn't important anymore. I needed to focus on my life
if I was ever supposed to fulfill my mother's wish for me to be an "extraordinary
surgeon".
Not to mention that fact that I wasn't the kind of girl who goes on dates. I did not,
and a part of me still does not, believe in true love. After all, never in my life had I
known a person who had really loved me.
Of course when I had abandoned Derek and his beautiful eyes down in my living
room to take a shower, I hadn't ever expected to see him again. In fact, I would
have gone as far as to say that I was very sure that I wouldn't see Derek again, but
apparently fate had different plans when I spotted him in his white coat.
Yes, something like this could only happen to me.
It turned out that I had slept with my Boss.
XXX
Two months later, after Derek and I had given our relationship a chance, his wife,
Addison, appeared in Seattle.
I remember that very well. We were about to go have dinner, when Derek suddenly
apologized to me. It never crossed my mind that Derek could have a wife.
After all, we were together, or something like that.
My heart broke into a thousand little pieces when I realized that I had become a
home-wrecker. I trusted him, I had invested in 'us' only to see 'us' shatter in front
of my eyes.
A single phrase ran across my mind: Life sucks.
Why doesn't anybody love me?
Why does everyone leave me?
Why doesn't anyone ever choose me? I wondered before the mortifying memory
crashed over me.
I had made a fool of myself when I told him, had essentially begged him, to pick
me, choose me, love me. Only to have him chose Addison over me.
It was painful at first but, circumstances brought us back together.
In spite of it all, we got married, survived a shooting, a plane crash, built a house
and had two beautiful children.
After beating those odds, I had thought that the bad things were over. Sure,
sometimes we fought, but I reasoned, that's normal for a married couple, right?
Then everything changed when he got the job offer. I knew how much it meant to
him, but I couldn't leave Seattle. I had finally found a place where I felt
comfortable.
I had my friends, my family, and my career here.
In retrospect, it probably would have been best if Zola, Bailey and I had followed
Derek.
When he decided to accept the President's offer, I was so sure that we would make
it. We both had the opportunity to do what we wanted. We were able to achieve our
goals; to make a difference by pursuing our careers and, we were happy, we were
going to make it. That's what I really thought, until that one fateful call.
All I wanted to do was tell Derek about my success, that we were on a streak, that
we were amazing.
Then, an unknown woman answered his phone, and my dream shattered again. I
immediately remembered a part of our dark past when I had thought my heart
would never be whole again.
I remembered the person who must have felt the same way: Addison.
He wouldn't cheat on me, right?
I told myself at first. And then I asked myself, and then the fear took over.
I knew what it felt like, to be lost and betrayed by the person who you loved so
much.
I knew we were going through a rough patch when he left but, hadn't he thought of
our children?
Were we not important to him?
Was I not important to him?
Surely, if I wasn't enough, then our children were, right?
Did he not need us now that he had what he wanted?
Had I done something wrong?
I tried to call him a few times but time and time again I was sent straight to his
voice mail.
With each passing second that he was unreachable, my unwanted suspicions were
strengthened.
"Mommy?" Zola's sweet voice suddenly brought me back to reality.
I tucked the blanket over her and gave her a kiss on her forehead.
"Yes?" I was stressed but, I was able to hide it from her. I'd never show my weak
side in front of my children but, in my chest my heart was beating wildly.
"I miss Daddy." She sighed, closing her eyes.
"I know, Zozo." I patted her gently on her hair.
It hurt me that I wasn't able to tell her, when her father would come back home
but, what hurt even more was that I couldn't promise her that he would come home
at all.
"He misses you too," I said forcing a smile. I had to stay strong for her and Bailey,
even if it was hard for me sometimes.
"Mommy?" She opened her eyes again, looking directly at me. "I love you."
"I love you too, sweetie." I waited until she was asleep before I got up from her
bed, quietly closing the door behind me as I exhaled loudly, and sagged against it.
I was sure that Derek had cheated on me. Why else would this woman have picked
up his cell phone?
He's probably lying next to her and…
I forced those thoughts aside and went into Bailey's room to check on him for the
last time that night.
Like his sister, he was fast asleep.
Some years ago I would not have thought that I would have this life; married, the
mother of two perfect children, living in a picturesque house.
Derek was the one who showed me how great it was to have a real "Family".
I couldn't imagine that he had cheated on me, or at least I hadn't thought that he
would, or even could.
With heavy steps, I went downstairs and sat down on the couch as my thoughts
returned to the last few years.
We were not always happy, but I knew that he loved me.
Suddenly, someone rattled the door. My stomach tightened. Who could it be at this
time?
I wondered as my body began to tremble with an unexplainable fear. I didn't know
what to think as I stood up, opened the door and looked at those soft blue eyes
that I missed so much.
Derek stood in front of me, completely real, and an indescribable cold spread
through my Body.
I didn't know what to say or feel. It took me a few seconds to register what was
going on. Then in slow motion, I moved aside to let him in.
His face was lined with worry and guilt, or did I imagine it? Would his next words
change my life, our lives forever?
Would I lose him?
"I took the first flight, left my keys." He interrupted my thoughts.
"Uh huh," was all I could say. I felt like I was going to throw up.
Derek looked at me straight in the eyes and heaved a deep breath.
"You called me, and a woman answered my phone." Did he think that I didn't know that?
Was he serious?
I had to stay calm.
"I called you, and a woman answered your phone." I couldn't think of something
better to say to him, so I just repeated his words.
He sounded so different.
Is it over?
He loves you.
He'd never cheat on you.
I told myself.
Yeah, he had made a promise a few years ago, but did he keep it?
We had written our wedding vows on sticky notes.
"Meredith?" Derek took a few steps towards me, but I raised my hands to Keep a
certain distance.
I didn't want him to be this close when he told me that he had cheated on me with
that perky, tall woman with the great hair.
"We," he took a deep breath before continuing. "We're in Trouble."
We were in trouble? If someone was in trouble, it was him, I vowed.
Your marriage is in trouble, a voice said in my head.
I took a step back; I had to get away from him. It was bad enough to look into his
eyes and see the guilt in them. I couldn't ignore it.
"We?" I asked with a surprisingly firm voice. He nodded. I was angry, beyond
angry. I just wanted to know why she had picked up his phone.
"What have you done? Tell me the truth." I prepared myself for the words, that
would break my heart again into a thousand little pieces; again.
Derek's POV
I looked at her for a moment and then took a deep breath.
"I was in my office when Renee came in. She is the woman who talked to you. It
just happened." I paused.
"We" I stopped again. Before I could finish, I heard a small whimper from Bailey's
room.
The sad look in her eyes brought tears to mine.
"You don't have to say anything, Derek. It's okay. I'm fine. But," she paused, "just
go." Her voice trembled. "Bailey needs me."
I wanted to hold her but she pushed me away.
"I don't want to hear it"
another pause "I,"
My heart pounded in my ears.
"Go."
It was said with such finality.
"Mer, please let me explain." I tried again; I begged.
"Don't make it harder than it already is. You can see the kids tomorrow, if you want
to. But I can't do this now."
She threw me one last tortured look then turned back
and quickly ran upstairs.
A/N: I've decided to edit the story- hope you like it:)
Tell me what you think:)