Sometimes I still think about him. I mean, it's not like I'm obsessed with him like I used to be. Hell no. That trick he pulled was unforgivable, even though I'm not that sure he really died. He did pull some miracles before didn't he?

I'm sure I'll never meet him again. Even with all his geniusness and plotting skills he would never risk coming back to Japan again. Even IF he's alive. It just seems so unreal for him not to be.

I wonder who he is with now. Who is he using now? That green haired witch, or whatever she was? Is she still with him?

I envy her.

Not because she gets to spend time with him, no. Because she knows. She knows if he's still alive.

Because the fact that I don't know is going to haunt me for the rest of my life and I just know it. Stupid boy just left us all.

There is one thing though.

A few months ago, I was walking around his old living quarters in Ashford. They're being remade into some sort of arts classrooms right now or something. I don't really care.

Anyways, I saw his old zero costume.

That's right, one of the few details Suzaku agreed to spill about the time before "the final act" was the fact that he refused to wear Lelouches costume and had another one made for him. Silly, isn't it? Anyways, there the costume was, covered by an old blanket or curtain or whatever and dusty as hell.

The thing is, I've never seen the costume before and I've wandered the old living quarters quite a few times. And that made me realize that maybe he wasn't all gone. Maybe he just had to return the costume because he thought it belonged there in his old home and not wherever else he kept it. Maybe he made his maid or someone else do it. The fact remains, it's there now.

You know, before the costume incident I was just mindlessly mad at him. Mad at how he cheated all of us and then abandoned us in a way that just had to be so fucking heroic. That's not even like him! He's supposed to be an overly confident, selfish, pompous brat! And the savior of our nation, but, you know, just on the side. And he was supposed to stay and live with me in this new world.

But seeing the costume made me calm down. And I found a picture of him in Milly's old photo album. And I took it. Now it's hanging amongst the other pictures on my wall, with all my other friends. Even though I'm not really sure we were friends, but something more. Although he and the witch were definitely something more. And so were he and Shirley. Really, he's kind of a playing bastard.

I still miss him. We all do.

I went to Ōgis wedding with Gino you know. I wonder if he would have been jealous, you know, if he'd known. Maybe he does. Actually, he probably does. I have a feeling he and Suzaku are still in contact. Or maybe he just has his ways. Like he had before. Maybe he'll read all of this someday.

Well Lelouch, if you ever read this, you should know that it's very impolite to read a girls diary, and also, that you're an asshole. But I like you, and I wish you wouldn't have died. Or left. Or whatever you did.

Please take care of yourself, and stop misusing that weird magic thing you have. Oh I know.

Also, thank you for changing the world. I can wear my hair normally in school again.

So I was doing schoolwork and this happened.

Review if you want more, whatever more would be. I don't know. Just do. Please?

-MS