He rushed through the automatic door past the reception.
"Sir!" the woman behind the counter shouted after him, and as he didn't stop, she raised her voice. "Sir! Excuse me! Where do you think you're going?"
"Uh, Bower. I'm looking for Angela Bower. She was checked in this morning. Someone called me," Tony told her.
"That must've been me. I found your number in Ms. Bower's address book in her purse. Go to the 3rd floor and report to the reception desk when you step out of the elevator. They'll show you to her room."
Without even thanking the nurse, Tony rushed to the elevator, pushed the button and impatiently waited for the doors to open up in front of him. He almost knocked down a man wanting to get out, completely oblivious to the annoyed face he was shown. Inside, he pushed the button that would bring him to the 3rd floor, reading 'Women's Health' on the plate beside it, but not really wasting a thought about it.
As soon as the doors slipped open, Tony wormed through them and approached the reception desk. "Ms. Bower's room, please! Quick!" he managed to summon up a minimum of courtesy.
A doctor looked up from behind the counter and addressed him. "Mr. Bower?"
"Ahem, my name is Micelli. I'm not Ms. Bower's husband, I'm her f-"
'Friend,' he had wanted to say, but the doctor interrupted him. "Fiancé? Well, that's okay. Follow me, Sir."
"What happened to her?"
Tony didn't really care about the misunderstanding. He wasn't Angela's fiancé, they weren't even in a relationship. But he was worried about her, and he knew that the doctor wouldn't tell him anything about her medical condition if he found out that he was her housekeeper. That they were more than just employee and employer to each other, but friends, best friends, with a lot of chemistry between them, wouldn't count. Only close relatives were given personal information, not housekeepers. So he kept his mouth shut and let the doctor think what he obviously wanted to think.
"Your fiancée has been involved in a rear-impact crash."
"Oh my God!" was all Tony could say about it.
"It wasn't a very severe accident. The police reported that she waited at a red light and another driver rushed into the back of her car. The impact had been quite intense though, but a Jaguar is a solid construction, so the car body absorbed most of the energy. Ms. Bower suffered from a whiplash and shock, but she'll recover quickly."
Tony let out a sigh of relief.
"They both came out quite well. They were lucky."
"Both?" Tony asked, "What happened to the other driver?"
"Oh, the other driver didn't suffer from any injuries. The airbag protected him perfectly. I was talking about the baby, Mr. Micelli!"
"The baby? Which baby?"
"Yours!"
"Mine?"
"Your financée is pregnant. Didn't you know?" the doctor asked, but one look at Tony's puzzled face told him that he hadn't.
'I didn't even know she was my fiancée,' went through Tony's mind. He shook his head as if the pieces of the puzzle only needed to be shuffled so that they would finally all fall into the right places.
"Oops, I hope I haven't ruined the surprise. Ms. Bower's 10 weeks pregnant, Mr. Micelli. There's no baby bump visible yet, but you should've noticed some changes in her: morning sickness, fatigue, voracious appetite," the doctor told him, looking intensely at him above the brim of his reading glasses, one eyebrow arched.
Tony's mind was spinning. 10 weeks? He was too confused to be able to count back, but if he roughly calculated and took into consideration that February was such a short month...yeah, it could work well. Had it really been 10 weeks?
"Mr. Micelli! Haven't you noticed any of what I just told you about? Normally, these are unmistakable early signs of a pregnancy, especially the cravings for food."
If this annoying medic only knew that Angela craved for food almost on a daily basis, that she was tired every day she came home from work, and that she could easily hide her morning sickness because they slept in different bedrooms. But of course he didn't know, and Tony wasn't willing to explain, so he had to live with the notion of being an insensitive, inattentive fiancé.
"Here we are." The doctor knocked gently at the door. "She's been given a weak sedative. We want her to rest. The better her body recovers from the jolt, the better the chances she keeps the baby."
"Keep the baby? I thought you said they were both well."
"They are right now. And there's no doubt Ms. Bower will recover completely, but for the baby we have to wait another 12 to 24 hours. It's okay now, and we don't see any reason to be worried, but the first trimester of pregnancy is a critical phase anyway, and with an outside impact such as a car accident, you can never tell. If everything is still okay the day after tomorrow, you can relax, but you've got to wait until then, I'm afraid. That's why we're keeping your fiancée here under surveillance for the next two days at least."
The doctor put his index finger to his mouth, and motioned Tony to follow him into Angela's room. In a whisper, he said, "We don't want to wake her up if she sleeps. The more she rests, the better."
On tiptoes, Tony and the doctor approached the bed and found Angela asleep. Her head was slightly tilted to the side, her face was a bit pale and she had dark circles under her eyes.
"Oh boy, she doesn't look well, Doctor," Tony whispered.
Satisfied that this man finally proved to have noticed at least some changes in his fiancée, the doctor explained, "It rather derives from the mental shock than the physical impact. Ms. Bower was very worried about her unborn baby upon admission."
Tony stared at Angela's hands. The one with the IV access was outstretched on the bed next to her body, the other was lying on her lower stomach, her delicate fingers splayed out for protection of what was underneath.
"Angela," was all Tony uttered. He also was in a mental shock, still unable to think straight.
"You can stay here, Mr. Micelli. She'll be happy to see you when she wakes up. If you need anything, just ask one of the nurses."
"Thank you, Doctor."
"You're welcome. Best of luck. For the three of you!" the medic said with a compassionate smile. He patted Tony on the shoulder, then he left him alone.
The three of you.
It sounded so surreal. Tony believed himself in some kind of parallel universe. Angela pregnant? It was simply impossible! Unimaginable!
He pulled a chair close to her bed, sat down, crossed his arms in front of his chest, and looked at her. Her chest rose and sank rhythmically, and she seemed to be relaxed. But Tony could see that her eyeballs were flickering restlessly underneath the lids. She wasn't truly relaxed but in a light REM sleep because of the sedative. He knew her well, contrary to what that doctor might think of him. If she really was pregnant, and Tony still refused to believe it, she would never be able to sleep out of worry for her baby.
Tony took her hand in his, not the one on her stomach, the other, and gently squeezed it. "Shhh, Angela, it's alright," he whispered in a soothing voice, trying to calm her, "I'm here now. You can sleep, I'm looking after you and..." He couldn't bring himself to saying it out loud. The idea was still too crazy and far-fetched to be voiced.
A few hours later, after having been checked on by the nurse twice, Tony couldn't sit in the uncomfortable chair any longer. So he let go of Angela's hand, got up and stretched his back and legs. He walked over to the window and looked out, without really taking notice of the scenery outside. His thoughts were still running amok, the news hadn't sunk in completely yet. He dreaded the moment she would wake up, because he had no idea about how to talk to her.
The nurse came in once again to check Angela's pulse and temperature. She threw Tony a sympathetic look, wrote Angela's data on a chart, and left.
Tony had lost his sense of time, when suddenly Angela moaned silently. Her breathing became irregular and her body started moving under the sheet, eventually her eyes fluttered open.
"Hi," Tony said, casting her a warm smile from where he stood by the window.
"Tony!" Angela whispered, her voice at bit frail. "What are you doing here?"
"I've been called," he explained.
"By whom?"
"The hospital. They found our number in your address book. They told me you were involved in a car accident, so I speeded right over. How do you feel?"
"I'm okay. My head hurts a little, and my neck, but it's not that bad."
That was all. She didn't say anything about the baby. If Tony wanted to find out whether what the doctor had told him was true, he had to address the matter. But how? He wasn't very good at talking about personal stuff. Plus he didn't have any idea what all this meant for him. His brain was still in an uproar, so he couldn't think of a more sensitive way but to ask her directly.
"Why didn't you tell me that you were pregnant, Angela?"
Angela's eyes widened and she gasped for air. "Who told you?"
"The doctor."
"The doctor told you? He's not supposed to share my medical record with any man coming by."
"Ey-oh, Angela, I'm not any man!" Tony replied harshly. He was a bit offended. They were best friends and knew more about the other than anyone else.
"No, you're most certainly not, Tony." Angela smiled weakly at him. "But you're no next of kin, that's what I meant."
"I guess he thought that the first man rushing in asking for you would be your husband."
"Didn't you tell him you weren't?"
"Of course I did! I told him my name was Micelli, but he wouldn't let me articulate clearly, he simply presumed I had to be your fiancé then."
"Why did you let him believe it?"
"I got a little distracted when he told me the two of you were okay, to be honest!" Tony now spat out.
Why was she so upset that the doctor had told him about her pregnancy? Didn't she want him to know? How had she planned to keep that a secret from him in the long run?
Angela closed her eyes and swallowed hard. Then she looked at Tony but didn't say a word.
"Why didn't you tell me, Angela?" Tony asked when he couldn't hold her gaze any longer. "I thought we told each other everything."
"I just found out myself a few days ago, Tony. My period isn't as regular anymore as when I was a young woman, and it's been so busy at work lately, so I didn't even realize that I was late. But at a certain point there was no denying it anymore, so I made an appointment with my obstetrician. When he told me that I was pregnant, I couldn't believe it myself. I needed my time to process it. I would've told you, but I haven't been ready yet."
"Is it mine?"
A look into Angela's eyes told Tony he should've better stopped himself from asking this question. Her entire facial expression screamed at him, 'How dare you ask?'
"Sorry," he murmured ruefully, holding his hands up in defense.
"Do you really think I've been sleeping around lately?" she shrieked out.
"No! No, of course not!"
"So, yes, Tony, it's yours!"
"But you said we were safe!"
"I know, and I'm sorry. I really thought we were! You've got to believe me, Tony! I didn't mean to trick you into fatherhood! I would never do such a thing! Michael and I had relied on the Fertility Awareness Method for birth control, and it had always worked. That night should've been an infertile phase of my cycle. What I didn't know was that for women my age FAM is not really recommended because the cycle isn't as regular and predictable anymore. And moreover...uh, your sperm seem to have felt quite comfortable inside of me, that's why they survived much longer than usual, and so it happened. At least, that's how my doctor explained it to me. It was an accident, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It's all my fault."
"Would you stop it, Angela! This is not all your fault, it always takes two. We're both responsible for this mess."
"Mess?" Angela screeched. "This is what this is for you? A mess?" Angela's voice sounded a bit hysteric now. She set upright, ready to jump out of the bed any minute. "This is exactly why I didn't know how to tell you, Tony! Listen, I don't expect anything from you. I told you we were safe and we weren't. It's my responsibility, and I'm going to deal with it. You don't owe me anything. I already raised a boy without his father, I can do it again."
"That's nonsense, Angela! First, you didn't raise Jonathan on your own, I helped you, and second, with calling it a mess I didn't want to imply that I'm not willing to care for you and the baby. You want to go on with the pregnancy, I suppose."
Angela stared at him once again.
"You can't be serious with asking me this! I thought you knew me!" She was very upset now, really angry with him. Her eyes transfixed Tony. "Do you honestly think I would have an abortion to get rid of a baby? Your baby?"
"No...uh...well...darn!" Tony tore at his hair and paced through the room. "Give me a little credit here, Angela! You took your time to let the news sink in, I've just learned that you're expecting. So don't be so hard on my wording. Please!" he beseeched her now in a conciliatory tone.
Angela sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm a little on edge myself."
She pulled the sheet away and hung her legs out of the bed as if she wanted to get up, but Tony instantly called a halt.
"You stay in bed!" he told her, "The doctor has prescribed strict bed rest, and I won't let you violate the doctor's orders. For your own benefit, and of the one...inside."
After she had obeyed his commands, Tony went back to the window and looked out again. With his back turned to her, he continued. It was impossible to face her while telling her what he was up to.
"Look Angela, what I want you to understand is that of course I'll be there for you and the baby. This isn't your fault like you said. We had unprotected sex, the two of us. We were careless and irresponsible, and if either Sam or Jonathan ever has unprotected sex they will be given a piece of my mind, but what I'm trying to say is that it's our responsibility, not yours alone. Okay, you said we were safe, so I didn't care for a condom, but I also wanted to believe you, do you understand? God, I wanted you that night, Angela! I wanted you so badly, all of you and all at once! So when you said I didn't need to care for contraception, I put it out of my mind. And maybe even if you had told me to care about it, I'm not sure I would've been able to. But regardless of all the passion and the lust I was feeling that night, which made me throw all precautions overboard, I do know that babies may result from unprotected sex, Angela. I know now and I knew then. So we are together in this, and...it's not a mess! It's the most wonderful of surprises!"
"Really?" Angela's voice broke.
"Yes!" Tony turned around and looked her in the eye. "Hey, you're having my baby, Angela!" He let out a suppressed chuckle. "This is crazy!"
"It is, isn't it?"
"We should get married," Tony suddenly said out of the blue after a moment of silence.
"Get married?"
"Don't you want the baby to be legitimate?"
"Oh, I see. You would be doing it for the baby," Angela noted.
"Sure."
"Yeah, sure."
Angela pulled the sheet up to her chin. She was a master of self-control, so she was able to hide her disappointment.
"Tony, you don't need to do that. Don't feel obliged to marry the woman you knocked up in a night of careless, irresponsible frenzy." The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable, even for a man.
"Aaangelaa!"
"Those were your own words!"
"But I wanted to say something else, and you know it!"
"Don't tell me you would've even thought about marriage if this hadn't happened."
"I would've wanted to date you first!"
"But you haven't!"
"We had a date!"
"That silly pity date doesn't count! Mother talked you into it."
"Well, it's because you're my...you know!"
"Boss! I know, Tony. I'm your boss, and you would never do such a stupid thing as to lay a hand on your boss!"
"Are you pulling out each and every word I have spoken over the last five years now?"
"You said that the first night you slept in my house. Too bad you broke your own resolution, huh?"
Angela's face was like a stone mask now. Tony stared at her. He hadn't anticipated that their conversation might take this turn and that their voices might be that harsh. But what was she accusing him of anyway? That he had slept with her? That he hadn't dated her? That he had proposed? He had no idea.
"What do you mean? Do you regret it?" Tony looked into Angela's face, which was like a puzzle of ten thousand pieces to him. He just couldn't read anything in it. "I don't!" he felt the urge to point out. "I don't regret a single minute of that night, Angela. It was amazing. I hadn't experienced something like this for a long time."
A weak smile ran over Angela's face now. Her eyes shone for a split second but returned to being dark instantly. "Then why did you say that it wasn't meant to be the beginning of something the morning after? That we should go on as if it had never happened?"
Tony sighed. He remembered his state of mind this particular morning. How he had woken up holding her in his arms, feeling her warm body nestled on his, her hair tickling his nose. It had been a wonderful feeling but had also frightened the hell out of him.
"Because..."
"I'm your boss, I know! And you are a student, and my housekeeper, and you want to set an example for the kids, and everything works well the way it is... There seem to be a million reasons!"
"That's not it, at least, it's not all there is to it."
"What is it then, Tony? Why is it so difficult for you to love me?"
"It's not difficult at all, Angela. Believe me."
"What's that supposed to mean?" It annoyed her that he was speaking in riddles, not getting to the point of what really bothered him about being in a relationship with her. He was attracted, of that much she was sure. Not only emotionally, but also physically. Their night of passion - irresponsible and careless as it was - proved it.
"Have you or have you not been happy these last years?" she now asked.
"I've been very happy these last years. I wasn't any happier during my years with Marie."
"What is your problem then?"
After a long moment of silence, Tony's subconscious mind finally let him voice it.
"I lost her."
He choked on the words and turned away from Angela. He didn't want her to see the grief which still kept overwhelming him whenever he thought about the trick fate had played on him, taking his wife away from him at the tender age of thirty.
Angela inhaled deeply. In her mind, the pieces were finally falling into the right places. Everything made sense. That was it. That was his problem.
"Oh, Tony," Angela said compassionately, "come here." She patted on the bed right beside her, but Tony ignored it. "If you don't come over to me, I have to come over to you!"
As she had expected, that made him turn around on his heel. "You have to stay in bed, Angela," he said in a voice much weaker and more fragile than before. He dragged his feet over to her bed and sat on the edge beside her.
"Is this what you're afraid of? To lose someone you love once again?"
"Her illness came out of the blue, Angela, at a time nobody had expected it. It took me quite a while to cope with the loss. I don't want to go through something like this ever again in my life."
"I understand your feelings, but what is your plan, Tony? To never love again?"
Tony only shrugged. "Why can't we leave things as they are? They're wonderful the way they are. Perfect."
"Wonderful, yes. Perfect, no. I love the way we've built this family, but I want more from you." She took one of his hands. "I'm in love with you." And looking into his eyes, which stared at her because of her open words, she went on, "I want all of you, Tony! Now that I've had the first bite that night, I want to try the whole cake!"
"Uh, what about...what I said...that morning..." Tony murmured in a helpless stutter.
"That we should go on as if it had never happened?"
"Yeah."
"I don't think it's possible. There's a baby growing inside of me, reducing any attempt to negate that night to absurdity."
"Uh...right." Tony became evermore sparing with words.
"You regret it," she stated sadly.
"No, Angela. It was a wonderful night. It's only that..." he trailed off.
"You can't picture yourself being in a relationship with me." Angela voiced the painful truth, biting her lower lip so hard that it almost bled. The stinging pain in her lip took away a bit of the pain in her heart though.
"What if something happens to you? Honestly, Angela, when I see you sitting in this bed, wearing one of these terrible hospital gowns..." His voice broke, "Well, it brings back a lot of painful memories. I wouldn't be able to cope with something like this once again. I simply wouldn't!"
"But I'm fine, Tony! And so is the baby! The accident wasn't so bad," Angela insisted.
"Yeah, this time! What if next time some drunken idiot hits you from up front? What if you develop some nasty disease? What if the train derails on your way home from work?" The list of nightmare scenarios seemed to be indefinite.
Angela could see the horror in his eyes. They had lost all its warmth and liveliness, they were dull and empty. "So many 'what ifs', Tony? What if the world explodes tomorrow? Nobody is able to predict the future. Something might happen to you as well, and you'd be leaving behind the ones who love you. The more important it is to live your life to the fullest when you have the chance!"
"I'm just scared that one day I might lose you, too."
"I understand, Tony. I understand that with keeping me away from you, you're only protecting yourself. But see, I was disappointed in love just like you. My husband didn't die, but our love did. After he had left me, I felt forlorn and betrayed by what love had promised me. When I married him, I had been in the strong belief that it would be forever, and it wasn't. But I didn't lose my faith in love. And you mustn't lose yours either! We have the chance at a wonderful relationship! Why not grab it?" Angela's eyes beseeched Tony now. She wanted for him to be happy, nothing more and nothing less, and she knew from the bottom of her heart that she would make him happy.
"What if it didn't last? Like Michael's and your love? What if we tried and failed? If we broke up? What would happen to Sam and Jonathan?"
"Let me answer you with another what if: what if it simply were good? Really good?" Angela smiled to herself, for these last sentences rang a bell.
"It would be the best relationship I can imagine. I'd be in love with my best friend," Tony replied.
"Do you want to be? In love with your best friend, I mean?"
Tony stared at her, unable to make a move. He so much wanted to touch her, embrace her, kiss her, but he felt as if he was stuck in jelly. His fears were controlling his muscles, it was as if his heart told him 'Jump!' but his mind withheld him.
It was Angela's magic which broke the spell. Although he hadn't given her an answer to her question, she cupped Tony's face and pulled it closer to hers. They looked at each other so intensely that neither of them dared to blink. Tony couldn't prevent his eyes from filling with tears - on the one hand, because they were so dry from not blinking, on the other, because his emotions were in an uproar and it was just too much to handle. When a single tear jumped out of his left eye and slowly ran down his cheek, Angela brushed it away with a feathery kiss.
His cheek was burning like fire, and the tear tasted salty. Angela knew this was the moment of truth. If she let go now, he might never take her again where he had been with her today: at the depths of his soul, where he had buried his fears and sorrows, his misconceptions and inner demons. So she lovingly stroked his cheeks and leaned in so close that Tony could feel her breathing. When her lips finally found his, she placed a first shy kiss on them, fearing he wouldn't reciprocate but pull away instead.
But Tony didn't pull away, he let Angela kiss him. He loved being kissed by her. Her kisses were so soft, sweet, and seductive. This particular kiss was different though. It was an encouraging kiss, compassionate and sympathetic; a kiss supposed to heal his achy-breaky heart.
And it worked. The tension fell off of him, albeit only very slowly. It needed more than just one kiss, and Angela was sensitive enough to notice. So she not only deepened the kiss, prolonged it, let one kiss be followed by another, she also cupped his face with her warm, delicate hands, her loving fingertips stroking softly his cheeks, then his jawline, until they reached his neck and fondled his hair. Tony felt shivers running down his spine, and the fine hair on his lower arms started to rise because of the evermore pleasant sensation.
This was so good! He could get addicted to this. Was he really willing to deny himself kisses like this? Wasn't it too much a sacrifice only to protect his vulnerable soul from potential further hurting? How much security did he need? 100 percent? Pushing Angela away now would give him 100 percent. But at what cost? At the cost of being kissed so wonderfully, so affectionately and whole-heartedly. How much security could Angela give him? 50 percent? No, definitely more than 50 percent. Probably 80, maybe even 90 or 95. Wouldn't that much suffice? A 5-percent-risk wasn't too much, even 10 percent might be acceptable, especially for what he would get in return: the most fulfilling kind of relationship to a woman he adored since he had first met her.
Tony's protective shield began to crack, and the more Angela displayed her affection for him, the bigger and more numerous the cracks became.
"Trust in your feelings, Tony," Angela now said in her soothing voice. "Allow yourself to love again. I promise to take good care of your heart. I will do anything in my power to keep it from aching again."
"I know, Angela. It's just that-"
He was interrupted by a loud knock at the door and the almost simultaneous entering of a doctor with a nurse in tow who was pushing a medical device into Angela's room.
"Excuse us, Ms. Bower. Oh, hello Mr. Micelli. You're still here. Perfect."
The doctor had no idea that he had disturbed his patient and her visitor at the most inappropriate moment. Tony had been at the verge of opening up, now he felt as if he had been hosed with cold water.
"Yes, still here," he mumbled, got off the bed and retreated to his prior position at the window. Dusk was throwing its long shadows on the scenery, the warm day temperatures of early spring had fallen significantly; not only outside.
"Ms. Bower, we'd like to check on the baby. We have to make sure that there are no signs of a placental abruption. It would put both you and the baby at risk."
Tony moaned. What the doctor said only added fuel to the flames of his inner hell.
"Don't worry, Mr. Micelli, I'm pretty sure your fiancée and your baby are fine." Not knowing how to interpret Angela's shy smile upon his last words, he continued, "It's a routine procedure we perform regularly for the first 24 hours. I don't expect anything abnormal."
Tony made a move to leave the room, but was withheld by the nurse. "You don't have to leave, Mr. Micelli. Stay, and have a look at your baby."
Tony looked at Angela doubtfully.
"Yes, please stay, Tony."
The nurse placed the ultrasound scanner at the foot of the bed, so that both Angela and Tony could see the screen. Then she pulled Angela's gown up to reveal her belly. Tony looked at it and marveled about the fact that it was as flat as he remembered it, like when he had seen her naked getting out of the tub or in that cute yellow bathing suit in Puerto Vallarta. That a human being was growing inside that belly was almost impossible to believe.
Now the nurse applied a gel on Angela's stomach as well as on a little probe she then handed to the doctor with the words, "Here you go, Doctor Winer."
Doctor Winer touched Angela's stomach with the probe, stroked back and forth a few times to spread the gel evenly, then his moves became slower and more targeted.
"Let me have a look at the placenta first." He shoved the probe around a little, then left it at a certain spot. "Everything looks fine. No signs of an abruption, and no internal bleedings whatsoever. Very good!"
He pushed a button on the keyboard to print out a picture. Then he turned back to Angela's stomach and pushed the probe around until he found something.
"And theeere is your baby!" he announced with a grin.
Tony stared at the screen. He hadn't seen anything like this before. When Marie had been pregnant, ultrasound examinations had been something only the rich could afford. It hadn't been part of the usual pregnancy check-ups like they were today. The first time he had seen Samantha had been the moment the midwife had placed her in his arms, wrapped in a pink blanket. What he saw on the screen took his breath away. It looked a bit like a big gummy bear with arms and legs, but it most obviously was a living being. It was making jerky movements and bobbing around.
Angela looked at him and smiled. Tony saw something in her eyes he hadn't seen there before: motherly anticipation. Her eyes very overflowing with joy and exhilaration. She had been right, asking her whether she wanted to have the baby had been ridiculous. She was an expecting mother, there was no doubt about it anymore. He squeezed her hand and cast her a smile, then glued his eyes back to the ultrasound screen. He hadn't expected to see much more than gray shadows, an undefinable cluster of cells only a medic's well-trained eyes could read something into. He had not even remotely anticipated a readily developed fetus to appear on the screen. He could identify every body part: the huge head, the arms and legs, the spine. He recognized the umbilical cord which connected the baby to Angela until it would be born.
"I can see from your face that you're surprised, Mr. Micelli," Doctor Winer said complacently. "All tissues and organs are developed, for the rest of the pregnancy they mainly grow and mature. The baby is about one-and-a-half inches now. Your uterus has enlarged to the size of a grapefruit, Ms. Bower. It won't take long and you'll develop a baby bump."
"What's that flickering spot here?" Tony asked, pointing to the screen with his index finger.
"That spot is not flickering, Sir, it's beating. It's the baby's heart."
"So fast?"
"That's perfectly alright. A fetus' heart beats about two to three times faster than ours," Doctor Winer explained.
"Awesome!" was all Tony could say. He was completely amazed, especially taking into consideration that what he saw on the screen was inside Angela's belly. What had been nothing but a crazy, surreal notion a few moments ago, had turned into a very solid reality: Angela was having his baby. They were about to become parents, both of them, together. That was something else than being a surrogate parent to each other's child.
The doctor printed out a picture of the fetus and put it into a folder together with the one he had printed out before. Then he pushed the print button again and handed the picture to Tony. "Here you go, Daddy!" And with a smile he added, "For your family portrait gallery."
Angela squirmed. The medic didn't know any better, but she feared that what he had just said would be a bit much too much for Tony. He had to process a lot today - that their one-night stand entailed serious consequences, that she was in love with him and wanted to be in a romantic relationship with him - being reminded that for the onlooker things weren't as obvious as they seemed to be, didn't necessarily help. And her perception hadn't deceived her; although the doctor's intentions had been the best, they had the exact opposite effect: Tony turned pale and stared at the print-out in his hands.
"Gotta go!"
With this he rushed out of the room and left behind an astonished doctor, an appalled nurse, and a crestfallen Angela, who asked herself whether he would ever overcome the protective wall he had built around him.
It took Tony almost two hours to find the guts to return to Angela's room. He knew that he had done a terrible thing running away like a little boy who had broken a window and didn't want to get caught. There was no running away from this, and as a matter of fact, he didn't want to run away; he wanted to stay. He gently knocked at the door and waited.
"Come in," he heard Angela say, so he opened the door and peeked in.
Mona was sitting at Angela's bedside. She had obviously brought some clothes and vanity items from home. Angela was wearing one of her PJ's and had put her hair up in a ponytail.
"Don't be so shy, Buddy, come in! I won't bite you, although you knocked my daughter up and ran away in the middle of a medical examination."
"Hi, Mona. Hello, Angela." Tony entered the room unassertively. "I want to apologize. I'm so sorry I ran out of the room."
"It's alright, Tony. I guess it has simply been a bit too much for you today. That's okay. I'm glad you've returned though. What is it you're hiding behind your back?"
"Uh...well..."
He pulled a bouquet of yellow roses from behind his back. "They didn't have pink ones."
"Why don't I go look for a vase?" Mona said while rising from her chair. "It might take a while." She winked at Tony on her way out of the room.
When Tony heard the door close behind him, he approached Angela's bed. He still clutched the flowers with both hands.
"I shouldn't have run away. It was just when the doc called me Daddy-" he stopped abruptly.
"Forget it. You've come back, that's all that matters." She smiled at him. "Are these for me?" She pointed at the flowers in Tony's hands.
"Uh, yes, sure." He handed her the bouquet. "I bought six of them. One for each family member: Jonathan, Sam, Mona, you, the baby, and...me." He swallowed away the lump which had been sitting in his throat since he had bought the flowers for Angela.
"Thank you. That's very sweet of you."
Tony had gone through what he wanted to say to her a thousand times, but now none of the words came to mind. He could see that she expected some kind of explanation, and she had every right to. She looked so strong the way she was sitting in this bed; all composed and assertive about having this baby. She had rosy cheeks, the circles under her eyes were gone. She looked so appealing.
"Listen, Angela, I..."
"Yes, Tony?"
"I really want to marry you. And not only because of the baby, but because-" ... Breathe, Micelli! Breathe! ... "because-"
"Because what?"
"Because I love you."
For a short moment, the world seemed to have come to a halt. Angela was the first who found her voice again. "You do?"
"Yes."
Now that the most important sentence was out, the rest seemed to jump out of his mouth on its own. "I love you so much that my fear of losing you paralyzed me. I thought that as long as I kept you as my platonic best friend, I was well protected against the fear and the pain of loss. But I wasn't. I didn't want to lose you to Geoffrey, I didn't want to lose you because of a woman I was dating, and I most certainly don't want to lose you because I don't have the guts to stand by my feelings for you."
Until now, Tony had been standing at her bed, now he sat down at the edge of it and took Angela's hands in his.
"That night was never meant to be a one-night stand. When I woke up in the morning, having you so close, I was the happiest man. But then my fears got the better of me. It was as if a cold fist reached out for my heart, and the only way to get rid of the anxiety was to call it a one-night stand. When I read from your face how disappointed you were, it almost broke my heart, Angela. I swear to God that I never wanted to hurt you. I wasn't in control at that moment."
"And you are now?"
"At least that much that I don't act against my better judgment. I know that I want to be with you. I want you to have this baby and raise it together with you. I want us to be a real family, one big colorful Bower-Micelli-Robinson family. I still have anxieties. I never fully recovered from the trauma of losing Marie. Maybe I should see a shrink, I don't know, but of one thing I'm certain: Marie wouldn't have wanted her death to overshadow my life forever. She would've wanted for me to free myself from her and start a new life with another woman. You are that woman, Angela. We started quite some time ago, and right now definitely is not the time for me to quit."
"What does that mean for us, Tony?"
"It means that I formally ask you for your hand, Madame. And if you're willing to accept my proposal, Doctor Winer can go on calling you my fiancée as often as he wants because he will be speaking the truth."
"You're proposing to me?"
"Yes."
"But not only because I'm pregnant."
"No."
"But because you're in love with me."
"Yes."
"And that I'm still your boss doesn't bother you."
"No."
"Hm."
"Any more questions?"
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"When are you going to kiss me?"
Tony didn't have to be asked twice. Being allowed to kiss Angela anytime he wanted was the best thing about being in a romantic relationship with her. Okay, they would have sex, too, and the first and only night they had spent together so far was very promising, but kissing her was so sensual and luscious, her kisses delicious and sweet. He let go of her hands and cupped her face. After a short moment of gazing into her eyes, he put his lips on hers. The moment they touched was like a revelation; never again had a kiss elevated him that much. If there had still been a shred of doubt in him whether he could overcome his inhibitions, it was blown away by the joining of their mouths. And when their tongues united, he was overwhelmed with a sense of coming home.
If the choices had been Tony's to make, he would've never stopped kissing her. But at some point, Angela pulled back, not completely, only to be able to breathe.
"Mmmm...uh," Angela mumbled, her lips never leaving his, "this is good, Tony. So good!"
They engaged in another kiss. Tony prayed that this time they wouldn't be interrupted by Doc Winer and his crew once again. He expected Mona to be back any minute. Would she have the decency to make a step backward, retreat, and leave them alone? Maybe not. Definitely not! He should bring this to a closure. He would have the rest of his life to kiss and caress Angela, but for now there was one more thing he needed to straighten out. So he pulled back, far enough to be able to look into Angela's eyes.
"Does that mean you're accepting my proposal?"
"Yes, Tony, I'm accepting your proposal."
"Oh, that's wonderful, Angela! Wonderful! I suppose I should take you out on a date as soon as you're released from the hospital. No pity date, a real date!"
"Well, the doctor told me to take it slow for the next couple of weeks."
"No problem at all. As you know, I am the master of slowness," Tony said with a grin. "So, if you're not supposed to go out, we'll have a date in our living room. I'll serve you a first-class dinner, ask you for a slow dance, take you home, and kiss you goodnight on the threshold to your bedroom."
"Oh, how gallant of you to respect the threshold to my bedroom," Angela joked.
"Until we're married, it's off limits, Angela!" Tony exclaimed with the pretense of being shocked.
"Don't you think that it's a bit weird given the fact that you'll marry a pregnant woman?"
"Maybe you're right," Tony had to admit.
"But...uhm...I'm afraid we have to wait a little anyway. Doctor Winer also told me to abstain from sexual intercourse for at least another four weeks."
"How dare he assume you'd be about to have sexual intercourse?"
"He thinks we're engaged, remember? And I'm pregnant, so I guess he assumes I'm a sexually active woman."
"Sexually active? Oooh, I like that notion, Angela!"
"Me too!" She grinned. "But as I said, we'll have to wait a little. For the baby's sake."
"Don't you worry, Angela, I'm fine with waiting. Sex is a wonderful thing, and I'm looking forward to continuing what we started these few weeks ago - I think the doctor said it's been 10 weeks - but there's much more to a relationship than sex. I, for example, think that kissing can be as exciting and fulfilling as making love. So, if I have to content myself with making out for the next four weeks, I don't mind at all!"
"What's keeping you from starting right now?"
"If I only had a Do-not-disturb sign to put on the door knob, or a hanger! I'm afraid the doctor or one of the nurses might butt it once again."
"Or Mother."
"That would be even worse!"
Angela giggled. It was the sweetest, cutest, most appealing giggle Tony had ever heard.
"Aaaah, what the heck?" he said, embraced her tightly and engaged her in a kiss so deep and so intense that even if the entire staff plus various family members had gathered around them to ogle, he wouldn't have cared at all.