By Morphius
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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Inuyasha characters, ok? Rumiko Takahashi does. However, even if I was to leave this out, and Rumiko Takahashi were to sue me for every cent I got, she'd get four dollars. And that's before the lawyers take their cuts. Also there are a lot of Matrix references. Kudos to the Wachowski Bros. The Matrix rules. Or the first one does anyway. That's the only one I've seen so far. Yeah.
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Oh, and +blah+ = voice from above that belongs to the author. Enjoy!
Chapter 1: Meet Morphius! Ruler of all!
Inuyasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, and even Shippo, the kawaii kitsune, were lying unconscious in the middle of an open field. They just got their asses kicked. By what, even I, the author, have no clue. Actually, I know perfectly well what it is; I just don't want to tell you. So, nyeah! But they must have been seriously ass kicking to kick the asses of Inuyasha and Co. Ok, going to stop saying ass kickin. . . gah! I did it again. Any who, our friends were just regaining consciousness. . .
Inuyasha: *confused* Who the hell said that?
+Uh. . . oh crap. It appears our friends got up while I was talking to you. Stupid fans! I shall drag you all into the depths of hell!+
Kikyo: Hey! That's my line!
+Oh shove it, you zombie bitch! Remember, I CONTROL YOU! Ahem. And Kikyo disappeared.+
Kikyo: *fading* Curse you, Morphius!
+Well, at least she's gone. But now I have to worry about Inuyasha and the gang, who have just been beat and looking to maim someone to make themselves feel better.+
Sango: How did we get beat so bad?
Kagome: *shrugs*
Inuyasha: Let's go maim someone!
Shippo: Yay! Death. . .
+That was weird, hearing that from Shippo.+
Miroku: *rubbing head* Who's that weird dude with the booming voice?
+I'm the author, you moron. I control everything that goes on in your miserable lives.+
Sango: Even that last fight?
+Why yes. You got your asses kicked because I deemed it so.+
Sango: *wielding hiraikotsu in a very threatening matter, even to me* Why you. . .
+Tut tut, Sango. You shouldn't mess with me.+
Sango: *raising eyebrow* Oh, really? And why is that?
+Oh my. An unbeliever. Well, Sango, I have no choice but to make you experience my power firsthand. Ahem. Suddenly, Sango grabbed Miroku and their lips locked in a long sweet passionate kiss.+ This went on for about a minute until the demon exterminator released the monk and proceeded to throw up behind a bush.
Sango: *very green* Why? Why?
Miroku: *grinning like the idiot he is* Wow! I love this god! (AN: They say 'god' cuz they're from Feudal Japan and likely don't know what a 'demented fanfiction author' is)
+Thank you. See, Miroku has the idea. You cannot mess with me, so accept your fate, and if you're lucky, I may not kill you.+
Shippo: *gulps* Kill. . . me. . .
+Don't worry Shippo-chan. You are far too kawaii for me to kill ^_^.+
Shippo: That means I can do anything I want! He he he.
+Uh, no. No one would get too angry if I were to torture the kawaii kitsune.+
Shippo: *going very pale* Uh oh.
Inuyasha: Feh. Like some weirdo like you could stop me.
+I could and very easily. But, since we are pressed for time, I guess I should give this a plot.+
Inuyasha: Plot? Screw the plot! I'll kill you, you psycho freak!
+Don't make me laugh. I'd like to see you try.+
Inuyasha: Fine then! I will! Let's go!
Kagome: Uh. . . Inuyasha.
Inuyasha: What?
Miroku: Do you even know where this god is?
Inuyasha: Uh. . . well. . . so what! I'll find him all the same!
+No you won't.+
Inuyasha: Yes I will.
+Will not.+
Inuyasha: Will too.
+Will not.+
Inuyasha: Will too.
+Will not.+
Inuyasha: Will too.
+Will not.+
Inuyasha: Will. . . ugh!
Inuyasha was cut off as a large boulder fell on top of him.
+I win. So, moving on. I was about to give this fanfic a plot. Hmmm, now what would make a good plot? Hmmmm. Hmmmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmm.+
Shippo: WILL YOU STOP THAT?
+Whoa. What are you smoking, Shippo-chan? No matter. I don't care what personality alerting narcotics are affecting your judgment. Keep it up and I will have no choice but to kill you.+
Shippo: *folding arms across chest* Whatcha gonna do? I am the kawaii kitsune.
Inuyasha: *still under boulder* Shut your trap if you don't want to die!
+Oh, that's right. I forgot you were still under there. Silly me. *boulder vanishes*. Now, to answer your question Shippo, there are many people I could have randomly appear to torture you. Sesshomaru, Naraku, Kagura, the Thunder Brothers. . .+
Shippo: Ha! They're dead! Like I'd fall for such a stupid trick!
Sango: He's got a point.
Miroku: True. But bear in mind, we are talking about a god here.
+Sadly, Shippo is right. Even I, in all my power, couldn't get the Thunder Brothers to come back. . .+
Shippo: Ha! Told ya so! I knew. . .
Shippo is cut off as a blue lightning bolt strikes him.
+But I did manage to get Hiten.+
The gang looks up to see Hiten, alive as ever, and wielding the ever so lethal Raigekijin.
Kagome: Uh oh.
Hiten: Take that, puny fox tyke! *notices Inuyasha* Well well well. If it ain't that worthless half breed Inuyasha. . .
+If it ain't, then this wouldn't be a very good Inuyasha fanfic, now would it?+
Hiten: *glares up at the sky, but wisely decides not to say anything* As I was saying before I was interrupted, say your prayers, Inuyasha! For I will kill you once and for all! *lunges at Inuyasha*
+No you won't.+
Hiten: *stops in midair and turns around* And why is that?
+Because, if I let you kill Inuyasha now, then the fanfic is over. And I've yet to give this a plot.+
Hiten: Screw the plot!
Inuyasha: That's what I said!
Hiten: Hey shut up!
Inuyasha: *drawing Tetsusaiga* I'll shut you up! Again.
+Ok, break it up. As we went over in your contract, Hiten, your job is to torture opposition to me, not kill.+
Hiten: But. . . but. . . but
+However, should Inuyasha do anything to piss me off, and trust me, he will, you'll be the first one to know.+
Hiten: I'll get you later, half-breed. *flies off* *flies back* Wait a minute! Morphius. . .
+Yes?+
Hiten: Since when do I have a contract?
+Since forever. Look.+ *poorly written piece of notebook paper falls from sky*
Hiten: *grabs contract* I, Hiten, forever promise to serve my lord and master Morphius. My job is to torture BUT NOT KILL the characters of the Inuyasha gang that anger my lord and master as my lord and master sees fit. Hiten.
+Well, now that that's said and done. . .+
Hiten: Wait! This is that autograph you asked me for last week! For some dying relative! You just filled in the other stuff!
+That's what you get for signing without reading first. Isn't that something they teach all TV stars?+
Hiten: *vein throbbing* Grrrrr. . .
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You like? Good. Cuz I won't put up the next chapter until I get a review. Just one. That's all I'm asking for. That's not unreasonable, is it?