Main Author's Note: When you get a loyal Narnian fan mad, this is what happens. As far as I know, this is the first of its kind in this fandom :) Might make this a full-blown series if I get time…I've read all the books, watched the movie and seen the old TV series; so I am very well-versed in the Chronicles of Narnia (at least, I like to think so :)). I hope the definition below makes sense… EDIT: This is an implied end to all Mary-Sues, whether they go for Edmund or whoever else in the Narnia fandom. This means you Child of the Seine:)
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Summary: Sick of the 'girl meets Peter and then they fall in luuurv' storyline? Feel like giving her a good kick? Well, you aren't alone…so does Aslan.
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Original characters/ideas/plot/stuff (such as Dawn Ebonylocks) and all related original subjects © Me (Don't take them without permission!)
Narnia and all related non-original (as in, not made by myself) subjects © C.S. Lewis, Disney and whoever else owns it.
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Author's Note: Enjoy. If I need to change something or I messed up somewhere, let me know. The 'may he live forever, which is sort of redundant…' line is a spoof of The Horse and His Boy, which is another book in the Narnia series if you didn't know. Oh, and this is just a parody/comedy thing written for fun, so don't chew me out please :)
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A SPECIAL THANKS TO: My sister. If it weren't for you, this fic would've never made it onto Lion's Had it!
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Chapter One: Thou Shall Not Mess With Peter!
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Mary-Sue: an overly perfect, overly pretty maiden who ends up in a different world/in her favourite story, although usually is an inhabitant of said world. Mary-Sues can be human or not, with outrageous hair/eye colours. They almost always usurp love interests, fall in love with canon characters (such as Peter, Edmund and Mr. Tumnus) and knock them out of character.
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It was a beautiful day in Cair Paraval, as the dawn came forth in its 'golden pink' glory. The birds were singing, the sea was peacefully lapping at the shores and love was in the air.
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"Oooh…I love you my precious Dawn, forever and for always!"
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"Really?" Her brilliant chocolate/cocoa/velvet/rude things the author won't mention-coloured 'orbs' met his.
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"Yes, my sweet. Forever and ever and ever-"
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There was an ear-splitting roar. Dawn and Peter had to quickly clamp their hands over their ears, and winced at the sheer volume.
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"PETER PEVENSIE!"
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Said boy looked like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights. "Y-yes, Aslan?"
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"I have been gone from Narnia naught a year, only to discover the high king desperately in love with a witch!" Roared the lion, and the whole room shook with the force of it.
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"I-I can't help it sir…she's so beautiful, and-"
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SILENCE!" He bellowed. Peter shut up, sufficiently cowed.
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"I can see of only one way to dispel this problem." Aslan growled, glaring at the cowering figure of 'Dawn Ebonylocks', who promptly squeaked and dived under the bedcovers.
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"Aslan, are you…going to maul me?" Peter squeaked.
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Aslan did not look away from the shivering bundle of blankets. "No," He said quite calmly. "I am going to maul the Mary-Sue."
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The ensuring fight was too gory to fully describe and keep a K+ rating. To sum it up briefly, Aslan leaped, Dawn fell off the bed, and Aslan held her down with one paw.
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Then a strange feeling overcame Aslan, and he began to speak. "Dawn Ebonylocks, you are charged with conspiring, seduction, an extremely idiotic name, maiming the world of Narnia and destroying what C.S. Lewis (May he live forever, which is sort of redundant…) wrote with your ill use of the English language!"
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"W-who gave you the supreme authority to do so, you can't own creativity!" She cried.
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"I do not need to." And then the 'Sue knew no more.
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When Aslan had finished, glittery pink blood lay all over the lush carpet. Calmly, he wiped his paws off and headed for the door.
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"A-Aslan?" He turned to Peter. "What happened?"
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"It is over now," The lion said firmly.
The End
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Don't really care if I get flames/no reviews, this should've been done a looong time ago :) And yes, as you may be able to tell from the slight changes I made to this, there will be another chapter!