Notes: Extremely silly little one shot. I wrote this for Easter. Funny how my one shots keep ending up with nine instead of ten.
"So, where are we off to today, Doctor?" Rose asked as she leaned around the time rotor to see him grinning at her from the other side.
"A planet called Carrot," he told her.
"Carrot?" she laughed. "You must be joking."
"Nope. It's called Carrot and we're going there for celery," the Doctor replied and leaned back against the console, crossing his arms over his chest.
"And what do we need celery for? You making soup? The last time you tried cooking anything, you nearly burned down the whole kitchen," she teased and stuck her tongue through her teeth in the corner of her mouth.
The Doctor rolled his eyes at her, partially to cover the way that smile made his hearts skip a beat. "No, Rose, I'm not cooking. Celery has restorative powers for my physiology. I always try to keep some around in case of emergencies and right now, I'm out. Carrot is a planet full of farmers. They grow the very best vegetables in the galaxy," he told her and resumed piloting them to their destination.
The TARDIS landed with its usual jolt and loud thud. The Doctor took Rose's hand and tugged her out the doors. The sky on Carrot was slightly more turquoise than on Earth and the air smelled distinctly of soil and fresh plants. A warm breeze was flowing around them as Rose took in the scenery. As far as she could see, there were low growing plants; Carrots, spinach, potatoes and several that weren't familiar to her at all.
"Ok, so where's the celery? And do we have to like, buy it from someone? I presume you aren't just going to steal it from these farmers," Rose wondered.
He looked at her suddenly, abashed that she'd even suggest such a thing. "Of course I'm not going to steal it! We're heading over there," he told her as he pointed towards a large structure that she hadn't noticed before. "There's a market inside where we can get anything we need."
Rose looked around and saw that the TARDIS had landed on the only blank patch of ground in the area. "How do we get there, then? I don't see a path through the field," she questioned.
"We hop, of course! See those stones?" he asked and pointed to the various stepping stones spread through the crop in front of them. "We have to hop from one to the next, so we don't disturb the plants."
"Blimey, those are awfully far apart. How tall are the natives?" Rose gasped and started hopping carefully from one to the next in the direction of the market building.
The Doctor chuckled and started hopping along behind her. "It's not so much that they're tall. They're about the same height as you, actually, well... except for the ears. But they're rabbits," he replied.
"Rabbits?! As in giant, bunny-people? We're hopping through the fields of giant, bunny-farmers, so that we can go and restock your supply of medicinal celery? God, the things I get up to with you, Doctor," Rose said and shook her head at the ridiculousness of her days with him.
It took them a while, but they did finally manage to get to the market. Rose was breathing heavily as she recovered from their long hop and asked him, "So what are the people called then?"
"Leporids. They're used to off-worlders visiting for trade. One of them actually got stranded on Earth a while back. Started the whole Easter bunny tradition as a coverup," he explained.
"Seriously? They aren't pink or anything, are they?" she asked.
He scoffed at her. "Of course they aren't pink. What kind of natural evolution would develop a camouflage that would give them pink fur? They're green," he stated proudly, with a knowing grin that made her laugh out loud.
They walked through the marketplace, hand-in-hand as the Doctor searched for the much needed celery. Rose spotted some lovely potatoes that would be perfect for making chips and decided that she'd ask the Doctor if they could get some of those as well before they left.
He finally stopped at one of the tables and checked over the large bunches of celery. "Hello," he greeted the large, furry, green rabbit in front of them with a smile.
"Greetings, travellers! Welcome to Carrot," he said with a deep voice that surprised Rose quite a bit. She wasn't sure what she was expecting a giant bunny to sound like, but it wasn't that.
"Thanks. It's lovely here," Rose said politely.
"How much then?" the Doctor asked as he indicated the several bunches he had selected.
"We accept many things in trade. What do you have?" the farmer questioned and wriggled his nose, sniffing for something pleasant.
The Doctor reached into his trans-dimensional pockets. He pulled out a yo-yo, some electronic parts, a ball of string, and an umbrella (prompting an incredulous look to cross the face of the vendor). "Ah-ha!" the Doctor shouted and proudly displayed a large bunch of bananas, sure that they'd love them.
The look on the face of the vendor moved from shock at the size of the Doctor's pockets, to one that Rose could only guess was rage. The Doctor was still beaming away at his offer of bananas and Rose tapped him on the arm urgently as she took his hand and prepared to run.
"Um, Doctor..." she began and he looked curiously at her. When he noticed her fearful gaze at the Leporid, he turned back to the vendor and his smile dropped.
"Oh. Problem?" the Doctor asked.
"How dare you bring that filth to Carrot! You will leave this planet at once and take those disgusting things with you!" he shouted.
"Bananas? Who doesn't love bananas?" the Doctor argued.
"They are illegal on Carrot and I will not warn you again," the rabbit growled at them.
"Um, Doctor... Unless you've got a Holy Hand Grenade in your pocket as well, I think we'd best get out of here," Rose suggested and tugged on the sleeve of his leather jacket.
The Doctor turned and smiled at her Monty Python reference, still not seeming quite worried enough about the Leporid's fury that only seemed to be building. He broke one of the bananas off the bunch and started peeling it as he lectured the vendor, "You know, bananas are an extremely good source of potassium. The whole lot of you could be suffering from a potassium deficiency. I might be doing you all a favour if we helped you plant a banana grove here."
The Doctor paced as he spoke and munched on the forbidden fruit, attracting the attention of several other vendors who were becoming just as infuriated as the one he was speaking to. A large group of them gathered and suddenly an alarm sounded, finally jolting the Doctor out of his ramble about the health benefits of bananas.
"Right. Time to go," he acknowledged and grabbed both the bananas and one of the bunches of celery, shoving them into his pocket. He snagged Rose's hand and they ran from the marketplace as fast as their legs would carry them.
Hot on their tails was a large mob of giant, green bunnies. Rose almost laughed at the situation, until she realized that they'd have to hop back to the TARDIS. She couldn't even run through the field without worrying about the plants because she'd likely trip over something on the way. The Doctor had to release her hand or they'd never make it, but pushed her ahead of him so that he would be between her and the killer bunny rabbits.
They were sure that they'd never out-hop the natives, but they made it to the TARDIS just before the ones with garden tools arrived. The Doctor promptly flew the time ship into the vortex as Rose collapsed onto the jump seat.
"Well, that was fun," the Doctor said with a manic grin.
"You... owe me for that," Rose told him between gasps for breath.
"What?" he asked incredulously.
"We almost got killed by green bunnies and you're asking, what?" she responded.
"We got what we came for... sort of," he defended and flicked a few switches.
"I expect a treat after all that hopping," Rose told him and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Fine. Fancy some chocolate?" he asked and produced a large, chocolate Easter bunny out of one of his pockets with a laugh.
Rose couldn't contain her laughter either as she broke the ears off of the confection in his hands.