Longing for Death Chapter 1: They call me X-23, a x-men fanfic

I recognize the smell of the trigger scent, but it is too late there is no time for me to make it out of here I am already losing control. The doors open and I see as people around me and the only thing I can think about. Is ripping them all to shreds.

"X!" I turn to look at the sound.

Jubilee appears she talking and she is reaching out to me trying to touch me. That was a bad idea, we are interrupted by a subway train which knocks me over. My legs are crushed, but it does not take long for them to recover. Up and ready to attack, Logan jumps in front of me. It doesn't take long for me to begin ripping into him. He lets me, tell me to just get it all out. He should know it will never be out, not as long as there are still people breathing.

"Laura!" I feel someone put their hands on my face, and red eyes are staring back at my own. He is talking to me, I see his mouth moving. He is unafraid and the sound of his voice is calming.

I take deep breaths and feel myself returning, but then his red eyes go wide and blood runs down his mouth. He falls back and a look of disbelief crosses his face. I feel tears fall down my cheeks as I pull my claws out of him.

They are the first my eyes have ever shed.

I kneel down to his side.

His breathing becomes erratic and he reaches for my hand.

"I am sorry…I did not mean to hurt…"

"It's okay petit. Don't forget I'll always…" His breathing ceases and his eyes become vacant. I stare at him waiting to see if he moves. He does not, I slowing reach my hand towards his face. Suddenly something cold grips my wrist tightly, with so much force it feels as if it has been broken.

I look back up to Remy's face.

I wake up shaking, I know I was dreaming, but I cannot recall the whole dream I remember it was of the day when Remy was able to pull me out of the rage.

"You don't have to do dis, remember who you are, remember who loves you."

That's all he had to do, and he called me by my name.

Everybody else calls me X-23.

Since I got in late last night today is my first day. Checking my phone I notice I need to hurry to make it to my first class.

Being the clone of the Weapon X, my reputation has once again preceded me. They know all about my past and the things I did on the X-force team. Now knowing the simplicity and innocence afforded to the other kids I can see how I come off as… scary. As I walk through I see the glances and I hear the whispers. "They wanted a perfect killing machine so they cloned Wolverine with a damaged DNA sample." "Since she was born they did nothing but train her how to kill. How can we trust her on our team?" "I heard the day she got out of the facility she was so feral and crazy that she killed her own mother, who was just trying to help her escape." I feel my hands tighten at the last comment, the blades in my hands pushing up against the outer layer of my skin begging to come out. I breathe in heavy trying to calm the rage. Everything they know about me paints me as an inhuman monster, they leave out all the details that make me seem like I have an ounce of compassion or common sense come to think of it. Most anyone would not hurt someone that's trying to save them. My first class it uneventful, next I am to go to the training area so I need to head back to my room for a quick change.

I make it to my room, quickly change out of the tank top I am wearing, then reach for my boots in the footlocker at the end of the bed. Then I check my phone, 9:50. Ugh! I seriously can't wait for some action this day is dragging on forever. Hmm, that sounded like something Jubilee would say. At this time two girls enter the room together. They freeze in their tracks and stare at me in shocked silence as though they are afraid that any sudden movement on their part would provoke an attack from me. One of them sort of half smiles at me says a barely audible hello and retrieves a book from under her bed then hastily exits the room. I look over at her bed it is colorful and puffy looking she has quite a few extra pillows varying in color and shape. The walls over the other beds are cover with posters of various music bands and movies, and both of them have personal photos on their nightstands.

It makes me think of the times I would go walking with Gambit, at his insistence, for what he said was 'for the sake of walking'. We would walk past random shops and he would constantly ask me "Hey Laura do you like this petite?" I think remembering his voice in my head. I would only shrug and continue to walk forward. It occurs to me now that he was trying to help me develop an interest in simple things that other teenagers like. Wolverine had taken me a few places to try and show me fun, but it was short-lived. Gambit had also insisted on taking photographs of me and him standing together in front of landmarks, like the ones hanging on the wall over the other beds. I did not ask for copies, it had not even occurred to me.

The rest of my first day is lots of math and science classes. I have to do a lot of reading and practice on the rules of equations. However, I am very well versed in chemicals, elements, and of course the human anatomy. Dinner was served at 7:30, I noted as I checked my phone. No one really paid me much attention. I just sat in silence and headed back to my room to study the rules of mathematical solutions. The teacher assigned me a tutor to help me get the hang of it. Her name is Jeanne Foucault she goes by Finesse. From what I remember, she has the same powers has her genetic father, Taskmaster. She is pleasant enough with me, but aside from the math, she does not talk to me about anything. Having no idea how to start up small talk, and she seems far too nervous to initiate it, I'm guessing it is going to be like that for a while.

Week 2

I am told today is a training day. We are going to be warming up with sparring and then a few simulation exercises. I get my phone and notice it is 9:06, the instructor is late. I am curious who's going to be here. Quicksilver speeds by us, son of Magneto, though he is here because he cannot tolerate his father's presence. He uses his speed ability to move us around so that we are paired. She circles me immediately going on the defensive. I'm guessing she's waiting for me to give her some new moves to copy. So I take a few jabs at her slowing my normal speed a bit. I feed her an impressive looking spin kick with a half flip. She suddenly decides to be more aggressive. She throws a few jabs at me, and I let her hit me twice. She smiles at me and then does my spin kick. I move aside and reach out grabbing her ankle while my leg goes over her head and slams it to the ground.

When Finesse hit the ground everyone stopped fighting and turned to look at me.

"She just took out Finesse"

"The whole fight took less than a minute."

I realized they were not used to seeing her lose very often.

When you are in a situation when you find yourself the new guy in a group with a bunch of mercenaries, bullies, or prisoners, you find the toughest meanest one of them and put them down hard and fast. This will usually ensure the others think twice about messing with you. However, places where people are training to live up to their heroes like Captain America and Black Widow if you show up and take out one of the best fighters it will definitely have the complete opposite effect.

Quicksilver rushes forward in front. "Ok looks like warm-up is short today. Team two Captain Sean, step over here."

There is something very familiar about his face.

"This is X-23 she'll be on your team starting now."

"We've been working towards this mission for weeks you can't just stick me with a newbie."

"X-23 has been training all her life."

"But she's new to our team."

"She's been on teams before Sean, now these are your orders. She's with you starting right now. You got that?"

"Yes, sir."

They are sticking me in with a team of 7. Finesse staggers her way over to the rest of us. Not wanting to make any more problems I do not argue about putting on my gear and armor. I am sure that Sean will take any objections with zero tolerance.

We are driven out 700 yards to a building. We breach the main door in a tight formation. Security cameras have already been taken care of by our tech team. Our objective is to save a young girl, some diplomat's daughter. Intel has mapped out the facility for us, including the girl's location.

I am put in a flanking position, and watch as the team clears room

They are highly efficient, fast and silent. Once again I know better than to try and make any unnecessary moves. They don't really need me to help, and I know the leader Sean is eager to show me that they don't need me on their team. Since I am here to try and work with them I don't want to antagonize him further.

As we go along making it further into the building, a familiar scent, the team is about to make a mistake. I run up to Sean.

"What the hell are you doing X-23?"

"We need to double back this is a setup."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"We need to alter the plan this is a …"

"No we proceed has planned"

"You know who I am and I'm telling you, you're going the wrong way."

"Sean maybe we should listen to her."

"No, Intel spent weeks finding her location. I'm not ignoring weeks of research to follow her nose."

X-23 in a motion that was too fast for anyone to react to clawed off her armor, and then tore through a small vent in the wall and proceeded to disappear into it.

"X! X! Get back here, that's an order!"

"She's gone, sir."

"Goddammit!"

"Sir?"

"Proceed with the mission!"

Sean and the other six followed Intel's directions to the location of the girl. As they headed down the corridor into the room they could see her tied to a chair.

"Help me, please. In here!"

"Hold on, we're here!" Sean said as he ran to her. He reached out to get her free, but his hand went completely through her face and she disappeared.

"What the hell?"

Suddenly walls went up all around them and a countdown on a screen appeared.

"What do we do sir?"

"You die that's what you do," Quicksilver said speeding up to the cage.

"Can you tell me why Sean?"

"X-23 disobeyed orders, she compromised the mission."

Just then X-23 walked up with a little girl in her arms.

"X-23 is not the one who messed up here. I put her on your team to test you, Sean. You're a great team leader, but when you go out in the field you may run into some of the seasoned Avengers on the mission: her dad or other X-Men, or God forbid Deadpool. You sure as hell better take command, not expect them to do what you tell them to. Be prepared for them to do something bat shit crazy. She wasn't trying to tell you how to run your mission. She was using her ability that you, and everyone else, know she has. So next time, utilize her talents."

Sean looked at me with burning eyes. I didn't need to look at him to know that he hated me.

Week 3

Walking towards the lounging area I can hear lots of the others talking. They seem extra excited and quite fired up about something. I pay no attention. I figured it was due to yesterday's meeting with Dr. Banner and Steve Rogers. But as they see me walking past them they instantly go quiet, a reaction I had ceased getting from them days ago. So, it had me curious. "What is it?" I asked no one in particular. Everyone was looking at me, but no one seemed to want to say anything.

Finally, Sean stepped up closer to me. "Daken has just been taken out."

Various thoughts fill my head, wondering what Daken had been up to. "You mean he's dead?"

"Can you tell me why Sean?"

"X-23 disobeyed orders, she compromised the mission."

Just then X-23 walked up with a little girl in her arms.

Sean looked at me with burning eyes. I did not need to look at him to know that he hated me.

Week 3

Finally, Sean stepped up closer to me. "Daken has just been taken out."

Various thoughts fill my head, wondering what Daken had been up to. "You mean he's dead?"

Suddenly despite my desire to allow this, my body begins to jerk and involuntarily I try to reach air. However, I am unable to do anything but squirm as the water is forced down my throat. The others watch and cheer, they need to see me taken down. They want to know I can be beaten. None of them consider the lesson they are teaching me. It hurts. I have been through unimaginable pain many times but it's fast and eventually subsides. This is slow and steadily increasing in discomfort, and along with that comes something new to me, panic. It came suddenly and I cannot control it, cannot make it go away. It just keeps getting more and more painful.

This is what he did to him. This is how he took his own son's life away. He had lots of time to change his mind, become weak, show mercy, but he held him down until all traces of life faded from him. Before another thought can go through my head darkness envelopes me.

I am revived by some unfamiliar face. I slowly get up and calmly walk away ignoring everyone around me. Walking back to my room, dripping water from my hair, I am cold. I have been in barren, snow cover wastelands and did not feel this cold. If I die, that is what it will be like, in some pathetic state of panic. When I make it to my bed I sit down, not bothering to change my clothes. I cannot help but think of what happened at the subway. If Gambit had not been able to pull me out of it would Wolverine have found a way to kill me there? Is that why he was so desperate to reach me?

A day later.

I lay on my bed scrolling through news on my phone. I find it annoying how much people care what some spoiled celebrity says or does, and the fact that the deaths of fictional characters on TV programs make the news. I hear a girl crying in the room across the hall. There are a few other girls with her.

"I need to call him again."

"No, listen to us. You need to forget about that creep."

"But you don't understand, he told me he loved me."

"They'll all say that, sweetie. They're a bunch of lying ass holes"

"But …"

"Listen to me, it's been three days. If he hasn't called you yet it's because he doesn't have any more need for you."

Overhearing this conversation puts a pit in my stomach, along with an annoying, on edge feeling that keeps getting worse. Three days, I think to myself. It has been 3 weeks since I arrived at this school. Every day I check my phone. No, that is not true. I check It every chance I get. I have been waiting for him to call me, for him to ask how I am doing, or for him to maybe see if I wanted to go back. When I came here and left the others I did not really expect I would hear from any of them, Logan included, but when it came to Gambit, I did not expect him not to call me. All this time I have been here, I have been waiting to hear from him. I knew he would never see me the way I saw him, but despite all my beliefs, that I am not normal and that I am some emotionless machine, I turn out to be just like a sniveling girl with a crush on a cute boy who does not return her affections.

I think of myself as someone who does not feel emotions. This is not who I am, I need to get back what I lost.

I dart out my room and quickly run around till I find the right scent. It does not take long he is outside in the front, along with a group of others having a big outside lunch.

"Hey Sean, I am ready to take you on again."

"I already took you down once, X"

He pauses and looks at me anxiously and with hesitation. "It's your funeral, X"

"Where is your backup?"

"I don't need them"

"I said I wanted a rematch, exact same fight."

A crowd gathers around us, lots of others are watching. Sean looks around and sighs, then signals the other two over.

"We can also go back to the fountain for this fight."

"That won't be necessary." He says as he picks up a jug of water.

I charge fast. Before Sean can move I punch him right in the face, not holding back anything. His look of hesitation begins to turn to anger. I pull back and swing round to quickly jab the other two, but on them, I only go half strength. Keeping them on the defense with fast kicks and punches I want them to think I am giving it my all. They circle me and start to advance taking the weaken hits I throw at them. The other two grab me and pull me down one of them putting a shirt over my face. Then, as I expected I cannot breathe.

I know I don't have long before I lose control, but I don't need long for them to let their guard down.

Being who I am makes me part of someone else's story. I was put through the adamantium bonding process when I was 8, but it did not completely work on me as it did on Wolverine.

The adamantium flowed through my body like burning acid. I'm not sure why, but my body rejected it and it began to seep out my eyes and mouth. Some worked its way to my hands and created the two claws similar to

Wolverine's. Some of it worked its way down my legs and out of my feet creating a single claw there. They don't know about that and they don't see it come out.

They also don't know that when done to Wolverine, who was well over 100 years old and had faced countless injuries on many different battlefields, the process caused him to scream out in agony. They don't know that it was these kinds of things I faced all my life, which make it easy for me to do this.

I kick my right leg over to my left shoulder completely severing it off in one quick motion.

"What the shit?"

They back up a bit from the shock of what I have just done. Before they can regroup, I am up knocking Sean down with a kick to the head after I retract my claw. He falls I run over and sit on his chest then hit him repeatedly in the face. I jump up and do the same to the guy closest to me. After he falls, the other one backs away with his hands up. No mercy, I think to myself as I roundhouse kick him down and out.

Sean looks up at me from the ground, he knows he is not on my skill level. After I retrieve my arm and allowing it to reattach I slowly walk away, pausing at the exit.

"Sean, just because I can be beaten does not mean I will be beaten."

Walking away I feel a renewed sense of confidence, not at the victory against Sean and the others, but because I faced up to one of my fears. Next, I need to face the two people I fear most: the father that rejected me and the friend I thought would always love me. I need to prove once and for all, I do not need anyone.

I glance at my phone one last time before slicing it into pieces. 4:33