Lina and Gourry's Wedding
Written by: Seigi no Hoshi
Author's notes: Slayers does not belong to me, I'm just using them to write a humorous fanfic. (Yes, this is a wedding story, too, but it is funny, NOT, repeat NOT romantic. If it is romance you seek, look elsewhere.) Yes, I know that some of the characters's personalities are somewhat exaggerated, but that is for the sake of humor only. I am also not bashing any characters, I am using their personality for the sake of humor. Reviews are welcome, but realize that a flame will be ignored, as I view flamers as immature idiots.
Rated PG for some comedic violence and warped humor (NOT perversion nor profanity), nothing else objectionable.
There was much excitement in Seyruun. Two of Amelia's friends, Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev were getting married. They had chosen Seyruun for their wedding because it was in a good location and everybody in the wedding could stay at the palace.
The morning of the wedding, Gourry was woken up early by Phil and taken out for some food. This was so that he would not see Lina that day until the wedding. Gourry was nervous and couldn't eat much. He was scared that he would mess something up and cause Lina to be very angry with him.
Once everyone else got up, they had a big breakfast, although Zelgadis just had coffee and toast.
The girls and the guys then split up to get ready for the big event. Amelia was the maid of honor, and Sylphiel and Filia were the bridesmaids. Zelgadis was the best man, and Vrumugun and Jillas were the groomsmen.
At long last it was time for the wedding. Everyone was in their places. The music started, and the girls walked down the aisle one by one. Unfortunately, Xellos was there and sitting in an aisle. As Filia passed, he tripped her. She got up and yelled "NA-MA-GO-MI!" as she pulled out her mace. Amelia shouted "Filia-san, you aren't supposed to use that in here. You were supposed to leave that in your room." Then, remembering where she was, Filia calmed down and decided to deal with that namagomi mazoku later. Sadly, Naga was also in attendance, and when she saw Filia's reaction, she couldn't help but laugh "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH!" Everyone in the wedding party blushed, and Amelia gave the girl a strange look.
Finally, Lina was escorted down the aisle by her father. As she walked down the aisle, she knew why she hated dresses. It was so hard to move in, and well, she felt weird in it.
Finally, Phil began the more formal part of the wedding.
"Do you, Lina Inverse, take Gourry Gabriev to be your husband?" Phil asked.
"Of course I do! Why do you think I am here? I could be making money now if I didn't want to marry this jellyfish-for-brains man!"
"Errr... I do would have sufficed. Gourry Gabriev, do you take Lina Inverse to be your wife?"
"Ummmm... I guess so. I don't see why not."
"Your supposed to say 'I do' you jellyfish for brains!" Lina responded, smacking him on the head, as Phil wondered what he had gotten himself into.
"I do. But you didn't just say 'I do', Lina."
"So?"
"Going on," Phil said, raising his voice so that he could stop the argument, "It is time for the vows. Now Lina, repeat after me. 'I, Lina Inverse, do solemnly swear.'"
"I, the great sorcery genius, Lina Inverse, do solemnly swear."
"Repeat, not improvise!"
"Why not?"
"Because this is a wedding! You don't improvise at weddings! It's just not just!"
Xellos smiled. This wedding certainly was not boring. He found himself enjoying it, actually. He wondered if he could make it any more interesting. He gave Filia a great big smile and sent her into yet another rage.
"Fine, fine."
"To take this man, Gourry Gabriev, as my lawful husband"
"To take this jellyfish-brained man, Gourry Gabriev as my lawful husband"
"Lina, I'm warning you."
"Yeah, yeah. No improvising. I'll try not to anymore."
"Throughout all the good times and the bad times"
"Throughout all the good times, and during the bad times, if I am in the mood to. I mean, through the bad times too," Lina replied, quickly correcting herself.
"Til death do us part"
"Until one of us ends up croaking, and not like a frog, either. Although, if he croaks like a frog, he will be fireballed," she added quickly as she saw a grin on his face.
"Now, Gourry, it is your turn for the vows. I, Gourry Gabriev, do solemnly swear."
"Huh? What was that? I wasn't paying attention. Sorry."
Phil sighed. "Repeat after me. I, Gourry Gabriev, do solemnly swear"
"I, Gourry Gabriev, umm promise from the bottom of my heart"
Phil knew it was likely hopeless to get Gourry to say the right words, so he just gave up on it. As long as it was close, it would do. After all, it was a marriage of true love (though warped true love, it was still true love), and that was more important than the picky details of it all.
"To take this woman, Lina Inverse, as my lawful wife"
"To take Lina Inverse as my hopefully law-abiding wife and hope she doesn't blow up anymore towns"
Xellos now had a huge smile on his face. He thought it was good that not ALL weddings had to be romantic. He also knew how he could wreck even more havoc on this wedding.
"Throughout all the good times and the bad times"
"Through all time, good, bad, whatever."
"Til death do us part"
"Umm, can you repeat that part. I wasn't really paying attention."
He wasn't really paying attention. He knew that he would get to kiss Lina soon, and well, he couldn't wait. He wanted to kiss her a lot.
Phil sighed. "Til death do us part."
"Until one of us ends up not living. Is there anyway to arrange our deaths so that we can die together?"
"Gourry, stop acting like a complete idiot! I thought you had more brains than that! I guess not. No wonder you can't even do a Lighting spell!" Lina shouted, upset that her day was not as perfect as she had hoped.
Phil sighed yet again. He then asked "Does anyone have any objection to the joining of these two?"
Luna Inverse stood up and said, "Yes, I do. My sister should not marry before me, and she should marry a sorcerer. If not that, at least someone who can do a few simple spells, not that idiot."
"Luna! I hate you! You have no right to ruin my wedding! I wish you weren't my sister! Just you wait, I'll make your life miserable one of these days! Lina shouted, upset.
"Fine, fine, marry that man. I don't really care," Luna responded, upon the prompting of her parents. They were just happy that Lina was getting married.
Phil said, "I declare the two of you married. You may now kiss the bride."
As the kiss was happening, Gravos shouted from the front row, "Filia-san! Valgaav-sama is hatching!"
Filia and Jillas immediately left their places to watch this miracle. Filia was worried because it had not been anywhere near long enough. (Xellos had placed a spell on the egg to make it hatch.) Out of the egg popped a little dragon, Valgaav. Very little, and Filia worried. She sensed the work of evil. "NAMAGOMI!" she shouted, "Are you responsible for this?"
Xellos wiggled a finger and replied, "Sore wa himitsu desu!"
Filia could resist it no longer. She whacked Xellos in the head with her mace.
Meanwhile, Amelia, Zelgadis, and Sylphiel ran up to see the dragon. Amelia and Sylphiel cast a strengthning spell on Valgaav so that he would have a greater chance of survival. Vrumugun went to talk with Martina and Zangulus. He ended up just talking with Martina (and her eight kids, all of whom were wearing Zoamelgustar talismans), because in all of the chaos, Zangulus went up to the front to challenge Gourry to a duel. Gourry accepted at first, but Lina smacked both the guys in the head and shouted, "This is a wedding. You don't duel at a wedding!"
Neither of the two listened, and they continued to duel. Amelia, who saw what was going on, was upset, and Phil was fuming. "THIS IS A WEDDING!" he shouted. "I would expect better behavior out of all of you! Back in your places, everybody! Now!"
No one had ever seen Phil so upset, so they obeyed. Everybody got back into place. Then, it was time for everyone to file out of the church, and it was time for the reception.
At the reception, there were four tables of food set up. One was for Lina, one was for Gourry, the other two were for all of the guests. Amelia had suggested this in hopes of keeping Lina and Gourry from arguing over the food. There was also plenty of fresh-brewed coffee and tea (Justice blends, of course) for anyone that wanted them (but especially for Zelgadis and Filia). There was also water and punch. Xellos got in trouble when he was caught trying to spike the punch. Xelas then briefly appeared and took Xellos away. She was not pleased with all the pranks he was pulling. (Granted, she was somewhat amused by them, but he needed to know that there were boundaries that were not to be crossed. After all, annoying as humans were, Xelas knew that Lina was in the good graces of L-Sama, and that if Lina got too upset, L-Sama would be mad at Xellos and herself for his misbehavior.)
"Self-control! You need to learn self-control!" Xelas yelled at Xellos once they were out of human earshot. "You know better than to spike punch!"
Xellos whimpered, apologized, and had to go a week without annoying anyone to fulfill his punishment.
Back at the reception, Lina and Gourry were arguing about food. It was pointed out that they each had a large table of food, which stopped most of the arguing, although both Gourry and Lina tried to steal each other's food.
While everyone was eating, Amelia introduced Filia to Sylphiel. The three of them talked about what had been going on in life. Filia's business was successful and she now sold tea, tea pots, and tea cups there, in addition to the maces and vases she already had. Sylphiel had found a nice man who she had married. He owned an inn and restaurant, which she helped cook for. She also worked in the shrine. She was quite happy. Amelia had continued to train to become the queen, as well as give magic lessons, especially for the lower classes of Seyruun. Amelia greatly enjoyed helping people out, and many Seyruunians were waiting for her to become queen. All three agreed that baby Valgaav was quite cute.
Naga walked by the group then, and all three were greatly disturbed by her lack of modesty. Zelgadis then joined their group to see how all three were doing. He still had not found a cure yet, but he didn't seem to mind. He had done research on all sorts of ancient artifacts and was now an expert. Unfortunatly, even though some were powerful, none would help him. It had still been interesting to learn about them, though. During the night, Zelgadis was an astronomer. He enjoyed studying the night skys, and it left the days open to do research that might help him find his cure.
Finally, they were both full, and it was time to throw the garter and the bouquet. Gourry wanted to know why, and he was told it was part of the tradition. Whoever caught the garter would be the next guy to marry, whoever caught the bouquet would be the next girl to marry.
"So that means there's going to be another wedding today?" Gourry asked, confused as ever.
"No porridge-for-brains! Not today! We don't know when! It takes time to plan weddings! I thought you knew that!" Lina shouted smacking Gourry on the head several times.
Gourry threw the garter. No one exactly caught it; it got caught in Zelgadis's hair. Zelgadis sighed, but knew (or at least hoped) that it was a stupid tradition without much meaning behind it.
Then Lina threw the bouquet. Amelia ended up catching it. She was excited, but she hoped her wedding wouldn't be as crazy as Lina's.
"I wonder who Amelia and Zelgadis will end up marrying?" Filia wondered out loud. Then she thought to herself, "It would be nice to see the two of them get married."
Filia then asked Amelia, "How did Lina go without using a single fire spell?"
Amelia smiled and responded, "There was an anti-fire spell placed on the whole palace. If she had tried to cast a fire spell, it would have failed. She knew about this and even agreed to it."
Filia laughed. She was glad that the spell had been placed, otherwise the palace and likely most of Seyruun would have gone into flames. She was also happy that she would be able to tell Valgaav (who was doing much better) the crazy story of his birth.
Written by: Seigi no Hoshi
Author's notes: Slayers does not belong to me, I'm just using them to write a humorous fanfic. (Yes, this is a wedding story, too, but it is funny, NOT, repeat NOT romantic. If it is romance you seek, look elsewhere.) Yes, I know that some of the characters's personalities are somewhat exaggerated, but that is for the sake of humor only. I am also not bashing any characters, I am using their personality for the sake of humor. Reviews are welcome, but realize that a flame will be ignored, as I view flamers as immature idiots.
Rated PG for some comedic violence and warped humor (NOT perversion nor profanity), nothing else objectionable.
There was much excitement in Seyruun. Two of Amelia's friends, Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev were getting married. They had chosen Seyruun for their wedding because it was in a good location and everybody in the wedding could stay at the palace.
The morning of the wedding, Gourry was woken up early by Phil and taken out for some food. This was so that he would not see Lina that day until the wedding. Gourry was nervous and couldn't eat much. He was scared that he would mess something up and cause Lina to be very angry with him.
Once everyone else got up, they had a big breakfast, although Zelgadis just had coffee and toast.
The girls and the guys then split up to get ready for the big event. Amelia was the maid of honor, and Sylphiel and Filia were the bridesmaids. Zelgadis was the best man, and Vrumugun and Jillas were the groomsmen.
At long last it was time for the wedding. Everyone was in their places. The music started, and the girls walked down the aisle one by one. Unfortunately, Xellos was there and sitting in an aisle. As Filia passed, he tripped her. She got up and yelled "NA-MA-GO-MI!" as she pulled out her mace. Amelia shouted "Filia-san, you aren't supposed to use that in here. You were supposed to leave that in your room." Then, remembering where she was, Filia calmed down and decided to deal with that namagomi mazoku later. Sadly, Naga was also in attendance, and when she saw Filia's reaction, she couldn't help but laugh "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH!" Everyone in the wedding party blushed, and Amelia gave the girl a strange look.
Finally, Lina was escorted down the aisle by her father. As she walked down the aisle, she knew why she hated dresses. It was so hard to move in, and well, she felt weird in it.
Finally, Phil began the more formal part of the wedding.
"Do you, Lina Inverse, take Gourry Gabriev to be your husband?" Phil asked.
"Of course I do! Why do you think I am here? I could be making money now if I didn't want to marry this jellyfish-for-brains man!"
"Errr... I do would have sufficed. Gourry Gabriev, do you take Lina Inverse to be your wife?"
"Ummmm... I guess so. I don't see why not."
"Your supposed to say 'I do' you jellyfish for brains!" Lina responded, smacking him on the head, as Phil wondered what he had gotten himself into.
"I do. But you didn't just say 'I do', Lina."
"So?"
"Going on," Phil said, raising his voice so that he could stop the argument, "It is time for the vows. Now Lina, repeat after me. 'I, Lina Inverse, do solemnly swear.'"
"I, the great sorcery genius, Lina Inverse, do solemnly swear."
"Repeat, not improvise!"
"Why not?"
"Because this is a wedding! You don't improvise at weddings! It's just not just!"
Xellos smiled. This wedding certainly was not boring. He found himself enjoying it, actually. He wondered if he could make it any more interesting. He gave Filia a great big smile and sent her into yet another rage.
"Fine, fine."
"To take this man, Gourry Gabriev, as my lawful husband"
"To take this jellyfish-brained man, Gourry Gabriev as my lawful husband"
"Lina, I'm warning you."
"Yeah, yeah. No improvising. I'll try not to anymore."
"Throughout all the good times and the bad times"
"Throughout all the good times, and during the bad times, if I am in the mood to. I mean, through the bad times too," Lina replied, quickly correcting herself.
"Til death do us part"
"Until one of us ends up croaking, and not like a frog, either. Although, if he croaks like a frog, he will be fireballed," she added quickly as she saw a grin on his face.
"Now, Gourry, it is your turn for the vows. I, Gourry Gabriev, do solemnly swear."
"Huh? What was that? I wasn't paying attention. Sorry."
Phil sighed. "Repeat after me. I, Gourry Gabriev, do solemnly swear"
"I, Gourry Gabriev, umm promise from the bottom of my heart"
Phil knew it was likely hopeless to get Gourry to say the right words, so he just gave up on it. As long as it was close, it would do. After all, it was a marriage of true love (though warped true love, it was still true love), and that was more important than the picky details of it all.
"To take this woman, Lina Inverse, as my lawful wife"
"To take Lina Inverse as my hopefully law-abiding wife and hope she doesn't blow up anymore towns"
Xellos now had a huge smile on his face. He thought it was good that not ALL weddings had to be romantic. He also knew how he could wreck even more havoc on this wedding.
"Throughout all the good times and the bad times"
"Through all time, good, bad, whatever."
"Til death do us part"
"Umm, can you repeat that part. I wasn't really paying attention."
He wasn't really paying attention. He knew that he would get to kiss Lina soon, and well, he couldn't wait. He wanted to kiss her a lot.
Phil sighed. "Til death do us part."
"Until one of us ends up not living. Is there anyway to arrange our deaths so that we can die together?"
"Gourry, stop acting like a complete idiot! I thought you had more brains than that! I guess not. No wonder you can't even do a Lighting spell!" Lina shouted, upset that her day was not as perfect as she had hoped.
Phil sighed yet again. He then asked "Does anyone have any objection to the joining of these two?"
Luna Inverse stood up and said, "Yes, I do. My sister should not marry before me, and she should marry a sorcerer. If not that, at least someone who can do a few simple spells, not that idiot."
"Luna! I hate you! You have no right to ruin my wedding! I wish you weren't my sister! Just you wait, I'll make your life miserable one of these days! Lina shouted, upset.
"Fine, fine, marry that man. I don't really care," Luna responded, upon the prompting of her parents. They were just happy that Lina was getting married.
Phil said, "I declare the two of you married. You may now kiss the bride."
As the kiss was happening, Gravos shouted from the front row, "Filia-san! Valgaav-sama is hatching!"
Filia and Jillas immediately left their places to watch this miracle. Filia was worried because it had not been anywhere near long enough. (Xellos had placed a spell on the egg to make it hatch.) Out of the egg popped a little dragon, Valgaav. Very little, and Filia worried. She sensed the work of evil. "NAMAGOMI!" she shouted, "Are you responsible for this?"
Xellos wiggled a finger and replied, "Sore wa himitsu desu!"
Filia could resist it no longer. She whacked Xellos in the head with her mace.
Meanwhile, Amelia, Zelgadis, and Sylphiel ran up to see the dragon. Amelia and Sylphiel cast a strengthning spell on Valgaav so that he would have a greater chance of survival. Vrumugun went to talk with Martina and Zangulus. He ended up just talking with Martina (and her eight kids, all of whom were wearing Zoamelgustar talismans), because in all of the chaos, Zangulus went up to the front to challenge Gourry to a duel. Gourry accepted at first, but Lina smacked both the guys in the head and shouted, "This is a wedding. You don't duel at a wedding!"
Neither of the two listened, and they continued to duel. Amelia, who saw what was going on, was upset, and Phil was fuming. "THIS IS A WEDDING!" he shouted. "I would expect better behavior out of all of you! Back in your places, everybody! Now!"
No one had ever seen Phil so upset, so they obeyed. Everybody got back into place. Then, it was time for everyone to file out of the church, and it was time for the reception.
At the reception, there were four tables of food set up. One was for Lina, one was for Gourry, the other two were for all of the guests. Amelia had suggested this in hopes of keeping Lina and Gourry from arguing over the food. There was also plenty of fresh-brewed coffee and tea (Justice blends, of course) for anyone that wanted them (but especially for Zelgadis and Filia). There was also water and punch. Xellos got in trouble when he was caught trying to spike the punch. Xelas then briefly appeared and took Xellos away. She was not pleased with all the pranks he was pulling. (Granted, she was somewhat amused by them, but he needed to know that there were boundaries that were not to be crossed. After all, annoying as humans were, Xelas knew that Lina was in the good graces of L-Sama, and that if Lina got too upset, L-Sama would be mad at Xellos and herself for his misbehavior.)
"Self-control! You need to learn self-control!" Xelas yelled at Xellos once they were out of human earshot. "You know better than to spike punch!"
Xellos whimpered, apologized, and had to go a week without annoying anyone to fulfill his punishment.
Back at the reception, Lina and Gourry were arguing about food. It was pointed out that they each had a large table of food, which stopped most of the arguing, although both Gourry and Lina tried to steal each other's food.
While everyone was eating, Amelia introduced Filia to Sylphiel. The three of them talked about what had been going on in life. Filia's business was successful and she now sold tea, tea pots, and tea cups there, in addition to the maces and vases she already had. Sylphiel had found a nice man who she had married. He owned an inn and restaurant, which she helped cook for. She also worked in the shrine. She was quite happy. Amelia had continued to train to become the queen, as well as give magic lessons, especially for the lower classes of Seyruun. Amelia greatly enjoyed helping people out, and many Seyruunians were waiting for her to become queen. All three agreed that baby Valgaav was quite cute.
Naga walked by the group then, and all three were greatly disturbed by her lack of modesty. Zelgadis then joined their group to see how all three were doing. He still had not found a cure yet, but he didn't seem to mind. He had done research on all sorts of ancient artifacts and was now an expert. Unfortunatly, even though some were powerful, none would help him. It had still been interesting to learn about them, though. During the night, Zelgadis was an astronomer. He enjoyed studying the night skys, and it left the days open to do research that might help him find his cure.
Finally, they were both full, and it was time to throw the garter and the bouquet. Gourry wanted to know why, and he was told it was part of the tradition. Whoever caught the garter would be the next guy to marry, whoever caught the bouquet would be the next girl to marry.
"So that means there's going to be another wedding today?" Gourry asked, confused as ever.
"No porridge-for-brains! Not today! We don't know when! It takes time to plan weddings! I thought you knew that!" Lina shouted smacking Gourry on the head several times.
Gourry threw the garter. No one exactly caught it; it got caught in Zelgadis's hair. Zelgadis sighed, but knew (or at least hoped) that it was a stupid tradition without much meaning behind it.
Then Lina threw the bouquet. Amelia ended up catching it. She was excited, but she hoped her wedding wouldn't be as crazy as Lina's.
"I wonder who Amelia and Zelgadis will end up marrying?" Filia wondered out loud. Then she thought to herself, "It would be nice to see the two of them get married."
Filia then asked Amelia, "How did Lina go without using a single fire spell?"
Amelia smiled and responded, "There was an anti-fire spell placed on the whole palace. If she had tried to cast a fire spell, it would have failed. She knew about this and even agreed to it."
Filia laughed. She was glad that the spell had been placed, otherwise the palace and likely most of Seyruun would have gone into flames. She was also happy that she would be able to tell Valgaav (who was doing much better) the crazy story of his birth.