Small to say the least
By
Thea Ellingham
Chapter one
Sure as the sun rises
Disclaimer – The characters aren't mine but the authors, I'm merely borrowing them
Author notes – And here's another one I've found hidden away like a mini jewel!
Enjoy!
Pairings – Sirius Black/Remus Lupin; James Potter/Lily Evans; Remus Lupin/OFC, Peter Pettigrew/OFC
Summery – Sirius Black can't remember a time he hasn't been in love with Remus Lupin but now it's the 7th year and he knows that it's finally time to do something about it. Will he get Remus or will he lose the best thing he's ever had; Remus's friendship.
There is no living without love
Sirius Black raised his head and smelt the air. Dawn still lingered in the sky and the air, sweet smelling and crisp, promised another scorching day. The sort of day that Sirius lived for but which his friend Peter Pettigrew seemed to wilt in.
The roof was Sirius favourite place to go and think. When he couldn't sleep or a letter from his mother reached him he would come up here through the small bathroom window that was growing such a squeeze and stand there for hours at a time. The strong winds whipping through his hair bringing it to a tangle mess that he would complain about later but which always felt so good when he was up there.
He looked around him, this year was their last year, the last chance he would have to be free before he was swallowed by the world and landed with responsibility, His childhood was gone, or at least going. He recognised that. It wasn't that which had dragged him from his sleep though, that would have been something he could deal with. Instead it had been Remus Lupin which had made Sirius escape up here.
Sirius wasn't exactly sure when his feelings for Remus had changed from friendship into something deeper and more pronounced. Remus was his best friend and he loved him but god help him it was more then that and he was tired of trying to deny it to himself and to everyone else.
It was Remus who plagued his thoughts, no on else had managed it. Remus took over completely, when Remus wasn't there next to him, or talking to him or even just looking at him things felt wrong. Sirius couldn't quite describe it, not even to himself but the pain of being ignored by Remus or even Remus being slightly mad at him was enough to drag Sirius to his knees.
Not that he would ever tell Remus that, how could he. Remus loved another, as in really loved her. Sirius had watched his friend chase after the girl and had encouraged it. All he wanted was for Remus to be happy, for that wide smile to always be on his face. He was his best friend after all but it was more then that. Remus's happiness came before his own every time. If Remus was unhappy then Sirius was unhappy.
He ran a hand through his hair with a slight twist of his lip which could have been mistaken for a smile or a grimace depending on how optimistic the person was who happened to catch the look.
"Thought I'd find you out here" Sirius turned his head round and watched as his best friend James Potter pulled himself through the small space; got to his feet and walked over to him. The window wasn't so much of a struggle for the tall boy but that could be because he was a skinny bastard regardless of the fact he shovelled food in his mouth like there was no tomorrow.
"Didn't expect you to be up this early" Sirius replied turning his gaze back to the scenery "I would have thought you would have been in bed snoring your head off" James snorted but didn't reply "Bring a fag?" Sirius asked when it was clear that James wasn't going to rise to the bait
"I did" James conceded "But don't you think it's a bit early to be having a fag? I'm not sure whether you bothered to look at the clock before you left but its not even 6. I mean not even Remus is awake and you know he wakes up at 6.30 on the dot."
"No I don't think it's too early" Sirius replied holding his hand out to James. He had so little pleasure in his life that he thought this one small vice could be forgiven. It wasn't as if he had much to look forward to. A crap home life, friends who expected too much of him and the one person he loved more then life itself in love with someone else. He closed his eyes for a moment in pain, his hand steady though as he lit up
"Those will kill you one day" James said disapprovingly
"I can only hope so" Sirius replied quietly, his eyes caught by the forbidden forest. It looks so thick and menacing but some of the best times he had had, had been within those thick clustered trees.
"Christ that's a morbid comment, what is up mate? You haven't been yourself since the train and we are now 3 weeks into term and you're still acting like something died and climbed its way up your arse as its last resting place" Sirius turned his face and met James's hazel gaze with a look of disgust mingled with confusion
"Where the hell did you get that saying from?" he demanded. James shrugged
"I made it up" he replied with a hint of a smile lingering round his mouth "The saying isn't the point though, Sirius is it?" Sirius turned his face to the sky. He had promised himself he would never say anything to anyone yet the need to confide in James was overwhelming
"I'm in love with Remus" he commented keeping his eyes closed as he took another drag of his cigarette
"Well fuck me" James exclaimed his voice loud in the silence
"I'd rather fuck Remus though thanks for the offer" Sirius replied, his glanced at James's face. No disgust was on there though he had expected none; James had come from a very open minded family, the opposite of Sirius's own.
"Rather not know that mate" James replied automatically running a hand through his exceeding thick wavy hair, Sirius wondered vaguely how he managed to do that without losing his fingers or at least entangling them "How long have you been in love with him?" James asked digging his fingers into his jean pockets. Sirius looked thoughtful
"I don't know to be honest" Sirius replied with a slight shrug "It wasn't as if I woke up one day and was like, shit I love Remus. It was more the fact I knew it all along deep down. It's not even his looks though you know they aren't so bad, it's more like something in me recognised something in him. Kind of as if my heart woke up and lit a beacon and his responded. I'm not making sense and I sound like a twat so shall we move on" James was silent so Sirius continued with his cigarette he figured James would talk when he needed to.
It wasn't until he had dropped his fag and stamped it out that James spoke
"I'm sorry Sirius" Sirius looked up at him with an enquiring look "It must kill you to see Remus with Charlotte" Sirius shrugged again
"I try not to think about it to be honest" he stated lightly "Let's go inside Prongs shall we? It's going to be breakfast soon and I don't know about you but I'm starving" James nodded slowly
"We'll talk later right?" he asked as he followed Sirius to the open window. Sirius nodded
"Indeed we shall" Straightening his shoulders he took a deep breath and entered the window. Now it was time for the show to begin.
There we go, I hope you enjoyed it, chapter two will be around shortly