Hey there!
First off, let me apologise profusely for posting this when I still haven't updated Show Me Right OR Through Mist & Elegance.
This came to me yesterday after having watched and read about the most recent episode, and I simply could not go without writing it. Rest assured, for any followers of my other fics, I am in the process of typing those up and I will try and post the next instalments as soon as I can. Sorry again for all the delays in doing so. Life gets in the way like that, and my muse can sometimes be a stubborn mule when it comes to writing what and when ;)
I just really wanted to post this and see what the reaction is. I'm thinking of continuing (obv ;) ) but wanted some feedback nonetheless. The next chapter of this, however, might not be immediate as I have an exam on thurs that I'm supposed to be studying for, and two other fics to update also – updates which are LONG overdue.
However, feedback would be very much appreciated, and I hope you enjoy…
Title: Homecoming
Disclaimer: Don't own anything – unfortunately :'( lol
A/N: This contains spoilers for anyone who's yet to see 2.13, and also possibly from future episodes. Though they are loosely based.
Summary: He's been gone nearly a decade, but now Chuck Bass is returning to the one place he called home. Time has passed, and people have changed; but if true love ever existed, it can never really be lost… right?
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"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."
George Moore
"Comfortable as I am, I need your reassurance;
And comfortable as you are, you count the days
…
But if I wanted silence, I would whisper;
And if I wanted loneliness, I'd choose to go
…
And if I didn't love you, you would know."
'Just Hold Me', Maria Mena
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Prologue: Lead Me Home
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"'When I'm alone' – the words tripped off his tongue
As though to be alone were nothing strange.
'When I was young,' he said; 'when I was young...'
I thought of age, and loneliness, and change.
I thought how strange we grow when we're alone,
And how unlike the selves that meet and talk,
And blow the candles out, and say good night.
Alone... The word is life endured and known.
It is the stillness where our spirits walk
And all but inmost faith is overthrown."
'Alone', Siegfried Sassoon
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The Bass name follows Chuck wherever he goes. And he's not ashamed of it; could never be. But he's not his father. And no matter what he does or says, nothing will change that. Nothing will make him Bart Bass reincarnated. Nothing will bring him back.
His Uncle once told him he had too much of his mother in him. He'd scoffed at that and said Lily had hardly been around that long. A curious look had been sent his way at that, but nothing more was said of it.
He knows what was meant by the comment, of course; but Misty Bass was no more a mother to him than Bart was anything but a distant father. And that's not her fault, not his either: though he takes the omission with less than the pinch of salt he used to provide Serena with her tequila.
He knows why he can never be like his father; knows why he never truly wants to.
What he has too much of in him is her.
Always has, always will.
.
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away
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It's odd, but not completely unexpected that Blair Waldorf and Eric van der Woodsen became fast and best friends in the repercussions that followed in his wake; after all, they are one and the same, two of a kind. The remnants of the love lost in the fallout of the Van der Bass familial battle.
He's always been the caring, thoughtful one: Serena the carefree, fleeting concept. So when she ran away with her boyfriend, and his mother eloped with her (ex)-lover; he was the last remaining pillar in a crumbling temple.
And they clung to each other, while everyone else resumed their lives with their better halves: because how could they compete with that? Theirs had left; and told them not to follow.
.
And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell 'em your name
And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
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She never followed him; a fact that remains, in Chuck's mind, as clear as the dim mist in his eyes that he has to shake more often these days to be rid of. For he can't decide if he's glad, even after all this time, or a little disappointed.
But regret doesn't become him, and he's always been more of a 'seize the day' kind of guy anyway. At least that's what he tells himself; black ink imprinted on his skin or otherwise.
He can't help but think of her though, because there's always that glimmer of hope. And he blames childhood naïveté and unresolved… elements in times for this, because he doesn't have issues.
But she wrote to him once.
In the face of true love, you don't just give up: even if the object of your affection is begging you to.
She hadn't signed it, hadn't included anything else; no photos, or trinkets; just those words. Black ink scrawled across crisp white parchment.
He's carried it with him ever since.
So nobody could ever lay fault to him for never forgetting her.
And he couldn't be held accountable for never even attempting to replace her.
Because she'd been the one to say those words: those three words, those eight letters. She'd been the one to say them, and make him believe her.
So nobody could blame him for coming back now, especially now.
Nobody could blame him.
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Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home
Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
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If Blair and Eric were truly honest, they'd probably admit to both being damaged beyond real, everlasting repair. But they cover this over with trappings of faith and recovery and costume phrases of change and development.
Less than a week after she'd woken to a bed still lukewarm to the touch, she discovered the younger crouched by the side of the bed, in a room that whispered ghosts to her on entrance; the blade in hand. His knuckles had turned white, and the tip had already pierced his skin. Together they watched as droplet after droplet of blood plummeted to the floor: life pooling around them. She pried the knife from his grasp and wrapped her hand tightly around his wrist; he was too stunned to resist, and he looked down to find the fingers of her other hand had already found his.
Two days later, he discovered her huddled next to the toilet, in a bathroom that's mirrors reflected more of him than he'd ever dared see. He wordlessly flushed, handed her a hand towel, and offered her his hand. Their fingers remained entwined the whole time he guided her along; ever patient, he allowed her the time she needed on shaky legs.
They're allied by a desperation so great that they could never truly part.
And they know they'll never be rid of that desperation, because if they got him back, they'd likely hold onto him just as tight.
No, they'd hold him tighter, because they'd do it together, and because they couldn't lose him again.
Because to lost him again would be to lose themselves.
And they'd already been pulled from the brink one too many times for either of them to endure it any further.
Yet, in this alliance: an alliance of a desperation so great as to bind two people so completely; their saving grace could be the very thing that breaks them.
Blair Waldorf and Eric van der Woodsen have both seen a side of Chuck Bass that could sway them either way: after all, the Angel of Death seemed an oxymoron in itself.
So he'll be the Devil's Advocate or their Guardian Angel.
But he'll still be playing God.
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And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me
You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell 'em your name
Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
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Chuck had meant what he said that day, to Lily. That when the will was read and he'd received the money he was due since birth, she would never see him again. Nearly a decade has past, and he's almost followed through with that.
Except now he's throwing all that to Hell.
And he can't work out if the gnawing deep in his bones is because he hasn't seen his family in nearly a decade; or if it's simply the migration from those incessant moths that seem to have found light within the darkness of his abyss at the mere thought of her being present for his homecoming.
The reasoning is likely neither of these things, but present moments mean he prefers them to the possibility that it is something else.
If it's something else, he really will be going home.
He doesn't spare enough dread to dwell on that, instead he casts a look skyward; at the building that played house to him during his errant teenage youth and beyond. His eyes drift easily at the sounds from within and he sees her before any other thought can enter his mind other than: go to her. And so, he steps closer.
Closer, to the one thing that could destroy Chuck Bass entirely.
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And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell 'em your name
Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home
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"Live through this, and you won't look back."
'Your Ex-Lover is Dead', Stars
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TBC…
Songs: (bold) 'Home', Michael Buble´/ (bold italics) 'Name', Goo Goo Dolls
Thanks so much for reading, and please let me know what you think – it means a lot!
Steph
xxx