It was a norm for Kendall to hear soft ringing of loud music, muffled by the tight-fit headphones, worn by his roommate situated across his bed. The boy would listen to his pop tunes at obnoxiously high volumes till a little over midnight, before finally turning in. Kendall was just about to fall asleep when a sudden shuffling had him wide awake in seconds. He turned to face his friend, only to find him staring back at him for a split second before turning away nervously.
Curious, he brought his fullest attention to his friend, fully intent on studying his physical behaviour. His leg was shaking, probably a force of habit, and his fists were clenching and unclenching in uncertainty. Kendall wanted to question if his younger roommate was feeling well, his leadership skills surfacing instantly, but something was telling him not to. Instead, he decided to sleep it off and ask about it in the morning.
When Kendall woke up, he had expected it to be bright like a usual Sunday morning, but it was still dark out. This wasn't his main concern, though. The second his ears picked up strange noises coming from the bathroom, Kendall sat up ramrod straight.
He heard retching. He definitely heard retching. Worry took over, and get was tripping over his own two feet in the darkness faster than his mind could register, in pursuit of the source of the noise. As he drew nearer to what he made out as the bathroom, his ears picked up sobbing. Whatever was happening on the other side of the bathroom door was definitely not good. He had to get in there, asap.
The doorknob turned cooperatively in silence, unleashing a mixed odor of bile and iron. Kendall shielded his nares as he fumbled for the light switch, trying his best to keep down his dinner. When light finally filled the room, Kendall couldn't help but gasp at the sight he was greeted with.
There, on the ground, wearing only a shirt and a pair of boxers rolled halfway up his thighs, was James. His frame wrecked with sobs that made Kendall's chest constrict painfully harder very time he heard it. His blood-stained hand was gripping his brunette locks as he laid there helplessly.
"It's too hard, Kendall." He acknowledged Kendall's presence in a sob. "I can't do it."
The boy in question dived head first for his sobbing mess of a friend, pulling him up and completely engulfing him in a bone-crushing hug. James immediately tucked his head into Kendall's chest, taking the opportunity to bawl his eyes out into his sweater as the boy rubbed his back comfortingly.
"I can't do it, Kendall," he sobbed harder, his voice breaking as he grabbed two fistfuls of the back of Kendall's sweater.
Kendall shushed him and held him, letting him calm down before he let anything else happen. Kendall helped James up, taking in every minute physical detail of his friend and the bathroom that would be valuable for his interrogation later on. He cleaned the blood and rinsed the cuts on James' thighs and gave James a fresh set of clothes before bringing him into their room. He decided he would clean the bathroom later, being more concerned for his friend's well-being.
James shifted uncomfortably as Kendall shuffled busily around their room. When Kendall finally took a seat beside him, James stared him down nervously. There was a huge uncomfortable amount of silence as the two sat, both boys not knowing how to address the situation.
"Umm... what happened... in there?" Kendall scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.
James sat in silence before he moved to grab his phone. He unlocked it and navigated his way in search of his designated app. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes as he quickly read through the contents before passing the device to the awaiting hand of his blonde friend. Kendall hesitantly gripped the phone and took a glance at the text on the screen.
He had a hard time keeping his temper in check after scheming through the page of hate comments targeted at his best friend. Message after message, there was nothing but pure hatred towards the sobbing boy beside him. The tiny hiccups beside him, along with the words of venom on the phone, was eating away at his heart. He turned to face James, who was now hiding his face in his knees as his shoulders shook uncontrollably, and wrapped his arms around his physique.
"I'm so sorry James." He breathed.
"No," James croaked, shifting until Kendall released his grasp on him. "I'm sorry. For not being perfect. For being so conceited. For being so selfish. For being... me. I'm not good enough!"
"James. Look at me," Kendall shook his friend hard to get his point across. "Look at me. Nobody is perfect. Not me, not you and definitely not those haters. You can't let them get to you, not now, not ever. You-"
"But Kendall-"
"No, listen to me." Kendall retrieved a 20 dollar bill from his back pocket. "If I were to give you this, would you take it?"
"Kendall, don't change the subject."
"Just answer the question, James."
Hazel irises met green ones as James studied his friend's face.
"Yes."
Kendall brought the dollar up closer to James' eyes, before crumpling it into a tight ball. "Would you still want it?" He held up the crumpled bill.
James nodded, confusion forming amongst his facial features. Kendall threw the paper ball to the ground and stomped on it before rubbing it into the , he asked the same question, "Would you still want it?"
"Yes, why?" James was growing impatient.
Kendall bent down and picked up the now dirty crumpled bill and opened it out. "You see James, no matter what I did to this bill, you still wanted it. Why?"
"Because... it's money?"
"Because you see the value in it. No matter what I did to it, you still wanted it. Because I was able to do these things to it, the money didn't matter to me. But because you still wanted it, even after the crumpling and the stomping, it mattered to you. And this bill, James," Kendall paused to open one of James' hands. "Is you." He placed the said item onto James' open palm.
Said boy stared at the fragile-looking piece of paper.
"And I am the haters." Kendall gingerly tilted James' chin upwards with only two fingers. "You may not matter to those haters, but you matter to your fans, your friends, your family. You matter to me."
James inched closer to Kendall as his arms snaked around the latter's waist. They met at the blonde's spine as James drew Kendall into a warm and loving embrace. He buried his tear-stained face into the crook of Kendall's neck, thanked him and vowed to never repeat what he did as he sobbed happy tears. Kendall nodded his welcome as he rubbed his friend's back.
"Because you can't spell value, without u."
Dedicated to Dakota.
Xoxo, Sasha.