I'm back...well sort of. I've had this idea for a few weeks and today I decided to put it in writing. This fic is based on the song of the same name by Beyonce. Enjoy. Oh and please review.
If I Were A Boy…
Stan and his friends are playing football when Bebe taps Stan on the shoulder. "What is it Bebe?" He asks her.
"I really think you should talk to Wendy."
Stan looks shocked. "Uh oh, she's not breaking up with me again, is she?"
"No, but she's really upset. I thought maybe you could help cheer her up." Stan looks over at Wendy and sees her sitting by a tree and she looks depressed.
"Go away Bebe you fucking slut, we're trying to play a fucking game!" Cartman yells as Bebe gives him the finger.
"Yeah, Stan can talk to Wendy later." Kyle tells her. The other boys nod and a few "yeahs" are thrown in there. "Come on Stan." The guys get back to their game.
"Are you going to talk to her Stan?" Bebe raises an eyebrow to Stan.
"Fuck that controlling bitch Stan!" One of the boys shouts as Bebe frowns. Stan looks at Wendy, the guys, then at Wendy again. He walks towards the guys.
"STAN???" Bebe shrieks as she can't believe that Stan would pick his friends over Wendy.
"I'll talk to Wendy later, try to make her feel better." He walks off.
"UGGGGGGGGGGGGH!" Bebe walks over to Wendy and plops down beside her.
"What's wrong Bebe?" Wendy asks in a monotone voice.
"Boys piss me off, that's what's wrong."
Wendy sighs heavily. She really wasn't in the mood to deal with this. "What did Clyde do this time?"
"Not Clyde, your stupid ass boyfriend! You would think after you were kind enough to take him back he would get his act together, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! He hasn't changed one bit! I tell him to come talk to you and-" She hears her best friend sniffling and looks over at her and sees that she's crying. "Wendy, what's going on with you?"
"You already have it figured out Bebe. Stan doesn't care about my feelings. When he's upset, I'm expected to drop everything and be there for him, so why can't he show me the same consideration?"
"He's a boy, they're all fucking jerks!"
"Sometimes I wish we could switch places…"
"What?"
"I wish I could be a boy, even just for a day."
"Ew, why would you want to do that?"
"I would show the boys that they don't have to take the girl they love for granted. I could be a better boy then any of the boys in this school. I would listen and understand my girlfriend. I know how it feels to hurt. I wish I could make him a better man."
"That's nice Wendy, but it's never going to happen. Even if it did, you would probably be an asshole just like the rest of them."
If I were a boy…Wendy thinks to herself…
Wendy wakes up now as a boy. She gets out of her bed and picks up a pair of pants off the floor. She smells them. "Well they smell clean." Then puts them on and grabs a shirt out of her drawer. She heads to the bus stop and Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny are already there. "Hey dudes, what do you want to do?"
"Why don't we go to Raisins and get a few root beers and check out the girls?" Kyle suggests.
"Sounds good." Wendy agrees. "I'm sure there will be some nice looking girls there.
"Pfft, like any of the girls that come to Raisins would be interested in a Jew!" Cartman tells Kyle. Wendy rolls "his" eyes.
"Shut up fat ass! What the fuck do you know about Jews anyway?" Kenny starts giggling.
Wendy groans. "Come on guys, let's go. I really don't want to go through this again today." Suddenly Wendy's cell phone starts vibrating.
"Is that girl calling you again?" Kyle asks Wendy.
"Yeah, she is." Wendy smiles.
"Talk to her later dude. You're hanging with the guys right now."
Wendy thinks for a minute. "Yeah, you're right. I'll talk to her after we get our "beers"." Wendy turns of f the phone and puts it in "his" pocket. "Look at that, my phone's broken." Wendy and the boys laugh.
As soon as the guys get to Raisins, one of the Raisins' girls Lexus approaches Wendy. "Hey cutie, would you like a lap dance?"
Wendy smiles. "Sure, why not?" Lexus proceeds with her dance.
Kenny nudges Wendy. "Dude, you HAVE a girlfriend." He whispers.
"So?"
"What would she say?"
"Dude, we're guys! We don't care about that stuff. I'm just having a little fun, playing by my own rules for a change. You know us guys ARE selfish."Kenny nods in agreement.
"What if she decided to be selfish and started playing by HER own rules?"Wendy thinks about it for a minute. "Dude, I'm just saying…"
"I have a faithful girl, who's waiting for me. Besides, it's not like I'm sleeping with the girl, God." Wendy rolls "his" eyes, but thinks about it. No, he's right. "I'm sorry, I can't except this dance. Excuse me." Wendy pushes Lexus away and gets up.
"Where are you going dude?" Kyle asks.
"I'm going to call my girl. I don't want to lose a great girl just so I can have a good time. She may really need me."
"PUSSY!" Cartman yells out.
Wendy stands outside of Raisins. Wendy picks up the phone and calls "his" girlfriend. "Hey sweetie!"
"Hey babe." Stan, who's now a girl, replies on the other end really upset. "I'm having a really bad day."
"What's wrong?"
"I'm having a hard time keep my grades up. I'm getting bullied by my sister. But most importantly, I just don't think we spend enough time together. You always want to hang out with your friends instead of me."
"I'm sorry baby. Do you think I've been neglecting you or something?"
Stan starts to cry. "Yes I do. I really feel you take for granted sometimes."
"Aww babe, don't cry. I hate to hear you sound so upset." Wendy tries to comfort "her". "It's not my intention to take you for granted, I just want to be with the boys sometimes. You understand that, right?"
"I guess." Stan pouts.
"Don't be like that. You know I love you."
"I love you too." Suddenly, Stan hears girl's laughter in the background. "Where are you?"
"I'm at Raisins with Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman."
"Raisins? RAISINS? Why would you go there of all places? You know I morally object to that place!"
"Calm down babe, nothing happened. I just wanted to hang with the guys."
"Well I hope the guys will you keep you company."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying we're THROUGH!"
Wendy gasps. "You don't mean that!"
"Yes I do! I'm so sick of this. It's bad enough you'd rather be with your friends then me, but you're out checking out other girls as well!"
"I wasn't checking out other girls! I mean, one girl did give me a lap dance, but I stopped her!"
"You might as well let her continue! I'm done letting you take me for granted. I'm not your doormat!"
"Baby, I'm sorry. Can't we work this out? I made a mistake."
Stan continues crying. "Do you think I'd forgive you so easily? I have in the past, but those days are over! I'm tired of waiting for you to make time for me." Stan hangs up on Wendy.
"Wendy?" She looks up and sees Stan standing over her.
"I guess I'll leave you two alone." Bebe tells Wendy, then she walks off.
"Yes Stan?"
"Bebe said something was bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't think we spend enough time together Stan. You pay more attention to your friends then you do me, and I don't like it. I'm tired of waiting for you to make time for me." She tells him.
"I don't understand Wendy. I try to spend as much time with you as I possibly can. I just want to hang with the guys sometimes." Stan tries to explain.
"You're the one that doesn't understand Stan. You don't listen to me, you don't care if I'm hurting. It's always about you and what you want. You take me for granted and if you keep it up, you're going to destroy everything we have and lose me."
Butters walks over to them. "Hey Stan! Cartman and Kenny have something cool they want to show us, you have to come see this!"
Stan looks at Wendy. "We'll talk later, I promise." He smiles and walks off with Butters.
Wendy sighs. "Stan, you're just a boy…"
THE END